Valeriya

Hi everyone. I don’t even want to try to put into words how mentally exhausting this past month has been for me. I can barely do anything. My state is so bad that I’ve run out of words to describe what it feels like. In all 11 years of living with depression, I think this has been the darkest period

Tomorrow is my birthday, and for the first time, I’ll be spending it alone. 🙃 It’s strange how the same fact can feel both frightening and comforting at once. Maybe because loneliness is never just about the absence of other people. I’ll buy myself a vegan double cheeseburger at Burger King, light

I had to split the video into two parts, otherwise I haven't been able to upload it for two days now :( I quickly collected the news for the last week here. About the hospital, diagnosis, concert, and braces 🌸❤️

The only upside to all of this is that I finally have time to write. That’s pretty much all I do here read, write, and smoke. They’ve even given me a nickname already: “Red.” Because of my hair. 😅 Today feels especially heavy. My emotional state changes with frightening speed. For a brief moment, i

Well, friends… did I ever think I’d end up in a psychiatric hospital again? Absolutely not. And yet, here I fucking am. If you think I’m joking when I say my life somehow turns into a complete shitshow every single day. I’m not. At this point I’ve stopped exaggerating. Reality does a perfectly good

UPD: I was hospitalized in a psychiatric clinic

I'll keep you updated. A psychiatrist is coming to pick me up now…

I'll tell you everything a little later :(

Sorry if the subtitles aren’t perfectly translated. I just wanted to mix things up a bit and add some more casual, emotional videos to my posts. Besides, I finally have some news to share! 😄

Hi ✌🏽 Warsaw is so unbearably hot right now that my cats and I are surviving purely out of stubbornness. Yesterday Shishka had surgery on her tooth. I was terrified, but everything went well. Today she’s already acting like herself again. A week of medication and liquid food is ahead of us. The tim

I cried a lot today. Because of Shishka. Something is going on with her, and I can’t do anything to help. She started pееing on my things. My clothes. The pillow I sleep on. Right in my bed. On the vintage chairs in my rented apartment. And on top of that, she’s been acting strangely. Constantly meo

Hi everyone. Well, I finally had my orthodontic consultation. We now have a treatment plan, which means my life has officially entered its expensive side quest era. On July 9, I’m getting special dental overlays. The doctor will make them for free as an apology for everything that happened before, w

Hi guys👽 Before I forget, and while I finally have a little free time, I wanted to tell you about today’s appointment. I went to see my doctor and immediately told him how unhappy I was with the whole situation. Thankfully, we had a good conversation. He apologized several times, explained that the

Hey everyone. 👽 I promised I’d tell you the story about my jaw. And the more I try to put it into words, the more I realize how complicated this whole journey has been. Long story short, the joints on both sides of my jaw are deteriorating. Because of that, I can’t open my mouth properly, I can’t e

Finally, I’m going home. Back to Warsaw. To be honest, I have accumulated so much work that my to-do list has developed a personality of its own and no longer seems to need my participation. But the main reason I’m returning earlier than planned is my jaw. I really wish I spoke English well enough t

Psychological trаuma or how one single moment can drаg you right back to the place you spent half your life trying to escape from. I have a very difficult relationship with my father. I’ve mentioned before that I grew up in an аlcoholic family. Though honestly, “аlcoholic” barely covers it. Alсоholi

Hey guys ❤️ I’m in Belarus. Crossed the border without any problems, no interrogations, no dramatic spy-movie scenes 🤪 My grandma is okay. Well… as okay as someone can be after a strоke. She’s changed a lot. Her hands barely move, it’s hard for her to get out of bed, and speaking takes effort. We d

OnlyFans started deleting my posts because I write too much about my state and use words the platform doesn’t like. It’s ironic, because the more honest you become, the less you’re allowed to say. Writing got harder not because I have no thoughts, but because it feels like I have to filter them befo

I went to the shelter to volunteer again 🤍 cuddling dogs is the best therapy

Guys, I completely forgot I still have two 2026 calendars left. Yes, maybe it’s a little late already, but maybe one of you still wanted one. Worldwide shipping is available. If you're interested, please send me a message ✨

I spent so long gathering my thoughts, so long writing this post. And on the exact day I finally finished it and was ready to hit “post”, I got a strange notification from Instagram saying that someone had reроrted to the platform that I might need psychological help. And instantly I thought maybe p

I completely forgot! I'm back on Instagram :) https://www.instagram.com/valeriyaa_sg?igsh=cXc3eGd0bGtqZHc4&utm_source=qr

I disappeared. The most honest explanation is that I don’t really know how to speak when everything inside just feels… exhausted. During this time, I had an X-ray and found out I have a rib fracture. Breathing hurts. Laughing too. Even turning in my sleep feels like some kind of challenge. It’s bett

Hey guys, I’m barely replying right now. Not because I don’t want to if anything, it’s the opposite. It just feels like there’s an empty space inside me where words don’t form anymore. I try to stay at least a little active on social media, like holding onto the surface. Because I know if you disapp

I’m going home, but not the way someone returns from a holiday.Not with lightness in my body, not with the feeling that the world has softened a little. But with something heavy inside, as if instead of souvenirs I’m carrying a weight that doesn’t even have a name. I don’t want to go into details. S

Hi everyone. I’m currently on a small Balinese quest. In Bali, neither OnlyFans nor Fnsly works. My VPN decided it had done enough, and my subscription expired. And of course, I can’t pay… no money anywhere. Not on my card, not on раураl, not even in some parallel universe. I can't top up the card e

It feels like I owe you a story about my volcano adventure. So here it is. This weekend I decided to climb a volcano. And honestly, it turned out to be one of the hardest hikes I’ve ever done. First of all, the volcano itself is… let’s say, not very welcoming. It has the largest acidic lake in the w

Day three in Bali. I guess that’s already enough time to start making some early conclusions, as if I’ve lived here half my life. First of all, I’m doing well. Actually, so well that it turned out some of my acquaintances live here. I posted an Instagram story, and not long after that it appeared th

Many of you live in America, about 10,000 kilometers away from me (≈ 6,214 miles) 😮 Sometimes it feels like we exist on neighboring planets. Different culture, different habits, a different way of looking at life. When I first came to Europe from Belarus, I felt the difference almost physically. I

Guys, thank you so much for your support and for your stories. Reading them, I suddenly realized humanity actually has one universal form of therapy: when life becomes unbearable, people do the same thing sell half their life, quit their job, and buy a one-way ticket. And strangely, the world doesn’

While I was gone, life suddenly sped up. I don’t know where this story really starts: with my tiny trаn.qilizе.r 0vеrd0se, or with a decision that made no practical sense for someone who spent years trying to control everything. My mom says she can’t keep up with the pace of my life. We talk once a

Hi friends. The exam is over. The conclusion is simple and unpleasant: it was fuckin fuck… I’m almost sure I failed. I made a mistake in one task of the kind that cancels everything else. The sort of mistake after which the commission doesn’t even check my exam. I was so nervous as if the Earth’s or

It seems the second part was inevitable. I wanted to honestly explain how life actually looks right now, because from the outside it probably resembles a TV series written by someone who drinks far too much coffee 🥹🫠 1️ Let’s start with the jaw. Yes, I’m still wearing guard. Basically my main acce

Hi. This will be a long post, but it’s one story, not a series, so I’m telling it all at once. Twice this month something quite strange happened to me. Everything was normal, just an ordinary day, and then without any warning my abdomen started hurting. A pulling рain low in the abdomen and a sharp

Hi everyone. Buckle up, because this is not a cute volunteer story. This is a direct flight into reality. I went back to a dog shelter as a volunteer. For a couple of days. And it was fucked up. Keeping that exact level of shock, no softening. I arrived early in the morning, and right in front of me

Hey guys. These weekends were… let’s be honest, not great. Ever since this whole moving-and-apartment saga started, my cats decided that rules are optional. The litter box? Boring. The bed? Perfect. My backpack? Why not. Even though before that they were model citizens of the cat world. At first, I

Hey guys. I have news. I didn’t want to share it earlier because I was afraid of jinxing it. You know how it is. We Slavs get scared first, celebrate later.🥹 You know that I rent a car for delivery work. A small Toyota yaris from 2001. Every Tuesday I pay 80 dollars for it. One day I decided to do

I woke up in the morning and, like any modern human with zero self-соntrol, immediately grаbbed my phone to check Instаgram. And there it was a story asking for help. A girl urgеntly needed a car to get to a shеlter and help dogs. I didn’t even have time to fully wake up before typing: “I have a car

Hi everyone. On February 14–15, I have an exam. Not just an exam, but a two-day emotional survival quest called Polish language, level B1. This is not about a certificate or a nice piece of paper. For me, it’s an exam for freedom. Because passing it gives me the right to apply for an EU long-term re

I’m just a slavic girl :) I want to share a little and tell you how New Year and Christmas are celebrated in Slavic countries. Because yes, we do things a bit differently. First of all, Christmas for us is not on December 25th, but on January 7th. The reason is simple and complicated at the same tim

Hi everyone. A few days ago I found myself thinking about 2025. Everyone around is summing things up, wrapping the year into neat conclusions, and I was honestly scared to look back again. This year was hard for me. Truly hard. Probably comparable only to 2018, when my depression was at its peak. Ap

Hi guys. 🫂 The day has finally come I’m officially showing you my bathroom. Yes, I finished it. You may applaud, but carefully. It’s still slippery. I’ve attached before and after photos so you can truly feel the scale of the tragedy. The bathroom was orange. Not a “warm shade,” not “vintage,” but

Guuuys!!! ❤️ This year I created a calendar that doesn’t dramatize time. It’s about visual pleasure, taste, and that quiet thought: “yes, this looks good.” 🛠️ A3 format 🛠️Matte finish 🛠️Big, noticeable, confident 🛠️ 300 gsm cover, 170 gsm pages, quality you recognize instantly, without explanati

If you thought I was capable of living at least one day without starring in my own low-budget comedy movie, filmed entirely on my phone, you were wrong. Yesterday life once again reminded me that I’m the main chaotic character in my own series. Only they don’t pаy me for the role 🥹 This whole week

❗️❗️❗️Guys, here’s an important update about the calendars❗️❗️❗️ At the end of August the US introduced new customs regulations: they removed the de minimis threshold. Before, small parcels could enter the US without duties, but now every package containing goods must go through full customs process

Hey guys. I think I’m finally ready to show you a little piece of the chaos I now call “my new home”. Just a tiny piece, because my nervous system has limits and this apartment seems determined to drag me through every stage of acceptance. Right away: this is not the final result. It’s not even the

Hey guys. My life at the moment feels like a TV show where the writers ran out of logic and decided to have fun. I’ve spent the last three days hauling my entire existence in a tiny, stubborn Toyota, basically acting as my own moving company. Moving the plants alone took two trips. Two. Trips. For a

Hi. It’s November 25th. A date that looks pretty on paper but feels… not so great in real life. The apartment situation is still one giant unsolved ritual. Nothing is clear, nothing is settled, and I swear the landlady is just testing how long a human can survive under psychological pressure. I’m do

It feels like something in me cracked yesterday. I hadn’t touched alсоhol for a whole year. That choice was sacred to me, heavy with meaning, because I grew up in a family where drinкing was the background noise of life, and I once promised myself I’d break that cycle. But yesterday… I just couldn’t

Hi guys. I’m lying in bed with a headache, but since I can’t sleep anyway, I’ll tell you how my week went. Spoiler: it tried hard not to fall behind the previous one, and honestly, it’s almost funny how much it feels like a series 🫠 Let’s start with the apartment. My landlady dug in her heels as if