Hi.

It’s November 25th. A date that looks pretty on paper but feels… not so great in real life.

The apartment situation is still one giant unsolved ritual. Nothing is clear, nothing is settled, and I swear the landlady is just testing how long a human can survive under psychological pressure. I’m done figh.ting her. When she actually needs the apartment, she’ll write. Trying to sort things out with her like a normal person is impossible. Even her name gives me anxiety , like she’s my internal alarm clock screaming at 6am for no reason.

I spent five days in a bеnder. I know, not my proudest moment, but thank you to everyone who worried. I’m alive. You know me: I’ll pull myself together, rise like a fucking Transformer, snap my joints back into place, turn the lights on and go back to destroying this fuckin world with my stubbornness.

But honestly? It’s still heavy. It still hurts. And it still pisses me off.

But I can’t afford to give up.

As for the apartment, I just let it all drift on its own.

Sadhguru once said: “If something isn’t working - loosen your grip.” And honestly, that’s the only thing that makes sense right now. When you pull too hard, you end up swimming against the current, drowning faster than you can see at life.

I’m still packing my things. The whole place looks like NASA kickеd me out of Mars after a failed mission. I sleep on plastic bags, eat on plastic bags, basically exist on plastic bags. And yes, that blue trash bag in the photo - that’s all my clothes.

All of it!

So what the hell is in the other bags? I have no idea how I collected this much stuff in five yеars. Maybe the things were brееding at night while I wasn’t looking.

But even in my five-day drunkеn artistic breakdown, I made something good.

I built a lamp I’ve wanted for a long time.

I had this old bulb from an IKEA lamp that broke ages ago. I kept the bulb for no reason, just in case. It sat there for almost three yeаrs waiting for its moment. And it finally got it: I gathered moss, pine branches, cones , and made this little magical lantern.

I want to put it on a wooden base, swap the bulb for a warm orange one, and set it next to my bed in the new apartment. Let something in my life shine the way it’s supposed to.

On November 28th I pick up the keys.

On December 1st I’ll probably spend my first night in the new place.

It’s scary, strange, unfamiliar…

Do I love this period of my life? No idea.

Will things go back to the way they were? Probably not.

Will it get better? Maybe.

But honestly, life changes the same way skin does first it burns, then it peels, then it feels weird, and then suddenly you can breathe again.

Maybe I’m just shedding my old skin right now.