Hi everyone.

On February 14–15, I have an exam. Not just an exam, but a two-day emotional survival quest called Polish language, level B1.

This is not about a certificate or a nice piece of paper. For me, it’s an exam for freedom. Because passing it gives me the right to apply for an EU long-term resident card. And that card is the difference between “allowed to stay” and “allowed to live”.

Right now, I have a regular residence permit based on work. Officially, I’m an artist. In reality, I’m an artist working through a business incubator. Sounds fancy. Feels complicated. For many reasons.

First of all, this type of residence permit doesn’t allow me to open my own business. For example, I can’t legalize my OnlyFans activity. As a result, last summer I received a $5,000 fine for unpaid taxes. Yes, that story. You remember it. At the moment, my remaining debt is $3,700, and I’m paying it off slowly but honestly. A resident card would finally allow me to legalize everything and stop playing financial roulette.

Secondly, working through a business incubator means I’m required to receive a monthly salary of about $1,200 from selling my art. And here comes another flashback — my Instagram account was deleted, I couldn’t sell paintings, and I couldn’t receive money to my work account. So for most of the year, I had to ask different people, including some of you, to transfer… my own money.

I borrowed money, transferred it to others, and they sent it to my work account. Fees ate everything, I went into minus, but somehow, by pure miracle, I survived this year. Still not sure how.

The resident card would allow me to leave the business incubator and finally stop being dependent on it. I’ll be able to open my own business and legally earn money from OnlyFans. Because at the moment, this page is my only real source of income. I don’t count my delivery side job — that barely covers car rental and gas.

That’s why this exam is truly important to me.

It takes place only four times a year: winter, spring, summer, and autumn. I managed to apply for the February session. Now it’s either now, or several more months of uncertainty.

I won’t say I’m confident in my Polish. I study with a tutor, but I barely practice speaking in real life, which makes everything harder.

My weakest part is speaking. I understand Polish very well by ear, about 90 percent, but because of my limited vocabulary, I speak very simply and carefully, like someone constantly searching for words in another dimension.

The exam has several parts.
First listening comprehension, then grammar, then writing.
On the second day, there’s the oral exam. I’ll talk to the examiners about random topics from my ticket. As I’m writing this post, I’m already very nervous. There’s only one month left, and my confidence level isn’t even at 50 percent.

So I’m studying harder. Even though the closer the exam gets, the stronger the anxiety becomes. I guess that’s how the road to freedom works — first it’s scary, then even scarier, and then either you succeed or you grow stronger.

I really hope this year turns its bright side toward me. And that I’ll be one step closer to freedom ❤️