Hey guys,

I’m barely replying right now. Not because I don’t want to if anything, it’s the opposite. It just feels like there’s an empty space inside me where words don’t form anymore.

I try to stay at least a little active on social media, like holding onto the surface. Because I know if you disappear, it’s almost like you stop existing.

Yesterday I had an X-ray. No fracture.

It sounds like good news, but it’s not that simple. There’s almost certainly a rib crack and soft tissue bruising. I need a CT scan to confirm it.

But whatever you call it, the reality is the same it hurts to breathe.

Every inhale feels resisted. There’s this constant feeling that there’s not enough air, like you’re trying to breathe deeper but can’t.

Sometimes I press hard on the painful spot, and only then it eases a little. Like I can outsmart the pain for a second.

I barely slept last night.

It feels like yesterday was the peak. That moment when pain stops coming in waves and becomes something constant, quiet, but persistent. And all you can do is live through it, breath by breath.

And the strangest part of all this isn’t even that.

It’s that the person who did this didn’t even apologize.

He just keeps living his normal life.

As if nothing happened.

And I’m here.

Paying for exams myself, buying medication, trying to get through this.

Not a single word. Not a hint of support.

Sometimes what’s more frightening than the pain itself is realizing that people like this exist right next to us.
And more often than not, it’s men who can’t handle their emotions and turn them into fоrce directed at those who are weaker. Childrеn, women, anyone who won’t fig.ht back.

There’s no strength in that.

No truth in that.
And there is no justification.

No matter what the conflict is, the last thing you can do is raise a hand. Especially against someone weaker.

It’s just disgusting.

And yes, it hurts. In every sense.

I don’t know how long my rib will take to heal.

I don’t know when I’ll be able to stand on my head again, go back to the gym..

Right now everything comes down to simple things inhale, exhale, find a position that hurts a little less.

My grandmother had surgery yesterday.

I’m not in contact with her, but my dad said it went well. She regained consciousness and is now under observation in the hospital.

I hold onto that.

And at the same time, I’m planning a trip to Belarus.

And again, I’m scared. Even as I write this, everything tightens inside.

Every time it feels like roulette. You never know how it will end.

If it wasn’t for my grandmother and my mom, I wouldn’t go.

But some things matter more than fear.

That’s where things are right now.

I’m going through your messages very slowly. I’m really sorry. I just don’t have the energy or the mindset to talk.

Sometimes I just feel like someone who can’t get anything right 💔