Hey guys ❤️ I’m in Belarus.
Crossed the border without any problems, no interrogations, no dramatic spy-movie scenes 🤪

My grandma is okay. Well… as okay as someone can be after a strоke.

She’s changed a lot. Her hands barely move, it’s hard for her to get out of bed, and speaking takes effort. We don’t talk much, and I think that’s the saddest part. Because the person is still there, but it feels like a part of them already lives somewhere else. I think she’s very lonely. Like she’s become indifferent to everything happening around her. It’s hard to watch.

The internet here is tеrrible. At my grandma’s apartment the signal is basically fi.ghting for its life. Uploading a photo or replying to someone requires a small spiritual ritual involving my phone and blind faith. Today I went to my best friend’s place and basically begged to sit there for a few hours so I could work, because otherwise it’s just impossible.

At my grandma’s place, all I really do is read books.
Turns out when people don’t have internet, they actually start reading. 😁😁😁

In four days here I’ve already started my second book, and yesterday I bought a third one. My old room in Belarus still has my small book collection, but I’ve read almost all of them already. Yesterday I bought a book by a contemporary author for the first time in a while. I usually read classics, but I decided to give the living a chance.

At the same time, I’ve been going to doctors. Before leaving, I had a consultation with an orthodontist, and honestly, I don’t even know how to explain the level of shock and anger I felt. Long story short: they told me that basically everything I’ve been doing with my gnathologist was pointless, and the only real solution for my jaw problem is orthognathic surgery... 🥲

So right now I’m in a bit of an internal “what the fuck” state. I also went for another consultation here, gave them all my scans, and now I’m waiting for a second opinion. Really hoping to hear something other than “yeah… we cut.”

But weirdly enough, despite all of this, I actually feel pretty good. Because yesterday site bought my SG set, and you have no idea how happy that made me. It felt like my Instagram finally stopped being clinically dead and showed its first signs of life. I even got inspired to start posting and creating things again.

After my Instagram got deleted and I had to start from zero, I messaged a lot of girls from SG and asked if they could support me with reposts. Just help my page grow a little in the beginning.

Because you’d think people who work with social media themselves would understand how hard it is.

Do you know how many people replied?

Zero.

No reposts. No support. And no, obviously nobody owes me anything. But it was a pretty sobering moment for this whole “community” thing. So thanks at least to the site admins. Maybe they bought my set after seeing my post about needing support at the start. Or maybe it was just a coincidence. Either way, it gave me a little energy to keep going.

Honestly, social media is such a weird job. You constantly have to come up with content, fоrce yourself to film things, post things, talk, show your life — and then watch it disappear into the void between 47 likes and a video of a cat falling off a chair. But I still believe I’ll make it work.

It even made me want to paint with oils again. When I get back to Warsaw, I’m starting a new painting.

And tomorrow the plan is to continue pretending to be a functional adult: doctor appointments, gynесologist, blооd tests, ordering vitamins. I’m going to the gym, practicing headstands.

Literally and metaphorically.

So yeah. That’s where life is at right now 🌸