DIET PUSSY

That title caught your attention? Not to sound like an insane conspiracist, but once again I think the media and surrounding discourse have got it all wrong! What if Meta glasses aren’t the death sentence for women’s privacy that everyone has synonymously decided they are? What people are leaving ou

I haven’t been able to get out of bed in two days, Friday and Saturday were an exercise of futility! It’s Sunday morning and the deep-tissue massage I booked last night is now an hour away. I’ve taken my birth control, with a side of Klonopin. Which may sound like overkill, after all, aren’t massage

Yesterday evening I cried until my pillow was damp, and my nose was blocked. So I took an Ambien and an Antihistamine for good measure. I wish I could do the same tonight. Well, the part where I take the Ambien and feel like I’m at peace with my body for the first time since the last time. I wish I

A couple of days ago I experienced a societal malfunction and cried my way around the Soho theatre district on a sunny Saturday afternoon! Ugh, I just wanted a matcha fromTOKKIA, the Vietnamese matcha café in Covent Garden. When you have the luxury of going into central London on weekdays, you forge

As a twenty-five-year-old teenager, some things have changed, my skincare being one of them. As I wrote about last summer, I started implementing retinol into my routine. Not every night, but most nights. Okay, like three nights a week I'll smear a collective £100's worth of my various Paula's Choic

I yawn! I’m tired, but I know I won’t sleep. It’s just past 11pm, so I break an Ambien in half and swallow it with a slurp of water. Sometimes you’ve just got to admit defeat and ask for help before 3am rolls around and you’re even more desperate and underslept. This week has been emotional, upsetti

I just bought a £250 fan! I freaked out, okay? I didn't even think I needed a fan, but after realising this heatwave is, at best, not going anywhere and at worst, only getting worse, it suddenly felt like the sensible thing to do. Of course, every fan from Argos to John Lewis was out of stock! (Not

This week I was sparklingly fortunate enough to be pleasurably invited to a Cambridge University ball; Christ's "Poets and Lovers Soirée", no less. As someone who never fostered much concern for academia throughout her school years, I realise now, regretfully, that I missed out on more than just the

Anyone even mildly possessed by the culture has cottoned on: polka dots are in. I think they started making a comeback last summer, but their resurrection was cemented by Lily Allen’s West End Girl’s album cover, and the spotted USB butt plug merch she sold. Suddenly every girl who looks like she’s

Today I’ve woken up feeling unregulated as hell. Since coming back from Cambridge, I’ve slept like shit. The nightmares I’ve had these past few nights have been especially visceral and disturbing. It feels insulting to wake more tired than one felt before sleeping! A week ago, I somehow managed to e

I wonder if, perhaps, god is testing me before my 25th birthday at the end of April? Because these past couple weeks have been so unnecessarily humiliating, and at times horrible, that I can only hope there is some greater purpose to my suffering. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Before I willingly

If you’d told me ten years ago there was a way to completely lose my appetite without taking any pills, apple cider vinegar shots or “skinny teas” that make you shit yourself, I would have jumped at the idea. For over a decade I starved myself with purpose and became very, very good at it. Not becau

Last night I went to Lily Allen’s West End Girl album signing. I didn’t think I was the type to get starstruck; having had a famous indie musician boyfriend at 19, I frequented the backstage of O2 Academys. I was part of the entourage— leaving out the back door, greeted by eager fans waiting in the

It is freezing in London at the moment —feels like minus one on the weather app freezing. We had our first light blanket of snow on Tuesday, which though short-lived, did actually settle for a fleeting moment. I made a good choice today layering a floral printed cami-top over my oatmeal-white heat-t

Happy new year kittens!! Hello 2026! You’ve arrived just in time for my annual existential crisis about: The fact that I am not married yet. I always wanted to be by age 25, so technically I’ve still got four months… The fact that I am not where I want to be in life yet. The fact that my writing isn

For the past month and counting, my house has had more male activity than an eighteenth-century Parisian brothel! And by that I mean: we’ve had the builders in. No, I am not referring to the common time of the month euphemism. But in the most literal, dust-coated sense. A parade of workmen traipsing

Now, as with everything I post on the internet, I’m painfully aware of the (hopefully small) percentage of creeps (men) who will sexualise literally anything I do or say. It’s just the tax you pay for being a hot girl on the socials I guess... It’s a bitter, slightly jagged pill, but I’ve swallowed

So I just popped a dex because I wanted to feel happy and be productive today. I’m not sure how well that’s going, but at least I’ve lost my appetite lol. —I drank it down with a blueberry and almond milk protein smoothie. I wrote a to-do list in the notes app on my phone and managed one chore while

I’m pacing around the top floor of our gorgeous apartment in the south of France, wrapped in a fleece blanket like a shivering, felted burrito. Why, you ask? Because I’m trying to properly digest the antibiotics I just swallowed with a splash of vanilla almond milk and a bowl of supposedly “healthy”

I confess, it’s becoming too cold to sit outside in my usual spot to sip my iced matcha while I write. I’ve been here barely five minutes and already I feel the matcha chilling me from the inside out!! I’m stubborn though and I hate to break a routine that works, so god knows I’m not moving until I’

I cannot cannot cannotttt with this jet lag. It’s eating me alive. Like a spoilt chihuahua, my body is refusing to accept the fact that I am no longer on the West Coast, doing hot girl shit like being a little bit stoned 24/7, eating vegan pumpkin pie to go whenever it’s on the menu and visiting onl

It’s funny—although I am capable of brutal transparency and cringe-level honesty, I never want to come across as depressed. I’ve spent a lot of time around people who were deeply, zombifyingly depressed: chemically numb, unable to stay awake, much less leave the house for weeks on end. I have been g

I take half an Ambien, lamenting the fact that within an hour I’ll begin to feel really enthusiastic and happy about my silly and sad little life. I’ll start making all these plans in my head, like some demented enthusiast! Promises I can’t keep, like how I’m going to solo travel for six months and

Omg, do you remember the viral reign of “what’s in my bag” videos on YouTube? A quintessential 2010’s obsession. I was fascinated—completely enthralled by this trend that any girl could partake in. Each video adding its own texture to the kaleidoscopic tapestry of the new internet era! The contents

“Is wearing a thong and sundress on public transport safe?” I google like clockwork every summer. I abhor the abrasive London underground seat fabric, grazing the uppermost backside edge of my thighs, like a perverse giant tongue. It’s so dry it’s almost crispy, and that— more than anything else— co

Real ones will get the reference lol I spent last weekend ensconced in bed, eating six vegan Crosstown doughnuts at a time— Deliverooed from across town, while watching the rain with one eye and movies with the other. Luckily, both my window and TV are in clear view when I’m hauled up in bed, surfin

I woke up today at 5am from a string of horror-movie-esque nightmares— very Cabin in the Woods and The Evil Dead coded mise en scène. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, I opened my inbox to find some very real-life horror waiting for me to exorcise. It’s true what they say: don’t check your phone the s

I’ve been using CBD oil as an experimental emotional support tool this week. After yet another failed attempt to manage my anxiety (without benzos) through tablet-trial-and-error —emphasis on error, I’ve crossed off antidepressants, atypical antidepressants, antipsychotics, amphetamines—everything I

It’s a gorgeous, sun-drenched day here in London, the city buzzing with life around me as I sit amid the hubbub on metal patio furniture outside my fave cafe— that unbeknownst to me had soaked up the sun, scorching my ass like a skillet the moment I sat down. Lovely. I’m delicately nibbling crumbs o

This morning I slept through my 7am alarm and woke up with just an hour before I needed to leave the house! My heart was in my throat as I forced down breakfast: birth control and klonopin. Before my bubbly bath had finished running, I jumped in and begun shaving my legs while Davines nourishing-mir

My mother booked me a massage: “You’re going to have another chronic fatigue flare-up if you’re not careful,” she warns me, lovingly. And, as usual, she’s right. I’ve been to two concerts in three days, which is quite the feat for my blighted, Barbie-doll body—burnt out, buffering, and held together

Okay, I can finally stop gaslighting myself and admit with confidence: the Seroquel is making me feel worse—not the side effects, the Seroquel. My body frightfully faint, my limbs hopelessly heavy, as though I’m wading through water with my clothes on. Seroquel really is the ankle weight of psychiat

My sparkly baby pink almond acrylic claws are officially beginning to annoy me. They’re disrupting how I type on my iPhone—an unforgivable crime for a writer to put up with! So, they’ve sadly got to go. I have to be somewhat reasonable with the whole beauty is pain thing. I love the sex appeal of lo

I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan! … Lol, just kidding! Really, I stumbled off the plane in Thessaloniki, deep in a benzo haze, buzzing with a wild mix of excitement and fear… Am I gonna fit in? Wearing a white, knee-length Ralph Lauren dress and powder-blue leather Carvela

The post holiday blues have hit hard, along with a myriad of other super fun things I am totally coping with super well — not. Starting new medication always feels like taking an electric cake batter whisk to my brain. Although, I shouldn’t complain, Seroquel side effects are pretty minimal for me i

I’m unusually happy today—which feels kind of surreal considering I literally just got my period. Normally, PMS week is nothing short of hell. If you’re familiar with my menstrual cycle, which I naturally just assume you are by now if you’re a regular reader of my blog. LOL. Then I’m certain you cou