Aubergine
The post holiday blues have hit hard, along with a myriad of other super fun things I am totally coping with super well — not. Starting new medication always feels like taking an electric cake batter whisk to my brain. Although, I shouldn’t complain, Seroquel side effects are pretty minimal for me in comparison to most other psychiatric drugs. In addition, I am positively loving pre bedtime sedation, in my humble opinion, there is no better feeling than sedatives forcing you under the covers with their chemical lullabies.
Although Jesus Christ, as someone whose dreams are always unreasonably super-vivid and insane, my dreams have never been more intense — they feel real. Usually I can detect the surrealism in my dreams and have the ability to identify when I’m dreaming in that sort of semi-lucid way. But since starting these meds my dreams are like in ultra 5k definition. This is leaving me very uneasy and confused for the best half of the day. Paranoid that my dreams did actually happen and keeping an eye out for repercussions…
I was trembling in my sheepskin lined, Ugg clogs as I forced myself out the house today in tiny low rise denim micro shorts that disappear upon sitting down. Paired with a blue and white toothpaste striped blouse that unbuttons flirtatiously down to my cleavage.
I know I’m retarded because I have to like bribe myself with pills to go and do genuinely nice things. I tried so hard and actually got all the way (a five minute train) to London Bridge before popping a klonopin — which are another huge source of stress in my life right now, or rather, their lack is. As I’ve got a meds review a week today, and anyone who is prescribed benzos will know a benzo meds review is like going to war. Of course the review is positioned awkwardly at the same time my new monthly script is due. I phoned up 111 to see if it could be moved forward to mitigate this stress, but alas. The best they could do was prescribe me some emergency tablets. Which I collected from the pharmacy this morning in the cutest tiny little pill box lol. She’s so dinky!!
Thank god for Seroquel’s knock out punch, or I’d be lying awake drafting defence pitches in my head for the next week. The anticipation anxiety is nipping at my heels, like a pack of Beverly Hills chihuahuas!
Anyway, I took myself out for lunch today because the idea of cooking anything remotely nutritious was laughable. My body was begging for something fresh, so I went to Mallow (blessed be) and had their roasted aubergine dish (again). Because God forbid I try anything new. Same waiter every time, too. I think he’s starting to recognise me as that girl with the aubergine fixation… Honestly, fair. I’m 99% sure he thinks I’m unwell, as I always end up arriving at mallow half an hour before the menu change-over that allows me to order the dish I want. Unlucky planning on my part I suppose. Haha.
By the time the bill came, the Klonopin must have really kicked in— as I even tacked on 50p for charity! World peace and all that! Mallow sits right opposite Southwark Cathedral, which I’ve been admiring through the window with glassy eyes…
After slathering my legs with the complementary Aesop lotion in the bathroom, I’m off to my fave matcha spot, to fuel up on gentle caffeine before I start work on part two of my Cat Marnell retreat appreciation posting!!