Episode 19.5: Van Helsing

When I lived with my bff in our mid-twenties I bought a promotional poster for this movie from the local video store, covered it in red lipstick kisses and stuck it to the ceiling over her bed and then patiently waited for her to go to bed that night. Fucking delightful. I never actually watched the movie because it looked fucking terrible. I feel comfortable with that life choice.

1) This movie has a weirdly high density of Australians. 2) Richard Roxborough (Dracula) and Silvia Colloca (one of the goth gfs) got married after meeting on this movie and are still together, which is nice.

I love this movie. It’s so much fun.

My beloved Quincy P Morris mentioned. He really was just a texas cowboy who was too in love to walk away from vampire shit. He genuinely tries to shoot dracula and it almost works

Oh, the "R.I.P. The Queen" jokes...

where's the TF ep where they watched dracula? can't find it on Patreon or Podbean

I love this movie. There were so many fantastic action figures in the bargain bin in the wake of this films box office failure. Giant fully articulated 12 inch CGI bat dracula action figure, 10 dollars. It ruled.

I misheard “Abby-ghoul” as “Gabby Ghoul” and that is a primo name for an Italian-American goth drag queen.

This is the movie that made me realise that I’m a lesbian and I will forever love it in all its terribleness

Should I be proud or ashamed that I've written fan fic about characters from this movie? I'm going with proud.

wait hold up how do you pronounce 'fxllas'

Speaking of Hitcher, "elements of the past and the future, combining to make something not quite as good as either" is a pretty apt review of Van Helsing. And The Mighty Boosh, for that matter.

I became a patreon only to be able to listen to this

This is easily one of the best episodes and I would pay more money to have you watch Blade 2 or Underworld or something

Did you know that in the original story Frankenstein is the name of the monster because the real monster is the doctor?

I've never been happier to be giving you three money than this episode. I'm so happy Abi appreciates this terrible masterpiece.

Mildred is in the next episode? Best news.

eagle-eyed viewers will notice that domme alice, now released, will be lurking behind mirrors and in the background of crowd scenes for the remainder of this podcast

abigail seems to have a much higher tolerance for trash shlock films than alice and devon, which is fair, my tolerance however, very low

Fun fact: the mace shaped like a hand with a knife is actually a 100% historical design, they're very silly and I love them

Disappointed that the "my wife" drop wasn't played triple the amount this episode but otherwise 10/10, gang. Will be listening again!

Also, van helsing having this weird religious background of catholic/Islamic syncretisim officially makes this a dune prequel, sorry, I don't make the rules

I saw this film as a kid and completely forgot about it until a couple of years ago where I came back from the pub to find my housemate engaged in watching a double bill of this and blade, and my god has there never been a better cinema experience than drunkenly eating takeaway while watching early 2000's vampire films

Lorem dripsum

i really like this movie, it sucks though.

They stole the mirror reveal shot from Dance of the Vampires who did it way better imho. And I do understand Alice, after the BBC article my days have been weird too...

One of only a handful of movies I have ever walked out of in the cinema.

Not Abi referencing wolf porn and classic literature both within the span of like twenty minutes...

Abigail gushing over this film while she is currently in Transylvania is truly beautiful

Nega-Alice dedicated her life to celibacy in order to launch the ISS

Wondering whether the “cowboy hunting vampires and $#!+” was modified into Penny Dreadful (considering that was basically Josh Hartnett’s character).

Also I'm glad to know that Abi also appreciates the wonder that is Quincey P. Morris

Lorem ipsum indeed.

welcome to like one of two films where frankenstein accepts the monster, and the other one is young frankenstein.

I've waited my whole life for other people to appreciate the B-movie goofy glory of Van Helsing, so I'm both hyped and afraid to listen to this episode...

5 will you get you 10 Alice wrote the lorem impsum from memory.