S3E15.5: To The Bone

So the conclusion about masculinity that this podcast about gender comes to is that I should become Keanu Reeves? That's kind of a high bar, I'm just gonna have a nap.

Ace here, THANK YOU for explaining sexual desire, I so don't get it lmao

@1:22:30-ish "It's hard to do the basic tasks of maintaining your life if you believe you don't deserve to live." This really got me. This episode helped me a lot re: I'M NOT ALONE. I have a hard time talking about certain things. I have GI problems, so eating is tricky, but also I think about food in weird ways, which I don't know quite how to explain. @1:09:30 -ish. Wow. I have scars, too. I had a friend who encouraged me to have them covered with tattoos, and if that's your vibe and you have the $$, go for it! If, however, they've just become a part of you, IDK. Until someone reminds me about them, I've forgotten they're there and about my stretch marks, too. All off this is tricky. It's a complicated episode. I appreciate y'all.

3:45 given the topic at hand in this one i think it's also worth noting that another group of people that routinely get labeled as "difficult patient" is fat people. if you're fat then doctors will tend to write off any problems you have with "go lose weight and then we'll talk" and call you oppositional and aggressive if you push back. there are so many eminently treatable conditions that go ignored because not treating fat patients as real people is so standard in the medical industry, and it's difficult to even tell how much needless suffering and death has been caused by that naturally that's comorbid with other demographics like those abbi listed too - good luck getting any gender-affirming surgeries as a fat trans person, when most surgeons will simply refuse to operate on people above a certain size

💜

This episode struck a cord, although I haven't dealt with an eating disorder myself, I've closely known and cared about people with it, I've dealt with depression for the past two years. Thanks for this episode, KJB team. *I accidentally hit send: Balatro is amazing. I love it too. Keep being real, folks.

This was an incredibly emotional episode, even though I'm a cis-man and on the other side of disordered eating from anorexia, I felt a *lot* throughout this, and that idea of moral delusion is a very good way to articulate that. <3 to all of you.

I did wrestling in highschool which is just competitively having an eating disorder. Thanks for this episode Also I definitely remember the period where tumblr had a healthy aestheticized self harm sub community which was around the time this film would have been written.

regarding SH as a "trend" - i definitely remember a period i the 00's where there was lots of social panic about SH, particularly with girls, and sometimes in association with EDs- maybe just as a "troubled girls do these sorts of things" grouping. it came up as a question a bit with my sister's ED diagnosis.

No notes, or at least none I necessarily want to inflict on anyone via parasocial attachment. Just, thank you for this ep. 💜

I'm a compulsive overeater. I doubt I'll ever watch the movie, because it would be prohibitively discomfiting to me. I do appear the thoughtful conversation. I can't relate the the suicidal ideation, but everything else seemed well considered. On the topic of numbing vs. body image—and I know I'm oversimplifying what you said—in my experience it's both. It wasn't until I got clean from the food that I realized how much body dysmorphia I have. I'm quite capable of looking in the mirror and seeing someone m a slimmer body than mine. And. If I had to describe my addiction in one word, it would be "numbing". I ate because I couldn't handle the intensity of being alive in this body, in this moment. So yeah. I'm fucked up in both ways. The body image stuff can absolutely send me into a tailspin *and* assist with the numbing.

I'm going to assume this episode is the universe telling me that it's gonna be fine, cause I'm gonna be real with you it's been a rough couple of days for me

What does "king of the highway" mean in this context?

when November said "misophonic" ❤️ Every time someone other than me mentions it, I feel relief and gratitude.

Thanks for talking about this one. It struck a chord.

Jesus fucking christ the tonal whiplash on "the baby fall out the pussy" hit me like a truck

As somebody that has had issues with my eating and weight, this episode struck a chord with me

Great ep, also fun fact, the ABDL parental feeding thing is seemingly based on, or symbolic of, a real treatment and genuinely one of the most effective ones, although typically primarily for under 18s and only when the parent isn't a counterproductive influence.

CW: weight loss mention Sorry to comment some personal stuff but I feel the need to express these thoughts. I have a weird relationship with food and weight, and I'm trying to figure out a way to lose weight for mostly comfort reasons (I am tall and already didn't fit in a lot of places when I was thin) without developing disordered eating (of a different type). I have ADHD and making any lifestyle changes requires a lot of imposed structure so I'm worried about highly structured diet being an issue.

Welp, thank you for the warning up top. I think I might set this one out.

Thank you for watching this movie so I don't have to 😄 On a serious note, almost every trans person I know has experienced some kind of disordered eating, often used to manage dysphoria in some way. Goes to show how important it is that young people know what dysphoria is when they feel it, and medical professionals know how to screen for dysphoria in young patients. It frustrates me to no end that reactionary legislation is written that prevents adolescents from accessing a viable and reversible treatment for dysphoria during puberty (puberty blockers) when the alternative that many people turn to is an extremely dangerous, expensive, dehumanizing, and often life-long disease.

Bless you all. This was far too relatable and I had to eat cheese all the way through but in the end I am just a bag of chemicals trying to be Keanu Reeves

The bit about wishing for an opposite disorder because at then she'd be thin hit pretty close to home. - Can't relate in the slightest to any of the "life is beautiful" stuff, and the idea of still having to be here in the 2060s, with how things are going to go, reads as more threat than encouragement to me, but I guess we'll see how I feel after I become a different person.

Ayyy listening to this while playing Balatro. I hear you, November.

Enjoying to the episode then getting jump scared by the main character changing their name to mine

I'm awkwardly putting away my pickaxe and enormous fake beard when I realize the tone of the episode.

The comment about "Doctor Who Gets It" (TM) not being real hit me where it hurts. love me some trans/chronic illness solidarity.

if i learned anything from this, it is that i am probably not cut out to be famous

I think this is one of my favourite episodes from you guys. I’ll try not to give too much personal information but this is something that hits home. I remember when this movie came out and knew I was never going to be able to sit through it. Seven years later I’m a very different person to who I was when this movie came out. Name change and everything. When you’re in the moment it feels impossible for things to change. Looking back, I wonder who that person was and how much they must have been in pain without even realising it. I’m by no means in a perfect place but I’m safe, I have a roof over my head and I have friends who I know will be there for me. So thank you, this episode made me reflect on where I am and I find myself looking forward to the future. Something I never thought would be possible. Long live the king of the highway!

fun fact, Halleys Comet reached aphelion last year so it is starting to head back

95% of British journalists have an Eton disorder.

honestly i'm a little annoyed that the fat girl had to be a binge eater when a very significant percentage of people with anorexia are average or overweight. not a flaw in the film but everybody does it

Words of wisdom that I find work really well for getting me through stuff are "Deserve's got nothing to do with it." We neither deserve nor do not deserve life. Things generally don't happen to us because we deserve them but because it is the luck of the draw and the fall of the tumbling dice that lead us on.

Have not been deep into ED, although I’ve skirted around it fairly infrequently. I have however, been in Devon’s position of being involved in working with children and having to follow restrictive safeguarding framework that essentially forces you to treat people as problems to be solved the second they show signs of distress. It’s soul destroying having to work with people who have completely lost their agency upon entering the system, treating them as normally as you can but knowing everything they’re going through treats them as something less than until they get “better”.

became so engrossed in this episode i messed something up at work lmao. well done as always

A friend of mine was telling me about how asking for help is difficult when you've been raised to see that as a shameful imposition on others. This friend of mine very much agrees with and appreciates the sentiment that "It's better than the alternative."

No one, literally NO ONE, who is alive right now asked to be born. We were brought into this existence without purpose or consent. Nothing we do matters. And as a result, the only thing that matters is what we choose to make of ourselves, what we choose to do in the world, how we choose to treat others. Which means the only chance we have to improve the world is if we keep making choices to try and improve it. No matter how many times we fail, choices to be better can only come as long as we keep making choices. Its a mixed movie but one unquestionable truth from Kingsmen is "True nobility comes from being superior to your former self". And the only way to become superior to who you were is to keep existing and choosing.

Big love to my favourite podcast crew ❤️❤️❤️

Made it 9 minutes. Think this going to be a multi-stage episode.

I'm da king of da highway!

Alright gonna listen to this one then cool off with charlies angels.

I want to post a link to the boy mother hen twitter thread but given the account that posted it, perhaps I shouldn't lmao

Welp...this episode helped me realize I'm falling back in to bad habits and kind of need help. So, genuinely, thank you so much. I needed this.

Thank you for mentioning that ice cream is good for your boobs, I always feel very guilty when eating it or other sweets. But I’ll go out and buy some ice cream later and feel happy about it because it will make my boobs grow more easily.

This was a really interesting conversation. I have some mild disordered eating and it wasn't until I was recently diagnosed with ADHD (in my 40s no less) that we finally put the pieces together. It's so much more pervasive than people realize.

So of the four hosts, why does Thorn never talk, and why are they introduced before Devon who talks all the time?

My wife had to turn off history and recommendations on Youtube for a year because it kept trying to show her pro-eating disorder content. Youtube was no help at all.

Ever since Boney Island Whitefish ended, I've been waiting for a return To The Bones

Love y'all, gotta give this one a miss. Someone brave let me know if there's any good jokes. But please keep doing heavy ones, it's important that these movies be seen and talked about, even though it's not going to be comfortable for everyone.