S3E12.5: Wanted

1000 RATS

I choose to hear "one thousand rats" as having the same meaning as "banzai," which literally translates as "one thousand years" but is used more as a celebration or war cry.

the killing myself drop has done irreparable damage to my psyche

ONE THOUSAND RATS !!

Polish Guyovich says “Sto Rat!”

I seriously thought the return of the 1000 rats plotline was just a bit you were all doing until it didn't stop and I realized that was actually just where the movie went.

ok but seriously, Black Summer would be way too fucking timely to ever get made lmao. For those who don't know it's about a team of superheroes who cybernetically gave themselves powers so that they could fight back against cops like an armed superhero version of BLM, only to have the federal government actively sabotage them into retirement, co-opt their development, and build its own CIA hit squads. Only for the Seven Guns (the superheroes in question) to come out of retirement after not-superman murders not-george bush for doing 9/11 and proceed to absolutely demolish both the US military, the CIA kill squads, and every police officer in their city before declaring the city its own city state separate from the US and daring the US government to come after them.

speaking of insane movies. when are we doing Kingsman: The Secret Service

November at 52:50: "Perfectly curving her cum into my prostate" Me, hands in my head, dying of agony: "Worth every cent, I will never stop supporting."

Once again Grosse Pointe Blank... but also I'm thinking about the guy in 127 Hours who got stuck in a ravine and cut his arm off and realised he could be nice to people and have a fulfilling life and dude, you could just do that anyway.

Hello again. I must request y'all seriously consider Wild Wild West for a bonus at some point, given how the first 15 minutes of my spur of the moment decision to rewatch it have murdered me. Highlights including everything in the bar with Kevin Klime "I'm not a lady, I'm a US marshal" and the crossdressibg hypnosis of a confederate general making him bark like a "good doggy".

"What if Wesley is baby Hitler?" Screenshot of IMDB showing James McAvoy as Leto II Atreides in Children of Dune (2003)

Chinese Room/Numerology/Divination-based assassination: Hitman series - maybe not *always* the best idea. Wanted - any apparent problems with obeying The Loom are actually because someone (who isn't white) is secretly *not* obeying The Loom.

I wonder whether dramatically *exiting* a car like Bruce Willis in RED would be more plausible and less ankle-destroying

Not to distract from the terrible movie, but YOU CAN JUST GET HORMONES FROM PLANNED PARENTHOOD? Looks like I'll be finishing this episode later for reasons

"Miller likes seeing guys getting shot in the head. So this guy shoots all the goons in the head, but then he gets a phone call" and my brain immediately goes to Danger 5 and Kung Fury as I expect the person on the other end of the call is holding a gun to the phone to shoot through it remotely

I'm impressed that a film where one of the leads suicide attacks a load of dudes due to her unwavering faith in a higher power, falls quite clearly on the trans side of the "9/11 - trans" divide

Really late to the party, but as a Computer Science guy I got some notes on the loom: Okay, loom spits out binary. I can grant you that. But how do you get to names? Computers do not 'understand' letters. You assign a letter to a number. Like 'A' is 65. But that assignment is arbitrary. Its 65 in the ascii standard, which is widely used in america. So. Does wanted tell me we have invented ascii a thousand years ago? But ascii is just for the english language. It is missing umlauts, let alone any support for other script systems. So... Did they also make the transition to unicode??

you should do ravenous with guy pierce and robert carlyle (bond connection??) tis very gay

I'd love to see you do the original Blade Runner

the proud boys have a particularly silly initiation, where they beat you up until you can say five different breakfast cereals uninterrupted

Radio 4 joke “Make a bullets do a U -turn. Is it a Kier Starmer bullet”

Jess beat me to it. "This is a bad fascist film," and "Mark Millar" and it was oh, of course.

When you talked about informed consent in America and Planned Parenthood I felt down because my state was trying to restrict it so you couldn't use that but it turns out they didn't go forward that law so I thank you for willing that into existence.

So I knew absolutely nothing about Wanted or what it was based on, but the moment Alice said the words "Mark Millar", everything else that had been said previous to that point suddenly made perfect sense

To paraphrase one Grant Morrison, “If I ever come into contact with Mark Millar again, it will be with my car going 40 KPH”

I haven't seen this movie since it came out and had a blast with how stupid it is. A friend of mine hated it because it wasn't enough like the comic. Lets face it, a lot of 00's pop culture has aged like raw milk.

I can tell you haven't watched enough Peep Show becuase you clip James Mcavoy's "ergonomic keyboard" line but don't mention the very funny read of "that's right baby, ergonomic management keyboard" of David Mitchell as Mark Corrigan. That's ok, I still respect and listen to this program.

the cynic in me feels like hollywood itself is a shadowgovernment plot to generate more school shooters

This bullet could have been an email.

I think The Loom would be absolutely hilariously at home in the Warhammer franchise. A mystical piece of production that tells you people you should kill? All it needs is some dead people that are part of it.

I think “a kind of transitional action movie space” is what y’all are in

Damn Abi, is your girlfriend single?

Glad they mentioned the African-American boss thing. In the comics, his boss was being anti-white racist against him talking about the KKK and small white penises. Apparently every day when walking home from the bus or whatever, cholos would follow him and spit on him and make fun of him, for dressing in urban street wear or whatever the term is. Post training, he came back in a tailored suit, said a racist joke, and then killed them all.

I'm ashamed to admit that teenage me really liked this film. I'm a much better person nowadays

The most unrealistic comic book action movie nonsense imaginable. You can't fuck on an IKEA kitchen table.

Mark Millar's comics have a really nasty habit of being adapted into movies. I really want KJB to eventually do Kingsmen, but Kick-Ass should be on the hit list as well. I find Millar's writing and stories are made specifically to be turned into movies, they're pitches. Wanted and the Boys and many of their ilk sincerely disgust me in their content and ideology.

You can tell Alice is angry about this movie because shes telling people to read "The Boys" instead. Like just telling people to read the most angry hateful stupid drivel because that comic is authentically hateful instead of this movie, which is that exact same kind of content but run through a filter of what is borderline acceptable for the mid 00s. Comics is such a cool medium for telling stories but reading the fash shit that gets popular makes you think that our society is fully just doomed.

And I would touch one thousand rats and I would touch one thousand more

THE EGG STORE WAS MY GROCERY SPOT cerca 2009; I hollered. South side of Chicago!

Death of rats reference!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉💀💀💀🎉🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀

Fascism + 1000 Rats!? The perfect Jordan Peterson movie

I hate to be the person that corrects the hosts, particularly for this of all movies: when he does his first assassination from on top of the train, he doesn’t come back the next day to try again. They ride past, he lowers the gun, the scene with Fox explaining her past trauma is a flashback, and then it cuts back to the train where he lifts his arm to curve the bullet back and hit the guy. So the guy didn’t strike a cocky pose, see someone with a gun on a train, then come back in the next day and do the same thing—there was maybe five seconds between seeing him and getting shot.

"the river bellow" wait is that a thing that happens in the movie or is this a locked tomb reference?

There are, in fact, good comic book films - even ignoring the handful of decent ones made by Marvel or DC (yes, I like superhero films, and I pray for Lord Scorsese's forgiveness daily); there's Ghost World, Road to Perdition, The Crow, and A History of Violence. The last one is written by a guy who does podcasts, so can't wait for the inevitable KJB/Josh Olson crossover.

‘The director [is a] Russian guy’, that explains a lot.

I don't think all the rats got strapped up with casios (of course I haven't seen the movie in like 20 years so y'all would know better than I would) I thought he fed explosives-laced peanut butter to all of them and then some of them had little bombs which caused a chain reaction

Only 30 minutes in and this is already the most fascist movie I’ve ever heard of

russian guyovich unfortunately was not able to 3 bears and 10,000 rats his way out of that situation in the end

Can't wait to compare this to when they watch Minority Report, another classic of the I Never Thought the System Would Eat My Face genre. also would probably set up some good Tom Cruise bits for the eventual Kill Ethan Hunt arc

Misheard something Abi said and got "ChatAGP" as an intrusive thought. AI Blanchard

I need to talk about The Loom; it's Fascist syncretism ruining the things I love again. As we know there are countless attestations in many cultures to your fate being "woven", part of a pattern, predestination etc. Particulaly relevant to the violent misogynist white supremacist ideology that underpins the thesis of this movie is Old Norse myth. In this format fate is woven by the three Norns; Urd, Skuld and Verdanðr, female-coded figures who embody time and existence. Yet the Fascists also seek to appeal to Christian misogynists and extol mechanisation to bring in the industrial capitalists capitalists. So the Female Divine is excised and replaced by a mechanism with völkisch aesthetic and a coy "I'm not saying it's Jehovah but I'm not not saying that either". I've lost the thread of my argument and the potatoes are getting cold but point being- Fascists nick your shit and corrupt it, why can't people see it being done. I loved this movie when it came out - I have never been online enough but I was once definitely the kind of person this film and 300 was trying to radicalise and it almost worked because it does make it look cool. Love the work gang. Adore you all.

Yo! You ever see the Music Video for Freak On A Leash by Korn?

I’m sorry but hold on a minute - these MFs are reading text ENCODED IN BINARY from a LOOM? What kind of encoding are we talking about here? They using ASCII, invented in 1962, for their 1000 year old loom?? Did some monks devise their own coding scheme??? Moreover, HOW OFTEN DOES IT PRODUCE GARBAGE??? Does it encode the spaces too? If not HOW DO THEY KNOW WHERE THE NAME IS SEPARATED or if it does encode spaces you’re telling me every 10 characters or so it produces a perfect value of hex 20. And is this loom error random??? If so how much time is spent trying to track down guys named like XDKGWEE ITSMGLU???? You’re telling me it only produces valid names???? No fucking way some old loom producing “random” errors is only ever producing properly encoded ASCII human names. This whole scene is absolutely an elaborate scam. This operation started in 1983 and some lead assassin was like “these guys are so fuckin gullible I’m starting a new operation with some fuckin loom and I’m gonna tell these fools we recruit that this is some ancient 1000 year tradition of random chance ENCODING BINARY ASCII HUMAN NAMES OF OUR TARGETS.” We figured out how they pay for all this shit which is that one fucking guy is getting paid for all the hits and he’s the guy whose sitting in front of the loom like “Yeah uhhh this one says Bezos today have at it boys.”

ALICE AMERICAN IMPRESSION SPOTTED AT 5 MINUTES, NEURON ACTIVATION

I actually went a skimmed through all 6 issues of the comic after listening to this and God DAMN is Millar a hack.

...well, if nothing else, this episode did make me earnestly google "do transwomen remove their prostate?" (the answer is apparently no).

Hell yeah Tom and Demi coming back we did it gamers

Next ones gotta be "Gross Pointe Blanke". Lighthearted dark comedy about hitmen, labor, and there's a sneaky non-derogatory trans joke in the middle

The Virgin Repressor sounds like a muscle car from the timeline where Richard Branson bought a car company

When I bought my first Blu-Ray drive and FullHD screen, I wanted a movie with good image quality to test it with and went with Wanted. I was not disappointed. If The Fraternity is fascist, you can read Wanted Protagonist's ultimate fight against them as anti-fascist. The movie then ultimately argues against that. Is it a cautionary tale? I read the train assassination initiation scene differently. We first see that he has a straight shot at his target and doesn't take it. Flash forward to his debriefing. We explain that maybe that's baby Hitler. Flash back: he doesn't need to shoot straight. At the last second, he curves his bullet and kills maybe baby Hitler.

When Wanted came out I paid to see it at the movies and then when it was finished I walked into a screening of The Dark Knight. I am punk rock and based.

At some point I hope they get to do a comic adaptation movie that’s good, they do exist in live action but god they’re rare

Mark Millar once gave an interview in which he laughed about the premise of his newest comic being "What if Batman was a c*nt?", seemingly unaware that everyone knows this is the sum total of his creative process.

I see this kind of as Version 1.0 for what happened to Garth Ennis with both Preacher and The Boys. They realized what worked and what didn't, and made a significantly better product as a result. Wanted *the comic* wasn't nearly as good to begin with, which is saying something.

Thank the gods, for the longest time I assumed I'd hallucinated this fucking film.

shout out russian standard vodka, i miss it, now i have to buy the japanese shit which costs twice as much

"REAL bullets have CURVES"

All this "bullet message" stuff reminded me of something. Because many French tanks of the 1930-1940 period had no radios, they experimented with having commanders write a message, load it into a special shell, and then shooting the tank they wanted to communicate with

This guy's "school shooter voice" sounds like Sin City Ben Shapiro

I'm listening to this having been exposed to nothing but the poster and nearly two decades of hearing praise about this movie from the most archetypal Hot Couch Guys I've ever known, and I just love that they made an entire movie of the Freak On A Leash music video. Also for some reason the poster always gave me the impression of a heavily Eastern European sensibility I couldn't quite articulate so it was gratifying to learn that this was directed by the Night Watch guy.

The Mass Shooter voice makes me think that Ben Shapiro is secretly dubbing the lines and I haaaaate it.

Making a Mark Miller comic better isn't exactly a high bar to be fair

A movie about being trans which contains a smaller flushed away style movie about 9/11 [rats]

I'm listening to this while sitting in my cubicle at my accountant job. Just Wanted (heh) to say thanks for not shitting on my career. Most people do when it's brought up in media and it gets tiring. It's not the most glamorous and it can be boring. But as someone on the spectrum, the routine and consistency and being mostly left alone to my own devices really helps me. At the end of the day, it's a job that pays decent that I tolerate and let's me fund my hobbies. I don't know why you not shitting on it makes me feel kinda emotional. But honestly, thank you. ❤️

Having the well compensated white collar position but being alienated because it's not "culturally masculine" enough or something

Those "ergonomic keyboard" lines delivered like every Newgrounds rant voiceover

I agree with Alice's incorrect assessment, this movie IS about being trans! Specifically it's about being an egg where instead of examining the root of your dysphoria, you attempt to push it down by doubling down on all the stereotypical gender characteristics you're expected to display. (In other words, literally teenage cringe me.)

I could have sworn that the main character was played by Shia LaBeouf. It feels like such a Shia part for some reason.

no thoughts, only loom

I don't enjoy sweaty james mcavoy. Worst version of him