Episode 7 - Minority Report (2002)
This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we’re cruising on over to the noughties to watch the ever-prescient Steven Spielberg film Minority Report (2002), based on the classic novella by Philip K Dick.
Join us for a vision of a future where we blow our entire Patreon budget on milk baths and pass the savings onto you, where a Colin Farrell can be too Catholic even for November Kelly, and how shaven a Tom Cruise can be narrowly avoids becoming a lawsuit. We've got babygirl Pool-Boys, Twinks From The Fed, Emotional-Support Enbies. It's a gender kaleidoscope, folks.
If you want to hear more Be Gay Solve Crimes, you should sign up to our Patreon where for as little as £5 a month you can get access to a new bonus episode from us every fortnight as well as all our previous bonus episodes. We've got one on Disco Elysium, on Silence of the Lambs, on LA Noire, on that one Simpson's episode where Mr Burns gets shot, Nancy Drew, and Nick Valentine from Fallout 4!
Join us there next time for BLADE RUNNER!
The Be Gay Solve Crimes team is made up of November Kelly, Mia Mulder, and their local librarian Lucy. If you like what we do, be sure to retweet us there help us spread the word!
Comments (62)
leeloo dallas multi-Pass
this will probably come off as pedantic of me but ... the idea that phillip k. dick was unfamiliar with buying drugs is .. decidedly Not True lol. he was a serious addict for much of his life, & much of his fiction is powered by that experience (as someone in recovery i can say w some confidence his A Scanner Darkly is one of the best novels abt addiction ever written - better on that score than infinite jest even , for me). obvs the movie doesnt explore that much bc its pretty dumb,, but it still is key that this was an addict writing from experience about real life-destroying addiction, not some clueless nerd making it up
i promise it’s a joke about sci-fi writers (and principally the screenwriters of this movie) getting all purple prose when world-building fictitious drug slang. we are very aware of philip k dick’s specific history of substance use and its influence on his writing, and explicitly mention as much elsewhere multiple times 💛
Haven't watched this since I was 8yo and realizing he's saying "twink" took me out at the knees
On the evilness of Swedes: Luthen Rael did nothing wrong. I hadn't seen this one, but by reputation (mostly think pieces that I now consider (more) hack) I thought it was about algorithmic policing, but it's more about Calvanism.
Not the Homer Simpson Accused Of Sexual Harassment editing. I can see the clockface jumping from 03:45 to 03:27 to 04:05 in my mind's eye.
Kind of fucked up that they never really address the incredible evil of the torture tubes. Like, even if everyone was actually going to murder someone, which the movie straightforwardly says that not all of them actually would have because nothing is predetermined, it still doesn't justify putting them through psychic torture for years. Hell, it's even worse because there are people who WEREN'T going to commit the murder, and they're still being punished. It's actually really telling that this movie could imagine a world where the cops know you're going to commit a crime before you do it, but still nobody has considered the social cause of crimes, or choosing rehabilitation rather than punishment. I mean, if you catch someone before they've commits a crime, then they still haven't actually done anything wrong. At worst, they were just intending to do something but were prevented from doing it. Can you really punish someone for something they didn't do? Really, the only reasonable thing for authorities to do is rehabilitation. Help them deal with the issues that lead them to attempting murder. But of course the institution is incapable and completely unwilling to do anything other than punish.
I'm starting to think that November hasn't actually had all these dreams.
My repression shirt was a bowling shirt with blue flames . . . I gotta find that thing
oh so the whole "murder singularly metaphysically yadda yadda" that's oddly enough not unprecedented within like culture. So a lot of premodern magic involves the use of the remains or material effects a person who died of murder (or other sudden violent deaths) because of the logic that the person had died BEFORE THEIR TIME leaving the person with excess vital energy.
The Garden of Forking Paths is just a poorly formated CYOA over a decade before the first of such gamebooks would be print
bathbomb of 1 part powdered goat milk, 1 part powdered ass milk, 4 parts natron, 2 parts effloresence of Epsom...
I commented about this on the YouTube but I'm bringing it here too 'cause it's still bothering me. If this system lets the police actually *prevent* crimes, why do they still have a punitive system of justice? They've achieved the impossible - police that actually protect people - and they just use it do the same cops-and-prisons bullshit, but even crueller, because they're explicitly punishing people for things they didn't do? It just goes to show that people find it easier to imagine psychic milk jacuzzis than a justice system not based on hurting people for no reason.
Cruise does a great performance in Magnolia. Now, that's a PTA film where Tom's character is actually very suited to his superstar persona.
On Stormare tho, oddly enough, the only time I remember him as a sympathetic character is in Dancer in the Dark. Ya know, from "very normal" dane LvT. If memory serves, he's the only one who's not a massive cunt to Bjork.
If priests are going to be a theme then you might have to do the series Evil, in which they are Vatican detectives!
ooooh great shout
TV Recommendation! Archer, Season 3, Episode 8, 'Lo Scandalo'. Also, the two-parter from Season 4 of King of the Hill, 'Hanky Panky' and 'High Anxiety '.
Jumpscared by Nova trying to sell me a VPN
i feel like suspenders/braces are a deeply egg item of clothing no matter which direction you transgend. i was wearing them in my teens, desperately trying to make the menswear for women work before admitting i just wanted menswear for men.
The Max von Sydow mention reminded me of a brilliant little movie that I think Nova in particular would get a kick out of called called Citizen X (1995). It's the mostly true story of the first major serial killer case in the USSR. It features Stephen Rea, Donald Sutherland, Max Von Sydow, and some monumental hats. I think it's often overlooked because it was made for TV but I don't think it suffers for it, the cast is pretty stacked and it doesn't want for anything production wise. It's really homes in on the suffering of the detective, the diligence in the face of constant frustration, the fortitude, the solitude, and Stephen Rea (I think pre-empting his later role in V For Vendetta) sells the role of the constantly thwarted but impossibly tenacious investigator really well. I could ramble on about it further but wouldn't want to give anything more away. Suffice to say it's a better American movie about Soviet cops than Red Heat.
Absolutely loved the discussion of, roughly, "couldn't entertain thoughts of becoming a woman, so thought about becoming a priest," as someone who couldn't entertain thoughts of becoming a man in eir teens, so became a priest in eir 20s, then became a man in eir 30s. I'm not sure if there's a grand unified theory for why so many eggs path towards seminary, but for me there was definitely a bonus regarding a) only needing to complete a master's degree to get a gender-neutral honorific and b) the combination of mysticism, empathy, figure-concealing robes, and assumed sexual unavailability neatly checked all of my "what I need from a third gender I don't yet know is a third gender" boxes.
and here i thought i just played too much Oblivion as a kid
Docking the Dicks! Great move.
This is going to sound like a joke, but I swear it’s not. I sincerely think that The Sheep Detectives (2026) would fit for the podcast. Honest to god I saw it in cinema and immediately thought it was intensely trans coded.
on the list 🫡
My name isn’t Luna but I did call my cat Luna over for her breakfast at the exact same time as Nova said Luna so that’s something
My cat is called Saga partly in homage to one of the great neurodivergent detectives of our times. Hi Luna!
Person of interest covers some similar territory and it's well worth a look. It's kind of a spin off of The Dark Knight in a weird way. It is a 5 season television show so for the purposes of the podcast I'd recommend the unaired pilot which condenses many of the plot points of the first season into about an hour. It does star Jim Caviezel though so it depends on your tolerance for future MAGA influencers. The queer themes didn't start to crop up until the second season onwards.
Speaking of actors with weird conservative Christian hangups, Neal Mcdonough who appears in this film played a character in Star Trek: First Contact who was later made the first canonically gay star trek character. There was a whole mission impossible thing going on to sneak it past the homophobic executive producer at the time.
Of all the things for me to get sniped by in a podcast episode about a movie I've never seen... I wasn't expecting it to be getting really high, being unable to see, and accidentally eating moldy food.
our condolences
[Allegedly]
I love that their futuristic take on a gestural interface incorporated light pens on each finger which is a 1950s technology.
i want it made fundamentally clear that i subscribed to the patreon on the basis that i wanted to hear the bonus episodes. i want it made doubly clear that i did not subscribe to hear a clear recording of any sort of affirmations or degredations. i am a stoic woman walking my own path in this world and i have built a foundational sense of self from my own two hands alone. what do you mean 'its not pronounced stoike'
whatever helps you sleep at night 😘
Colin Farrel's performance in this was the first time I consciously thought "I love these acting choices". When he's about to be shot and gives a last kiss to his rosary... that was gender to me.
So when I went to the cinema to see this film as a teenager back in 2002, it turns out I had gotten the showtime confused and was quite late for the film and was assured that I would be confused as to what was going on if I tried to watch the movie without seeing the first half hour, and so I decided to see The Bourne Identity instead, which I quite enjoyed. Now if only there was a podcast where November and two other people discussed what they thought of that movie that would be a fun coincidence.
I always assumed greenhouses and plant rooms generally were a staple of detective fiction because of the board game Clue (or Cluedo if you're British). Which also, future episode?
flames… flames on the side of my face
Ended up going into a mental rabbithole trying to test out the "American media = evil Swedish characters" hypothesis. So far, the only counterexamples I can think of are Stellan Skarsgård in Mamma Mia, and Kirsten the American Girl doll . . .
Shout out to the Minority Report TV show from like the mid 2010s about one of the other precogs moving back to the city and becoming a vigilante or something. Don't think it even got through the first season. Also love the climax. It's wonderfully meta about film. All about a crowd of people gasping in horror at a stylized, grainy murder. Also also, hi Jessica Harper. If I may, I kinda want to suggest you do Deep Red at some point. Very salacious like you get with Italian horror, but interesting. Weirdly compliments Minority Report too now that I think about it.
I wanted to be a monk at 12 because I didn't want to have to get a job, which remains true to this day, and it's funny to hear it from the host who has one
Monk is such a better career path than priest, even thought priests get the dripped-out robes.
On informing my partner, who is behind me in podcast listening, that ‘you are my emotional support enby and we shall convene in the milk jacuzzi’ and that this statement will make sense when they catch up in a couple of weeks they just looked at me unimpressed before saying ‘in a couple of weeks a milk jacuzzi will just have become cheese though’ and I love them
35 minutes into this episode was SO funny bc my two ex catholic exes (both of whom are still dear friends) are Both transfem and Both were very strongly tempted to become priests before they transitioned 😭 (one of them applied to seminary and everything lmao)
cassock go spinny 🙂↕️
Wouldn't know anything about bondage plants. HDG who Also I now desperately need the scene where a dozen people give me scritches and call me a good girl
yeah came here to say this. The Bondage Plant that Fucks You is Human Domestication Guide (Which is great. It's a whole shared universe of disabled asexual transfems doing wish fulfillment with age regression and plant mommies"
Of all things this episode reminded me of, the video someone made of the swooshy controls from Minority Report they made using parts from a pair of wiimotes.
Sent Mia's notes on her mom's experience of having a Trans daughter to my cousin immediately - my family has been pretty cool about my nephews transition to his face, and his parents and also trans uncle have been great, but the extended family (my mom, his dad) have needed some education.
It's been a while since I've seen this movie, I was blindsided by the the sheer amount of kink in this film. Amazed Nova didn't name drop HDG for all the talk of plant bondage, drugs, and nurturing doms.
Over the last 80 years the twink-industrial complex has become so corrupt and bloated that they keep churning out over-budget twunks and hunks. We desperately need reform and oversight of the twink procurement process.
Can’t believe there’s a “good girl” AND “bad girl” drop in this episode. For free!! I know it was stated in passing, but they “eyebrows is free ffs” thing is totally real, and yet I stand in agreement with November. I will not trim my brows. I do not care that every trans woman has told me they look like caterpillars and should be trimmed. Leave me and those wiggly worms alone. Wonderful episode! Can’t wait for Blade Run— OH GOD HARRISON FORD!! DECKARD!!! DON’T HAVE AN INTERNAL MONOLOGUE! DON’T SAY TH
MOVIE RECOMMENDATION!! "Predestination," with Ethan Hawke and Sarah Snook (rel. 2014). About an orphan who grows up to father herself. It has a lot to say about identity, a lot to say about gender, and is a master class in pacing. There's also a (very skeletal) fedora-coded detective subplot. Extraordinarily good film, apposite to our interests.
oh we’ve got movies waaay more tenuous than that, dw! thanks for the recommendation
A J'accuzi, if you will
Oh, that is VERY good
Fuck I did the holding your breath thing fuck
My cousins and I would challenge each other to see who could swim the farthest under the water.
Be Gay Predict Crimes
Finally, a podcast where Nova can actually talk about Tom Cruise