Ugh

I know everyone feels it at least momentarily in their life. Often quite frequently! It's completely normal and expected, especially in this crazy broken society to feel really fucking lost and small.

I really hoped uni would give me a sense of identity, passion or inspiration. And after my first year 2021-22 I did feel like I was in the right place. But this past year now I've really been resisting it. And it makes me think..

Why am I putting myself into debt and straining my mind body and soul over something I don't think is actually benefiting my life…. Because this year was absolutely turned on it's head, I was going to drop out of uni after Christmas anyways. But I didn't. I have it one more shot... And I'm not going to lie. I still feel like I'm in the wrong place... But I don't know where I belong! And it's really fucking frustrating.

I don't really know what I want to do with my life, I feel like if my mental health were better then I might be able to think about it all a whole lot more productively. But while it is so dominating I just can't. I know I want to have/ run/ own my own business / product/ thing. I

don't know what subiect matter but I've always had entrepreneurial aspirations. I know I don't want to work for a faceless corporation. I know I could never do a 9 to 5 or anything that's normal and thusly; boring.

So boring it makes me want to cry and scream.

I hate the standards of society we live in. The merits were judged on leave me at an absolute disadvantage in the eyes of most employers despite the fact that I'm actually a lot smarter than your average person. I know I'm an asset to any business and more valuable than most.

But I just don't know how / when to channel this energy into my non existent career.

I have a lot going for me. I have huge aspirations, dreams, goals. Places to be, things to see. I know I am a star. I'm just not sure what my medium is yet :(and especially right now where my university future seems so uncertain and this whole year has been much of a write off.