Episode 12.5: Cars 2

What happens to a car’s immortal soul? Surely it joins the Great Wheel.

Because I have to get this out of my brain: Nigel Garage

I must leave the pedantic comment that Lightning doing his Kachow isn't flashing because he does not have headlights, and both the lightning bolt and his headlights are just stickers

I am halfway through this episode and I can already tell that you guys should DEFINITELY watch Transformers One, an animated Transformers movie set entirely on the planet Cybertron that was created mostly by and for people who have thought WAY too hard about Transformers. You’d either love it or go even more insane over it, and either way it would be entertaining to watch.

If cars piss out oil, then why do they have to piss? shouldnt it all combust and they would just fart out the co2. And that must be the case because we know that climate change exists because otherwise why would cars go electric. Also do the electric cars not have to piss, is it like bottom nullification surgery? Is having a plugged exhaust a kind of UTI? This makes me think that cars did elvove from something biological and converted to cyborgs that keep eating and pissing and gender differences as a kind of cultural artifact. Because otherwise WHAT WOULD CAR PUSSY BE?!

This is blatant plagiarism https://www.instagram.com/reel/DKZCi-RNxzX/?igsh=MWY5NHA2bTN1Z2ZqNg==

Chiming in as I binge listen through all the episodes: If there are car British royalty, there are also car Prime Ministers. And thus, Margeret Hatchback.

Rewatching now and just got to the bit where they go insane about Christianity. Has anyone said "Pontiac Pilate"? Is that funny?

Assigned Cop At Birth 🤌

The existence of the Protocols of the Elders of Lemon implies that TzCar Nicholas II had his oCarna secret police write and disseminate it to distract from his shitty performance in the Russo-Japanese Car War. This in turn implies that the Carsheviks formed the Petrolgrad Soviet in 1905, the Car British empire was allied with the Car Japanese empire, and at some point someone wrote a version of The Railway Children that contained a thinly veiled expy of renowned Anarcho-Carmunist theorist Pyotr Carpotkin.

"there was a car soviet union" god id love a car movie about that theyre all just shitty soviet cars lmao

i was just about to comment on the weird jewish conspiracy vibes until you mentioned it lol. jack saint made a video about cars 2 accidentally being eugenics so you arent the only ones coming to this conclusion, those lemons are definitely jewish. whats going on here

my theory is this, the cars and planes and everything became sentient the same way the satellites in 17776 did, by just being left alone long enough. the cars universe used to be populated by humans like ours but something happened and they died out, the machines they built were left alone long enough they became sentient. although im not sure how new sentient cars are made, im sure they could build new cars with specialized machinery or something but idk how they make them sentient. theres more lore to uncover here

as a transformers fan. transformers is like if cars was slightly more invested in its own origin lore and then was mercilessly torn apart by 40 years worth of autistic nerds to come up with explanations. i am horrifed by both the differences and commonalities here. importantly: where do cars come from? WE JUST DON'T KNOW. (in transformers we know where SOME cars come from not not all of them)

If Car Jesus was crucified and buried for three days but then restarted, we can assume Car Christianity centers around a Toyota Hilux

As someone who has ONLY seen Cars 1 when I was like, 11, and remembers very little, it seems like the first movie worked because they deliberately avoided all of the plot points that would have weird implications, and in the second one they just ran face first into everything they carefully dodged in the first one.

“He’s doing Michael Caine voice the whole time. Michael Caine doesn’t try and do like, a spy voice or anything.” Can’t believe the Harry Palmerphobia on this good Christian podcast :/

In the first movie, Mack says: "Thank the manufacturer you're alive!" Just think about those implications

If I have to be the first one to appreciate Alice's 17776 reference, I will damn it.

Is isekai a genre in cars and if so what is truck kun

Wow, just listened to this, I never planned on seeing this movie & now I know I've heard the most entertaining possible version. Thanks

The level of psychic damage listening to you recap this movie dealt to me is unreal. Thanks, I hate it.

Given the Cartholocism implies the existence of Car Judaism, what are the Car dietary restrictions?

So this may be of slight interest to you but Finn Mcmissile isn't actually based on an Aston Martin at all, he's based on a Volvo P1800 coupe, which is the car that Roger Mooooooreee drove in The Saint TV show. That is about all the good I can say about this movie, the third installment is pretty unironically good however

In the cars universe Amy McGrath is an f-22

This episode alone has justified not only my subscription to the KJB Patreon, but to Patreon as a whole.

Listening to this masterpiece, and I have nothing to offer but "Fiat Unobomber"

Okay I know I am posting this comment way late and nobody will probably see it, but a movie that did the sort of overarching plot of this way better is Blue Sky's Robots. It's not a good film mind you, but 1: the worldbuilding is way better and less soul destroying and 2: the base of the story (which they could have done better) is basically that if you are lower class (such as poor or disabled) capitalists will try to destroy you and take everything you have. As I said it doesn't do it that well really, but much better than this movie.

God, I love the Car Eugenics conversation. The first movie has a scene shot like a horror movie reveal of rusted lemon cars, lead by Click and Clack from Car Talk

i have to come back 6 months later to point out: Toussaint Levoiture and Jean-Jacques Gasoline. thank you

Bugs are also cars

What I think you are ignoring for car 9/11 is that a car inside a sentient plane can most likely control them using the Ratatouille method.

I regrettably bought cars 2 cause it's pixar and I have kids...how bad can it be? Fucking terrible. Your analysis was brilliant. I'm almost happy to have seen the movie so I could appreciate it more. I was in my workshop laughing like a madman.

Okay, so, Cars 2 universe, Kill James Bond podcast, three magnificent trans cars discussing a bizarrely racist and nonce-y car film series, is episode 12.5 of that podcast about Humans 2 and do they have a similar mental breakdown? Or do they realize what the rest of all of their houses are for?

This is now one of my favorite genres of film analysis: overthinking the Cars franchise.

Car Princess Diana obviously died in exactly the same way - smashed into the side of a tunnel while fleeing photographer cars.

This page, about halfway down, essentially explains the dinosaur thing.

If Mater is rusting, does that mean he has leprosy?

This episode has truly brought so much joy into my shitty week. So absurd. ^_^

Burning through the unlocked bonuses, this was the one that tipped the bucket over for me to fling dosh at yall. Yall's dynamic is great, and I always love 'thinking too deep about the implications of [movie]'. Though, on the mention of making a memey 'cars 2 facism' thumbnail, there was a person who took a more Disabled/Eugenics angle of it (Jack Saint, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6qMgiA-VY0&t=443s ).

I just want you all to know that this was the unlocked bonus episode that got me to sign up for the patreon. I need more of this in my life, immediately.

I could've listened to this one for like 2 more hours at minimum. Definitely makes me want to hear the pod's reaction to more stuff with fucking unhinged worldbuilding

Pontiac Pilate crucified Jesus Chrystler

So I'm looking at the Cars wiki trying to piece together something out of this madness, and I learn that Dale Earnhardt Jr. voiced a character in the first movie. Bit of stunt casting, perfectly fine normal and good. Then I learned the character's name: DALE EARNHARDT JUNIOR. No cutesy pun, no joke, just his real-ass name. The implications for world building are staggering. A universe exists, different enough from our own, that sapient cars rule the planet, but similar enough that one of them is a race car with the exact same name as a famous driver. Did this Dale's father also die in a tragic racing accident in a race won by Darrell Cartrip? What. Does. It. All. Mean?!

Was there car slavery? A car civil rights movement? Martin Luther King Jr.? (his name already has two car references)The Black Jaguars? Does that explain why there are practically no black cars in these movies? (A couple of background race cars and cops, and the only speaking role: a crazy old woman...)

You need to follow this up with a bonus episode on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Ian Fleming’s magnum opus

If there was a car second world War, is there a car Israel/Palestine?

I can accept the oil weirdness because I mean... it is sort of like water? We drink water and excrete it with some other stuff in there and it is part of our blood. But literally everything else about this world makes no sense. Why is there a gender binary? Can cars have babies? Why do they have teeth if all they consume are fluids? Jfc it is so weird.

According to Wikipedia, Mater is made a Knight of the Garter by Car-lizabeth II.

Cargaret Thatcher.

Was there a Car-l Marx who wrote Das Carpital with Friedrich Engine? Was there a Car Lenin ranting against Cartsky in "State and RPM"? What is caramel? The questions are endless and horrifying.

Me at the beginning of the episode: oh this is gonna be an EXPERIENCE Me by the end of the episode: oh my god this movie is evil I was not wrong about it being an experience, though. Probably the funniest collective mental breakdown I've ever had the privilege to witness. I kept waiting for Abi to randomly let out a deafening screech of pure agony.

So hold on, if someone shoots at the Pope (car, sentient), does the Popemobile (car, sentient) just have to take the bullet? Are they at least bulletproof?

RIP to the next Q&A

Fucking dying 1min in, this is gonna be a good episode lmao

Fidel Carstro

I think I will finally be able to forgive my son for subjecting me to this franchise. Thank you for your service, you heroes.

So, as a Classicist, I have to ask: was there Car Ancient Greece and Rome? Were they cars or chariots or carts? What was there food? Was oil discovered early? Was there Car Caesar and Car Aristophanes and Car Homer? Car Trojan War? Car Olympian gods? Oh my, my brain hurts thinking about this…

You guys should do an episode on “The Heist” (1971), it’s from a time before editing was invented, it’s got an American blonde, it’s set in Germany, Goldfinger is in it.

devon‘s „don‘t hurt me“ had me in fucking stitches. this is just fantastic 🤟🏻

‘What is the car version of nutting’ just destroyed me

Did you see the Jack Saint video about this film edit: oops alice mentioned it at the end

The list of things I have seen now contains everything

I think it’s gonna take a while for my brain to recover from this…

I was listening to this while on my bike in town and laughing like a weirdo in front of everyone Also the lemons are disabled people. The analysis of them as an antisemitic metaphor for Jews in terms of their role in the narrative is an insightful one, but also they are disabled people, their bodies have abnormalities which cause them to need help to get around

You have only scratched the surface of this world. There are two primary schools of thought that attempt to make sense of the Cars Universe: the Maximum Overdrive theory, and the Carwinian Evolution theory. Maximum Overdrive theory proposes a machine uprising destroyed humanity and that cars were imbued with intelligent life through advanced AI and genetic engineering. It's named after the film Maximum Overdrive. They also choose to emulate the human society they overthrew for unknown reasons. A variant of this theory has the cars being intelligent insects who live in the shells of cars, initially using an extinct humanity's leftover cars before manufacturing their own. Carwinian Evolution holds that cars instead took the place of humans from the beginning, evolving from animals into intelligent beings, possibly with wagons and chariots being either recent ancestors or the actual first intelligent life. Both these theories, however, are challenged deeply by canon, even discluding the semi-canon of Planes. In the first Cars film, a car called Sarge mentions *participating in* the "Battle of the Bulge". Either there is an unrelated war that also has a battle of the bulge, it was a reenactment, or Maximum Overdrive has some holes in it. Carwinian Evolution fairs little better. The fact that all the cars are based on real models of cars that are sometimes referenced is troubling to the evolutionary process. Car creationism or car computer simulation still work but those are unfalsifiable theories and therefore kinda boring. I've been brainstorming a more adequate theory with no luck. This Cars Universe is like a C'thulu, like a Vampyr squid of the deep ocean that evade our understanding, it kills itself when we attempt to study it, or we go insane trying to comprehend it.

Also is it narcasistic to make my carsona a Bugatti Chiron?

I was enjoying this episode, but then the transphobia part just makes me sad and paranoid about my gait.

So, in our universe the pope started using the popemobile because it was becoming unseemly to be carried around on a sedan chair. In the Cars universe this seems like a pretty lateral move.

Literally cried laughing at everyone having different moments losing their minds to the horror of this movie. Absolute delight.

We love to see the madness this episode.