Dispatch no. 19 - Updates Podcast

I am very late to this party, hi I am new to patreon so I am catching up on all the podcasts. I loved the travel vlogs so much, I live in Wales so it was pretty epic seeing that journey filmed in such a cool way.

Another introvert here. Grew up in the country, with horses and cattle and crawfish as friends. We are our own breed and the best friends to have. We know all the good spots to hide the bodies:)

These vanilla dweebs can be a pain but don’t lose hope , there are a ton of other amazing introverts out there. We’re just hard to find hiding in our caves. Maybe shake a treat box or something ;) 🖤 for Cleo I agreed with another viewer that the travel logs are like taking a trip with a friend, think the movie “Her” without the A.I.

I follow plenty of YouTube channels and honestly, you are better than 90% of them that have dramatically larger followings. It makes no sense to me. I looked forward to your travel videos, and really enjoyed them. I've actually stopped watching several channels because they aren't informative anymore; they are doing absurd things chasing the algorithm. YouTube suggested your dart manipulation video to me and I was hooked. I showed my husband who is also interested in fashion and sewing, (we share a Patreon account- I'm Ceara) and he was also hooked. I think we watched your dart manipulation video three times. My husband and I have been binge watching your old videos on pattern drafting, and LOVED your road trips videos. I think it is unfortunate that you don't have a larger following. We think you are completely relatable; sewing, museums, rocks, road trips, nature, gardens, cats, etc. We also feel that bars suck, noise sucks, crowds suck. I'm autistic, he's an introvert and we think you are amazing. I'm so sorry about Cleo. So sorry. We don't think you are abnormal for any of that and found it utterly relatable. I'm sorry this all happened to you.

I am so sorry to hear about poor Cleo. Your friend was rather inconsiderate. If she's been your friend for as long as she has, she should have known you wouldn't enjoy the day out. You gave her the option of having a day with her LA friends without you tagging along, she should have just said 'OK, Thanks'. I'm not suggesting she purposely put you in that situation, she was just rather thoughtless. If she is truly your friend, a gentle but honest conversation with her may be in order, especially if you want your friendship to continue. You don't want the resentment to fester. Rest up, cuddle Gunney, remember Cleo and smile and don't worry about updates. We're not going anywhere :o)

I am so sorry for your loss of Cleo, and for the miserable day you had on vacation, and the perfect storm it all made. I absolutely understand being the introvert on the verge of tears being dragged to the bar with the oblivious extrovert friend, and not feeling like you can say anything about it. Just know you are definitely understood here, with at least a few hundred people who are rooting for you and totally understand the struggle. <3

As you were talking about your story about Saturday with your friend, I empathized. It also reminded me of how I would like my friends to be more thoughtful and better anticipate what I like/want. Friends tend to be better at this than others, although still sometimes they don't. Sometimes, they are distracted and don't see that our needs are different from theirs. For me, a game-changer has been learning about boundaries. How to set boundaries and also maintain my boundaries even when others are encroaching on them. It took me going to therapy to learn that it is okay to set boundaries and take care of myself. And it's okay to risk someone's disapproval (this is hard for me!) in order to take care of myself. Applied to your situation, it would have been quite reasonable for you to spend a few hours (the boundary) and then leave mid-day to do something you wanted to do (maintaining your boundary). Even politely asking for a ride to your car seems reasonable. And perhaps making the explanation of something you wanted to not miss with your limited time in LA and that your friend could still spend time with her friends without you. Your friend might not have anticipated your need to leave, or might have been too distracted to notice, or perhaps she felt she pressured to stay / didn't know how to graciously leave herself. Regardless of why, a measure of her friendship would be how she responds to you expressing your need. If (assuming you try this in the future) she is gracious/flexible/accommodating, then that reinforces trust and friendship. And considering your long-term friendship, I think there's a good chance that would happen. :-)

I’m 100% on board with you about what activities are worth my time. I went to a bar a few times during university because that’s what my friends were doing, and it was very apparent that that sort of activity is not for me. Museums and gardens and shopping, then dinner, then back to the hotel after dinner is exactly my ideal travel day. I don’t socialize much either, but the few people I tend to interact with have the same time-spending priorities that I do. I’m sorry you had to deal with that situation. It sounds like your instincts to be careful with your time are good ones. I hope you can find people who like spending their time in compatible ways with you.

I fully understand your dilemma regarding leaving home and traveling. Sharing with friends in a bar and those things that most people do for fun, I'm not interested either. There always comes a point where I just want to be home. I really love touching my vintage patterns, watching sewing videos (especially yours), sewing, creating. For me, being in a bar speaking "donkey's feather" (as we Dominicans say) do not excite me. I really love traveling, but after 15 days I just want to get home. On the other hand, seeing your trip inspired me to go to the American desert, because it was all so beautiful and magical, so I wouldn't mind you doing more travel vlogs. I firmly believe that those of us who support you see that you always give us more every day, so let go the worry that if you don't make a video for patreon for a week the world will stop spinning. Dream, create and live life at full volume. A big hug.

I have lots of feelings about what happened in LA. I think it's awful that your friend did not honor her commitment to having a 'chill' weekend. I think it was unfriend like for her to basically leave you out of the situation you were in. I was surprised that you waited for her or someone to get you out of that situation. Here you were driving all over Western U.S. alone, but couldn't decide how to get yourself back to the hotel or excuse yourself and go somewhere else you wanted to? Maybe get a cab back to where your car was or take a cab to a place you had wanted to go. I understand not wanting to rock the boat, but what about her completely overturning your boat and letting you tread water for hours/days? Maybe joining a writers group online or in your town would be a good choice to find people who are more like you. I know you are an introvert, but so are many writers. I have joined groups and said nothing at a meeting for weeks/months. I am a people watcher and I enjoy doing that at these groups along with learning about them and their thoughts on the subject matter of the group. I teach/taught (think pandemic) beginners sewing with 5 people in the group. Since I am alone most of the time, my husband works three jobs, the group is 2 hours a week and I am exhausted when I get home and the next day. I do it though because these are people who do something I do and our conversations are about subject matter we all enjoy. My best friend and I have very different feelings on several subjects, but we respect each other's beliefs and don't try to make changes to each other. I don't have many friends either. I do have two friends that would do anything for me if I needed help. They are the people I could call at 3 AM and they wouldn't ever bring up the time. I do know that one would tell me that if I am not happy in a situation, 'just leave' and the other would ask me what's wrong. If this person is really a friend, she can handle talking this through, because you mean that much to her. It's also an issue to answer if you want to find out if she is a real friend or not. If you fear the answer to that question, it would seem to be time to find a therapist, preferably a female lesbian who understands your lifestyle and work on some self-esteem issues. She could help you find the confidence for you to really live your life the way you want to live it, with people who will respect your feelings, views and interests and most importantly, live your life feeling comfortable, peaceful and grounded. I have loved the travel vlogs and would watch anything you decide to post. I enjoy them all and feel sorry for the ones who don't as they are missing learning about you, your interests and your sense of humor. You have great instincts on the music you co-ordinate for your videos as well. You have so much talent, in various subject areas, I wouldn't want to miss a thing! I'm glad you didn't worry about YouTube's opinion. Do you and enjoy you! I've written before about how sorry I am about Cleo's passing and am glad you have her brother still with you. He is missing her, you are missing her. Your hugs help him and you. Take Good Care....OOO

I had to pause the podcast when you started talking about losing your kitty or else I would be sitting here at work, sobbing. My wife and I have 7 cats (it's a long story) and it is heart wrenching to lose them. I am so sorry. I've enjoyed your field notes videos quite a lot. One of the items on my bucket list is to make a road trip across country and see many of the sights you were able to see on this journey. Alas, I live in Virginia and that would be quite the hike, and there's no taking that kind of time off from work. I'm sorry your friend disregarded your feelings. She shouldn't have done that. I've been in that type of situation before and it's miserable. I know it's not worth much, but I think we'd get along and I'd strive to be a friend that wouldn't waste your time. Museums, fabric shopping, bookstores, exploring nature? Yes, please! Loud bars? No thank you.

I got a gift for you at an awesome estate sale this weekend! 2 Original 1900 fashion magazines! No covers but all the illustrations etc inside!!! My partner saw them and said: “perfect for Bianca!” 😀 I have a few more little things so a care package will be on its way soon! I don’t drink. Bars are bore fests. No one could get me to go a 1,000 miles to spend a very expensive day in LA with strangers unless they paid me a whole lot of money! I usually walk outside and see if there are places to shop, or at least see if I can get to a pretty place nearby to draw. I am so sorry you couldn’t go to your awesome restaurant. I’m off to see the link. The loss of your dear cat family member while you were so far away - I’m just glad you got to The Huntington. It healed my soul many times. And I still haven’t seen all the gardens! Just a thought - is there some way you could edit the road trip into one of your TCH productions, with you modeling the outfit after showing each location of the travelogue? Adding a bit of quips and a little of the history - you were on Route 66! You could include a TCH time machine to show you in the future, then coming home to your more comfortable home in the past? It might help with viewership on future travels? I just love what you have produced - please don’t get me wrong. Trapped inside for more than 3 years, your trip was magic. Hugs to you.

Oh my goodness this story is so relatable, it makes my skin crawl in empathy. I'm glad that you managed to salvage your last day in LA. I wouldn't assume anything about your own friendship, but having been in a similar situation I will say that if you find yourself resenting it long term, it's worth talking about it. Your field notes have made me want to go to the US and have a road trip, I love them.

I’m so sorry to hear about your time in LA. I know it’s really easy to talk from the outside, but I do think you should have talked to your friend bc as you said, you’ve known each other for a long time, and she should be able to understand you, and how you felt at that precise moment. But I’m glad to hear you went to Remix! I love their shoes and almost always buy a pair when I’m down there. If it’s any consolation I love your Field Notes and I’m sorry “the others” don’t like them…

Oh I sympathise with the bar misery! I've walked out of pubs before now because I can't cope with the noise level. And the thing about being the driver surrounded by drinkers! Introverts unite... quietly... happily chilling out doing own thing in peace. Cx

I’m posting again because I have a specific question and I’m wondering what you and the patrons think. Is it better for your channel stats for us to watch on Patreon or YouTube? If I have time I watch both, so you can get at least one more view on YouTube. For myself, I like all the content. I watch it because I like spending time with you.

Oh man, that is the worst to be trapped like that. I find that as I get older (I’m pretty ancient) it happens a lot less in bars, but really you can get trapped anywhere, unfortunately. As a gray haired (although there’s a lot of line green dye on it) woman, I find that men of a certain age EXPECT that you (a stranger) will listen to their boring stories and be emotionally invested… in the checkout lane. I wear earbuds frequently, even if I’m not listening to anything on them. I smile and point to my earbuds and turn away only to hear “bitch” …. Something to look forward too… Here’s some unsolicited vacation advice: don’t forget to plan the downtime. That’s kind of the point of a vacation. It’s a lesson my husband taught me. I’m a “let’s see t AAAAALLLLL!” person. He’s a “if I don’t get a nap, my day is wasted “ person. I still see most of the sights, but I take the time to recharge too :)

Hi, Where to start? I'm honored that you see us Patreons like friends and the other family. You too. I don't have many friends and the ones I have are very dear to me, and you are counted among mine. I wholeheartedly emphasize with you on your visit to LA, and what it didn’t become. I don’t drink at all, and never have, so anything that requires a stiff drink to be fun has alas completely bypassed me. On the other hand that has always lent me the excuse to be driving, whereby I have always had a clean way out, when the company has become one drink past tolerable. I do enjoy dancing so I have stuck it out after my “friends” have started crying into their drinks, by there being other people liking to dance too. (This was when I was very much younger than I am now. These days I just call my trainer/partner for a session of Ballroom instead. Much more fun). Either way I always have had my own means to leave when the company has lost its lustre. Sometimes when I was younger, people would say that I was too fiercely independent (I sometimes hear this now too but now I don't really give a flying leap) meaning it as an insult, and sometimes it has stung quite a bit because there is a difference between having to be self-reliant and independent, and choosing to be. The fact that you had to stay with this group of people without a way out, and no support from your friend must have hurt so badly. On top of that, getting the news you got when you called your mom for strength, must have been completely devastating. I’m so sorry you have had to live through all that. In regards to your friend and her leaving you out there by yourself, I want to share my experience of how sometimes even the best of people can be very very dumb. Sometimes a hint won’t be enough, you’ll have to use a 2”x4” upside their head for them to catch up. I know this because I am one of them occasionally. Not to mention my family, where you have to do that every day and twice on Sundays. Maybe your friend didn't realize that you were suffering. She was maybe having a good time and mirrored that on to you. Maybe she had misunderstood why you wanted to go to LA and what you wanted to do there, even if you had told her umpteen times. I wouldn’t know because I don’t know her, or you for that matter, and know nothing about what your arrangement was. I do know that you sounded happy that she would meet up for part of the trip though. Do you really think that your relationship is so fragile that it can’t survive a comparing of notes, when the feelings are less raw? I hope it isn’t, because you are worthy of having a real live good friend, in your own town to do things with and not being hurt by. Even if that friend is into meeting a potential husband, having 2.3 kids, a dog and a house, by last week please. I’m saddened to hear that the average visitor to your channel isn’t more interested in all your work. Their loss, I’m sure. I do hope that you will take us on more road trips in the future, even if you understandably have to do some fashion related content to keep them all happy. I’m glad that we get to see you out there in places that I’ll most likely never see myself (being of Europe and all) and through your eyes. You have, in my opinion, this gift of presenting the world experienced with your eyes, ears and sensibilities, and I couldn’t be more grateful to be able to partake. Thank you. Now you, Try to do some writing, reading, watching movies and in general not work too hard, and be yourself as hard as you can. That would make me very happy. Being of a certain age😉😊has its perks, and saying something like that, to a young person like you is one of them😎. Yours, Ann

I relate 100% to how you felt about that bar situation. Some people enjoy bar-hopping I guess? Don't know why, but... maybe those same people have no idea why anyone would sit down with a book and some tea and read all day. I don't have many friends, either--I only spend time with people I can talk to about topics I find interesting, regardless of the location we choose to visit, and that unfortunately means the circle is very small. Like, I can deal with a bar if we're sitting there talking about writing, or history, or something, but if it's all about which guys didn't text you back... ugh. Learning to "waste" time on people is good if you find the right people--then it's not a waste!--but if you've got the wrong ones, it isn't going to be a fulfilling experience for anyone, so I don't think it's wrong to avoid groups you won't click with. I love all of your videos, and I have really enjoyed your vlogs, for what it's worth. Vol. 2 actually inspired me to want to return to Palm Springs, but as a tourist! When you live in a place like that you almost never go to the really cool destinations. And now I really want to visit the Huntington Gardens, haha. For more "on topic" travel videos... I recall that you don't do many thrift flips? (I think I got that idea from your most recent one, or maybe I'm misremembering.) But that is an option, and fabric hauls/trips maybe, or... a look book for each destination? I suppose that depends on the theme potential of the place you're going. I wish I could give you a hug. I'm sorry.

Boy, can I identify with your forced bar-life day. I don't know how many times I've experienced "Oh, let's meetup with Peter and so&so before" and it always ended up "Let's just go to an early dinner with Peter & so&so, instead", Then it's "lets go have have a night cap!" If only we introverts could rule the world....

Some of my favourite you tubers have more than one subject that they focus on. To my mind it makes them more interesting, unless of course it is a specific dedicated channel. I am glad you felt able to download how you felt in LA. Once that stuff is spoken about it becomes a closed chapter. I was lucky enough a few years back to have a friend (male, not that it made any difference), who was the perfect museum companion. He actually knew what he was talking about and as English was his second language it was a treat to see the world through different eyes. His English language skills are better than most educated native speakers. I was forlorn when he had to return to his home country. Cats are great, I am glad to hear that you still have one around. Treats train any animal, even humans. I love cats but can only pet them outside in the fresh air due to allergies. Animals are fun to watch and learn from. I have a hypoallergenic dog and we trained one another until we became symbiotic. I love your videos, don't get hung up on you tube algorithms, just stay true to yourself. Looking forward to all of your videos, whatever they contain.

Firstly: Please keep up the travel vlogs. They are not only visually stunning, but your stylish outfits and commentary make for very engaging videos. Screw Youtube’s algorithms. Secondly: I'm totally with you on the bummer LA trip. A while back, my best friend of 30 years (from FL) visited me in NYC. Along with her adult daughter, we planned a weekend trip to beautiful scenic Bucks County PA, famously known for the lush pastoral hilly landscapes, winding country roads, B&Bs, covered bridges, and antiques. It was October and the leaves had changed to their prerequisite jeweled fall hues. The weather was perfect for taking long walks in the county. Anyway, for almost the entire weekend all they wanted to do was find a place to sit and drink...and then get drunk. While we did manage to sneak in a quick visit an apple orchard, it was rushed b/c we got there very late due to my friend’s daughter sleeping til way after Noon. They both were feeling ill the entire day from having a hangover, so all they really wanted to do was drink more. (hair of the dog etc.) It got worse. The ENTIRE weekend was spent with them dragging their heels, popping aspirin, b/c they were nursing hangovers from the previous day’s drinking fest. BTW: I don't drink at all….so I was really annoyed that we barely got to see the beauty of New Hope and surrounding environs. P.S. I’m also with you on spending time with female friends who ONLY want to talk about idiot guys.

I so very much understand how you feel about bars and the conversations that go with them. One of the nice things about "being of a certain age" is that it isn't part of the social scene, and when you are out, you are somewhat invisible to single men. And the cliché is true, my husband loves me with all my wrinkles and sun spots. Yes, wear sunscreen. Your older self will be happy that you did.

Hi Bianca, I have really been enjoying your travel vlogs. They are really making me want to visit the US and go on a road trip. I am so sorry about Cleo. Losing pets is so hard. I hope you are okay xxx

You had a difficult time in LA, gee, that's too bad. I think I even heard you reach for the Kleenex in this one. Your affection for your longtime friend, Gina is very evident in your voice and so, maybe time will heal the wound. I didn't like picturing you, though, as you say, almost ready to cry, in a noisy LA bar for all those hours, with people checking texts about boyfriends and such when we all know how much you could have been thrilling your introverted heart over a FLW house or a beautiful garden or even some time spent writing. When I was studying in NYC, on Halloween one year, there was a parade in the Village that some friends wanted to check out and I remember we went in a bar called the Asylum. Ugh, boring, get me out, and me with some hideous makeup on that I did (I've never worn anything but chapstick), it's funny thinking about it. I still have some pictures, sort of a tormented Goth Punky Brewster look, oh dear! I am not a noisy bar kind of person, either. Never mind the bar, even just being in a quiet room where everyone else has the same interests and desires and I feel like the odd gal out makes me feel badly and guilty, too, as I know I could be better using my time to study or practice or read, think what (to me anyway) are deeper thoughts. We're all different, I guess. I sometimes think I'd enjoy a bowling league or a softball team, but then the inevitably of small talk and feeling it's time I can't get back wins out. Then again I don't have a tonne of friends, but that is ok. I can remember a very good friend, back in school, who suddenly wanted to start hanging out with other people who were more into drinking and clubbing. I was suddenly not cool enough and it made me very sad, but things turned around years later, I think she just needed to fulfill that side and was also anxious to find a boyfriend/husband, etc. which I was not. She's now married with two kids, like what Gina wants, as you say. But we're still there for each other, this friend and I. So, yup, I get what you're saying. Also, factor in a pandemic in your situation, and the folks you were around clearly having had other interests and it's easy to see how you got into the situation. There are folks out there who feel the same way as you do about these kinds of things and it seems many of us are right here! I hope you can find some time to write and cuddle Gunny.

The LA part of this podcast sounds so much like my past revisited. I'm a retired Australian diplomat who grew up in France and has been travelling and living overseas all her life. But I'm also an introvert (which in some ways made me unsuited to life as a diplomat ... I always totally abhorred the dinners and receptions and having to make small talk, introduce myself into conversations and pretend to be interested in people I expected and/or hoped never to see again). Where it came to my personal vacation travel, I did my share of travelling with friends or boyfriends and eventually learnt that just because an individual is a friend, it doesn't necessarily make them a good travelling companion. So I pick and choose who I travel with. It has to be someone either whose likes and interests coincide with mine, or who is willing to do the things we both like together and do the things we don't both like separately. It sounds like you have absorbed that wisdom, but your friend Gina has not. (Fun and absolutely true fact, my middle name is Gina.) I have one friend I travel with sometimes, but mostly I travel on my own ... which required me to 'man' up re going out to dinner or for a drink by myself, using Uber etc ... but which allows me to do what I want, when I want and exactly how much of it I want. On the other hand, if I'm going to a specific location to catch up with a friend, then I just forget about the sights altogether and devote myself to spending the most time possible with my friend. Where it comes to my best friend of all time (who has been my best friend for 46 years now and we're still going strong), I just devote myself to visiting her (in San Jose, CA) and absorbing into her routine and family life. Then after catching up with her, I'll take myself off and do a couple of weeks on my own visiting other places, be they in the US or elsewhere and then head home. And if I forget to charge a battery or leave something in a hotel room or something, it's not the end of the world. I'm very much Que sera, sera (and I never travel without insurance). Travel on your own terms.

Aww. I’m sorry about the kitty. Much love and warm wishes. I really enjoyed your travel notes. Loved your commentary about the parks and all the visuals. It almost felt like asmr. Next time you come to Los Angeles, I’ll go to the fabric district with you. Haha. You should have a blast in la

I so genuinely appreciate your podcast updates and everything you share in them. I enjoy the things you make and what you share here!!

I wonder if Gina is a member of your Patreon group? If so, you should expect an apology any day now. I enjoyed the Field Notes they brought back many happy memories. The Australian garden eh? Keep up the good work I’m a fan.🦘🇦🇺

I have loved your travel vlogs, by the way — the breathtaking scenery & the beautiful coordinating music has been such a joy to watch & listen!!! I look forward to the next footages!!!

There are so many things you probably could have done where you were. Plus you had a lot of driving by yourself … that had to be rough. I have driven from Alabama to New Jersey several times by myself which is at least 2 or 3 days on the road by myself. I so get it!!!

Oh my gosh, Bianca, I have been in situations like you described before & just been so miserable & stuck & not one thing I could do. I am so sorry. How frustrating!!!

Hi Bianca, your travel vlogs were really enjoyable and I’m looking forward to the next. The music was spot on! I love nature and seeing new things. Looking forward to whatever content you want to give us for spooky season. Never been disappointed by your content yet. Always learning something new and inspired with new ideas. Re weird friend situation, when you are ready and its not so painful, I recommend that you do talk to your friend about your feelings. If you don’t talk to her, she could say in the future, that she was never aware of how you felt. Use ‘I feel’ statements and be firm. Your feelings are not trivial and they are not to be dismissed. Like you, I am an introvert and was put into very similar situations many times by my best friend (since 13 yo) and I didn’t say anything for years. Oh she was aware that I was extremely uncomfortable and in a place that was not my thing, but it didn’t seem to matter to her. Eventually, when I did say something, I exploded (the straw that broke the camel’s back type thing) and she did not understand why I was so upset. The friendship faded to ‘Christmas cards only’ and I think that was partly because I did not say something much, much earlier. You need time to heal, not only from this hurt but from losing your beloved Cleo. Please look after yourself. Your Patreon-fam care for you and we want you happy, healthy and in a good place. Sending healing vibes and best wishes from Down Under 💚💚💚🇦🇺😎

I can totally relate, being an introvert myself, I have found that I have absolutely no tolerance for BS chatter, uncomfortable in most social situations unless I know a few people. I can appear above it all but actually I'm just quiet but friendly to everyone I meet. It was your time and the frustration of wasting that time would have made me want to run also!

I really get the not wasting your time with people you don't know, or doing things you don't want to do. As far as the bars and hanging with people, some folks energize by doing that. Introverts get exhausted by it. I would have been beyond upset and taken a taxi back to my car!! I understand though it was L.A.

Really hope you get a chance to do the halloween look book that sounds super exciting!

I know that feeling of being in a loud bar and hating every moment of it and being near tears! Especially when I could be doing something else. I hope you're better now that you're home, and able to relax a bit but what a bummer to lose a day to shitty LA bars. I am so so sorry!

I watched both field notes last night. They are awesome!!!