Dispatch no. 17 - Updates Podcast

When I was in college my psych professor was from a different country (it has been wayyy to long for me to remember what country) and she would always bring up how she could not wrap her mind around Americans moving out at 18. She said that people where she was from were expected to live at home with their parents until they got married and were READY to move out. she said she did not move out until she was like 35

If you ever want to try out the PNW, let me know and I will be your guide to the outdoors. I have done most of my travel and hiking alone. I am more intimidated by indoors things and cities! I'm just outside Portland in the Columbia River Gorge. Also, break in your hiking boots, your feet will thank you!

You have done so much so young, and are very impressive! Very few people are able to create a sustainable business by 30, much less have legions of fans! Living with your parents is a very smart financial decision, and it seems like it doesn't keep you from being yourself or living your best life (obviously, outside circumstances are keeping all of us from our best lives right now). I was really anxious when I hit 30, too (am 38 now), but they have been my best years so far. I met my husband at 31, went back to school for a master's at 35, had a kid at 36, and should finish my degree at 42. You still have so much life and creativity and experience ahead of you, and you've made an amazing start. I had given up sewing so many times in the past because I couldn't get anything to fit right or look good, but now thanks to your channel, I am almost done tweaking a bodice sloper that will someday be the clothes I have dreamed of wearing my entire life (I'm on version 6, I think I'm getting close). TL;DR: 1. You've done amazingly well so far, 2. Life only gets richer from here, 3. You have made a huge difference in the lives of others.

Wait until you are over 60. It creeps up quickly and in your head you are still feeling 30. 💜

Bianca, you will always find support among your friends & patrons here. I find your videos & “movies” very enjoyable & entertaining. While I myself do not sew, I am trying all sorts of mixed media stuff on paper. Once upon a time, many years ago, I took quilting classes & along with those classes, took courses to make a quilted crazy jacket. My mother sewed all clothes for me & my 2 younger sisters & had a treasure trove of fabric that I never understood (now I completely understand!!!). I have 3 sewing machines - an old Kenmore, an old portable Kenmore, and a newer Janome. Sitting in a closet somewhere. The old portable Kenmore is an all metal machine & is probably the best of the bunch!!! You be careful please and stay safe!!! You are an amazing young woman with a full & exciting life ahead of you. Don’t get caught up in what every body else is doing or expects. I hope that you enjoy your life to the max!!! ♥️♥️♥️💐💐💐🥰🥰🥰

Can I suggest that you purchase a Personal Transponder if you're going hiking alone. Watch any Missing 411 to see why I say that.

Happy birthday Bianca! This all resonated a lot with me, having also turned 30 recently. I think it can be a sort of grieving process, to properly let go of your old expectations of yourself? And that shit is hard. But what I really wanted to say was: don't forget that being on Queer Time is so different from the 'normal' (or whatever) experience. There are just a lot of things that aren't the same or take longer to figure out, but I think in the end it turns out to be a blessing, because you have to actually look at what you want and value in life rather than just doing what you're supposed to. Fingers crossed for lots of good connections in the near future!

It's like looking in a mirror- just turned 30 (in January for me) after losing 29 to the pandemic, in an entirely different place from where younger me expected to be, too queer to fit into the hetero-temporal ideas of aging, and having to move back in with my parents hanging over my head. Not to be too parasocial, but you'd fit right in with my friend group. Happy birthday, and good luck with your travels and your mental health journey!

Happy birthday! This is a bit morbid, but back in the 80's I had a dear friend die a few weeks shy of his 30th birthday. Gave me an entirely new perspective on those decade birthdays. Never bothered me since - and I turned 60 last year. It really sucks though, the pressure to achieve financial success by age 30. You millennials really got the raw end of the deal. I have a 26 year old son. he did everything right - studied hard, finished school but yet he's unable to find a good paying job. He currently lives at home doing gig work. Don't beat yourself up for not attaining some media driven model of success. You're doing great! So glad I found your channel. Started making a basic block yesterday from measurements - didn't go so well. Have a J cup-and it was a bit daunting and the resulting block was a bit wonky. I had two problems - One was that I attempted to measure myself. The second was that I wasn't quite sure what parts of the body I was measuring with each one. Plan B will be to get my hubby to measure me and try out pattern lab's block. They have an awesome video on the channel on how to measure. https://youtu.be/tGN1DcJ0qK0 I'm excited about trying the pattern lab block because once you pay for it, you can tweek the block for no extra charge - as long as the bust, waist and hip measurements remain the same. I'll let you know how it goes. Have a great holiday at the Grand Canyon and beyond!

(Keep hitting the wrong button!) Have yourself a wonderful holiday and keep us posted!!!

Sorry, I wasn't finished... I have a bodice block made from poster board like you and change it up with different sleeves, necklines and such. I have made 15 dresses since I've started watching you. YES, 15!!! I can't thank you enough!! I read awhile back, that connectivity is very important for our mental health, and I believe that. I also believe that in today's day and age, that connectivity is not easy to have. The internet is a blessing in a lot of ways, but in others it's a curse. Many, many people spend vast amounts of time alone, only connecting with their computer screen. As I say, it's the way of the world now. Perhaps having a group chat type of thing (like Sian does on Sundays..kittenish behaviour) to 'meet' and chat with your viewers might bring you some 'connectiveness' and will lessen your feelings of being alone. I think we would all love to hang out with you and enjoy your company!! Cathy Hay has a video on comparing yourself to others (which again is a curse in the internet/youtube age) which I found very interesting. Have a gander, you might find it beneficial. You are amazing Bianca and I am proud to call you my internet friend! Pushing yourself and also accepting yourself is a wonderful, rewarding feeling in which we all need to practise.

Hi Bianca! I am so glad you have received so many positive comments on your Podcas I am saddened that you feel you aren't where you 'should' be at this point in your life. I don't think you know how much of an impact you have had, and still have, on your viewers. You must know that until I started watching you, I had literally given up sewing garments as everything I sewed never ever fit and looked like shit. All that time, effort and money was a total let down and I totally felt like I could never sew anything that looked good and fit. And then I started watching you and became obsessed! I found a bodice pattern and made mock up after mock up until I had the perfect fit and Voila!! I now sew all kinds of dresses and shirts and they look awesome!

Gen X-er here. To be fair, your generation has not come up under the same circumstances as previous generations. You are not alone. Please don't beat yourself up so much. You are such a fantastic person, and I wouldn't be your Patron if I didn't wholeheartedly believe in you. https://youtu.be/IZ72kWfZgwc https://youtu.be/j-ritwAanb4

Hi Bianca, I'm new to your channel and I just wanted to tell you that those milestone birthdays are tough and you need to give yourself a little break....I understand the need to escape, believe me, but think of it this way, maybe you are right where you need to be right now. You are on your way to a fantastic career as a designer and the steps are small and maybe they take awhile but don't lose hope and when the mud settles it will all fall into place....you are beautiful and have a wonderful life ahead of you.

Thank you Bianca, as always, for being vulnerable with us patrons. I appreciate your honesty and your openness regarding your journey toward better mental/emotional health! Have an amazing vacation!

I'm staring down the barrel of 35 next month. 20 year old me would have also been appalled at 30 year old me. But 30 year old me would be proud as heck of 35 year old me. I started to let go of expectations at 30, and I hope you get there. Sounds like you are on a similar path. Hope you can find time to take care of yourself!

So much of this resonated with me, especially when you talked about how much others' expectations of what you "should have" accomplished can add to the negative voice inside. You are an amazing person and have done so much, and I hope past you listens to all these voices telling you so here. On a lighter note! Mood LA is a retail location, and a very nice store with a massive selection that is miraculously still well-organized, and the staff is very nice and helpful. If you have time, I'd recommend taking a look at the Fabric District downtown as a whole, it's a whole experience and I think you might appreciate the combination of treasure-hunting and industry it contains.

Sending hugs! As someone who has just turned 50 (and lost 49 to the panini), it was very nice to be able to go out for dinner with my partner (to a very nice restaurant in Edinburgh, complying with all the rules). I've also had problems with PMT; was prescribed fluoxetine for the usual reasons, found it also really helped with the PMT (my partner said he could see the difference in the way I tweeted!). Now on desogestrel (a progesterone-only contraceptive, with less strict timing than the old mini-pills), which means I basically don't get periods, and seriously thinking of coming off the fluoxetine. I really hope that, whatever you've been prescribed, it really helps (feel free to DM me on here or Instagram if you would like to). Have a fabulous holiday, and stay safe. Cx.

I'm listening to this is July 24th, the day before my birthday, and i am doing my pre-birthday ritual of extra existential overload of turning another age older. I'm 34 tomorrow, and feel the same every year. It great to hear you have booked a holiday!! I hope its fulfilling for you :D cant wait to see it.

I spent all of my years until age 40 trying to live up the expectations of our culture, my parents and what society thought I should be. On my 40th birthday, I decided I would begin living my life according to my values, beliefs, wants, needs and desires. I have never been happier. I ignored what my younger self expected by the age of 30/40 as my younger self made assessments on my experiences and knowledge she had at that time. At 40 I had learned so much more about myself, had so much more life experience that informed my decisions. The expectations of my younger self were obsolete. I told her I had to let her go for that reason. I understand and appreciate that this has been a difficult, maybe more than difficult time for you, plus I think the introspective thinking you've been doing is very helpful for you in the long run. Re: therapy....maybe the fear has something to do with possibly needing to grieve the loss of the younger expectations and not being sure if you are ready for that? It truly is a grieving process. Saying goodbye to a dream(s) that the younger self had for you is a loss and it needs to be mourned. It's a step that can't be avoided in order to truly move forward. I learned that the hard way...there is an easier way I found and this is through therapy. Finding a good therapist though, can be like walking through a mine field. It sounds like your Dr. would be a good place to ask for a referral to a Social Worker, preferably a female as they understand the feelings of women much better than men for obvious reasons. Re: PMDD, I had a friend who had this and she threw a chair through the front window of her house. I knew of another woman who broke a window with her hairbrush one day. I think it's great that you took steps to get help with this disorder. It's a big step and scary to ask for help, a big relief that you were believed and received a good, supportive response. I hope you have a wonderful vacation trip. There will be lots of time to journal on your travels and your feelings about each step of the trip. Please do not hike alone. Go with someone else or a group. You might also want to consider wearing long pants on the hike. I have many friends who hike regularly and most wore shorts until they accidentally brushed up against poison ivy or some other plant that they had a reaction too. Not a pleasant thing to go through. I traveled alone alot when I was younger and I would bring my car into my mechanic to have them go over it to make sure it was all ok for the trip. They would check my hoses, belts, change the oil, check the transmission fluid, wiper blades, brakes, tires and filled up my window washer fluid. I didn't want to break down on a highway in the middle of no-where and fortunately, I never did. Again, have a great trip. You deserve it and have clearly earned it!! Take Good Care!

My dad was very much not a Vegas type of a person, but he went there because of a meet-up event for one of his hobbies. He ended up having a really great time. The food and the entertainment were the highlights for him since he’s not a gambler. I’m not sure how much of that will be operational when you’re in town, but I hope you can have a surprisingly good experience too. Your road trip sounds amazing. I haven’t been to any of those places, so I can’t offer any recommendations. I am very much a fan of The Nature, so I hope you enjoy your time in it. I would love to see your cute hiking boots and hat. Finding hiking boots that are my style has always been a challenge. I’m also looking forward to your videos with collars in them. I have been reasonably successful with my collar attempts, but I always love seeing new styles and techniques. I don’t have a good buttonholer, but it’s high on my priority list if I ever get a new sewing machine.

It's so hard to fight back against society's expectations. I was one of those "gifted kids that everyone said would be incredible but turned out average" kids. And dealing with disability and health issues on top of that I've had to grieve the loss of the life I expected. Making friends is hard, dating is harder (especially as an introverted gay person). It's hard work, but therapy has definitely helped FOR SURE. Definitely recommend that, I hope you can find a therapist you vibe well with. YAY for the vacation! That's huge and I hope you have a splendid time. As a Nature Person™️ my recommendation is the break the boots in before you go so you don't get blisters or sore feet on your trip. And if you're going alone make sure if you go out for a walk to let someone know where you're going in case of an accident (even if its a small walk). I look forward to your holiday outfits, I'm sure you'll look absolutely smashing 💕

Community is really important, but really hard to find as an adult. Almost all of my friends that I have now I have made through medieval re-enactment, which is my only group costuming activity, that also has a very high nerd factor. It has been a lot easier to find my people within that very particular self-selecting group, but most of them still aren’t my people. I have a lot of social anxiety, so I find organized socializing at a themed event a lot easier to deal with any other way people seem to find each other. The only other new friend I have made since moving here I met at work (grad school in a sciencey field), but he’s becoming my fashion friend and I might even get to teach him how to sew one of these years. I hope you can find your people. I don’t have many of them, but they’re pretty great. For what it’s worth, your life situation looks pretty great to me, and you seem like the kind successful professional I want to be when I grow up. I love sewing, but the time I spend on it is time I probably should have spent writing my thesis, so I tend to feel guilty about it. I have been meaning to start therapy too, but I haven’t gotten around to it yet. I shouldn’t feel guilty about living my life and spending my time in a way that makes me happy, and neither should you. Let’s deal with this nonsense.

I understand your concern but you are successful and accomplished!!! I am so happy to have gotten to know you although only on social media. Yes, we always have our past selves (even at age 67!!!). Hind sight is 20-20!!! I would hope your younger self would be quite proud of yourself. Look at all you’ve done!!! Wow!!! I think its quite brave to put yourself out in social media!!! I hear you have some issues to work through as do we all. Nothing in life is guaranteed. But I do believe there is a lot more ahead for you … love you!!! Sending love & hugs!!!

Your podcast was great to listen to. So many points resonated with me and made me think about how far I’ve come in my life. I suffered terribly with undiagnosed depression for my teens 20s into my 30s (I’m 55 now so it’s not surprising as it was in the dark ages of mental health) the great panini has been a struggle so I can’t imagine what it’s like for others where it’s been even worse. Conversely my family in Australia (Western Australia) haven’t even had to worry about it excepting a few odd weeks. Anyway I’m rambling, the point is we’ve all been through a lot and it’s ok to grieve that. You think you haven’t achieved? Oh my! I wish I’d been as insightful and talented as you! You’ve given joy and help to so many and few people can say that about their 20s. I’m not going to offer advice as you are more together than I’ll ever be. I’m really excited about your trip and I understand your “guilty” feelings. I think as long as we are fully vaccinated (one more to go for me) and still take appropriate caution why wouldn’t we?? We planned an extended trip /move to the UK and of course had to delay that but we have it back on track for later this year. We are going to buy a narrowboat and cruise the canal network!! I loved when you said that although you weren’t a nature person you can change and it’s up to you to decide what you are. Right!! I’m going to live on a boat and sit around and look at nature everyday. I don’t care if anyone thinks that’s not me. I get to decide who me is and what me does. Thank you!! Have a great time on your trip I’m jelly about seeing the Grand Canyon. I got a peek through an airplane window once but that was it. You are amazing and I hope this is a community for you because I think it is for us.

I am glad you realize that this narrative in your head is false you have a long time to catch up to your 20 year old over expectations be kind to yourself please

If someone had told me when I was 24 that all my emotional needs could be met by a cat I could have saved a lot of time and energy #spinsterlife

You started to cry and water works here went right along with you... The pandemic and isolation has made me realize that I need to be better about community for myself, as well. I had a few major trips in my 30s, but like you in your 20s, they were pretty well all by myself. I remember a lovely weekend getaway to Jamestown, NY where there were lovely old houses and the Lucille Ball comedy museum. I remember traveling to France for some music lessons and then booking myself a small cabin on the Oscar Wilde to travel from Normandy to Ireland, a place I'd so longed to visit. I did it myself, toured Waterford and the crystal factory, walked around Dublin, saw Kilarney. Oh the trips alone, been there totally! It takes a certain amount of spunk to do these things alone, I think. I feel like I haven't hit any major milestones in life in terms of adult achievements, I can understand your feelings, it's a difficult tv channel to turn off in one's mind, as you say. That's a very good analogy. I have a feeling that if you had a buddy, that would solve a lot of things. Also, yes to "polite" amounts of hiking and to being excited about your trip! Woo hoo! We all will be living vicariously through you!

I’m about to turn 60 and feel like my life is just getting better and better. Remember age is just a number. 2020/21 made us all reflect on what we really wish to do with our lives. The fact you are wanting to travelling is amazing and I can’t wait to see what amazing places you go too. I travelled to Hawaii, Vegas and Disneyland when I came to visit your beautiful country in 2019, so much more to see. Enjoy every day with doing what you love. Happy travels.

I've passed the 40 mark. The one really good thing about age is that I am much more self-aware. And while things definitely didn't turn out like I planned (about the opposite actually), I'm okay with it now. I also know who I am in a way I never did before (which came from the self-examination that started in my mid-30s). Also, have a wonderful time on your trip! I don't go to LA much since it's not my favorite place, but I'll recommend a place I love. I like to go to Malibu Beach early in the morning when only the surfers are out (I love to watch them). I take my shoes and socks off and walk right along the water line. The cold water and the wet sand is visceral and it makes me feel connected. I do this every time I'm out there. But it does work better if you're a morning person.

Someone joked that we shouldn't count 2020 when tallying our age because it was March for a year and it doesn't count. :P I turned forty last year, and all I can say is that I still relate hard to all of this. What my younger self would think... what you said about that really resonated with me too. All of these traditional views of age assume that once you've done something--written that best-seller, gotten married--that it's all over. And that doesn't jive with my experience. I consider you quite successful, personally, but your success is still constant work. There's no end point where you win a prize and a million dollars, and then get to stop. Marriage is similar--that's my only point of "success" in this life--but it is a work in progress, always. Re: Palm Springs - I grew up there. Dual recommendations: you could plan to visit during the full moon, if you're going up to Joshua Tree. When I was a kid we camped out in the national park, and the full moon hike was super fun. Conversely, the Palm Springs area is an excellent area to spend time out at night stargazing (which you may not want a full moon for). Unfortunately, having grown up there, I know nothing about what a person from out of town would want to visit otherwise. XD It always seemed like a kind of poolside resort place to me, unless you like golf. The Living Desert park is pretty cool, though.

Having just turned 38 a few weeks ago, I can definitively state that my 30s were better than my 20s. I think I spent my 20s trying to figure out who I wanted to be and how to be that person. I feel like all of the life lessons that were painful or embarrassing to learn the first time beaome just things that I know that make my life easier. I am better at being the person I want to be now, and I have more experience and confidence to go with it. I still don’t feel like a successful adult, but I think that’s because of the economic and social changes that have happened since our expectations were instilled in us by 90s and early 2000s media. I don’t really see that as a failure, though. I see it as an opportunity to figure out what kind of ‘real adult’ I want to be, and work on turning myself into her. A lot of that for me is clothing and hair and makeup that I didn’t need to deal with as a grad student working in a science lab. The harder and less fun part is starting to think of myself as a competent professional with authority and confidence, rather than a student who is seeking structure and validation from outside authorities. It’s a whole process, but I’ll get there.

Most of the results of your self-reflection sound similar to my own and I’m slightly deeper in the thirty waters than you, so don’t be too hard on yourself about being 30. We’re always comparing our behind the scenes to other people’s highlight reels, even the narrative presented in general culture is a best of compilation. Enjoy what you can, like your trip and writing. I’m looking forward to the Spiegel video (sooo much content this week; it’s an embarrassment of riches) and whatever else you have planned. Also, who doesn’t want to be a robot?

I really want to offer advice/consolation, but I feel our situations and how we feel about them are too similar for that! From seeking professional help and starting new meds to dealing with your younger self's expectations, to trying to figure out how aceness, loneliness and connections relate and interact with one another, to giving being a hiking person a go - it's uncanny, really. Maybe that's the millennial experience. I guess what I'm trying to say is you're not alone in your journey! Your trip sounds super exciting. I'm really looking forward to the pretty ig pics and GoPro footage! Maybe after the holidays you'll have had time to process things and you'll be able to make the Side Husseling video. Also looking forward to seeing all your other projects! (especially the cotton bustle gown - although that does seem like quite the undertaking for before your trip! :0) Take care, Bianca! PS: Here's an idea to foster the sense of community: come to the UK and teach a pattern drafting workshop. That should be easy and stress-free, right? :p

Aaah 30 was a good year. I embraced gay death and threw a funeral. Happy birthday! It's worth enjoying