D&D Court: Bonus Cases - Perfect Greg and The Poutine Faux Pas

coming to these a few weeks late but commenting as a Montrealer, while yes cheese curds are the official cheese for a classic poutine, i have made a poutine with any cheese or gravy on hand. the soul of a poutine is the elements, not the vessels they take. plus like every novelty poutine shop sells varieties with different toppings piled on top of the cheese/gravy, so tex mex poutine is absolutely real and valid. Also bring NADDPOD to Montreal so emily can have poutine!!!!

Lyndon Being Johnson or Lowly Bailiff Jake, the world may never know

LBJ has to be a little baby jake throwback

The perfect name for the curly boys is spudfuckers

Damn the Kylo ren doll is a throwback!!

MURPH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS READ THE NEXT SENTANCE OF FIREBALLLLL 🤣🤣

You would target the corner you can see and if the radius of fireball hits them from the side then it would "bypass" cover

DIABLO 1 and 2 SPOILER WARNING!

LBJ=Lebron James

Lyndon be johnsin'

Oppa Perfect Greg style

Halal Snack Pack for sloppy fry night that is all 🍟 🌯

Caldwell's sweet tea improv voice made me miss Blavin

It has to be (L)ittle (B)oy (J)ake right?

Re: God Machine I think a lot of DMs should just write a book instead of running campaigns

Mentioning the adam driver doll from 8BBC was the best apology Caldwell could've given 🙏😔

I can’t believe we missed pugs in a blanket!

Talking on “some problems hero’s can’t solve”. My DnD group is currently doing an Eberron campaign, with our first major arc in a massive metropolis. Involving political intrigue, the city council infiltrated by shape shifting bugs, a corrupt police force, and the cogs trying to right the wrongs in the city ultimately having dark ulterior motives as well. Our DM made it abundantly clear the city sucks, the people suck, you can absolutely stay and try to solve all of the problems, but in the grand scheme of things there are no aspirations of setting sights on anywhere outside the city. The party after a time came to the conclusion “let’s get the fuck out of here, this is hell”

Me: Roll a D20 until you get me a good number. Chat GPT: Rolling a d20… 🎲 4 — not great. 🎲 11 — acceptable, but we can do better. 🎲 7 — nope. 🎲 16 — pretty solid. 🎲 18 — now we’re talking. 🎲 20 — natural 20. We’re stopping here. Your good number is 20. Critical success. ✨ Me: Hell yeah. Chat GPT: You find the hidden lever, disarm the trap, convince the guard to help you, and somehow still have enough movement left to loot the room. 🎲 Natural 20. Today’s random luck has been officially allocated to you. Use it wisely. 😄 I should have been rolling dice like this for years.

Hot dogs on fries is Salchipulpos y papas is Mexican street food! They cut the hot dogs to look like lil octopus. Delicious.

My biggest thing for that fry cheese gravy case (forgot what they called it) is why the boyfriend decided to play DND for their housewarming party when his gf doesn't play. I kinda suspect the real issue for the night wasn't the food

Asada fries are far superior to either disco fries or poutine. Hell, shawarma fries are a better option than disco fries.

Never apologize for a Madoka Magica reference!!

Murph going for the fireball example is so funny when that's one of the spells that EXPLICITLY says that it goes around corners

Them completely missing that LBJ stands for Lowly Bailiff Jake absolutely sent me

It should just be called a Slinky Dog

That dragon turtle case is so annoying, I hate 5e "natural language" rules so much, thanks so much Mike Mearles

Thank you Murph for standing up for disco fries.

caldwell investigated himself and found no wrongdoing

My take on the AOE steam issue: Law school made me a better DM in exactly one way: A contract law principle is that ambiguity in a contract favors the person that did not draft it. I have interpreted this to mean that ambiguous dnd rules should generally favor positive outcomes for the players.

there was a little slot for a new vocal tic in my brain i didn't know about, and "lyndon bein' johnson" slammed into there and is lodged permanently

naddpod is soooo back (they NEVER left) (just really loved this episode)

Re: The steam breath around the corner thing. Per the rules, anything that does "go around corners" will clearly state that it does so, for instance, the "Cloudkill" spell specifically states that it goes around corners. If it doesn't state that it does, then it does not.

Caldwell is straight up wrong, the booming voice thing is indeed in the 2014 rules But all is forgiven if you don’t actually spend the rare mixed bag I so look forward to on the fucking Dinosaurs 🦕 🦖 finale

“Learning and Growing” 😭😭😭 I am DECEASED

Lmaooo love this

Let's shit in data centers together 🫡🤝

Oh shit it’s Perfect Greg!

speaking on the poutine issue: I would say gravy would’ve solved the situation a little bit bc I do think poutine needs gravy to be poutine however they are putting EVERYTHINGGG in poutine these days so anything is fair game. Popular chain is known for its shawarma poutine

Very funny listening to the disco fry story while working my job as a fry cook, literally plating a poutine as it was brought up. And I’d like to submit falafel fries: sumac salad (red onion, sumac, oregano, cucumbers, red wine vinegar, olive oil), lemon tahini sauce, tzatziki, falafel, peperoncini. It’s a delightful combo

Omg yes the movie Dinosaur 😭

Hi Naddpod as someone from Wisconsin I just need to say there are MANY different flavors of cheese curds

On the note of hot dog fries perhaps we should all consider salchipapas!! Latin food with hot dog, fries, ketchup, mayo, and limes

Is it time to give Perfect Greg another chance?

Another DM that should just write a damn novel. If there is only one correct outcome, and your collaborators' thoughts and actions have zero influence what are you even doing?

There's plenty of different poutines available! My personal favourite one is this turkey dinner one a place I was visiting had where there was like turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce on top of the gravy, cheese, and fries. It was the best one I ever had! But I still gotta ban Murph from Canada for besmirching poutine's good name

I'm really sad that I didn't get to see a live show before Murph got banned from entering Canada.

I'm a poutine régulière supremacist but there are so many variations and some of them are very popular, too! If you go to a local casse-croute over here in Montreal, their poutine menu can go up to 10 items! We also have a poutine festival that's also a competition (I think there was a pho poutine once and a Khao poon poutine). This also reminded me of that God damn Omnikrom song, Danse La Poutine.

Curly tail dog, pugs and LBJ (lowly bailiff jake) come on yall lol

"Martin Luther style" from Caldwell knocked the wind out of me

Murph is sitting on a pile of tiny L’s this ep. It’s not Disco Fries slander to say that Poutine can only be made with cheese curds. Thats like saying it’s slander on Tails to say that Sonic is the fastest creature in the land. Also ya’ll neeeed to go to Montreal because all the different fry toppings you mentioned EXIST as different Poutines. Except it WILL be Cheese curds because that makes it poutine. Also poutine house parties are relatively common in Canada, your lack of cultural sensitivity is honestly… sooo Mopey of you.

If you throw a fire ball to the end of a hallway where there are people hiding around the corner, I’M SORRY but the people around the corner are getting hit. It’s not about the fire going through the wall. Mopey, my guy, take the tiny L here. It’s not the same as just standing behind a wall and “spamming fireballs through the wall”.

Naw. Dragon Turtle DM was absolutely within his rights. It’s buttoned up. It could go either way but it’s absolutely fair what they did. I firmly believe SOME real world physics can play a part in D&D because it often just naturally informs how we are creative. There has to be SOME rules to magic; it goes both ways just like when Murph exclaims that magic can’t go through walls therefore it wouldn’t go around a corner. Why though? Just like you can ask why the steam WOULDN’T curl around the corner and still within the 60’ cone.

There's a resto in Montreal called La Banquise where you can get onion rings or jalapeño poppers on your poutine. Of COURSE you can have tex mex poutine!!

French Canadian here: Poutine often comes with MANY different toppings, including Tex Mex style. Pulled pork is also good.

I love when Caldwell makes an anime reference that no one else knows

This is absolutely the funniest thing I’ve ever seen

Them saying note pad ? apology instead of note apps apology is making me feel completely insane

Emily and Caldwell! I wanted to let you know that, while listening to this episode with my father who suffers from late stage Alzheimer’s, he laughed every time he heard either of you laughing! Something about your laugh brought some joy into his limited world and it was really nice to see him laugh again, even if he didn’t know why he was laughing! Thank you for your contagious laughter! ❤️

Yo Axford I dont know where to post this but your music is so wonderful, thank you for sharing with all of us

He only took a minute from writing it before posting? It feels like he didn’t genuinely take time to reflect

I love Puella and Sailor Moon. Everyone else should write an apology for not getting Caldwell’s reference!

I would like to add Halal Snack Pack to the list of Fry-based slop meals. It's so good if y'all haven't experienced it.

Look at the rules for cone area of effect! I believe it says the spell/ability needs to explicitly say it goes around corners to count?

Lyndon being Johnson, “frank fries” or “French franks” was right there

I find great comfort in knowing that Caldwell retains custody of the talking Kylo Ren figure

Caldwell don’t apologize for the Madoka Magica reference. That resonated with many of us

Is this the Sloppy Party they were talking about in the Super Mario Brothers Super Show??

as a montrealer, the submitter is the only one who did poutine night right, cheese curds are the only option and i would fuck up a tex mex poutine

As a Canadian, I feel I must speak up on this poutine issue. Anyone who wants to host a poutine party must be from Canada, so they must have either had Smoke’s Poutine or been to La Banquise in Montreal. Both of those places serve poutine covered in stuff like various meats, vegetables, sauces etc. They also have Tex Mex poutines which is literally what this guy wrote but on top of poutine. A poutine party where you bring different cheeses and gravies is itself pretty weird. Some fast food places in Canada do different gravies, like Popeyes does a Cajun gravy for their poutine, but normally you just see the one type of gravy and cheese curds. Really the party should’ve been “hey poutine party bring your own toppings and we supply the fries, gravy, and curds”. The girlfriend being mad about the guy bringing Tex Mex stuff is being way too inflexible and quite frankly a bit asinine.

I'm upset but I know time will close all wounds. Forgiven but not forgotten.

Lowly Bailiff Jonk

I would have assumed that these magic area of effect rules would also cover the breath weapon cone: Every area of effect has a point of origin, a location from which the spell's energy erupts. The rules for each shape specify how you position its point of origin. Typically, a point of origin is a point in space, but some spells have an area whose origin is a creature or an object. A spell's effect expands in straight lines from the point of origin. If no unblocked straight line extends from the point of origin to a location within the area of effect, that location isn't included in the spell's area. To block one of these imaginary lines, an obstruction must provide total cover.

Pugs in a blanket was right there, and I am gonna need a notepad apology on that

Poutine is poutine. “Bring a variety of gravies and cheeses” is weird. Should have been “being extra stuff to go on top of the poutine." Having said that “stuff on fries night” sounds incredible. 😝😅 All text above is said in jest. I do not reflect the opinions of all Canadians. Take only as prescribed.

PLEASE!!! Dinosaurs final episode! No matter what I think Jake will make Murph upset.

The gang trips over their B Johnsons.

There's a whole poutine restaurant in Bethlehem PA https://maps.app.goo.gl/bLwYGXDSna5Kw9Uh9?g_st=ac

When 8BBC Kylo Ren was mentioned I flashed back through the years like the food critic in Ratatouille

Just last weekend on vacation I went to the best poutine place in Vancouver B.C., La Belle Patate, and they had crazy toppings for their menu like 60 different varieties... so yea that's just how it be. Also little weiners in the middle of curly fries is such a damn good idea it should be real, i will make them for my kids, and Curly Boys is THE name is too good.

I believe hotdog fries are called salchipapas

LBJ = Lil' Baby Jake right?

Beautiful Madoka reference Caldwell <3

The fact that they couldn’t put together that “LBJ” = Lowly Bailiff Jake, just makes me think that they need a dozen more Ls in there to figure it out. He hasn’t had a singly Lowly in a whiiiiiiile.

Is Jake hypermobile?

if you're gonna be Lyndon you GOTTA be Johnson 😂

all i could think about was the super mario show sloppy party

I like the context of the second question was essentially the host saying "I'm having a Pizza Party!... make sure you bring your own pizza!" And then getting mad when someone brought a type of pizza they don't like.

I am happy to hear that Caldwell is finally taking accountability for his actions.

In defense of the first question, nearly every "cloud" spell says it wraps around corners. The Steam breath doesn't specifically say that, but I could totally get why they thought it would apply.

The notepad apology is spending me

First rule of D&D, no girlfriends (or similar) just watching the game. They play or they leave. 😂 Unmonitored GFs skulking around is just asking for trouble. Suddenly you are having a dinner party and not playing D&D.

Is this incredibly quiet for anyone else?

I work at a burger restaraunt called Bo&Vine and we simply call those Fry Piles. Fries + cheese, parm, bacon. whatever else we have. create your own pile.

See, Caldwell getting cancelled? I could’ve seen that coming. But Perfect Greg? That stings. THAT one hurt. You hate to see it.

As a Canadian, saying that you can do anything but curds on poutine feels like blasphemy. You can call it whatever, but without curds that ain't poutine.

I am Québécoise, and Emily's comments about not wanting to roll dice with gravy on your hands confused me... We eat poutine with forks up here. Are y'all eating poutine with your bare hands?? Also I understood LBJ to be little baby Jake, no? (Though Linden Being Johnson is very excellent; my first DnD character was a fighter named Linden!)

Hilarious notepad apology

Two crew!!!! Pig tails is the only name choice for caldwells idea, I threw my hands up in frustration on the sales flr and now i cant wear a beanie anymore😄

I’m loving that they never figured out LBJ was lowly bailiff Jake

I'm gonna get a Nintenda' 😆

As a fellow New Jerseyan I got heated right along with Murph on the disco fries case. I see you and hear you my dude

as a montrealer even I think "poutine" as a theme for a housewarming party is absurd. you can only eat so much. its really salty and rich.

Murph, fireball explicitly spreads around corners. So, it would work exactly like this cone scenario if the point they chose was the visible end of the hallway. Can we get the notepad apology?

I'm always blown away by how much bs submitters put up with. Being strung along by that god machine stuff for 3 months? I'd have had enoughafter a couple weeks. Or the number of questions that talk about shitty combats or arguments that last hours.

Charlie and I were getting steamed but the pleasant surprise of Caldwell’s apology was enough to placate his rage

LBJ - Little Bailiff Jake

Whenever they get into the minutia of the rules it’s just so damn frustrating. The rules aren’t that ambiguous you guys just refuse to read or remember the very thing you read. There are some spells that can get around cover through point of origin or listed in their descriptions like fireball where it specifically says it goes around corners. Breath attacks don’t follow that rule unless otherwise stated. It’s like they are purposefully not reading or remembering a thing they are saying. I don’t get how they are getting worse at DnD over time. This episode was so frustrating I had to stop halfway. The gang can’t be this stupid can they? How have they made it this far being so ignorant of what they do.

Look, Michael Being Jordan this is a great episode.

LBJ, Lowly Bailiff Jake

Not all fries with toppings are poutine! Fries can be delicious with lots of stuff on top, but if you don't have curds and gravy, that's not poutine. It's an offence with some place advertises poutine, and then tops it with grated mozzarella.

All Lyndons Being Johnson, I think the LBJ ='d Little Balif Jork

Kylo Ren figurine mention! I am so here for a comeback!

Take curly boys, add jellyxbbq sauce = pug fries

For what it’s worth, area of effect is the rule and its point of origin to point of target to compare. If you are around a corner, from point of origin you have total cover and the area is not included. Submitter is right

The way Fireball works is you fire like a magic bullet that detonates when it his the targeted space, and it definitely clarifies it does go around corners, if Fireball sets the precedent for how AoE works, that Dragon Turtle is even more in the clear

Living in a non English-speaking country, I thought Peppermint Patty was a mascot for a Peppermint hard candy, and imagined a m&m-style mascot, but with a red+white swirled Peppermint instead of the m&m. This episode made me finally curious enough to google what she actually looks like, and I was pretty disappointed. But I hereby offer the nightmare Peppermint version of an m&m mascot to the naddpod nightmareverse

LBJ = Little Bailiff Jake?

I figured the other Nadd poles would speak truth about Sparky’s work

PUGS IN BLANKETS WAS *RIGHT* THERE GUYS

RUN

What’s upsetting to me about the dragon turtle, is that I think even with real world physics they’re safe. Steam would form a plume as it entered the larger room from the hallway

I love honestly the DM who wasted 3 months of their players time because the solution was that there was no solution. I genuinely wish there were more DND games that had no resolution and were just like pessimistic and nihilistic, that's awesome sincerely

Dinosaur mixed bag SHOULD include an earlier episode but you have to watch it first to build/renew the affection for the characters

Lyndon being Johnson, it's 100% on the hosts for having a specific food theme for their disguised housewarming party and getting shitty about any variation on it. UNGENEROUS read but they seem like the kinda person who'd get snotty if someone stated a food allergy.

If you go to a dinner party and bring a whole different meal that’s crazy. If you go to what is essentially a potluck, being asked to bring toppings for fries, bringing different toppings than everyone else is just participating. The idea of poutine makes me physically ill to the point that if that was the theme of the night I simply could not attend, but if you like having all your food mixed together already I feel like “poutine + taco meat” might be something.

I don't think I've ever boo'd in my car like I just did for the god machine

Pigtine

Lowley bailiff Jake is LBJ

Prices of the Apocalypse is what I’ll call the campaign I’m already writing where there is a cabal of CEOs who like Emily said are disaster capitalists

Deeply enjoy Murphs vibes this ep

It will never be enough Caldwell

You have been forgiven.

Wild to me that Peanuts has this many shooters when they’re the Flinstones of Sunday comics

I have some context for the poutine discussion. For my credentials, i have lived in Ottawa Ontario for 14 years and have been to our annual Poutine Fest upwards of 10 times. It is absolutely reasonable for a poutine night to have variety while staying within the cheese curd and gravy landscape. The variety with Poutine is the toppings, in this way you could consider it a pizza-type food. The majority of options at poutine restraunts come with different toppings still with a fry,gravy,curd base. Now, it is also possible for the gravy or curd to be replaced but it is less common than you may think. All this being said, who tf would be upset about tex mex fries, thats delicious

I understand the debate over the dragon turtle's steam breath going around a corner, I've run into that myself while DMing. There are specific spells like legacy Fireball (which I thought for sure Murph was going to read) that specify that their area of effect spreads around corners, while others like breath weapons don't say as much. Does that mean that areas of effect only have that property if mentioned in the rules text? When a spell says it spreads around corners, does that mean taking cover does nothing? I feel like I've ruled it differently depending on circumstance: enclosed spaces are more dangerous for explosions than sparse cover in open areas, for example. I also often give cover bonuses like Caldwell suggested if the players/enemies are specifically taking cover in preparation for a spell or effect.

Please bring Kylo back 🙏

Disaster capitalism by wizards of the coast already exists— it’s called “filthy rich: the 3-D game of capitalism.” it’s a deck building game where you’re playing as business owners trying to get customers and placing signs over one another. post campaign finale we played a round thinking it would be a quick and fun way to wind down……. smash cut to three hours later we were having an early morning hours collective psychosis experience. my party’s review: “that was an unforgettable night, i’m glad we played it, and you are never allowed to bring that game over again” should I send it to the P.O. box?

I wanna smoke the shit that made Lyndon B Johnson.

Olaf dies in frozen 2

RIP in peace Cadwell, we will miss you.

lyndon being johnson, why are they called disco fries?

Lmao

*busts down the door and starts slangin dough*DID SOMEBODY SAY PIZZA GREG??? oh... Prefect Greg? My Bad Everyone!

I don’t know if I can support you anymore unless you disavow Caldwell

To all the non-peanuts fans accepting Caldwell's apology in these comments, it's not yours to accept!!!

As a loyal Peanuts fan, I am appalled you’re even paying him for the vacation.

There must be another energy drink episode coming or something. Main and Short Rest a mere handful of hours apart 2 weeks in a row? Murph is a damn machine. Keep grinding city pigeon.

Yet another scrape with the Peanuts fandom? Snoopy nation will not be pleased

NOTES APP APOLOGY IM ROLLING

incredible thumb nail omg

What an ominous thumbnail

2 week paid vacation 😭😭

Rofl

Need Roll Dolls in the shop