Unsettling Internal Sensations, The Medical Industry Fails to Acknowledge
I have much to say in the realm of what I'm actively doing right now in the moment during my personal battle with Stage 4 Cancer, but right now, there is a crisis in the Medical Industry, that no one is talking about, yet Everyone is Afraid Of.
I am going to speak of my personal experience, and how through my perspective - which is a little wider than the typical person, I receive cyclic feedback to redefine what I am actively doing is great reassurance. In the face of battling something viewed through the current Oncology Mindset As Terminal, I know the Western Medical Perspective is disabled, as it does not acknowledge or understand the bodily sensations of what happens when someone is Fighting Back.
I want to share with people how to tap into this healing feedback loop, how to feel and understand their bodies, and how to amplify those sensations where they're maybe unable to sense and feel at first. And I want to make it available to everyone!
The reason a person has great fear of Cancer, as even I once did MANY years ago, is that we have collectively abdicated the responsibility of our bodies, and turned it over to the Medical Industry. There is no governing body that teaches the general people, as a baseline, "This is what one must do, to stay healthy" - except of course in China. Thousands of years ago, the yellow emperor gave the book to the people as his gift so that they could learn to stay healthy. It is called the "HuangDi Neijing". If one spends time on Chinese Social Media, such as RedNote, it is full of the community supporting each other and sharing common knowledge on how to strengthen and support different organs for different tell-signs.
When I knew my body was failing at staying healthy years ago, I too succumbed to the fear that "they were going to find something", and that would mean "they could not fix it, therefore I was doomed". The fear was so great, that I was put on anti-psychotics, suffered burnout seizures, ended up losing my speech and mute for 2 years while I realized - I was alone, truly unheard, and I had to fight these sensations of knowingness back, entirely on my own.
It takes the body somewhere between 2-7 years to completely regenerate every cell in every organ, and achieve a new state of renewal. I knew, the minimum amount of time I would need to heal was 2 years in confinement, and up to 7 years for my body to reclaim full health efficiency. But I didn't have that chance. I had to return to work early, and the Cancer could begin again.
The fear of this incompetent Medical System is real, as it's disabling, as it continues to gaslight patients and dismiss them as it did me; "Your blood results are normal", "Your colonoscopy is normal", all the while still ignoring I was having real problems emptying my bowels, and suffering relentless chronic fatigue. Doctors are willing to let that go, because the empirical data that they are looking at, does not measure the same things in my body that I am actually FEELING.
To make things worse, our partners can say the most incompetant things that can be interpreted as toxic positivity. Further dismissing the growing number of big feels - that the medical industry cannot acknowledge. Please, our partners and friends, know that when a loved one says something is OFF, believe them. Don't just gaslight and say "well maybe that's just anxiety". When I look back over the years, yes I get angry, and that very hormone excretion is not healthy for me, it steals 4 hours of energy that could be used for fighting cancer right this minute, so I walk away.
If a partner or loved one wants to be helpful in the face of so called "agitation" of the sufferer, first, they need to be aware; the agitated sufferer is UNHEARD and STRUGGLING, and as a carer or partner, the OTHER PERSON has a big part to play in that for enabling the frustration to continue. The help I want from a friend, is to be LISTENED TO, to feel heard. This is a much harder skill for Men to Understand, let alone Learn, as they are missing an organ SYSTEM that women have learned to cycle with every month. A man's "neededness" is based on what he learns and develops over his life. A woman's is GIVEN. We are needed to bring life, sustain life, and beyond our menopausal years, we have a fail safe extra set of genes to kick in and give us workarounds for the loss of that hormone system.
When we have babies, stem cells pass back through the uterus from the baby and remain dormant until needed, providing a back up source of NEONATAL stem cells in the mother's body. Our immune system has overlap and is strengthened through pregnancy. Our Uterus is the ONLY ORGAN outside from Bone marrow that can produce Stem Cells. We are biologically programmed to be more hardy than men, and that hardiness is increased with the sharing of two immune systems during pregnancy terms.
Only 3 SPECIES in the world have evolved to do this; Whales, Elephants, and Humans. Nature decided the male species was less important to the survival of a species as a whole, and didn't give men these extra workaround genes. A man has to therefore work A LOT HARDER to develop his neededness in society. A man can do this by becoming a father, and suffering first hand the lessons of caring for another, and if he doesn't, learn how to take care of another through their illness.
While my "Cancer" was progressing there were a number of sensations I became familiar with that I want to illustrate here. Sensations are different from Tell-signs, and these are in turn different from "Symptoms". I want to educate people here that learning how to check box these big feels into 3 different categories can help one to be heard - and through advocacy, provide an easier pathway through Diagnosis. Secondly, now that one can understand the sensations and Tell-Signs, what one can do to LEVERAGE the way the body reacts to surf the reaction toward healing.
I also want to point out, that HEALING is not easy, it is uncomfortable, and painful at times, and one must approach it with knowledge. Turning back the clock on cancer's clumping mummification, is very much a game of Chess. I will go into the specifics of that in my posts here on Patreon. The interesting fact for me, was that growing "Cancer" in the trunk or abdomen, feels very similar to that sensation up to 3 days before a period. So, one can tell if the cancer is growing, simply by listening to the feels of that "pooling battery acid" sensation. A bunch of cells are creating an acidic environment called acidosis, as a result of metabolic waste from glucose and glutamine fermentation. Suxotic, and Lactic acid, pool in the pelvic powl and feels like heartburn "outside" the stomach, dripping down into the belly and groin area.
Even men know what this acidic feeling is like, perhaps they are less sensitive to it than women. Women can feel this inflammatory build up as we are reminded throughout our lives for up to three days prior to menses. The difference in disregulated clumpy growth of unknown origin or ANY type of Cancer, is that the pooling is more noticeable as one winds down in the evening, from around 10pm-2am. One has to listen to the timing of the wax and wane of the acidification process. Overnight, the acid pooling pulls calcium out of the bones which precipitates as calcium needles in the joint fluids and fibrous tissue. It shreds and irritates nerve sheaths. So there is the active cancer growth phase which causes a "pseudogout", I don't even like that word.
The calcium needles, stay stuck mainly in the SI joints of the pelvic iliac crests, and into the groin area creating difficulty with bowel emptying, sexual dysfunction, sex pain, and intermittent loss of muscle control leading to a limp, or pain in the hips. If acid pooling in the lowest part of the belly reaches a critical point of "difficult to return to normal" then the physical mass of the clumping growths is likely to be Stage 4 or Metastisis. when there is a large body of Cancer, sitting in the trunk, there is enough acidosis to cause an unrelentless source of intermittent pain that can lead to muscle atrophy.
This is how far my Cancer had progressed, and I will illustrate here in this blog just how advanced it had become, before I managed to turn the tide back on it. But it took me 8 weeks of solid work daily, to arrest the proliferation of the cancer and start to corrode it back into more manageable and targeted zones of the whole Christmas tree of tumors.
At times when the cancer was growing, and the calcium being pulled from my bones was needling my nerves and hurting all kinds of tissue that it got stuck in, my rectal walls felt boggy and prolapsed, they started to lose their connection with my agency, 18 months ago. But I was already familiar with this sensation going back to my days of delusion when I first knew something was wrong. The inflammation weakens the fatty apron suspending the organs and holding them in place, there is a sinking feeling of my organs being acid washed and suspensory ligaments, pinging as they weakened from the calcium needling.
There was a distinct sensation of heavyness due to fluid build up in the lower abdomen, as well as the sinews being pulled and strained as my organs started to sink down. My uterus became severly anteflexed, which was recorded in radiology but dismissed as some variation of "normal". But this is not normal. There are times when my uterus OZ would drop down low enough for a finger wipe over my cervix, but gradually, my cervix began to stay jammed and wedged under the weight of more than just inflammation, but something mummifying it down into a folded position.
I can feel if my rectum has poop stuck in it through my vaginal walls, but now I can feel something else, almost hard like rubber, jammed against my bowel like a cork. Stopping my poop from moving down, so I started finger sweeping my rectum to dig bits out. This became increasingly hard to do over the years, in the beginning stages, a finger sweep would meet boggy walls of fluid, and nothing can be squeezed through a water balloon. But as the mass grew harder and larger, I was able to leverage against it to get a good diggout. And yet, I complained about this for 2 years, and no one bothered to find it.
My fingernail beds hurt, my fingernail beds turned white and lost the look of circulation. My fingers and feet looked dead. I suffered with athletes foot regularly and just thought I was managing it. There is a tickle sensation, followed by a warming drift of hormone growth, not hot like burning acid, just pleasantly warm like the encroachment of new growth - which doesn't hurt at all. Its the same sensation as "concieving" an egg bedding into the uterus. This sensation wafts like butterfly wings, its purely hormonal but feels kinda interesting. It is the cancer asking to be fed by Angiogenesis, fooling the body into growing new blood vessels for it. The tickle can feel relentless almost like an itch, but more of an irritating tickle where one doesn't want to feel it, on the inside of the sacrum and lower back area, slightly deep by about 2", and it's the blooflow being repurposed from the organ of vitality - the Psoas muscle.
The tip of my tongue hurt, my jaw hurt like I had some kind of wisdom tooth growing. There was discomfort in my eyeorbits, dryness of the eyes, and a sort of nagging pain behind the eye that affected the muscles of eye movement. This is the calcium crystals coming out in needle-like form from behind the bone in the eye-orbit. If too close to the optic nerve, one gets temporary blindness. If it's nearer the orbit rim, the calcium crystals are pushed out like splinters through the eyelid and delicate glands, into ducts on the waterline, that bubble out like styes.
Lumps I thought were knots led to a crepitous sensation of popcorn in my shoulder and armpits. I can tell the difference between each type of lump now, but back then I couldn't figure them out, nor could I see them, I just see the scars of indented tissue on my shoulder blades. Rice grains of calcium deposits started coming out of my skin. There is no pus, they hurt momentarily because of their abrasive nature coming out, occasionally they bleed, and the wounds will not heal for months.
The list of sensations goes on and on and deserves it's own post. For now, I thought I'd leave you with this to think about. It took me years to realize the sensations were all connected. But do not fear, once one is able to read these tell signs, one knows how to repeat the correct tell signs in the correct order with stimulus of some form, and change the course of the disease.