To whom it may concern

I’m going to say this once, because I’m honestly tired of repeating myself and then watching it be forgotten a few days later.

This also isn’t something I suddenly started feeling because of one disappointing release. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and mostly keeping it to myself. Even some people close to me will probably be surprised to read this, because I haven’t really talked about how much it’s been bothering me.

I understand that not every release is going to be for everyone. I don’t expect every person to love every design I make, and obviously not every release is going to do equally well.

But when the response over and over again is basically “not my thing” and scrolling past, it gets harder to actually feel like I have an audience.

More and more people keep following my work, and I’ve now passed 25k. I can very clearly see how much I’ve grown as a creator over the years, both technically and artistically, because I’ve actively worked for that growth.

What I don’t really feel is the social side growing along with it.

The audience gets bigger, the traffic is still there, people keep downloading and using my work, but engagement is incredibly inconsistent. Sometimes the response to a release is great, sometimes it suddenly drops off a cliff, and after all this time I still don’t feel like that side of things has become any more stable.

I think that’s what has been getting to me.

The work I share takes a lot of time, effort, skill, and money to make. Software, tools, resources, all the things that go into making custom content are things I pay for and invest in myself. And I share the finished work publicly without asking people to pay for it.

So it’s exhausting to also feel like I have to keep reminding people that a like, a comment, or any other small sign of support actually matters.

I don’t want to keep asking for engagement.

Blacksteel Vice hit me particularly hard because I’m genuinely proud of it. I put a lot of time and care into making it, I tried to give it a presentation I was happy with, and I still think it’s one of my stronger works. I originally made it mostly because I wanted it myself, but that doesn’t make the response to it feel any less disappointing.

And at this point it isn’t really about one release anyway. There have been a lot of little disappointments piling up for quite a while, and I’m tired of constantly explaining them away to myself with “maybe it was this, maybe it was that” and pretending they don’t affect me.

They do.

And this isn’t only about me. Mod creators in general deserve to feel like their work is appreciated. Something being available for free doesn’t make the work itself less valuable. There are still hours of someone’s life behind it, along with their skills, effort, money, and energy.

I don’t need everyone to love everything I make, and I definitely don’t need constant praise.

I just need to feel like the amount I put into sharing my work is met with something on the other side.

Because if I keep putting this much into sharing my work and barely feel anything coming back, eventually I have to ask myself why I’m sharing it publicly at all.