Lip gloss, weed, and the click inside (or dead inside 🫠)

Hey everyone.
First of all thank you to the wonderful person here who sent me a gift. I finally got the Dior lip gloss I’d been dreaming of 🥰 I’m HAPPY!

And yes, 😁 I can already see the guys watching this and thinking:

“It’s just a lip gloss. Nothing special. You can get the same one for five bucks.”

Ahaha. Oh boys… you really have no idea.

It’s not just a lip gloss, it’s therapy in a tiny tube. You put it on, and for three minutes the world feels like it makes sense.

Thank you so much for this. Maybe it’s a small thing for someone else, but to me it means a lot. It makes me feel a bit lighter. Not for long, of course, the Queen of Sadness will return soon, with new thoughts and emotional turbulence. But for now, this Dior gloss works like a patch on a leaking soul.

Tomorrow I’m going to see my doctor again, my jaw situation is still under control, treatment continues, nothing dramatic. So, not much to tell there.

But on a funnier note - I started growing weed. 😁Yep. Someone gave me a seed, and now I have this tiny green baby that’s six days old. I’ve never grown anything before unless we count my internal traumas, so this feels new. Watching life grow from a tiny seed is strangely peaceful. Almost like watching something alive wake up inside yourself.

The weekend, though, wasn’t so peaceful. I had a painful conversation with someone close to me. This person hurt me, not for the first time, but this time something inside me clicked.

You know that phrase, “something just clicked”? I always thought it was a metaphor until I actually heard that sound inside me. Real, sharp, mechanical. And after that, I just stopped trying to fix things.

It’s sad when some relationships start to feel like survival. With friends, with partner, with parents…

I usually forgive fast, I try to understand, to talk, to explain. But now there’s just emptiness.

No anger, no drama, just a quiet space where energy used to live.

I’m tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally…completely drained. I have my own storms to deal with, and I just can’t carry someone else’s too.

All I want right now is for this phase to end.

Not to win, not to prove, not to fix, just to exhale.

And maybe, in that exhale, there’ll be room for a new breath.

A new life, a new planet, a new meaning.

Or, at the very least another Dior lip gloss 🥹