[MMHA] What reminds you of your inner child?
If you wish to skip to the questions, scroll to the bottom of this post!
I won't hold you hostage, haha <3
. . .
Usually I get annoyed when I hear this "I'm just a girl" thing come up simply because of the ridiculous contexts it tends to come up in. However, I realize it's not all bad, and purely contextual, because my own "I'm just a girl" moments are always prompted by happy and innocent things.
Today's event that had my brain jingling happily "I'm just a girl" every now and then was something as simple as putting a navy blue bow with long ribbons in my hair, and every time I was reminded I was wearing it as I bent over (causing it to dangle and tickle my cheeks) or passed by a mirror.
It's a simple, happy little thing that reminds me that I can be happy with simple little things and that's okay. That's more than okay. It's not stupid and it's not immature. Childish, maybe, sometimes. But childish doesn't always mean bad.
I think it's often said in place of "immature" or in situations that give it a negative connotation but it truly doesn't always mean a bad thing. Childish also means innocent, pure, maybe even silly! And similar to the message in the last audio where a kind bartender lady reminds you it's okay to be different, it's okay to be nerdy, it's okay to geek out over something you're passionate about, and you can be confident wearing your geek on your sleeve and that's okay... It's okay to be happy with the little things. It's more than okay.
In reality, everyone is "just a boy" or "just a girl" inside. We all have hurts and traumas of varying degrees that developed since we were a child.
In my experience, in many psychologists' experience, and by the advice of a number of dating counselors/coaches, they will tell you it is a good practice to think of the inner child of your partner (or friend, or family member, or stranger -- someone you care about! But in this context it makes more sense for your partner) when you are dealing with them either in an argument, or day-to-day difficulties. Or even sans rough patches, when you're thinking about how to love them, how to support them, imagine you are talking to the child version of them. This doesn't mean to baby them or baby-talk them of course, but rather to consider the child that is still in them.
We're all similar in that we all still are taking care of and protecting an inner child. Our inner child hosts a lot of patterns both healthy and unhealthy, habits, generational issues, insecurities, traumas, feelings of invalidation, the list goes on-- all stemming from how we were raising growing up. How we were raised, what our environment was, the people that nurtured us or didn't, what we had or lacked, what we heard and didn't hear but needed to, all these things add up, and often times never get dealt with. Which is why there are distinct emotions we experience when, say for example you hear something nurturing from someone and it reminds you of how someone made you feel (good or bad, since feeling the good in the moment can equally remind us of either a time we last had it that good or how we've never had it that good before, or an extreme-opposite we've experienced before). Imagine you, as a child, pure in all your child-ness, not being exposed to something that you as an adult know you need. Now expose that child(you) to the opposite of that thing you need. Now do it again. Now add a timeline of ten years of that to your child's experience. Now add an environment where you see/hear/learn of other people getting that thing you need, you still haven't experienced it yet. You're still being exposed to the opposite.
I think we can all agree that this is a cruel thing for a child. I think we can all agree that that should not be the experience for any child. The thing is, while we can't do much about it as a literal child, as we get older and obtain and maintain more control over our lives, the responsibility shifts from our parents and adults of our environment as a kid... to us. What may have initially felt unjust in our helplessness as we were getting influenced in ways we didn't ask for, now is our time and opportunity to come out on top and heal and support that child. There is plenty of hope to be had since now that child is completely in our care.
So, challenge yourself this: Before you look at the inner child of someone else (namely your partner or future partner), look at your own inner child. What can s/he handle? What can s/he handle taking? What can s/he manage giving? What is healthy/unhealthy for him/her?
And be mindful that the answer to these questions and more like the don't have to stay the same. They shouldn't stay the same if you continue further and further along your journey of healing. That's what improvement is. And you can be grateful and glad about improving too. You worked hard to get here, God wants to see you doing well, and you are meant to be better off. Not stuck. No one deserves to be stuck. Not even you.
So no matter the cards you've been dealt, please hear and heed the words "Anything can change." No case is so hopeless it cannot be turned around for the better. Even if you yourself feel like the hopeless case, haha <3
You have the ability to change things for yourself. To make life look different. Just like you can make life worse for yourself you can make it better for yourself. And for others. But it's important to pour into yourself so you can pour into others. It's important to prioritize healing and nurturing yourself so you can help others do the same.
We can all do this, and we can all do this together. <3
. . .
Now, to tie this all back to the reflective question(s) of the day...
(And please forgive me for the possible cringe I may induce in phrasing this way, haha!)
What is an "I'm just a boy" moment for you?
It can be from a memory or an activity or anything you can do presently that reminds you of your innocence (because you, you precious, you do have it).
(Further) What stops you from doing this thing?
(Even Further) Do you experience any hesitation in either saying or agreeing that you have an innocence about you? Do you experience any hesitation in saying/agreeing you have an inner child?
Comments (10)
It's a simple promise that i promised myself it's a little bit cringe i know but i promised my self to never give up no matter what i remember i was on the road coming back from primary school alone the bus left with out me i remember i was sad and I wanted something so bad i forgot what is was but it made me sad and I promised my self to never give up 😃
My innocence has always been cars, and racing. It’s my hard work to keep it going as an adult that’s the kindness I show my inner child. Been that way ever since I knew what a car even was, hell anything mechanical or sporting wheels was in my scope as a young buck. I still remember being tiny, dad and gramps and I would go to the NASCAR races at NHMS just about every year. Took my dad to a racing event in Georgia not too long ago, felt nice to rekindle something that we hadn’t done in over a decade.
Hum well when I was young I used to go visit my great grand mother during spring or fall. She lived near an active railroad and I remember staying up hours trying to catch a glimpse of the last few steam trains that where still active on there roster as they thunder threw on night freight. As for more resent normally having out with my sister brings it out as we have fun remembering childhood memories geeking out at book stores ect. I'm also a bit shelterd growing up so I normally mis a lot of innuendos that kinda throw my friends for a loop when they realize I don't understand what they are talking about 😅 though they do find my innocence kinda refreshing at times.
The activity that revives innocence a little is playing sports with my friends or family. Specifically Basketball. I have always had a strong tie to bball in my life after school hooping with friends. Backyard 1v1s with my dad. Or playing horse with my Lil bro and sis. But as I grew older i had less opportunity for it. I moved from the friends I used to play with. My family and I had less time for it. And there was no longer a hoop in the backyard. So I grew apart from it. About 8 months ago I was able tostaryt getting back into it. There was nearby park I started hooping with neighbors and my Lil bro. I started polishing my skills and reliving memories. But more than that I created more memories and made more friends through it. It even helped me improve my health. I feel coming back to the childishness of playing a game with friends, low stakes, helps find that innocence I thought I had lost. It is refreshing. I wish I had more ways to experience that childishness. Especially as a christian. In some ways I wish I could become a little more child-like. Innocent and worry-free. 🫶
For me my just a boy moment or activity genuenely is just me being able to be goofy with my friends. Goofy in this context means getting piggy back rides, high-fives, playing board games and just spending the day with friends running around and playing outside. I defenately want this due to not being able to build deep and meaningful friendships as a child leading to only seeing others having these fun moments and missing out. Right now I don't have many close male friends to do those things with and most people today are not as open to physical touch as my brothers generation that I grew up watching and playing with were. They were born in 2000. I know I have a child like innocence and I am not ashamed of it, but I used to be. I thought he was weak for not being able to protect himself and crying like an idiot so I decided to leave him behind and become physically and emotionally stronger while demonizing my childhood innocence and yarning for parental appreciation and affection. These days I have re embraced him and realized he wanted me to get stronger and that if I am lucky enough to have children someday the guy that will play with them, be kind and gentle to them, that's going to relate to them and tell them about my fun memories will be him and the most important part the guy my kid will open up to is not strong stoic dad , but its the loving and understanding father thats who my kid will trust most . That's the same guy my partner will adore while my strength will protect my gentle self and his family when necessary. Also this goes without saying when someone is affectionate to me of course I feel like a little boy again because I feel safe and protected.
What a truly profound message Lav. I hadn't thought of it like that before. My "I'm just a boy" moment is challenging myself to see how quiet I can get moving, doing chores and so on. It was because I wanted to be like a spy as a kid, but now it's more like a ritual and because I hate to be disruptive. Nothing is really stopping me from doing this, but I do feel guilty accidentally startling people 😁 Do I have innocence? I'd like to hope so, yet I hesitate to wholly agree. I may be scarred, but there's still a piece in there that's untouched. As for my inner child... I didn't get to really be like a kid. I was expected to be more mature - more responsible from adults from as early as seven years old. Judged and shamed for acting my age simply because I looked older. It didn't matter by the time I was finally treated like a kid. School had taught me it was bad to act my age - so no time for fun, or creativity, or expressing myself. Too little too late. Even so, I think my inner child is in there somewhere. It has to be the reason I have my interests, right?
This was both a very hard post to read for me and a very needed one... Not only did it remind me of those "I'm just a boy" moments, but it made me reflect on the fact that I haven't experienced them in a long time. Times where we had little responsibilities, where we could completely turn off our brains and escape from reality, where time seemed to never end. Personally, what stops me from living those moments is the awareness of having to be an adult and to behave like one. To accept reality and to accept that life is not always as happy and carefree as it was when I was a child. Although I would like to go back being a child from time to time, I am convinced that the circumstances that brought me here, all the experiences of my life (good and bad ones), have contributed to making me the person I am today. A person I am very proud of. A person that me as a child would be very proud of.
This post made me think quite a bit... I feel like my answer would provide some context in line with all the questions, which makes things a bit easier to put into words. Truth be told, I was never an individual who "lost" his inner child. If anything, I embodied him in almost every aspect of my life. People in my life have told me time and time again how they appreciated my warmth and caring personality, my "spark", in their words... and how "pure" I seemed when compared to the world... well, my circumstances were far from "pure". Life always felt like a balance between taking care of my inner child, and letting him get hurt sometimes. Allowing his belief that "every girl and boy deserves to be happy" to be shattered from time to time knowing that not everyone will be. But at the end of the day, when curled up in tears next to the bed, that same child would comfort me and let me know that while not everyone will be, everyone CAN be. My "I'm just a boy" moment comes often whenever I fulfill childhood fantasies, things like staying up late past my old bedtime and into the AM hours, or sneaking desserts from the fridge in the dead of night... or even things like going to places that children were never allowed to go to, like faculty offices or fire escape balconies... It often feels like carrying my little self on my shoulders for a little adventure, heh. As for what stops me? Well... conventional society. xD
Thank you for this post. It really made me think =) Everytime somethink "can" be thrown, it "has" to be thrown like its a basketball is one of my childlike moments =) I played piano as a child untill i graduated school and with my first paycheck i finally bought my own. Its been a couple of years now since i last played something. Your post is making me think a lot about this
First off - Excellent post. It matters, and I encourage everyone to read this and reflect. For me the three questions are all somewhat interconnected, for me however that moment was when I -lost- my innocence. Details not for public consumption though, but it was a very definitive break from me being a child and what I am today. Sadly in my case there is no going back, this a bell I cannot unring, so instead I keep moving forward, as best I can. I had to replace my inner child with well... an inner Tiger, so to speak. It's worked well enough.