Nuclear Fallout
Just a quick update on how things have gone since my nuclear ablation on the 15th. The day before, they discovered via nuclear iodine based imaging that I still have a 2cm mass of thyroid cells in my throat. That was entirely unexpected. Either it regrew quickly from something smaller (that would be bad), or my surgeon totally overlooked it. (which would also be bad in a different way, but preferable at this stage) They didn't want to do another surgery because I've encountered so many complications from the previous 2 surgeries, so they've decided to try to destroy the mass with nukage. That's changed the plan up a bit, and will require me to go through this hell again in 3 months.
My throat and head are both killing me, and I still can't look at a screen for more than 10 minutes at a time. There's aching everywhere and ridiculous levels of fatigue, so my life for the last few days has just been laying in bed, usually keeping a headband around my eyes, periodically getting up to make slow treks to the bathroom, keeping a headphone in my right ear to try to mask the one-sided tinnitus a little, and trying to swallow as infrequently as possible. I'm all on my own in this, because the Geiger counter says I'd still be killing anyone who spent more than half an hour ~10 feet away from me. So my wife periodically throws me food from the other side of the house, my 1 minute of long-distance human contact for the day, and I cobble over to the food like a starved animal once she's gone. It feels kind of like what I imagine it would be like to be living in some kind of torture palace.
Anyway, I've been feeling bad about my inability to work on anything, both in terms of contract work and BigPEmu. So I wanted to offer another pre-apology here for the fact that I probably will not be able to get any more (meaningful) new releases of BigPEmu out this month, and I'm not sure how quickly productivity will return. Apparently these symptoms can last for weeks or months, but hopefully it will at least become more tolerable soon.
Thank you, all of you who are sticking with me through this medically-induced torture. I hope to live in order to yield some pretty cool shit for you in the coming months. Now, I return to my bed-suffering.
Comments (14)
You are a very intelligent person who made a decision to be transparent about your lived experience, knowledge, skills and discoveries, specifically not confined to the subject of electronics/game engineering. I appreciate the update because I appreciate you as a whole person, I hope these projects we love seeing you do bring you a welcome distraction, but by no means stress about them. I am happy to know you step away from them when needed. Wishing you rest, recovery and peace of mind.
Hey Rich, just became a patron. Rest up and take care of yourself. Best, Phil
Rest up and do not worry about BigPEmu. Your health comes first!
Don't worry about working on BigPEmu, just concentrate on getting better. Were in no rush for updates and it already works great.
I'm pretty sure it won't be the end of the world if we have to wait a bit longer for a new release. Your health comes first, so get some rest.
as a 2nd tier supporter, i want to encourage you to stop thinking about bigP and make yourself as comfortable as possible. you will continue to have my support indefinitely.
Hang in there man ✊
I wish you strength through this living hell. Please don't feel bad for your inability to work. You've to fight this cancer first.
I'm sure you'd rather be working than going through your current routine, so I don't want to say forget about work, but do let go of any guilt about not getting anything done. Your health and family always come first and anyone who feels they should be able to coerce another person into other priorities than those would be both heartless (I'll be generous here and hope they were perverted by a system that encourages such "sacrafice") and wrong.
Thinking about you and hoping you get well soon. Much love to you and your family.
Take care yourself. You’ve already done what was once said to be impossible. I am only a Patreon to show gratitude and support for what you have already done.
On Friday I had the worst headaches ever, but reading your story makes me feel like a child. I wish you all the best to get through this and forget about BPE. You gave as already so much, none of the Jaguar fans and devs ever ever expected to see. So may the force be with you. LLAP (any wish missing?)
Hey there! Thank you for the update, but screw us ATM - you get well first. You have done amazing things, and I'm rooting for you to do some more. In time. Go. Heal. Fight that bastard.
My only wish is that you are going to be able to any work (due to recovery), be it even after next 10 years of waiting. :) I don't think there is anyone who's contributing solely for the reason of monthly releases.