Eating Your Weight: A Series of Unfortunate Events

I was sprawled across the couch in the wide open living room of my family's summer home, once again out of my mind with boredom. In one of my hands was a remote that I was using to slowly flip through the two hundred or so channels that came with their cable, browsing the mind-numbing programs for lack of anything better to do and wishing for the hundredth time that I had brought my computer along with me.

I stared dully at the TV, watching an infomercial about a crockpot or smart cooker or something stupid. It didn’t even really matter because I could actively feel myself zoning out the longer I listened. Was this what parents meant when they said TV rotted your brain, because I was pretty sure I could literally feel it happening.

Should I just go to bed early? I wasn't tired right now, but I was pretty sure I could fix that with sufficient material and a liberal application of a couple fingers.

“Fuck, am I that bored?” I groaned to myself as I realized what I was thinking about doing. “Just masturbate and go to bed cause I have nothing better to do? What's wrong with me?” I sighed, “I need to get a hobby.”

“One that takes you outside, hopefully. I'm starting to get worried that you're going to fuse to that couch with how much you've been sitting on it.”

A grin split my lips, my spirits immediately lifting the sound of the voice, “Did you know that actually happens? It's super gross cause all of the sweat and other fluids-”

“Naomi, I swear to God.” I looked over, holding back a laugh as I was met with a nauseous, yet somehow still pretty face.

“Oh don't be such a baby, Miyo. You need to spend more time on the internet to desensitize yourself to this sort of stuff. There's forums for it, you know?”

Swallowing the bile in her mouth, the woman glared at me, “And I am more than happy sparing myself whatever horrific things exist on those forums. When your parents bought you that computer, I doubt they imagined you’d use it for things like… that.”

This was Miyo Sachiko. Proud maid of the Kanei family and probably my closest companion, as sad as that was. Shs had been working for us since she was a little older than I was and had practically raised me, though you would never guess it by looking at her. With her beautiful features and buxom body that was only enhanced by the maid outfit she always wore when on duty, she looked like a woman half her age, which was probably why I had had a crush on her since I could even understand the concept.

I appreciated the view for just a moment before turning my gaze to the proper place, grinning unrepentantly at Miyo's unimpressed look, “You think they thought I'd just be reading or studying all the time? Come on, Miyo, I'm a teenager! They knew what was up.”

Miyo sighed, a long-suffering expression crossing her face, “Well I suppose visiting weird couch-melting websites is better than watching porn twenty-four seven. At least you aren't some weird pervert who breaks your computer visiting sketchy websites.”

“Nope. Just a regular pervert who visits totally normal and not sketchy sites!” I agreed as I turned back to the TV.

Miyo’s eye twitched, “And you wonder why you have never had a girlfriend. Get off the couch and go outside, Naomi. Your parents pay me to make sure you're in perfect health and I'm not going to come back to Kuoh with their daughter drooling because you melted your brain by watching infomercials.”

I groaned, dropping the remote on the couch, “But it's so boring outside! There's nothing but woods for miles around us.”

Even as I bitched about it, I slowly slid off of the couch. I knew better than to disobey Miyo when she explicitly told me to do something. I was lazy, not an idiot.

“You're the one who wanted to come here. We could have just stayed in Kuoh and spent the summer there.” Miyo retorted as she dusted a picture hanging on the wall. The summer home was so big that it took forever for one person to properly clean. This may have been a vacation for me but for Miyo, it was basically overtime.

I knew she didn't mind though. Miyo was the type to take pride in my work, and it showed as she had spent the last three weeks meticulously going through each room in the mansion, dusting and sweeping until the entire place shined like it had just been built. It was no wonder my parents were paying her enough that she could probably buy her own house at this point. Though I doubted she ever would since she lived with us. She was frugal like that.

I slipped on my shoes, stepping hard so my heel would slip under the annoying tab in the back, “I thought a change of scenery would be fun. I haven't been here in like ten years so I forgot how boring it is.”

“Well then I guess it's a good thing you have such an active imagination. Go explore or something. Just get out of the house so you don't waste away.”

“Fine, fine. I'll go wander around or something.” I sighed, heading towards the front door, “How long do I have to stay out of the house? An hour? Two?”

Miyo paused, thinking, “Two hours should be enough but you can stay out until dusk if you'd like. Dinner tonight will be a bit longer because I managed to get a good deal on some steaks and veggies in town. After I finish cleaning, I'll start prepping dinner.”

“Ooh, that sounds really good actually. Could you make some potatoes too?”

“I can if you'd like. Mashed or baked?”

“Mashed, please. Baked potatoes are such a pain in the ass to eat.”

Miyo nodded, returning to her cleaning, “Dinner will be ready in a few hours. Go play outside in the meantime.”

I rolled my eyes good naturedly as I opened the front door, letting the fresh summer air leak in, “Yes mom.”

~~~

Just as I suspected, the woods surrounding the summer home were just as boring as the TV inside.

I stepped over a fallen tree, listening to the birds chirp overhead as I wandered through an unpathed section of the forest and looked for something, anything, to relieve me of my boredom.

“Maybe Miyo was right. We should have stayed in Kuoh. At least then I could go shopping or something.” I said out loud as I stopped to watch a stream trickle serenely downhill.

Though that wasn't much more fun than what I was currently doing. Even if I could afford practically anything I wanted, shopping was no fun when you did it alone and being homeschooled was not a good way to make friends your age. I knew more people who had sons my age than people who didn't.

I moved on from the stream, looking for anything interesting that would cure me of my boredom. Unfortunately, all I saw were trees, bushes, and more trees. Not even any animals, just foliage.

Boring, boring foliage.

"Screw this." I decided, preparing to turn around and go back home, regardless of Miyo's wishes, "I'm going back to plan A."

Unfortunately, just as I took my first step back home to lay in bed and flick it till I passed out, that was when something not-entirely unexpected happened.

I had never been the most observant person, and that trait didn't really mix well with wandering through the forest. In fact one could probably say that was the worst trait to have when wandering through the forest.

This was proven when my shoe snagged on a tree root hidden under a thick patch of grass. I lurched forward, trying to recover, but I wasn't able to get my feet under me in time before I was sent careening straight down a nearby hill that I also hadn't seen.

“Shit!” I barely even had enough time to get the word out before I was tumbling down the hill like a snowball in an avalanche. My hands came up to my head, protecting it as my body entered an uncontrolled descent that I couldn't hope to recover from. I rolled dozens of feet in seconds, hitting what felt like every fallen branch and wayward rock on the way.

By the time I hit the bottom, I felt like I had been strung up and used as a pinata for some little girl’s birthday party. I groaned, standing slowly and shaking rocks and leaves out of my hair, before looking at where I had fallen from.

I whistled at what I saw, “Jesus, that's gotta be a new record. I'm surprised I didn't break anything.”

I had rolled at least thirty feet, all of it on a hill so steep I was practically falling straight down. A few more degrees and it would've been a straight up cliff.

There was no way I was getting back up that, I surmised immediately. There aren't any tree roots or big rocks to grab onto so I probably wouldn't get halfway up before I came tumbling back down.

“Fucking fantastic.” I sighed, dusting myself off. I looked around, taking in the empty and unfamiliar section of forest that I had found myself in, before beginning to walk along the side of the hill. Maybe there'd be a way back up further down.

Nearly an hour later though, I was starting to realize that probably wasn't true.

My feet dragged along the ground, painfully numb as they slid through the leaves littering the ground. My trek had taken me further than I'd ever walked out here, and the sun was steadily lowering in the sky above, reaching that point where it was beginning to bathe the world in bright orange and pretty pink. I needed to get home before Miyo started worrying.

“Easier said than done.” I muttered as I pushed a treelimb out of the way, “I barely even know where I am at this point.”

Since I had been walking in a big ass circle, I knew the general location of my house since it was at the epicenter. Unfortunately, the property my summer home sat on was absolutely massive and I had wandered pretty far, so even after an hour of waking, I knew I probably hadn't even switched sides on the house yet.

In other words, I was screwed.

“Go outside, she said. It'll be better than rotting your brain in front of the TV, she said.” I mocked Miyo's earlier words, kicking a rock out of the way, “Should have just stayed inside. I'm not built for the outdoors.”

Maybe Miyo would find me before my body decomposed completely… Actually no, that would make her sad. Maybe she wouldn't find me at all. That would be better, right?

“Fuck, I've got to get home. The hunger is making me delirious.”

I sighed, trudging forward at a slow and steady pace, only to pause as I took notice of something that hadn't been apparent to me before.

The birds weren't making noise anymore. Neither were the insects. It was dead quiet in the middle of the woods, which meant that there was a predator around. And it wasn't me.

I warily continued on my lath, speeding up slightly at the prospect that I wasn't alone anymore. As I went, I kept my eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary. I wouldn't want to become a bear’s lunch or anything like that.

As I walked however, I soon came across something that might have a chance to cure my perpetual boredom.

It was a large cave. The type you see on cartoons when they wanted to show kids where bears live. Even with the knowledge that there was likely a bear nearby, the wide open mouth seemed almost inviting to an adventurous spirit such as myself, and that was only increased by the melodic sound echoing off of the cave walls. In fact, it sounded almost like…

Was that singing? Was someone else out here, just hanging out in a random ass cave?

“Must be a neanderthal or something. Who the hell lives in caves these days? We have houses with air-conditioning now!” I said out loud.

Like it had many times before, my curiosity overrode my survival instinct and desire not to end up on the evening news, and I found myself cautiously heading into the cave, following the sound to its source.

Even barring the weird singing, this could also make for good shelter if I really was stuck out here. That was the most important thing you needed to worry about when stranded in the wild. At least according to that scout manual I had stuffed in a drawer back home somewhere.

It was dark inside, but not unbearably so. There were a few cracks in the ceiling just large enough for light to pierce through, though as I grew closer to the voice I was hearing, they became fewer and far between, and soon enough I was squinting to get as much light as possible into my eyes.

The voice was getting louder now, and so could actually make out the soft, feminine trills of a lady softly singing her heart out. It was a song without words, a peek into the heart of the person humming, but it was beautiful all the same. And as I drew closer, I wondered what sort of woman could be responsible for creating such a hymn.

As I rounded a corner however, I stopped dead in my tracks at what I was met.

The cavern beyond was illuminated by some kind of artificial light that was just out of sight, providing ample view of the person inside. And what a horrific view it was.

What I had thought was just a woman was anything but, or at least she wasn't any woman I had ever seen. She was tall, but not in a way that was in any way natural. She had a long, spindly torso that was practically emaciated and she was wearing nothing but a tattered bra above the waist. Her arms were long and gangly, with clawed limbs that she was currently using to lift up a large white sack in which something was squirming violently.

She attached it to the wall and it stuck there without any help. She hummed with pleasure, “There you go; all tucked in. I can't wait to dig into your succulent flesh. The plump ones always taste the best~!”

She practically moaned the words and whatever was in the sack, a person, began squirming more violently. The woman tutted, “Now now, don't squirm too much. You'll ruin all of my hard work! Here… maybe this will help you settle down.”

The woman leaned forward, doing something that I couldn't see with her body blocking the way.

Oh right, her body. Any semblance of an idea that this might have been normal, if strange, woman were completely thrown out the window the moment my eyes caught sight of her disgusting and malformed lower half.

Dozens of mangled limbs extended out of a bulbous mass where her legs should have been, covered in chitinous armor. They reminded me of spider legs, but there were far too many of them and they were far too malformed, lumpy and almost misshapen, making me wonder how she could even lift herself with them much less move around.

Realizing that I had walked into something horrific, I stepped away from the freak-show as she began humming to herself or her victim once again, moving toward the mouth of the cave to make a quick escape.

In my rush to get away, I misstepped. A loud crunch echoed through the cave as something hard yet brittle was crushed underfoot and immediately the humming stopped as the monstrous woman noticed that she wasn't alone.

I slowly looked down, my mind racing a mile a minute as I took in the dirty white bones trapped underneath my mud-covered sneakers. It was a tiny hand, no longer attached to the arm that had once been its companion, and I felt bile rise in my throat as I imagined what unfortunate soul it might have once belonged to.

Looking back up at the monstrous woman, I watched in horror as her head rotated one-hundred and eighty degrees with a sickening sound as she turned to face me without moving her body. Just like the rest of her, there was an echo of what had once likely been a beautiful woman, hidden underneath cracked skin and multiple blinking eyes that littered her face and forehead, each of them looking in a different direction.

The silence stretched, broken only by the manic beating of my heart in my chest, before I spoke hesitantly, “Uhh… hi?” I said, trying to keep the fear out of my voice as every single one of those eye locked onto me, “I don't suppose you know how to get back up that hill? I sorta fell down and I can't climb back up.”

The freak-show stared at me silently for a long moment, before her face split in an ear-to-ear smile. Her teeth were covered in blood.

“Well well well, what do we have here?” She skittered along the wall, her head tilting curiously as she studied me, “Another human has stumbled upon my lair? How lucky for my meal to come all the way to me~”

My skin crawled at her tone and I backed away slowly, realizing all at once the danger I had put myself in, “Uhh, I'm gonna take that as a no. That's fine, I'll just look somewhere else. Don't let me stop you from… whatever it is you're doing.”

But the monster wouldn't let me leave. She skittered along the walls and ceiling, defying gravity as she interposed herself between me and the cave exit. She smiled, all teeth, “Aww, why leave so soon? I insist you stay for dinner… and dessert. Pretty young things like you always taste so sweet, I can't wait to have a bite!”

As I scrambled backwards, the monster moved forward on dozens of skittering legs. I screamed as she closed the distance between us,before bringing her head down right beside my neck.

Her teeth felt like razor blades as they dug into my shoulder, sliding through skin and muscle like they weren't even there. I let out a bloodcurdling scream as blood began to gush from the wound, grabbing onto the monster's disgusting face and trying to push her away. I would have had better chance moving a brick wall for all the good it did me.

Still, I didn't stop trying, pushing desperately with every fiber of my being as adrenaline coursed through my veins, “G-get off of me!” I screamed as her arms wrapped around me, pulling me even closer.

Switching tactics, I slammed my closed fist on the side of her face, punching her in her disgusting eyes that had been staring at me this entire time. That seemed to have some effect, and she reeled backwards, shrieking in pain!

“Argh! You little bitch!” My head snapped to the side as she slapped me, and I could instantly taste iron as my mouth filled with blood from the strike. My vision blurred and stayed that way no matter how hard I tried to focus, and I felt extremely dizzy all of the sudden. Fuck, did she give me a concussion with just one hit?

Alongside the dizziness came a wave of drowsiness, and my head lolled as I suddenly found it hard to stay upright. A burning sensation overcame me, spreading through my body and making me gasp.

“You'll be a delicious palette cleanser.” The monster whispered to me as my legs fell out from under me. I collapsed into her and her arms immediately wrapped around my body, lifting me up, “I usually prefer the ones with more meat on their bones but there is something to be said about fresh meat. I'll be sure to savour you thoroughly.”

Something slimy slid along my face and I shivered, putting my arms up to push it away even as my vision tunneled and my eyes drooped.

“Yes yes, keep fighting back! Your adrenaline only seasons the meat!” She cackled, and I tried once again, “You humans are such tasty morsels! Your desperation and will to love makes you a delicacy to surpass all delicacies! I can't wait to savor you~”

Her cruel laughter followed me as my eyes slipped shut and I finally lost the fight against unconsciousness, all the while one thing ran through my mind.

I should have just stayed on the couch.


~~~

Have you ever had a lucid dream? It's something most people experience at least once in their life, and it is usually considered either the strangest thing you could ever experience, or the most fantastical.

As I opened my eyes to find myself standing atop a large rock, staring out at a view most couldn't even dream of, I wasn't sure which one this was.

The whole world was hazy and yet clear at the same time, and a sense of cognitive dissonance rang through my head as I gazed at my surroundings in awe, never imagining I would ever see something like this in my life, or that it was even possible.

In the back of my mind I could recognize something was wrong, that I wasn't supposed to be here, but I ignored it in favor of taking in the amazing sight before me.

The sky above was a deep, swirling mix of blues and greens and purples so deep it felt like I could fall up into the rolling void. Slightly obscuring this view was the largest tree I had ever seen in my life, standing tall right in front of me and acting as a centerpiece for the mystical place place found myself in.

It was as thick as a skyscraper was tall and stretched impossibly high into the sky, disappearing from view long before the idea of an end even crossed my mind. Branches as thick as buildings with leaves as large as normal trees branched off from the trunk, spreading out in all directions as if they were reaching for something unseen.

Littered all around the ground were giant roots, thicker than I was tall. They crossed over one another, forming a thick sheet all around the trunk of the tree, and as I followed them, my eyes caught sight of something interesting.

Something was curled up against the base of the tree, looking out of place. I drew closer to it, guided almost by some unseen force. My feet glided across the ground as if it was made of ice, but I didn't even stop to think about it as I approached the tree and the thing laying under it.

And then, as I was only a few meters away, it moved.

I stopped dead in my tracks, stumbling backwards as the mass uncurled itself, the dark spots on its body shifting and revealing themselves to be pitch black scales. It rose and rose and rose, growing dozens of meters in seconds. Four tattered wings stretched from a serpentine body as jagged claws scraped against the blackened soil, and a maw lined with razor-sharp teeth opened and closed as a forked tongue flicked out, tasting the air.

And as an orange underbelly was exposed and similarly colored eyes snapped open, zeroing in on me in a moment, my spine stiffened as I realized what I was face-to-face with.

“Holy shit…” I muttered, my heart beating faster as two eyes as large as I was stared me down, “It's a fucking dragon!”

“So one of my hosts has managed to find their way to me. It is about time.” The voice shook the very ground underneath my feet, a booming growl that seemed just as angry as it was disappointed coming from the creature before me, “I was beginning to worry this imprisonment would be one without end.”

“And it talks! This is so dope!” My fear gave way to excitement as I stared at the massive being, “Hey, big guy! Do you have a name? Dragon's gotta have names, right?”

Burning orange eyes narrowed, and I stepped backwards as the dragon's head slowly lowered, coming to a stop right beside me as a slitted pupil glared into my soul.

“Dull-witted and ignorant as well as weak. My host is a poor sight indeed.”

“Host?” I repeated in confusion, before my mind registered what else was said, “Wait, ignorant!? What the hell!?”

As I puffed up with anger at the insult and prepared to shoot one right back, the dragon rose back to his full, intimidating height, dwarfing me a thousand times over and making my words die in my throat.

“Mark well and listen, human!” His voice boomed through the realm, “You stand in the presence of a being beyond mortal comprehension. I am Nidhogg! The Devouring Dragon! The Bane of Yggdrasil! The Scourge of the Gods, and you will show me the proper respect!”

Well this guy was certainly full of himself. I had seen some arrogant people in my life; It came with the territory of having a lawyer as a dad, but I don't think I'd ever heard someone literally shout they're titles to the heavens as an introduction.

“Nidhogg…” My eyes narrowed before widening in recognition, “You're the dragon who chews on the roots of the World Tree in Norse mythology!”

Mythology was one of my favorite things to research in my free time. Not for any theological or historical reason, I just thought that the fables and myths people could come up with even back then were awesome, like Prometheus and that eagle. That story was metal as hell. Good moral too. Do what your boss tells you or get your liver eaten for the rest of time. They should put that one in grade schools.

Nidhogg snorted angrily, the exhaled air feeling like a gust of wind despite his distance, “That my work to bring about the end of days has been relegated to mere ‘chewing’ is an insult of the highest degree. Count your blessings that I do not swallow you whole for your words, human.”

My eyes narrowed, “Alright look, I get that you're all big and bad and definitely full of yourself, but if you keep talking to me like that, I'm gonna come over there and slap a bitch. I don't care how much it'll make my hand hurt!”

Nidhogg was silent for a long moment, and I couldn't tell if the dragon was angered or confused by my brazen words, at least until he opened his mouth.

“What did you say to me, mortal?” Nidhogg snarled as he leaned down once more, bringing us face-to-face. His teeth were the size of oak trees and twice as thick, dripping saliva that I somewhat uncomfortably noticed sizzled on the ground, “You dare threaten me? I have devoured GODS for less, human!”

I put on a brave face, not letting myself be intimidated by this overgrown scarf with limbs, “Yeah, well I'm not a god and this isn't real life. You can huff and puff all you want but it ain't gonna change anything. You want my respect, you gotta earn it, and you're not off to a real good start dude.”

My words brought the dragon up short, “Not real life?”

“Well I mean, you're a freaking dragon, that tree is bigger than Everest, and the sky looks like someone having an LSD trip after staring at a winter color pallet. This is clearly a dream or something.” I put my hands on my hips, squinting, “Honestly it's a pretty shitty dream too. I heard lucid dreams were supposed to let you do anything, but I've been trying to conjure up my pet cat, Remmi since I got here and I've only got a moody dragon who seems to really want to make my ears bleed.”

For the first time, I could plainly tell what emotion Nidhogg was feeling. He leaned down, his eyes sparkling with bemusement, “You think this is a dream? You truly don't know anything, do you?”

My face twisted as I was suddenly less sure of myself, “Well yeah. I mean, I can't really remember all that much before I got here but…”

Wait. How did I get here? I wracked my brain, my mind working sluggishly as I tried to remember what had brought me to this place. It was oddly hard to think, much less actually recall specific details of an event I could barely recall.

“Nnngh!” A spike of pain suddenly shot through my body making me groan. It felt like all of the worst parts of a migraine rolled into one, and though it only lasted for a mere moment, it was more than enough to send me to my knees.

“You are dying, human.” Nidhogg's booming voice broke through the haze of agony. The dragon coiled up against the tree once more, resting his massive head on his forelimbs as he stared down at her, “Poison nearly as malignant as my own courses through your veins as we speak. By my estimates, you have mere minutes to live.”

“I'm… what?” I panted, confused by his words as I slowly stood, “What do you mean I'm dying? What's going on?”

Nidhogg huffed, “This ‘dream’, as you call it, is the manifestation of your very soul. One that has been altered by my own presence, but your soul nonetheless. When that devil struck you down, your soul screamed out in denial and your potential was realized, unlocking the Sacred Gear hidden deep within your being. That is where we are right now.”

I grimaced in confusion and pain as the agony slowly let up, “Devil? Sacred Gear? What the hell are you talking about?” God, my head felt like it was splitting in two, and these nonsense terms weren't helping a damn thing.

“I will not waste time with pointless explanations.” Nidhogg's massive body shifted and his tone was unimpressed, “Your miniscule understanding of the supernatural does you no favors, but that doesn't matter. What matters now is that you have mere minutes before your soul fades to whichever afterlife awaits you. And since I would rather not return to another millennia of darkness, I will offer you salvation from this fate. For a price.”

“You know, in my experience, when someone says something like that they're trying to get me to join a cult.” I said warily, still holding my head as it throbbed with every word, “Let me guess, you just want my soul in exchange for helping me or something?”

“Your soul?” Nidhogg seemed amused by something, baring his teeth in a mockery of a grin, “Human, I am the Devouring Dragon and I did not get that name from my attempts to bring down Yggdrasil. Your lung soul wouldn't even offer the lightest of snacks.”

“Okay, ouch." I winced, "Usually when people call me puny they're referring to my height. That… hurt worse, somehow.”

Getting over it, I crossed my arms, looking up at the towering being with narrowed eyes, “So if you don't want my soul, what do you want?”

“What do I want?” Nidhogg's tattered wings flared outwards, stretching to their full size as he stared at the canopy far, far above them, “I want freedom from my torment. Freedom to return to my rightful home and lay claim to my lost domains once again...”

His wings furled once more, “But I cannot have that, for I am trapped by Him. And as repulsed as I am by the mere idea, his powers far exceed even my own. So I will settle for a contract.”

“A contract? Like, sign on the dotted line, handshake with the devil, all that jazz?” I checked my pockets, coming up empty, “Damn, I didn't bring my pen. Can we just do it in blood, old-school style? Wait, no, I'm anemic. That'd probably be a bad idea. Can I borrow some of yours?

I flinched as Nidhogg shifted, moving faster than anything his size had a right to. The dragon's claws slammed into the ground in front of me without warning, causing me to fall to the ground as he leaned in close with a threatening growl, “You may think yourself humorous, but you will keep your jokes to yourself and show me the proper respect, human. After all, without me, you are in for a slow and painful dive into the depths of hell.”

I stared at the razor-toothed maw in front of me, ripe for rending flesh from bone, and only had one response, “I'm only a teenager and I'm being sent to hell? Damn. I knew I should have held the door for that lady instead of slamming it in her face..”

A growl cut through the air blowing my hair back from the force of his anger, and I finally relented, “Okay, okay, I'll stop. Jeez, it's like you've never heard of a coping mechanism before. I think cracking jokes is better than freaking the fuck out that I'm about to die.”

I took a step back, getting a better view of the dragon that wasn't filled with his pearly whites, “So what's this contract you're talking about? What can someone like me offer you if you don't want my soul? I doubt you want money.”

“Human currencies hold little meaning to me. The contract we shall form is one of much more importance.” Nidhogg's eyes stared into my own as he spoke, and I was unable to to look away as he stared into my soul.

“In return for my aid, you will inherit my vendetta against the one responsible for my imprisonment. You will seek him out and enact the vengeance that I cannot and in return, I will save you from your untimely end.”

I stayed silent, expecting for more, and blinked in confusion as the dragon didn't continue. “That's it? You just want me to kick some guys ass and you'll stop me from dying?”

“A gross oversimplification but yes.” Nidhogg's eyes seemed to glow in the shadow of the tree, burning ochre orbs shining like lanterns in the night sky, “Do we have an accord?”

“Waitwaitwait?” I held my hands up, wanting clarification on this whole thing, “Let me get something straight. You literally just want me to find someone and beat them up for you? You don't want me to kill them or torture them or something messed up like that?”

Nidhogg's rumbling laugh echoed through the realm, “I doubt you would be able to and even if you could that is not necessary. Merely being defeated by one such as yourself would be a humiliation equivalent to a thousand deaths. He will be forced to bear the same indignation I was forced to all those years ago.”

Ignoring his thinly-veiled insult, I moved on to my second question, “And what do I get out of this? You said you could help me not die, but I'm not hearing how. I'm not going to agree to shit until I know I'm not getting ripped off.”

Nidhogg eyes me silently for a moment, before a wicked smile split his maw, “Perhaps you aren't as dull-witted as I thought. Few of your kind have dared to ask the specifics of a contract with one as great as I before foolishly agreeing to it.”

I blinked, taken aback by the praise after the constant barrage of borderline insults, “Thanks?”

“To answer your question, you have already unlocked your Sacred Gear, that which will allow you to harness my power. But you are weak, human, and an unimpressive one at that. Even harnessing the most miniscule shreds of my magic would leave you exhausted or worse. I will change this.”

“You will inherit my vendetta, and in return, I will lend you my power and ensure that you can handle it properly. I will alter you, mold you to be better acclimated to the energies I harness.”

“Alter me?” I repeated, “What, like you're gonna make me a dragon or something, because I'm honestly not sure whether I'm down with that or not.”

“No.” Nidhogg rumbled, “You are not worthy to inhabit the magnificent flesh of my kind. I am simply changing your biology to be more similar to my own so that my endless power does not overwhelm you.”

I stared at the dragon warily, “And you can just do that? Change my body however you want?”

“My abilities are far greater than you could ever imagine, human.” Nidhogg replied vainly, “Using my powers, I will burn the poison from your veins and flesh and rebuild it greater than before. The process will alter your very soul, and once it is finished, that devil will not be able to withstand even the barest hint of your might.”

I liked the sound of that, but…

“It’s gonna hurt, isn't it?” I asked.

“That is unlikely.” He said honestly, surprising me greatly, “The poison has already severed any connections your mind has made to your fragile human limbs. Were you to somehow survive the poison, you would be completely paralyzed and unable to to feel a thing. When I rebuild you, I will be starting from scratch. You will not feel a thing.”

Though I couldn't actually tell his expression, there was a clear sense of disappointment in his words, as if he was actually sad that I wouldn't be writhing in agony from whatever he was going to do to me. So he was a sadist on top of being a narcissist. Fantastic.

Nidhogg luckily didn't hear my thoughts, and his eyes began to glow once again, “I ask you again, do we have an accord?”

I had so many more questions that I wanted to ask but it was clear that Nidhogg was in no mood to explain. Not to mention, if he was telling the truth, I was literally dying as we spoke.

I spent a moment debating but honestly, when offered the choice between a painful death or… not that, it was obvious which one I'd pick.

“You know what, fuck it.” I decided with a shrug, “Everyone dreams about having magic powers, and I'm not gonna give them up just because the details are a little vague. There's also no way I'm dying a virgin. I'm in.”

The glow in Nidhogg's eyes increased and his lips peeled back, revealing that same glow just behind his teeth, “Good. Prepare yourself, human.”

As the light began to build, growing bright and brighter and beginning to illuminate the world around us, my eyes widened as I realized something.

“Wait! Am I still gonna be cute?” I yelled out in a panic, “You aren't gonna fuck up my face or my body or something just for fun, right? Right!?”

To my horror, Nidhogg didn't respond. The dragon opened his mouth and a wave of blinding light surged forth, engulfing me while at the same time pushing me away from the tree.

As I flew, I could feel a familiar power invade my very being, sinking deep into my soul and settling there as I was suffused with a strange feeling like being dipped in warm water. And as my eyes drifted shut and the feeling overcame me, a voice echoed in my mind.

“Our contract is sealed and the pact is complete. Should you fail, I will take great enjoyment in devouring you and everything you hold dear before I am sent back into the darkness.