Life changes + the uncertain road ahead.
Hi, my loves!
Phew, it has been a busy month for me! 😮💨 My mom came to visit for two weeks, and just before that, I received news that my job situation would be changing–I'm suddenly back on the job market and facing a w i d e open future.
And, uh...yeah, I have no idea what comes next, guys. 😵💫
I'm still processing the change after being in this role for so long, but through this time, I have come to see something I didn't before:
A huge part of my identity was tied to my job. And that revelation has led me to think about where I want to go next, because my job isn't me. I don't even want it to be me. I would rather my identity come from what I create–my content, my writing, my art.
There's a quote from Moana that goes like, "What you love is who you are." And I've talked a fair bit here about leaning into doing what you love: expressing yourself, creating content, sharing what lights you up.
But...leaning into what you love can be hella scary, because it means being vulnerable–and trusting yourself through the uncertainty of where that road will lead you, since it can only be paved brick-by-brick.
I'm so used to having my job to put in front of that, and now that I have all of this free time, I'm lowkey panicking about having the freedom 😂 It was easier to hide behind work than it is to face the question, "Who am I without it?"
It was easier to stay busy (i.e. "productive") than it has been to slow down and be with myself. I'm fortunate enough that I don't have to jump right into the next thing, so I'm giving myself a little time to just...figure out who I want to become next, instead of who I had to be to survive.
Anyway, I thought I would share that in case it resonates with you. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who's been through this, but suddenly "losing" a big part of your identity can really shake you up–and, as a result, my creativity has suffered. 😔
That's not to say I'm taking a hiatus or anything like that, but I am moving a bit slower than I'd like on my open projects (City Girls, Riverrun, etc), and I may switch things up here for a little while, too, so I can prioritize having fun over output: more gameplay posts, story quips, random bits of writing, etc. Lower-stakes projects that will help me find my spark again–and face the next chapter with a little more joy and whimsy.
I'm excited to share with you what happens down the road ahead. Who knows? Maybe I'll learn how to fully lean into what I love and the next chapter will be better than I ever could have imagined. I have no idea how–but if I've learned anything on this journey so far, the how is figured out on the way, not before you get started.
If you've made it down this far: thank you for being here and supporting me. 🤍 Knowing that my work inspires you, or entertains you, or adds something to your game fulfills me in a way that I don't think I can quite put into words.
All my love,
Christina
Comments (4)
Awe... this is alot love. I'm wishing you the best and hopefully you'll figure it out. But I think were all just trying to "figure it out" along the way anyways.. I know I am! Good luck beautiful! Cheers!
I appreciate it, Mimi! We definitely are ~ if someone's got it all figured out, it's probably time for change. I think that's how it works. You reach the ceiling, then eventually the ceiling becomes the floor. Thank you for your support and for being here with me on this journey! Cheers to a beautiful next chapter for both of us ✨
Oh Christina, I feel this so much. 2 years ago I decided to quit my job and reorient and this was the scariest thing I have done in my life. 12 years of expertise to go back to zero is scary... Changing habits, waiting until the program start. Suddenly having all this free time and not knowing what to do with it when you've been active for so long... But all this was much needed actually. I knew it for years and had no courage to change at the time. Few months where I had the opportunity to just be jobless (not having to work to survive is a chance !!!) let me reconnect with myself. Not being obligated to be productive as the society expect us to be was such a relief. I hope your new journey is going to be fulfilled with things that you enjoy to do without any pressure of productivity. And that when you finally know what you want to do you'll thrive ! All the love 💕
Thank you, love, for all the support and your kindness! 🤍 I really appreciate you sharing your story with me. I'm excited to be in this "in between" space for all the growth that it will bring, even if part of me is unsure where it will lead, and still wants to cling to the "safety" of who I was before. Good things are coming ✨ and until then, I'm happy to have this space (and people!) that brings me a lot of joy along the way.