ADHD AMPHETTY; the truth

The first line of treatment for ADHD is stimulant medication; amphetamine (Dexamfetamine, Adderall, Elvanse) and non amphetty (Ritalin, Concentra) based meds.

I’ve been prescribed two amphetty based meds for coming up to a year now. So I feel I have quite a good understanding with how these meds work! …At least for me!

Everyone is going to have different reactions to the same meds, however it’s often the case that we find similitude in our experiences. I always enjoy reading about how meds (especially meds I am going to take) effect others. As it’s helpful to have a comparative.

So, I’m prescribed Elvanse and Dexamfetamine. Here’s a little science. Elvanse is actually the ‘pro drug’ form of Dex. So these two medications are the same drug, however elvanse is a slow release version, where as Dex is instant release. Elvanse lasts about 7 hours for me. Where as Dex lasts 4. Subsequently they also have slightly different side effects.

Having these two options is very useful! As it helps me tailor the medication to the days activities. Sometimes I need a longer lasting medication, other times that just isn’t helpful. Especially as amphetamine medication is a bit infamous for aggravating and triggering anxiety and paranoia (which are already big struggles for me).

If I’m in a good headspace then I can generally manage the additional anxiety aggravation without freaking out, however if I’m already feeling sensitive and paranoid then let’s be honest, amphetty is going to make that a lot worse. And days like those you have to add up the pros and cons. Because I do get a bunch of positives out of taking my medication, however there are certainly times when anxiety can override all that for me. And days like those I’ll just take a meds break! And then take a benzo instead. Yum.

Positive effects;

These drugs certainly help me with my concentration, my fatigue, my focus, my mood and generally help me feel more in control of my body! Which is great!!

I have a very short attention span naturally, I jump from idea to idea in a matter of seconds and have terrible trouble pinning my ideas down. I’m a person with a lot of aspiration, however I also have very little patience. Which is sooo very typical of adhd. As our dopamine / reward pathways in our brain are basically all fucked up. Let me try to explain…

Where as a non adhd person has a constant drip of dopamine in their brain, rewarding them for doing literally everything… Like cleaning your teeth . Adhd people just don’t have that positive feedback loop. Which means our brains don’t reward us for doing anything really, unless it’s something that evokes a huge amount of dopamine (like sex or binge eating or cocaine). Which means we tend to live lifestyles of extremes. Where we’re hunting out the next big dopamine pay check because godamn it’s so overdue!

Now, a non adhd person may be reading this and think; but I don’t enjoy cleaning my teeth! The difference is most people still do it anyways. The dopamine you get from cleaning your teeth is not a ‘high’, but it’s enough to help you maintain a routine. Where as for a person with adhd, such seemingly basic tasks can feel genuinely impossible, something we avoid, find too exhausting to do or simply forget.

I do wanna say, the cleaning teeth analogy is literally just a random example of a monotonous daily task. Not to say that I don’t have impeccable oral hygiene!!!

So, stimulant drugs flood the brain with dopamine and norepinephrine. Which basically acts as an artificial reward loop/ drip. At therapeutic doses they don’t make you high. Altho when I first started them, they did make me incredibly euphoric for a short honeymoon period ahaha. While all the chemicals in my brain rebalanced.

Another benefit I particularly like from these drugs, are how they, (especially the Elvanse) has completely changed my relationship with food. Elvanse is also prescribed for binge eating disorder. I really struggled with binge and starve patterns of eating. I do this because a big unhealthy binge floods my brain with that much wanted dopamine. But then I am succumbed with horrible guilt and shame. Eating has always been like a big deal to me, because it’s one of my only guaranteed daily dopamine hits. However, I’ve found when I’m on these drugs I actually don’t get any good feelings from eating food! So a lot of pressure is taken off the food I’m eating. I eat much smaller, regular portions when I take my amphetty. It almost replaces any feel good feelings I’d otherwise get from eating. The fact that it can also make you feel quite sick at times also certainly aids in that.

Now, because I have a ragged history with eating disorders I can’t tell if this is problematic or not? Because on one hand it stops my binge / starve eating pattern and that is very freeing. Which also helps me have a healthier relationship with food, rather than seeing food like a drug I can get a hit off. A habit I got into especially hard after I became (mostly) sober. However, I can’t also help but have super toxic thoughts about the ways I could abuse this. And sometimes when I’m feeling extra fat or hungry I will use the meds deliberately to suppress my appetite and not eat.

So take that as you will. Generally I do think they are more of a help to my eating disorder tho. Because taking enjoyment out of eating is almost like taking the bullets out of a gun for someone who is susceptible to binge eating.

But taking joy out of something you love is also a bit sad lol.

Things I don’t like;

As mentioned, amphetamine can exacerbate anxiety and paranoia tenfold! This can get to the point sometimes where I’m so delusional I start believing even my own family all secretly hate me and that every single little thing I’m doing is both annoying and looks stupid. I find that when I’m on my period this is all one big hot mess and really best to avoid amphetty during those four days.

Secondly, this one is just really annoying more than anything! Amphetty makes is a diuretic, it also makes you really thirsty. (This means you wanna pee a lot!!) the frequency is almost as bad as having a uti. But don’t be fooled, it’s just the meds. And I’m hopeful that this side effect will eventually go away. For the first few months taking Elvanse I had the worst dry mouth. But that side effect did subside, as have a few other undesirable side effects thank god.

Thirdly, omg sometimes this stuff can make me so irritable and angry! That’s another reason why it’s best to avoid taking it during my period, when I’m already feeling tightly strung. Or if I’m in a bad food it just exaggerates it. I find this side effect really hard to deal with because I’m not usually an angry person.

Lastly, as usual with most people’s experiences, once the meds start to wear off, you get what can only be described as like a mini comedown and that truly sucks. The anxiety, the paranoia, headaches and feeling very irritable. It’s not a great end to the day! I was prescribed clonidine to help with this and it was a great help until it started giving me a heart arrhythmia. So I had to stop taking it because that was really dangerous ahaha. But if you’re struggling with the amphetty come down and getting off to sleep, as your prescriber for some clonidine because that shit was really good! It’s also not a benzo btw. Though it does sound awfully similar to clonazepam; my benzo of choice, which just so happens to be what I use to soothe that dodgy comedown now that I can’t use the clonidine.

Some things I really like about this medication when compared to other common mental health meds are that it doesn’t make you fat or starving hungry. It doesn’t kill your sex drive and it works instantly as opposed to having to wait sometimes months before you see improvement. Ofcourse there is an adjustment period. But it’s not as savage that’s for sure!!

I’ve worked out taking medication religiously every day isn’t the best option for me (unless it’s the contraceptive pill lol). As with my other scripts, I use amphetty on an as and when needed basis. And I think this is a positive as it reduces risk of dependency and abuse (which I’m susceptible too).

But ultimately these drugs have changed my life for the better and shown me glimpses of reality that I otherwise couldn’t access before. Which is very exciting and gives me hope for the future :)