YKS The Mag #33

Hey gang it’s time for the YKS Newsletter once again. This is where we take 6 Kickstarters and, well, you know that whole thing.

I want to thank everyone for reading and also remind you that if you can see this, you’re getting that Extra YKS Premium every month -- normally it’s our mailbag episode but you never know what we’re gonna come up with next. This month, it’s a mailbag, so we didn’t come up with anything different. However, it’s the Jessuary Mailbag, which means we’ll be getting to all the questions we didn’t get around to in the weekly episodes, plus hopefully a lot more general movie questions that you all send in throughout the month. I’m also trying to get Mike to taste test some popcorn with me -- you know those little seasonings they have at the theater to put on the popcorn?? Anyway, send in all your movie stuff to the voicemail or email and we will get to it around February 28th or so. Ok! On with the crap!

Truth, Dare, or Spoon!

“A game of Truth of Dare with consequences you can taste!”

Once again, I’ve been screwed over by trying to do work at the kitchen table. Last time, it was my 7 year old seeing the Banana Loca and bartering a month’s worth of broccoli for it (I capitulated, and did not insist on the broccoli offer because I’m a cucked dem neolib). This time, her big sister saw this image over my shoulder and insisted on watching the video for the Kickstarter. So that pretty much confirms what I suspected about the audience for this game: it exists, but it’s 9 year olds who have only just now heard of the concept of “Truth or Dare”. She wants the game but didn’t offer to eat any broccoli. She’s not bargaining in good faith and I refuse to negotiate against myself.

CoinDrift

“A unique coin sorting device, aesthetic from stillness to motion, featured with intuitive coin dropping & pickup”

One thing they pointed out a little further in the campaign is that countries other than America will have different experiences with the “Big/Small Coin Binary” enforced by the simplistic sorting mechanism on the CoinDrift. And that’s true! Some places have coin sizes that strictly correlate to their value, and some places have coins that are fuckin’ triangles and shit for no reason whatsoever. Here, I guess, we have one coin that is worth much of anything, and then a bunch of metal trash we have to carry around after we buy one hot dog outside the hardware store. This is a McDonald’s PlayPlace for your pocket lint.

Awakenings: Revitalizing Videos & Music Therapy for Seniors

Someone emailed in and said Pat and Donna had canceled their project, which sucks. But there’s nothing on the campaign about it and no update as of yet. So I am holding out hope that it’s a terrible fake news rumor spawned perhaps by someone jealous of the Awakenings brand portfolio, and hoping to launch their own competing entertainment/sing-a-long show for seniors.

It really does suck to think about all the old folks having to sit in a weird pseudo-hospital with nothing to do but talk to each other and choke down pills all day -- especially now, when they can’t go anywhere and even fewer people than normal will be visiting them. HOWEVER, at the same time, that sounds like heaven to me and I can’t wait for it. Of course by the time I’m that age, it will cost $80,000 a year to keep a moldy room at Memory Grande Estates so I’ll probably have to sit around and talk to my kids until I die. That’s fine! I hope they come out with some cool TVs at least.

MILLION DOLLAR HI-FI (series pilot)

“An info-tainment series that immerses viewers into the insanely high-end world of true HI-FI audio. Audiophiles get ready!”

I think before I watched the trailer for this pilot about people who buy 7 figures in audio equipment for their yachts, I would have told you that so-called “reality television” is a harmless diversion with mostly some pretty interesting, if exaggerated, show concepts. It’s a pretty decent genre to throw on when you don’t want to invest very much attention into what you’re doing, and so I’ve seen a lot of it in my time. Sometimes instead of watching Deadwood, it makes more sense to put on an episode of Bar Rescue, and only look up when Jon Taffer is making someone cry. I do this a lot when I’m working, which is why I don’t get very much work done. But also maybe you’re thinking about moving, so you put on House Hunters, or you’re about to go on a camping trip so you watch Bear Grylls try to spit in a bear’s mouth. Hey, maybe you watched Teen Mom before you had a kid! That’s normal to me.

But seeing this production company’s soulless reel of Selling New York, Luxury Lifestyles LLC, and Unoccupied Royal Apartments or whatever they did was such a huge bummer. As much as I like seeing a fool and his money parted, it kind of sucks when the fool has so much money that they actually like parting with it. And so, I will not be sticking around to find out if the speakers in Jamie Dimon’s home theater sound as great as they look.

Mindopia

“A ball that holds positive affirmations/quotes to better mental health and overall wellbeing”

Ya gotta have good mental health, gang. And, despite how crabby I get about it, I do think it’s possible to buy a product that will help you with that. Think about your physical health. Everyone has different circumstances, but generally speaking, we can all do some things that will help us in some small way. Other people can help us, too. Certain products can as well! You wanna stay hydrated, so you drink your water and you get someone else to remind you to drink your water, and you get a water bottle to help you carry water around. I don’t think I’d be mad if the water bottle company said that buying their water bottle might help you carry more water around. Hell, makes sense to me!

The thing I wouldn’t like is if the water bottle company said “Buying our water bottle will improve your mental health.” That kind of seems like what the Mindopia is doing. It also seems like the sort of thing that would be regulated if it were about physical health. But as anyone who has ever seen a doctor or a therapist knows, mental and physical health are not regarded the same way in this country. And it’s really too bad, because a Magic 8 Ball that told you to do some push-ups is kind of a funny idea.

Kookit

“A snap-on phone cooler & wireless charger designed in one. Gear up for a long-lasting fun of optimum game, video call & stream time”

If this is what phones are going to turn into, I think I’m going to become one of the No-Phone guys. There is a practical limit for the absurd accessorizing I am going to allow you to do to my $2000, 9.5” phone, and it’s right around “magnetized RGB LED fan with battery pack”. And I really do think we’re gonna end up in this place, or something like it. The modular phones were an idea that Motorola kicked around, and ultimately they decided it sucked to change out expensive, subpar parts when you could just build-in better, cheaper parts then chuck the phone.

What will happen as a result, is that they’ll eventually solve the problem by putting shittier parts in the phone, then selling the external accessories as essentially mandatory upgrades. Like the battery case, or how a $50 soundbar makes your TV go from sounding like total shit back to normal. Hey if you want a really thin phone surrounded by glass you have to make some sacrifices. That’s why we are introducing the iCam: a lens kit that turns your 12 megapixel iPhone camera into a DSLR quality point and shoot!

Well they probably won’t do that but phones are really boring and I don’t want one that rolls up in a weird little ball so they better figure something out. Anyway thanks for reading folks and we will see ya next time.