A Most Honest Telling

I’m not always honest. I want to be and I try to be, but as a true 3 on the Enneagram, I’m also hyper-aware of the opinions of others. My ego and my need to be perceived a particular way often get in the way of my being honest and vulnerable about who I am, what I feel, why I believe the things I believe, and how I got there. I’m working on it. A couple months back though, my friend and patron Sean McCoy invited me to be a guest on his podcast, The Come To The Table Podcast. His invitation came a week into my transitioning into a new job, and 2 1/2 months into experiencing the deepest grief I’ve ever known. He caught me when I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted and either unable or unwilling to concern myself with other people’s perceptions of me. Maybe both. He caught me in a rare moment of honest emotional vulnerability.

19 years ago today, in another moment of transition, grief, and exhaustion, I boarded a cargo plane in Cap Haitien, Haiti with one suitcase, the very few items I owned in the world and a whole lot of a whole different kind of baggage, much of which I’m still carrying today if I’m honest (and apparently, today I am), and I moved back home to Texas after spending 15 months working(?) in a Haitian orphanage. In my conversation with Sean I share more of that part of my story than I’ve ever shared. How grief and greed have reformed both my politics and my theology over the course of the last two decades, the shame I carry still over the death of a friend, and the tension in which I live today between conflicting ideals. It’s perhaps the most honest telling I’ve ever given of my internal life. It’s deeply personal, (in fact I may have shared too much), but I’d love for you to give it a listen anyway and know me a little better. The episode is entitled, to my great delight, “222," and it's linked above.

Thanks for reading, friends.

‎Come to the Table: 222 with Luke Brawner on Apple Podcasts (Apple Podcasts)