This is my Final Draft LOL

I wish I could tell you this in a truly human way. I have seen you and I don't know you, In the ways of many who look at others, humans, and pretend some aspect of closeness. I have seen this many times and will see it Many more. I hope for you more than I can give you, so I will say "I love you" in a very human way.

Thank you so much for this video Cobbler. That final sentence hit me as a ton of bricks, something I now know you will always walk off

I know what you mean when you say you were raised by people as a kid, and books as a teenager. I lived and breathed in Brandon Sanderson’s Cosmere, The Chronicles of the Black Company, progression fantasy where the characters always found the spark to keep going—in which I was always horribly deficient. All these characters I read about, I was closer to the fiction than anything real, I admired and looked up to them more than anyone in my life at the time. The loneliness of having no tribe. It gets to you. No confidant but the written page… and even there I hesitated. Last time I spoke my mind with ink, I got yelled at when my father opened the journal and raped my thoughts, took my confidant and broke my sense of trust. My ability to bleed on the page, to be honest in my writing. Gone. My father took no steps to fix the problem he created, he acted as if he did nothing wrong. He found my thoughts distasteful, saw my inner being, and YELLED at it, rather than give it a hug. Told it it was wrong for existing, wrong for being, and broke my little heart. My writing never escaped that prison for years. Everything I wrote was good on a technical level, but I always felt like crying when I read it back to myself. So I tried not to write. I now know why that was—they weren’t my words. They were sanitized. Cleaned of “problematic” emotion I had verbally beaten out of me since I was a kid. I had lost my soul before I even knew what it felt like to have one. I honestly can’t recall a time in my past where things weren’t muted and anhedonic. Pre-K maybe? But bah, what does it matter. My sorrow is my sorrow. Just thought I’d share a piece so other people felt a little less alone. Now to finish the video. Cheers internet stranger.

Thank you

Subbed to get this. I think you killed my writers block. Thanks, bud.

To hear that someone I respect has gone through similar experiences is so surreal and wholly validating. Love the work you put out and am happy to see you growing as a person.

“Take what you will, and I will remain” is one of the most beautiful and powerful things ever said in the garden, thank you.

I keep wanting to comment on this video with something that will help or make the pain go away. And then I realize there's just nothing I can say. Just know that I feel and share your pain and that your video's have helped me reflect over the years. I'm so thankful I found your channel, you seem like an amazing person.

This is beautiful. Remaining a sensitive person after spending so much time lost in the garden is something anyone should be proud of, if they can manage it.

I love humanity because sometimes there are people like you in it. I truly think someday, amateur historians will be studying you as a primary source for our times.

I want to say that you're a huge inspiration for me. I really want to say more but I just don't have the words to articulate what I want to say. Thank you for being the person you are. We love you.

Hey, lots of love man. I've been investigating some similar stuff from my childhood — the factory farm of my education. I wish you all the best. Meditation really helped me with trauma and not feeling shit and not being a misanthrope, but it was a very extreme and isolating and kinda crazy decade of work to get there, but it beats the hell out of therapy, and therapy's good too. Like I said, lots of love.

Thank you

Please remain cobbler, as someone who has listened to you for a few years now: you provide reason and humanity in a world of unreasonable cruelty. I love you man, take care.

I joined for this video, and holy fuck. I received abuse as a child, thank you for sharing

I love you. You work is important, you are important. Please remain.

I love you. I love you. You make beautiful works; I've never cried because of a YouTube video before. I love you. I look forward to whatever you make next, even if it is a raw and horrific beauty like this one. I don't know if my heart will be able to take something like that, but I'll watch it anyway. I love you. Don't lose hope. I love you. I love you.

I will give you the phrase I live by. It's my version of something Carl Sagan once said, but it's enough for me. "We are a way for the universe to know itself. We may always not want to know what that is, but it is so very important that we were here to know it at all." To be conscious of yourself and of other people is to know the full depth of how they work. It is to know your own care and paradoxically, where you fall short. It is to see the machinery of the universe, of life, of death and everything in-between and to wonder why it is. Intelligence and knowledge are curses you bear because you have no choice. Only death, either of the mind or the body, removes your experience of life. You can dull it, you can fight it or run from it, but it will always be there. I used to fight the grand injustice of it all, but I don't anymore. As you said, we are machinery. Machinery doesn't fight the thing that made it. But life teaches us something else, the most important lesson anything has ever taught anyone. History bends towards the survivors. For a hundred million years this planet was ruled by creatures that were barely sensate, but vast, brutish, beautiful and complex in their diversity. They would not have understood us. In fact their very existence stopped us from emerging. Yet their death and even their existence shaped the creatures that would eventually, through millions of years of hardship and struggle, become you. You can change things. You just can't do it yourself and you can't do it alone. If you can't change yourself, change the world around you, in your little narrow life, and trust that history will eventually skew in your direction because you are never alone in feeling you want things to be better. Not just for you. Not for your race or your religion or any other arbitrary caste. But for everyone. Your job is to survive. It is to know, despite the fact that it hurts. It is to grow the things you care about, and respect the things you don't. Survival is the game. History is not what we write nor is it what we remember. As you said, there exist descendents of the people whom were conquered by the Spanish still living in Yucatan today. Their culture is different, their ideas are different,but they are still there. They never left. They weren't cleansed or removed. They endure So must you.

First, I am very thankful for your work and your authenticity. What you share is of great value and I hope you can see (and feel) that. While I can definitely not equate or even compare my struggles to yours, I do know how it feels to be torn between embracing humanity and damning it. Damning for all it has done to you and the ones you love. I think misanthropy is in most cases the response of a severely hurt philantropist. After all, love and hate are no real opposites. Anyways, I am in my mid 30s now and what I hear from you does sound a lot like what my thoughts were in my late 20s. Thoughts I almost completely kept to myself. This is probably why I am here, watching and commenting. You gave a voice to my (somewhat) younger self. Guess what I mostly want to say is that it can become easier. It never completely stops hurting, at least not for me, but it has become easier to bear and easier to let others in. Wish you all the strength to leave the garden and create a life for yourself outside of it. And I wish you good luck and endurances with your history study. I also started a new study in my late 20 and were sitting again with 19 year olds. It turned out to be worth. I hope it will for you as well. God speed.

I really hate to say this, but I will because it's the truth. I'm glad you are where you are because where you are is where I found you and wherever I am seems to always suck but immediately becomes better when I see that peach cobbler pie face aww you're so adorable with your comically small hat and all. I love you bro and Elmo will realize that the WEST SHALL NOT BOW TO HIM!!

I know we can’t really do much from the internet side but know we all love and support you Cobbler and hope you get to feeling better and hope you can work out all your current and future problems. Much love

I might just be schizo but the it still says you get access to the discord as a plus for subscribing to the patron but the discord doesn’t exist anymore

On January 3rd, 1889, Friedrich Nieztsche was on his usual stroll around Turin. This day, he happened to see a horse being beaten half to death by a coachman. Nietzsche, compelled by compassion, ran over to console the animal, screaming, "I understand you! I understand you!" He then collapsed himself. It was after this incident that Nietzsche started signing his name in his letters as Dionysus. This is also when those around him considered him to now be insane. People claim this story is dubious at best; I think it matters not. I understand you, Dionysus.

I love you

Bro makes the most heart wrenching video I've ever seen and I recall how he said it's about hope. I truly hope you find the sentence, the picture, whatever makes you go "well, this shitshow is worth living i guess"

My friend sent this to me, said "it reminds me of you" I'm not as well spoken but, I can see the vision she has. I dont know how or what to say but I can relate heavily

I started following you 5 years back when you released your first DOOM video, a gift from the algorithm. Watching how your story and channel has evolved has mirrored my own life; Drink to cope, pulling the plug on that, and watching the world I built crumble around me. Staggering self-understanding making me a fish-out-of-water in my own skin, a costume that stopped fitting correctly several years back. Hobbling along with a fist clenched around the sand of joy, yet determined to make a castle of it. Im rambling, but rawness like this is meaningful, beautiful, and wild. You've made something special here.

I may end up speaking to the void here, but fuck it. I've been consuming a lot of heavy content in various avenues lately, between movies, music and this video. The last few weeks have been incredibly difficult to navigate through so I think that has something to do with it. But this video was what broke me. You talking about your struggles has forced me to remember my struggle. I'm only 22, but I've spent the last decade of my life in pain and great sadness because I, like you, and like many many others, was abused. Not sexually, but certainly mentally and physically. Utterly robbed of innocence when you need it the most. "Exposed to the horrors of man" as you put it. Even though I've spent so long running from it, I desperately needed to slay my beast, even if I did not know that I needed to. You have helped me at the very least put a significant dent in the herculean task that is compartmentalizing my trauma, and for that you have my deepest gratitude and have certainly earned the 5.00$ I'll be pledging to you. Thank you Mr. Cobbler man, I hope you can overcome the darkness someday.

Wow, I wanna write like that, incredible...

I don't have words that work, but you are important to me. I know that's hollow. I hope you find your way.

Absolutely beautiful art, entrenched deep within pain. Just amazing really. I hope you’re some kind of ok, although i doubt. I just doubt.

As always, an absolute work of art. Your art.

Dude you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. This may not be what you want to hear but I have to say it: Jesus decided in the garden that not only you, but the whole world, was worth sacrificing everything. Not only that, his example and selfless sacrifice showed us once and for all that there IS a better way than the petty, cruel way of the world we've built. The old is passing away and the Kingdom of God is coming into the world, however hard it is to believe. Sorry for the ramble. Please keep making art and please keep getting out of bed every day, you don't know the impact you're having on people all around the country and the world

Thank you for sharing this, it means the world to me

Beautiful video

“Deserves got nothing to do with it…” William Munny Yet I do believe your content deserves the three dollar membership so I can post clever meaningless quotes that make me feel smart 👍

Those final words you give in this video are some of the most powerful words spoken by man.

You’re moving forward, and any pasture where Halo fans get insulted is a greener pasture indeed

This was incredible.

I am so proud of you Cobbler. So so proud of you. For quitting drinking, and being who you are. You're relentless and brilliant. You're more brave than I ever could be with your honesty and ability to open yourself like this. You're doing amazing, never stop.

The old version was better, because it felt like it was supposed to be upsetting.

The mechanization of society has destroyed and humiliated too many

"As a child he was raised by people, and as a teenager he was raised by books". God fucking damnit man. That was the perfect blend of raw pain, insightful observations, the goat Kurt Vonnegut, and quite a bit of madness. I see your future, and it quite frankly hurts my eyes. I will now go self flagellate for 4 hours for being a parasocial little cuck.

I know it's not the point, and it's not intended as a consolation, but I think you wrote the sentence I need to hear. I don't think it's now, I should hope it's never. But I don't know, it's hard not to feel like it means something to who I was or might be.

"Rudyard Lynch?"

Fantastic video, amazing prose, and hauntingly hopeful. Hoping the best for you and our insane world.

I am glad that this is the first video in which my name is in the credits. I can see myself rewatching it in however many years, so that your words can help me push through any hardships that I may encounter, as they have in the past. And while seeing this video and hearing your personal story for the first time, I got the sudden urge to give you a big hug. In my folly, I think that is what you deserve.

I paid $3 so i could leave a comment. I've watched about a dozen of your videos on youtube. I noticed a bit of existential angst as a common thread in your content. Aside from enjoying your videos, and aside from having a general feeling of goodwill towards mankind, I'd be lying if I told you that I cared about you at all. If you died, I'd say, "Huh, that guy died. Bummer." I doubt you expected any different. Watching the suffering of intelligent people is interesting because they find sophisticated ways of justifying their indignation towards life and nature. The truth is that you inhabit a hostile world, and the fact that you can convince yourself otherwise is nothing short of a miracle. Our relative distance from death and suffering was earned by the blood and tears of untold multitudes of human beings over the course of hundreds of thousands of years. The natural world has long been conquered, but human nature is still part of nature, and that is the struggle in which we currently find ourselves. Whether or not we succeed depends on the will and strength of decent men. The central myth of our civilization is one of righteous suffering, because we correctly identified this as being central to human life. The extent to which we can embody Jesus as individuals determines the conditions that we create both for ourselves and, most importantly, for others. Anyway, I look forward to your next vid. Cheers.

Yeah

I was forced to face my addiction at the beginning of the year. My world felt like it was ready to cave in on me, and I was ready to end it all. But not one of the people I surrounded myself with over the years has turned their back to me. Now life is a constant battle against slipping back into the one thing I would use to numb myself, but I know with every certainty that I am not alone, and I've grown to understand myself more in the past 7 months than I have in the past decade. I only hope that you understand that the people that surround you do so because of who you are, and I hope that one day I can call you a friend because of the part you played in helping me in my journey through recovery. Much love Cobbler.

Fuck. It is difficult to relate to the video of a man a may never meet but not have the words to express that kinship. Being a machine is cold almost comforting I turn to academia and mind numbing dopamine enhancing dribble. But maybe it's time to step out of the garden. I can achieve greatness or at least some level of it, I write and I do not owe it on to others to allow myself to be judged. I need to believe it gets better I hope you see the same light

Thank you for describing the Garden. It has helped me understand a little more again.

I want to write something, but I know nothing and I don't think I can say what he deserves. But I can say his videos make me feel human and this comment section is nice.

You are a wonderful artist. This was beautiful and haunting. I wish nothing but better days for you.

The realisation comes from within but I just want you to know that you had a part in course correcting my brain into being this way. Thank you, take whatever measures you need to and do as you please, sad that this even has to be said, but you're a person, not a machine.

im glad you made this video, you and your writing reminds me of Hunter S. Thompson.

I will be honest, I did not understand much of this video. Maybe it's because my English is not as good as I thought it was, or maybe because I still struggle to comprehend some concepts. But what I've understood has been enough, in part. Thank you for still being here, Cob, I only wish you the best.

I cannot even begin to comprehend the horrors you endured. My only experience close to this was that I was also 7 when the most traumatic event of my life happened. Dad was not breathing and mom was breathing too much, and screaming too much. While I just couldn't look away. I still see his face on my bedroom's ceiling when I try to sleep. I still cannot sleep next to a person because of the fear I will have to watch someone die again. And then 10 years go by in a way that 10 years do and here I am still seeing hearing his voice. I have no wisdom to share with you or help to offer. I can just say that your videos single-handedly changed the way I see life, history, books and have built my critical thinking. You are a beautiful musical desert.

I don't know how much it could ever mean from a stranger--to Cobbler or whoever else cared enough to read the comments. But I'm glad you're here. Sunrise, parabellum.

I believe, this helps me understand my wife better.

the ending of this video gave me the first time in a long time I just wanted to sit in the silence. thank you for sharing something so personal. we are all caught in the gears of machinery we dont understand but I'm grateful that we can understand we are being crushed by the gears and still be good to one another. I'm going to sit with the idea of deciding what people deserve for a long time, that hit.

Have you seen "First Reformed" with ethan hawke? touches on a lot of the despair and crushing pressure of what we are and are not doing that you express here

Good luck

I can't believe the vultures at YouTube took this down. This is a beautiful piece of art and honestly, though I can't relate directly with your experiences, it's making me think a lot about how I conduct myself and my view on the world around me. Thank you for making this.

I really appreciate you sharing this. Thank you

I've also been raped and beaten routinely as a small child. He's just like me frfr. I quit weed a month ago and my mind just replays these memories indefinitely

Release the original here since youtube is a lil bitch and removed it

Thank you, Also to the freaks who run YouTube. I hope you have a “good time”, and am not part of a final destination type demise.

He seems happier having gotten this off his chest :)

Dear Cob: You and your content in everything you post speaks to me like no other YouTuber or “content creator” out there on the site, I’m proud to be one of your supporters and be able to help share, enjoy and appreciate your work you put into these videos and “documentary” type content you make. Even thought this was a video simply for yourself, it spoke to me and I’m sure many others as well. You are more than a machine cobbler, you are a man, a wise one at that. I hope this video made you feel a little more comfortable in this clown ass world we live in, know you’ve got people who love ya

Hell yeah Cobbman

The violence you showed was the violence you felt. You didn't need to edit it for us, you made it for you and we all love you for it.

What remains still gives to all of us more than they took. I believe that and I hope you do too, my dude.

I'm sorry YouTube as a platform is staffed and run by cowards, because this video in particular has real soul in it, and those of us that are your loyal fans appreciate just how raw this specific video is, it takes bravery to be honest, and despite the platform itself not rewarding that, I hope you know your fans very much do appreciate it.

I didn't realize that I was in the garden, or really comprehend it's existence. The last year has made me bitter and hateful. It feels like everywhere I look some new stupid cruelty is being enacted upon someone who doesn't deserve it in the name of greed, ignorance, or both. The shining city on that hill has been a lie this entire time. I've been saying snarky misanthropic shit like that for a while now, but I don't think I truly understood or believed that until this year. I'm in my late 20s now and I see the rest of my life ahead of me, but the deathshroud of the American dream has been lifted and I do not recognize the path anymore. I'm scared. The used Chevy Tahoe of American society has been bought, financed, used as leverage for more debt and is now being stripped for spare parts. All while economic doom the likes of which we haven't seen since 08 or even earlier looms on the horizon darkened by the clouds of "unusually strong" off season hurricanes and back-lit by yet another high intensity wildfire. The garden may be lit by sunlight, but things seem pretty fucking dark right now and question of "who deserves it" has been constantly rattling around in my head without me even realizing it. I dont see a way out of the garden right now, but now I know it exists and that I'm stuck in it for now. I don't think I can get out right now, but maybe I escape some day. Thanks for letting me know

Different story, similar sentiments. I spent so long resorting to art and beautiful sentences that should give meaning to the horror yet here I sit - years down the line - lonely and raging in a life others would envy. "My will to live is feeble, because I have nothing to live for." I kept that feeble feeling. It doesn't go away. It rises and ebbs like a tide. Your writing here has value. I'll squint away the tears, take brief comfort in knowing we're ok to exist and resist the urge to reach for that drink.

That was all a little circumspect if you'll allow me the observation, but, trying to pull it through the key hole, the 13 year old girl did this to you at 7, I get the sense the deeper sense the trauma stemmed more from the fact you tried talking about it, and those closest to you punished you doing so, scorned you for talking about it? Less the intrinsic trauma of her actions, more the reactions of everyone else closest to you when you simply tried talking about it? Fuck me, that was actually what "me too" was supposed to be about, before the media twisted it into something else, just this culture we live in, where it's shameful and deserving of scorn to talk about what happened. My mums sisters will not talk to her, because she tried to talk to all them, about what happened to all of them growing up.

Note to future self, don't read comments before watching the video.

God damn. That was powerful. I feel like anything I could say demminishes what I just watched... But I hear you. I felt that.

Pico-8 is a retro style platform, an imaginary entertainment system for which one can write games. It is - by design, not necessity - brutally limited in the resources available to authors working within its constraints. Not just despite this, but *because* of it, there are Pico-8 modules that could not have been expressed in a less resource-constrained medium. The people who etched things into the walls of the garden also worked within punishing constraints, chief among them their failure. Told to believe in justice, but unable to achieve it because no one person stands astride history except that they are allowed to by vagaries of circumstance and not without understanding and cooperating with that fact: they are elevated by the world's whim upon them, not theirs upon the world; the roiling sea of low-perspective preference has combined into the sneaker wave they are suddenly atop, and despite being thrown unthinkably high in every direction there is nothing to see but more ocean. Little great evil, but uncountably many little ones. Little great good, but so much of it as well. If the absence of justice didn't hurt they wouldn't have had the will to etch something into the wall for fellow travelers. If they weren't at least a little bit buoyant it would already be over, and they wouldn't have had time to try. But success (if that is achieving justice) was out of reach because it required a global monolithic perspective impossible to achieve and unethical to want. The only thing left was to try to shape the rocks on which the ocean stood, and so change its character. All this to say: I don't know the outcome of what you have written here, but I believe it to be similar in structure and intent to what has been etched into the wall before. If the only person it frees from the garden is you, I see an unqualified success. With my own experience I can already tell you it's helped one beyond that. I hope this is even a little bit as intelligible as what you've put forward. I saw whatever was early on youtube and found nothing abrasive I didn't already agree with. Thank you for presenting this.

i don’t know what you are, but i like it

I’m glad I was able to watch this. Thank you. Got a lot of thoughts I’m not sure how to say just yet, but may have write an essay of my own

I love you man

Hey bro, if you feel you don’t have a tribe that’s because that’s your choice. I think a lot of us would welcome you into ours. I’ve felt like I’m not human before. I was held in a foreign prison and tortured for 2 years. It can get better man. I telling you, it can get better.

Felt weird, deleted previous comment. Still, do want to say, proud of you for this.

Had to resub to leave a comment. That's how you know you did good work. That was beautiful. Genuinely beautiful. And while this is a word which is thrown around too trivially these days, know that I say this with its full weight: it was brave. Few are able to confront the things you have. Fewer still are able to give them voice. Yet you chose to stop running, and then chose to speak. I've not had your tragic life circumstance. Mine were different, and (I feel) trivial in comparison. It's not a contest, but we can't help but make the comparison. That Thucydides quote was something I was introduced to in college. And it has haunted me in the decade since I first heard it. As a history major drop out and one fascinated with the story of humanity, I too see the endless repetition of that simple ugly truth. It's easy to wrap oneself in a blanket of misanthropy. Surrounded by historically illiterate fools who insist on never learning from past mistakes, never correcting the same errors, thinking that *they* are different and that everything has been leading to *their* historical moment. We step on the rake, again, and again, and again. And the march of technology ensures that it unleashes new and ever more potent horrors. It's so easy to hate people. And yet, as comfortable as that blanket of misanthropy can be - beneath it, beneath the dead machinery, there is still something. I can't help but love humanity. I find it fascinating. There's so much to be captivated by, even amidst the horror. I want to understand. I want to look past the ugliness and to the beauty. I wear my heart on my sleeve, because I would rather feel love and pain than bury it deep and feel dead. Apologies for gushing, I guess. But you stirred something in me. You really did. Keep moving forward, brother. And be proud of your work, and yourself.

Jesus i genuinely hope you can find your way out im routing for you. Im heartbroken for you

Please know that just because YouTube censored your video, it does nothing to diminish the impact, quality nor meaning behind your work. Your writing is both beautiful and haunting, inspiring and tragic. Do not let this small bump depreciate from the clarity this journey must have given you. You did an amazing job, peach boi 😘 Can't wait to see what comes next!

Nice one mate, nice one

Appreciate it peach man. Despite the subject matter and it maybe not turning out exactly how you wanted, this is a good video.

It's a damn shame the censors made it so more people couldn't see it. It really is a great piece. I don't know how people expect to deal with bad things when the nanny state makes it so no one sees anything upsetting.

I saw the blood on the table from your writing Mr Cobbler. You have my sympathy as little as it might help you.

Thank you Cobbler

Seeing the animation stuff sounds sick

Omg thank you!!!!!