October Ramble - Jenny storyboards a dark internet ritual

It’ll appear gnome-matter what?

I love the idea of the robbing Peter to part Paul ritual. It’s hilarious to imagine someone performing a never ending list of rituals in attempts to achieve a goal that’s basically impossible to reach.

rewatching some of your older patreon vids and i love this sm. may i add that during the entire ritual you must be listeing to "disco miniature golfing queen" from phineas and ferb.

I love the videos where you're inventing something, like your own ritual or your ideal dark ride! It makes me want to join in. If I were to invent a ritual, I'd call it "the museum game." The next time you're at a museum, no matter what kind of it is, pick one of the exhibits that shows a human figure (it could be a person in a painting, a mannequin in a historical exhibit, or even a cartoon character demonstrating some scientific concept). Read every word on the plaque of the exhibit three times without speaking out loud. (Ideally, you don't want a plaque that's too wordy, one that's easy to memorize.) Still without speaking to anyone around you, look at the eyes of the figure that's part of the exhibit and repeat what you've just read, as much as you can remember, in your head. If you can't remember everything you just read or if you break eye contact with the figure or you're forced to speak to someone near you, reread the exhibit's plaque again and look once more into the figure's eyes, and silently repeat the text of the plaque in your head. The more accurately you repeat the text of the plaque and the more steady your gaze at the figure, the more effective the ritual will be. Turn and walk away from the exhibit without speaking a word aloud. There is now a connection between you and the figure in that exhibit. Continue to think periodically about the text of the plaque and the eyes of the figure until bedtime that night. When you go to bed that night, do not immediately put your head on the pillow. Instead, sit up in bed and once more run through the text of the plaque that you remember in your head while visualizing the exhibit figure in your mind, especially the figure's eyes. This will reestablish your connection with the figure. Then, close your eyes and lie down. As you go to sleep, continue picturing the figure and mentally reciting the name of the exhibit over and over. While you're asleep, the figure will come to you in a dream, and when it comes, you can ask it any questions that you want and it will answer those questions truthfully. However, there are limits to the figures' knowledge. They are more knowledgeable when the questions are related to the subject of their museum (like historical figures can tell you more about history, even parts of history that living humans don't know), but they may not know things outside of their subject area (like they might not know about your ideal future career or if you're ever going to get married). If you ask the figure questions it doesn't know the answer to, it will apologize and admit that it doesn't know, and if they can't answer even one of the questions that you ask though the whole night, they will give you a gift in your dream to make up for it. No matter they offer you, just accept the gift and thank them. Even if it doesn't look like a gift you might want, remember that this is a dream, and the gift is a representation for a wish granted. When you wake up in the morning, think about your gift and the wish you most want granted. If you can still remember what the exhibit's plaque said and repeat it in your mind before you get out of bed, you will get your wish. If you're wondering why the exhibit has to include a human figure instead of an animal, it's because if you did this ritual with an animal, you'd just dream about the animal, and it would just be there, acting like an animal, and animals don't talk, don't answer questions, and don't give presents. If you pick an exhibit with a dinosaur, you will see the dinosaur in your dream, but if it's a carnivorous one, it's definitely going to eat you, and no one will ever see you again in real life.

Honestly the baby eating isn’t as much of a drawback as drinking golf course water.

I think most mini golf courses have 9 holes. A regulation course has 18 so the mini ones typically have half that. Also, I think you look great with your glasses, save those eyes!

Ina Garten in her witches hat "If you can't harvest your own toadstools by the light of the moon, store bought is fine"

new raaaaaamble... roomble..... roomphamble

Please wear your glasses if your eyes are too tired!

the pseudo-satanic ritual feat. blood and animal parts where the goal is to get a demon to get you money but instead of a jansport backpack the demon shows up and asks for your routing number and makes a direct deposit of money into your bank account

Fantastic beasts 1 deep dive! Just saw the second one yesterday and JK Rowling needs to be held accountable for her poor story structure.

The fantastic beasts one deep dive: Yes, please. And Jeff the Killer two, I need it.

Well, became a patron less than a week ago, watched every Ramble now. I personally think this suggests very good things about the way I use my freetime, and no one can tell me otherwise.

I, too, am VERY opinionated about glasses.

First: you should wear your glasses to let the haters know what time it is. One of my favourite things to do when I am facetiming with a friend is to position my light so that there is maximum glare on my lenses. I don't know why I get a kick out of it but I do. Second: I want to put my vote on the in depth review of the first Fantastic Beasts movie. My favourite video you have uploaded is the Dumping on 50 Shades Freed for 25 minutes. I love a good dragging of rubbish cinema and no one does it better than you. Whatever video you upload next will be great, though. Third: There really isn't a third. It just seems like things should be listed in threes. I guess third: You are awesome, Jenny.

Your glasses are great, forget the haters. :(

based on your tweets about it i now Need a fantastic beasts 2 breakdown ideally just you and lindsay ellis getting increasingly angrier via skype

i really thought you were about to say "the marvel cinematic universe for girls" and started fantasising about strawberry shortcake, hamtaro and barbie teaming up

I don't really care about the order but I love your videos that use clips, so deep dive Fantastic Beasts 1 sounds awesome.

I heard the Hotel Cecil now offers rooftop mini-golf.

Getting any content from you will be good :) I think a critic or impression if fantastic beasts 2 and then analysis for fantastic beasts 1 and contrasting with some of the flaws you noticed in 2 could be good. Anyway can't wait for what you post next :)

Wait you're not allowed to write notes or prepare for a ramble?

In the interest of maximizing organic YouTube views / clicks / subscribes, I say do a Quick Cruel Hot Take on Fantastic Beasts 2, because it's timely. And unless FB1's flaws have really inspired you, and you need to Let The Hatred Stream, do the Disney Avatar video instead.

Okay, I'm warming to this dark internet ritual business. Besides the specific colored golf ball, can we throw in some Doctor Strange spell casting hand gestures?

I love your Creepypasta vids, so that one gets my vote! I'd also love to see your Disney footage, too. (I bet it's gonna be better than Escape from Tomorrowland, though your scathing review of that movie is my absolute favorite video of yours, omg). And your comments about a ritual that takes three years to complete reminded me of the movie "A Dark Song" which is pretty much that plot -- and I actually liked it a lot better than Hereditary. Anyway, so happy you're doing well on Patreon! Your videos are great and I swear I could listen to your thoughts on just about anything :D

Stop making her wear glasses, people!

I like how the harmless ritual unprecedentedly escalates into the risk of causing infanticide. By the way, did anyone else notice the imperial droid in the background resembling a gas mask discreetly watching you? It's unsettling. I'll take it as a subtle detail to go with the dark theme of the video and ascribe it to the genius of the person responsible. Thank you for this video, Jenny. It made my day. (And don't have other people decide whether to wear glasses or not.)

Having seen your tweets about FB2, I would love to hear your thoughts on it, although the other fantastic beasts video sounds really cool too. Anything creepypasta from you is always welcome and I'd love to see the disney world one too! Really just do what you feel like.

would love another creepypasta video!!

Go deep on Fantastic Beasts

It got dark as soon as the water step. Drink up!

Ooooh the Avatar one sounds good! Btw you can just put glasses on. It's okay.

please do a video on the first fantastic beasts bc i feel like so many people have already seen it, so we get a decent rip into the series without having to pay to see (and thereby support) the second one

I'm cool with the Fantastic Beast thing. Newt Scamander's accent was so thick in the last film, I could only understand about every third word he said.

I usually don't care what you do, but I'm gonna vote against Fantastic Beasts. I really like the first one and think it's been laid into way too much. Despite that, my expectations for COG are actually fairly low, but if I don't like it, I'll probably just prefer to move on rather than watch someone lay into it. Also, I'm waiting to see it because of Depp, so I wouldn't even be able to watch that one until later

Great video as always. I would like to see Disneys Avatar thing.

Oh God, I'm sorry to spam with comments. I just wanted to chime in that I am so excited for the takedown of Fantastic Beasts. Your videos on movies are always my favorites. I will not be seeing the new Fantastic Beasts, but I am here and ready for whatever content you'll be putting out for them. I am also really interested in more creepypasta videos!

Oh what I would give for an ounce of Jenny's creativity! Guess I'll never look at another baby again, not like that was my thing anyway. Jeff Part 2 will be great no matter when it comes no rush on that!

Part of the ritual should be asking the gnome their name: "If the gnome's name is Jeff, immediately cease the ritual. Jeff is an asshole."

Disney creepy pasta sounds great!!! Interested to know if you’ve read the one about Living with the Land (<a href="https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wattpad.com/amp/117535137)" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wattpad.com/amp/117535137)</a> and another I can’t seem to find anymore about seven dwarves mine train?

I wanna see your WDW video way more than Jeff the Killer. .-.

I was wondering why Giant Porg was out of frame but then I got to "DO NOT LOOK AT THE BIRD" and it all made sense.

I am going to do the mini golf ritual. If I beat the gnome, I am going to ask for either a suitcase full of Tim Tams or a grocery bag filled with Jack In The Box tacos.

just got back from work, can't wait to watch this (though i am bummed that there's no fashion tips 😟)

Another great Ramble! We are the luckiest Patreons ever!

the disney world video sounds the most interesting to me

At least everyone agrees that, love it or hate it, Hereditary was a laugh riot.

1) We need a supercut compilation of Jenny going "Hnng" when there are sounds during recording. Just from tons of videos. 2) DRINK the golf course water? You didn't mention severe intestinal distress or needing to get your stomach pumped among the possible down-sides to this ritual.

God, the mini golf water drinking is the biggest deterrent for me. That's one of the consequences. Like, if you fail, you'll know because you'll get stomach flu or whatever one gets from drinking mini golf water.

Here's the thing, until Jenny came along, I have never heard of, "dark internet rituals," before. The last time I followed instructions I found on the internet, I wound up engaged to an exotic dancer named Stephanie (not kidding). And believe you me, she was way worse than any baby eating gnome. So I don't understand at all why these things are so popular with you guys.

Creepypasta universe where the protagonist jumps from ritual to ritual, slowly becoming the antagonist in her own creepypasta to obtain the last item she needs to complete her journey (and obtain a life time supply of mini toblerone bars).

More Disney content please!

You had me until "drink the water."

I'm still holding out hope for the lightsabers video.

i have felt no greater joy than when i saw this video was 42 minutes long

Forcing someone to pick their own toadstool region-locks the ritual, which is good for its exclusivity. What happens if you tie with the gnome? Do you go into an extended playoff sequence, where you’re holding up all the other mini-golf players as you keep drawing on a series of sudden death holes? Do you just get a neutral result where nothing happens? Or is it treated as a loss because you failed to win?

Wait I thought we were protesting Fantastic Beasts 2?! Crap if your gonna do a video on it I better get tickets. Maybe we can all just hiss really loudly when he who shall not be named (not that one, the other, more problematic and real one) is on screen.

The gnome will definitely appear, gnome matter what! Also, I'm pulling for the Avatar in the Disney theme parks video :o)

Deep dive on fantastic beast 1 would be great, maybe in a rumble video :D loved the ritual by the way.

like a sign, from a gnome

"from a witch that you trust"

Wait, is this video secretly a confession that you attained your YouTube success by beating a gnome at minigolf?

But Jenny, money gives you power and political sway. Also, judging from that scrapbook those are some pretty fun parties.

Am I the only one who can't view the video? I'm getting an html5 error. I'm on mobile but have been able to view videos from patreon before.

With my luck, I'll be in the group that's waiting for the person doing this ritual to play through. I'm standing there with a date or whatever, and she's already upset because for some reason I thought mini golf would be good date material. Then we just watch this guy pulling out his hair, burning it and muttering to himself, all the while acting confused because a gnome isn't appearing. I don't think there's going to be a second date after that.

So, whether or not I receive my hearts desire depends on if I can pass the damn windmill on hole 3?

I'd be interested in a deep dive on fantastic beasts 1

Darn. That's a good note, it should definitely be a particular color ball

dont let a broken laptop stop you! have your stuff in the cloud!

Definitely pick the toadstool from the wild

I was thinking about how there hadn't been a ramble this month yet just a few hours ago, I'm looking forward to this.

I feel like for a dark ritual you need to pick the toadstool yourself or else it feels too much like the book of magic where you had to gather ingredients. there has to be some kind of line to differentiate the two

Protection against the Dark Arts