S4E34: Fast Five

Wishing all my mentally unwell comrades a good day

"Brazilian amazon prime" Amazonas Primeiro, surely

I JUST realized that the actress playing Mia Toretto also played the role of Lucy Diamond in D.E.B.S. Which, incidentally, would be a perfect bonus episode!

This was a better review than the film deserves. Fun as always. Am I genuinely not on the list for the end of the episode.. what have I done to upset you.

In defense of being on twitter (I am not, I want Elon to work for what I think about the little ket-up'ed fail son) I do want at least someone on there telling me what's so heterosexual it's gay. Also blue sky....honestly it's my fault I keep drifting to the discover tab because I have no self control. As long as your doing god's work and dunking on the nerd, I could give less of a damn what website your on...but I can't go to twitter.

Moving all your shit to one location so you can watch it instead of dispersing it so it's harder to hit is the exact shit the Army Air Corps did on Oahu in mid-1941

Car Jesus: "Do not think that I come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but the Lamborghini Espada."

Speaking of early The Rock, I feel like you all would enjoy The Rundown.

This is the advantage of my naming convention of this series, you don't need to worry about the names of the upcoming movies. This was 5 Fast 5 Furious, the next one will be 6 Fast 6 Furious.

You should review "Joy Ride" with Paul Walker and Steve Zahn. It's a trucker/ road trip movie with aspects of Duel mixed in

Honestly given there have been multiple studies on how just being on twitter melts your brain and shifts your worldview to the right I don't think there's any justification at all for still being there

it's literally so easy not to look at twitter tho. i haven't done it in a year and a half and my life has lacked nothing for it

The thumbnail for this episode is absolute cinema.

The portrayal of the relationship between the car and the truck as a vendetta that rivals the one between the Atreides and Harkonnen's has been very entertaining. I wonder how Snowman and The Bandit from Smokey and The Bandit would be viewed as persona non grata by both sides for working together in a common cause.

Speaking of "oops killed your husband here's a bag of cash", in Ray Stevenson's "Punisher: Warzone" he accidentally kills an undercover FBI agent, and IMMEDIATELY retires because he took an innocent life. He drops a duffel bag of cash on the widow's porch at night and she comes outside, figures out who he is, and tells him he doesn't get to fucking kill her husband and then drop off blood money as an apology.

This movie franchise chronicles the rise of American fastism

Is anyone else reminded of The Super Best Friends "Family ( family family family )" bit every time family is mentioned in these movies

They couldn't do Fast and Furious in Ukraine. Their cars would be TOWed

I don't know what it says about either us as a society or the film industry at large that this was the first Fast and Furious film to get a non-rotten rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Im worried about November's and Devon's mental health. The justification for staying on Twitter sounds a lot like a depressed teen explaining their self harming

Had the epiphany at work that Dom letting Brian win the race is the carman's giving away her hand in marriage / giving him his blessing I would bet money that some dumb guy started going to church because of these movies

Depths! depths! depths!

I really do hope you all cover the Hobbes and Rayes film because it's a lot of fun, and a completely different feel. Also it's so family, man. It's about family, right? Did I say 'family' enough?

It's weird hearing this stuff about IDF women, then realising that 4 years later. Siege would launch with one of It's most popular characters being Ash. The FBI operative from Israel. Who's backstreet is that her mother is isreali and her father is Palestinian and that she willingly joined the IDF.....

Speaking of the Israeli military fetish thing; in the book Ender's Game, one of the Israeli kids tells Ender the battle schools try to recruit Israeli kids because of Israel's mythical tactical skills, but the Israeli kid himself points out and it's silly because the average Israeli man isn't inherently a tactical genius, let alone the average Israeli 5-year-old boy I did grow up on NCIS, watching a Chilean Israeli and Ilya Kuriyakin Badass IDF bullshit that American gun nuts try to cite and emulate: Using a .22 lr caliber handgun Carrying without a round in the chamber (in terms of practical handgun combat, the current meta / accepted wisdom is to carry with a round in the chamber and the gun kept in a holster that covers the trigger) The Desert Eagle

So you didn't mention it, but the Latino Comic Relief won't be in the next movie. That's why their final scene was at a casino, because their renewal was a maybe. Basically if they where in the next movie, they lost. But if they weren't in the next movie, they won and retired. So I wish those characters good luck in their retirement.

The only good Fast and Furious movie was Logan Lucky (2017).

I like they say “let it bark”

The more these films go on the more I believe that they don’t have female characters they are either rendered set dressing to ogle at like the cars some prize possession/plot relevant centrepiece like Mia or some of the reoccurring cars or letti who is one of the guys that you can make out with Like it feels disgusting to even observe but outside of maybe the lady with the pink car it pretty bad. Wondering when or even if we will see a fast film that doesn’t have a high m score

In the comic book series Fables, the doctor starts to offer an abortion, and Snow White turns to him (breaking the fourth wall) and tells him that abortion is the most forbidden, evil crime in the Fable neighborhood and that if he ever says even the word again, he will be thrown out of the neighborhood

The existence of Dom Torreto means that a Sub Torreto also must exist.

Now I love saying "POV" and "fambbly"

An important detail that these movies gloss over but was one of those "background details you may have missed" that the Weekly Planet found is that Dom Torretto has a magical amulet that grants him and (most of) his family immortality. EDIT: Paul Walker, who is also known as Saul Walker. EDIT2: Everytime that guy is mentioned, I have to listen to Hammer Smashed Face by Cannibal Corpse. EDIT3: A German Butt Lift is a motorised vehicle used to transport large containers of Reisling.

Turns out that Israel just thinks that it's hot when a person looks like they're starving. Fucking evil country.

Sartre probably would have been nauseated by F5 but Camus (a big wrestling fan) would have loved it. Enjoyment of these movies requires a choice to embrace absurdity. They resist attempts to find narrative or meaning. There are no characters only objects and events. It’s like Sisyphus says, you’ve got to live life a quarter mile at a time. I will say, Elena is a bigger victim of continuity than even Han. They should have left her in Rio.

Trivia: the way they did the vault practical effects is the vault was actually a car dressed up as a vault

Driving a RaV4 through the eye of a needle, is that anything? My Bible camp lessons are being pushed out by the gay sex I was having instead.

In the original SPLINTER CELL, the player character of Sam Fisher is sent to Jerusalem to retrieve a sample of smallpox for the greater plot. Your contact is a deep cover Israeli secret police (Shin Bet) officer. After meeting her, Fisher is abruptly ordered to kill the woman immediately. You are not told why. You have two seconds to murder her or leave. It is entirely up to the player whether or not you shoot the officer. I hit the fucking trigger so goddamn fast, I almost broke the controller. ...no idea why that came to mind this episode. Anywho, Free Palestine 🇵🇸🍉❤️

On YouTube, SkipIntro has a phenomenal video on NCIS and it's surreal fetish for Mossad and the IDF. HIGHLY recommended 👍 Free Palestine 🇵🇸🍉

If you block/mute enough people you barely notice the libs on Bluesky.

No BBL? Not the word of God.

Car Jesus in the Garage of Gethsemane: WHY SHOULD I DRIIIIIIIIIIIVE

Yo, Punchline!?

"Helpless" prison bus? I'm sorry, but ACAB includes the vehicles.

BBL! That’s the word of God!

This is making me think about how a structural reason for the acceleration of fascism is the profit incentive to make movie sequels where you have to go bigger in body count, bigger in terms of muscles and bigger in terms of fambly

Petition for you to show your dedication to the truckmen vs carmen bit by going to see the opera Carmen by Georges Bizet as a bonus episode

On Jesus' wheels; what is the car equivalent of the ironic donkey?

The episode thumbnail 🤣

Sorry Abi, you are incorrect Fast Five isn't the worst of series.

Let's fucking gooooo