December bonus: THE 2025 GRIFTIES

I know I'm early for the 2026 Grifties, but I just saw an electric toothbrush with a "livestream" button on its companion app. Major Kohler Dekoda vibes at CES again

Hi I’ve been binging your back catalogue and enjoying every episode! I’m here to share my cottage cheese recipes from a fad diet I tried about 18 years ago. The diet was crap but I still eat these variations regularly. Toast some bread (I prefer Ezekiel bread), then put a layer of cottage cheese on it. From here if you want savory, add some chopped tomato and avocado. I used to use salt and pepper but now use everything bagel seasoning and chili flakes. If you want sweet, put the cheese covered toast under the broiler until it is a little melty then sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar. (The original called for sugar substitute but I hate fake sweeteners).

Mike: I love a morning brick! Aubrey: Read 2:25pm.

M

You both are the best 🥰🥰🥰🥰

It's so weird to act like size options in meals are not already often available. Kid's meals exist. choosing how many oz your steak/fish/etc. is is a common option. side vs entree portions are a thing. buffets and other choose-your-amount restaurants are popular. Also: LEFTOVERS. Like, ????? this already exists where appropriate we do not need to add weight stigma bullshit to it.

Hahahah I don’t know Hillary Swank at all but I’m positive she did a preventative MRI at a place like Prenuvo. I won one at a company event and it’s definitely not a machine they install at your house. I went in and watched Netflix while they did a scan and then they tell you the results. It’s becoming more popular, our company even subsidizes people doing it to catch conditions early. Of course you have to have good insurance or a good employer or money.

I'm so insanely allergic to chicory, and now it's getting added to everything - especially vegan things and I'm vegan. It's been added to my favorite products multiple times and I have to search for new things - I get it as a trend but less so for vegan stuff, like I am one of the rare humans getting plenty of fiber already, please stop trying to kill me please 😖😖😖.

Hillary swank lives in the college town I live in. I’ve only heard of her being spotted in town at this expensive ass icecream shop. Eating the refined sugar packed ice cream lmao

Per Michael's opinions on driving speeds, here in Sweden the cars make this annoying beeping sound when you go over the speed limit, and it doesn't stop til you follow the speed limit. Idk if you can turn it off, I know in rental cars you can't

Slight correction (from a licensed HIV clinician), cuz my patients ask all the time: Long-acting injectable HIV treatment and prevention meds ARE a thing, but for HIV there's only ONE complete treatment regimen that's currently available and it's every TWO months. There is an every 6 month med but it's only used for "salvage" treatment and must be used with other medications (you always need at least two drugs to treat HIV). It IS available as PrEP, but very few insurances cover it, and in areas that need it most (>50% of people living with HIV in the world live in sub-Saharan Africa), PEPFAR funding being cut just decimated this revolutionary innovation. Honestly, very exciting time in HIV research until about a year ago, but really feels like we've been racing towards a red light. Once again, we can't have nice things bc of this admin.

Poop app's tagline should be "It's the sh*t."

“Poop lidar” 😆

Have these wild birth people not seen a baby story??

Hey, have you guys done Lifespan by David Sinclair yet? It has all the Maintenance Phase greatest hits (Rat studies! BMI! Joe Rogan!) plus plenty of opportunities for Michael to say, "pbpbfbt, that sounds fake" and for Aubrey to make yeast infection jokes

It feels so good to hear someone call out Women's World for their ridiculous covers that haunt me as I stand in line at the grocery store. The gooey chocolate cake that hovers over the before and after pictures month after month. WTF even is that?

Aubrey you should try dense bean salads. It's another big thing on bean tok 😂

Ok there's a new gal on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills this season named Amanda Frances and she's a "financial empowerment coach" https://amandafrances.com/ plz can we debunk this manifestation grifter? I need people to giggle with about this with.

You two are the best.

Re. the bonkers portion size proposal in the UK… why ALL WOMEN and SHORT MEN? That feels like a strange choice to group. What BEANPOLEY MEN OF AVERAGE HEIGHT? GIANT WOMEN? As well as being a bullshit proposal, it also feels kinda arbitrary?

I’m listening to this at home with my 9 month old, and he cracks up every time you both laugh 😅 a joy!

As always, just epic stuff. I always look forward to the Grifties haha

I think Germany is a few years behind the US on disordered food trends and one thing where I've encountered more and more discourse (especially among men) ist intermittent fasting. It's almost always presented with an almost religious fervor that this is *the* thing to do for health. But only if it's the practice of intermittent fasting. If you eat an early dinner and usually don't feel hungry in the mornings - that's not intermittent fasting and that's unhealthy. I assume that IF wave has crested in the US, but if it hasn't, can you please consider doing an episode on that?

It’s so funny when Micheal thinks the stuff Aubrey brings up is fake bc half the internet references he uses I have no context for 😭 BEANTOK IS REAL, JUSTICE FOR AUBREY 😂😂😂

Seed oil related comment: I learned from Hydroxide food scientist on TikTok (I love her) that food fraud is a pretty big issue. According to her, an “evil” reason she knows seed oils aren’t dangerous is that food companies use them extensively in avocado oil, olive oil, etc. to keep costs down. I don’t know the actual stats but food fraud could be a really interesting episode

Can we get a bonus episode of Mike & Aubrey just reading Pedro Pascal replies?

I wish you did more more more episodes!!!

ñññyyyyy

I just tried chili crisp and scallions on cottage cheese. Holy shit that’s a good combo.

Throughout the Michael Hobbes Cinematic Universe I have been aware of the jokes about him having mispronounced denouement. But I've been confused because I listened all the way back to the start of You're Wrong About and didn't come across when he mispronounced it. It's only with this episode that I discovered it's not actually pronounced de-now-ment.

I'm in the UK and I swear to God if they infantalise me by giving me a "women's portion" I might eat THEM.

Thank you for covering the Free Birth Society. I am four months pregnant and it has been so hard to witness my feeds change with bizarre health information around pregnancy and birth. I have been having a really hard time feeling connected to the pregnancy because of the language associated. It all feels very weird and second wave! It was very validating to get to hear this and this stage in my life! Thank you always!

You're correct with the speed limit take. I agree and think cars should not be allowed on the road if they are capable of driving over 80 mph

I work in a cancer clinic and one of the docs now gives the covid vaccine talk to all of his patients getting immunotherapy. Crazy to think what a difference it could make for our lung cancer patients ❤️

How am I just learning about this psycho?: https://www.fastcompany.com/91325308/marc-lore-wants-ai-to-feed-you-and-make-you-healthier

Can you do an episode on the new dietary guidelines?

Interesting side effect (which is obvious if you think about it) of Ozempic - people are buying less food! https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2025/12/ozempic-changing-foods-americans-buy

Please consider the four hour body. Although Aubrey may be conflicted as it has beans AT EVERY MEAL! it also has cheat days...and I know you two have feelings about that.

omg the walking stick victory was mine! absolutely thrilled to be mentioned

https://www.wsj.com/business/entrepreneurship/rancho-gordo-beans-fiber-protein-e27ec1ff?reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink Beans in Wall Street Journal this demands an Aubrey bean episode!

Are there more shownotes available? Im looking in particular for references to the quick update on cancer research at the end of the episode.

My boss fully bought one of those vibration boards and won’t stop talking about it lol

I need the kangen water episode! Someone i know is selling the filters and its crazy. They have all these graphics meant to look like legitimate studies and really claim to be science based but are clearly a MLM.

I was recommended to look into and take part in the free birth society by someone that is literally a licensed and practicing medical doctor in australia! isn’t that terrifying ?! I never heard of it and thought of maybe this is a group of doctors that provide free at home deliveries as part of a free medical coverage for all type political policy (I’m in the US where you have to pay to give birth) and when i looked it up i was SHOCKED at how awful and sketchy this was and how someone could be an actual doctor and recommend this

THIS IS WHY ALL MY FAVORITE COTTAGE CHEESE HAS BEEN OUT OF STOCK AT THE STORE FOR THE LAST TWO MONTHS?? OMFG I AM LIVID

This poop convo has me in TEARS

My favorite thing about the fibermaxxing trend too is that it doesn’t DEMONIZE FREAKING CARBS. A damn miracle.

Honesty the smaller portion regardless of calories would actually be good for a lot of people even though the intention is ghoulish. Portion sizes in America are too big not to mention expensive for so many people and many things do not save well. Especially with as many people were taught they they had to finish their plate and weren’t allowed to just east as their body cues them, they could order an amount of food they actually need.

Anyone in the UK will know we already had our very own version of the Kohler robopoop (or whatever it’s called) in the form of “Dr” Gillian McKeith and those excrement filled tupperwares 😩 for our friends elsewhere, it was a terrible TV show called You Are What You Eat. Grim

As an Oregonian in NYC, the “cars shouldn’t be able to break the speed limit” argument is the MOST Pacific Northwest thing I have ever heard. Everyone everywhere else drives like they’re about to die or shit their pants if they don’t get to where they’re going immediately, and I do miss the PNW way of driving like they have 1,000 years to live and are competing for the politeness Olympics

Audibly laughed out loud at the Sharper Image

How do you feel about the new US dietary guidelines? https://www.npr.org/2026/01/07/nx-s1-5667021/dietary-guidelines-rfk-jr-nutrition

The people NEED to know what you both think of Heated Rivalry!!

Thank you for the savory cottage cheese levelup. Green onions and chili crisp!!!

I was rolling laughing at all the poop jokes. Top tier content

I'm definitely giving cottage cheese with chili crisp and green onions a try. I'll admit that during the spring/summer when "Tiffany plates" were trending on TikTok, I got really into cottage cheese with mustard.

Always a yearly favorite, thanks! I just found a whole podcast about the free birth society, by The Guardian called Birth Keepers. Always fascinated by cult like groups.

Idk "what if you have to outrun ICE" is a valid concern. They're kidnapping and disappearing people, including children.

I had an MRI today and while I was in there I kept thinking of Michael saying “is she just listening to dubstep and she thinks she’s getting an MRI?”

So excited about fiber! Microbiome maxing

I will eat a raw onion like an apple, without breaking eye contact before you'll catch me rinsing off cottage cheese. Foh

I absolutely hear all the people in the "nothing gives me hope" chorus. If nothing else, hearing it expressed by other people in a way that isn't "Okay, Mr. Downer" dismissive is kind of reassuring. It's easy to feel alone when times are hard and everyone around you is just sort of keeping their head down and keeping on. Just hearing that other people feel it too makes it at least a little less isolating.

Thank you so much for making the distinction between midwife-assisted home birth and the deranged free birth thing.

There are already smaller meals available. It’s called the senior menu on the back of the ihop menu

your speed limit take is RIGHT and you should say it, Mike!

Celebrity win: Pro Wrestler Jungle Jack Perry (AEW) holding a fan’s “protect the trans kids” sign. There are many pro wrestling companies. The biggest is WWE and they are gross af (racist, shady, nepo, etc). Conversely, AEW has multiple trans wrestlers and queer storylines. It’s campy and welcoming and has been such a fun safe-haven for me and my queer friends in 2025.

If people had to retake their driving exam (paper or drive) the extreme majority of people wouldn't be driving. In addition to speeding, there's no such thing as a "rolling stop".

Tbh I get where the free birth people are coming from, and I encourage listeners of this podcast in particular to be open to a little bit more skepticism of the “you need to give birth in a hospital because giving birth is a MEDICAL EVENT and there might be an EMERGENCY!” People having been giving birth for a long time. It’s more like pooping than it is like getting a nose job. Now look, I’m not in denial about maternal mortality rates before modern medicine. Going as far as the free birth people go makes me pretty nervous too. But! Every story you know of “I would have DIED if I wasn’t in a hospital!!” is NOT necessarily proof of the necessity to medicalize birth. Sometimes it is - again, I’m not here to deny that maternal mortality rates used to be real bad. But sometimes, the hospital caused the emergency that they then needed to solve, and the whole thing could have been averted in a more natural and relaxed setting. Here’s where I want to appeal to Maintenance Phase listeners in particular: We know the medical system is terrible. We know that it underserves and actively abuses fat people, POC, trans people, women, chronically ill people, etc. ALL THE TIME. We know that insurance companies place demands on how things have to happen. We know that doctors routinely disrespect and disregard what their patients have to say, and sometimes even what the health markers indicate. Why is it so hard for people to grasp that the exact same thing happens to pregnant and birthing people - but with the added leverage of the doctor being able to scaremonger about your baby, rather than just yourself, to circumvent actually having to INFORM you about anything, and coercing you to “consent” to whatever they want to do for whatever reason. Now, to be clear, just like with all those other groups, I don’t think there’s some cabal of OBGYNs doing this on purpose. It’s a confluence of mostly unconscious processes. But even without conscious intent, I think the evidence is compelling that it *is* happening. (Check out badassmotherbirther on instagram for more info; she’s a doula and backs her claims up with research.) The free birth society may be nuts, but we shouldn’t let “birth is a medical emergency!!!!!!1!!!” slip into our beliefs unchallenged.

I can add to the HIV good news!! I conduct psych research with people with HIV, and I’ve encountered so many people who use the injectables, that I thought that option was waaaaaay older than it apparently is. People are using it! Insurance companies are paying for it!

y'all I'm just here to say thank you so much for pronouncing the H in aesthetic. hearing the tiktok/youtube pronunciation turn into as-tet-ic over the last few years has me questioning my sanity

The fact that Kohler health exists is a sign of how bad the job market is. Imagine how desperate you’d have to be to work there and not quit.

I loved the emotional rollercoaster of Mike figuring out what the kohler Dakota(??? Haven’t we done enough to native people?) does, hating it, warming up to it when he realized he could automate his butthole pictures, and then hating it again when he learned he would still have to do that himself.

Made the mistake of listening to this while making breakfast for my family. So much poop.

Nothing will ever be funnier than Michael slowly realizing what the Dekota is monitoring. “NO NO NO OH MY GAWD.”

I’m BEGGING. BEGGING you for a Grifter Sifter. My brother and I both need it. My brother created a DnD spell called “Detect Grifter” inspired by this podcast. ❤️

My health win for the year: I’m fatter than ever, and all my bloodwork at my annual appointment came back healthier than ever 🥹❤️ so so grateful to have a wonderful Black woman doctor who says things like “there is such a thing as happy weight!” to my health anxious self, while also keeping an eye on what we need to watch out for.

Thoughts while listening: (1) My gym has vibration plates and I've been meaning to ask the staff just wtf they're supposed to accomplish. Now I know: absolutely nothing. (2) When they mentioned that Kohler staff can access your poop pics, I changed my mind and decided I'm back on board. I want to be able to call Kohler every day to say I'm having trouble accessing my data, just so they have to look.

i just wanted to tell aubrey that my current favourite cottage cheese preparation is halved baby tomatoes, chives, salt and pepper, and maybe even a little extra virgin olive oil. going to be trying it w chili crisp!

The free birth people make me so mad. When I was born, my mom had to have an emergency C-section and I think we'd both have died if she didn't have access to medical intervention. This crap kills people

To the US healthcare systems: LET ME GET THE GODDAMN SHINGLES VACCINE! I had chicken pox as a kid! I don’t care that I’m still in my 30s, gimme that shot

Some of us (with executive dysfunction from multiple mental illnesses) have been cottage cheese pilled for decades now 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↕️ btw my fav way to enjoy it is with fresh tomatoes & fresh cracked pepper, OR so sweet and have it with canned peaches.

As someone who works in a pharmacy, HIV medication is a big deal. It is so expensive that you either need insurance that brings the price down significantly or you need to enroll in a program that brings the price down. The injection option will probably be lower cost, which is really good.

Michael, as the Safe Routes to School Coordinator for Richmond, VA, I completely support your take on speed governors.

The guy freezing cottage cheese to make "Dippin Dots" reminds me of the food experiments I would conduct in elementary school. "I wonder what would happen if I froze this cup of Jello?"

if there's ever a time where you both want to do something light, i would literally love a whole episode just talking about your favorite recipes. after hearing aubrey on "oh, i like that" i went and bought a copy of each of the greenfeast seasonal cookbooks by nigel slater and really appreciate how filling and varied those recipes are. michael talking about roasting sweet potatoes and now the chili crunch on cottage cheese like yes!!!! food and joy please! it's welcome anytime.

Fiber year!! Let's go!

I cannot overstate how hard I cackled at “end to end encryption” right after I heard Michael’s desperate “oh no” at the poop cam reveal. I was literally doubled over.

I really appreciate sharing what’s giving people hope. While I absolutely don’t want to turn a blind eye to the terrible things that are happening, hearing what is going right in the world once in a while keeps me motivated and mentally afloat.

Nigela Lawson’s “Meecrowavé” was the original rage bait. Got it.

Omg yes I've been a pharmacy technician since 2017 and there are SO many more colonoscopies than there used to be. I was dispensing the meds for those occasionally when I first started and now we're dispensing them 7 times a week on average.

As someone who has had some pretty terrible interactions with the US medical system: there is a special place in hell for the FBS folks and their ilk. They are preying on very vulnerable people who often have extremely legitimate grievances with the existing healthcare system/their existing providers, and instead of offering any actual help, they are putting people into even graver danger! All anyone with serious medical issues wants is hope - some hope of successful treatment (which often just means "not getting worse" rather than "actually getting better"), of being believed, of having someone care that you are suffering. And these assholes prey on that hope to make money and spread their vile worldview (extremely right-wing, women should be having kids but only in the ways they approve of, etc etc), rather than actually providing any of the community and comeraderie to scared and suffering people that they promised. Fucking vile. I have a lot of sympathy for people who fall for this shit, and absolutely none at all for the people who promote it.

I’m listening now and just got to the part about all the cool new vaccine discoveries. I have a 3.5 year old who had to get some shots recently, and he’s now old enough that we could look at one of his science books together and I explained about how his body was getting special instructions to fight off diseases. He was amazed, it was so cool to see vaccines through the eyes of someone learning about them for the first time, and I feel like we’re all getting to have that for these new mRNA/cancer vaccines. ❤️Now if we could just get the clown show out of the way!!

"Dekoda?" We already have one of those. Actually we have 2 states!

I was listening in the car and immediately pulled up the Decode ad to show my friend when I got to his house and he said “omg adult swim did that” Look at the top comments lmao https://youtu.be/DJklHwoYgBQ?si=vp_VKNT64wD6jrRJ

It was funny to re-listen to the 2022 Grifties right after I finished the newest 2025 Grifties. In the 2022 ep, at about 15:37, Mike and Aubrey said the MP hosts are disqualified from the celebrity takes category. Nearly the same timestamp in the 2025 ep (16:25), he declares his take best of the year. So I had to make a trolly comment about it :) Thank you both for another excellent year of podcasts!

Good stuff y’all. Thank you so much.

Michael Hobbs is the name of buddy the elf’s little brother in New York

As a programmer I am horrified for the people working on the poop app professionally. I wonder what they put on their resume once they look for a new job xd

relistening to the show and noticed: the cottage cheese "dip'n dots" recipe sounds like a creator called You Suck At Cooking. i searched his youtube but i couldn't find the dipn dots recipe, but i found a banana peel hack that should help contextualize his MO. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1Y_N3CDJUY

I recently saw that my rail thin republican cousin who is currently raising a teenage girl (and three boys) follows a ton of skinnytok creators, including liv schmidt, and it made me so depressed

The vibration plates have realworld uses, just not weightloss. Ppl with lipedema and fibromyalgia use them. I also saw a recent study on them being used as pain reduction for knee arthritis. So I wouldn’t dismiss them as a silly health thing.

I don’t know about whatever else they’re being sold for, but vibration plates are a common conservative treatment for lipedema. So they do have a use, and since lipedema makes you larger, it might be wise not to write them off for this audience.

the public health wins section made me cry ❤️ so many amazing things and innovations

According to the intel I gathered from my 16 y/o cousin at Christmas, the milk mile is a popular consequence for young men who come in last in their sports fantasy league. Apparently common enough that when my cousin said milk mile and I said “what’s that?” my fiancé looked at me like I had 3 heads. Happy new year all!

The women's portions thing... *shakes head* cishets will gender ANYTHING

The cottage cheese ragebait verges on a surrealist parody which is what makes it so excellent.

I mean...isn't Metamucil actually being sued for containing lead levels above the daily limit??

With regard to FBS and "rape culture" in maternity care. That's not their idea originally, there's a really rich area of research and consumer advocacy on the systemic issue of obstetric violence, which initially was spoken about in the early 00s by women themselves as "birth rape": vaginal examinations without consent, episiotomies without consent, bullying women into inductions and caesareans. The appeal of online spaces like the freebirth society is directly related to the issue of women's reproductive and human rights in maternity care. I'm a registered midwife who works in hospitals here in Australia. I had homebirths. There was a tragic death here in Australia last year of a mum who freebirthed and the tea room gossip has been gross - a colleague literally said to my face "I think homebirth should be illegal" with such disgust, right after I said "the media coverage has been disappointing, as you all know I homebirthed and-" and that was her response. I didn't say it but I was thinking: You are the exact reason FBS has had such success! Homebirth advocates/midwives/families are not the reason women turn to freebirth: it's (s)care providers like you who are disgusted by consumer choice and informed consent.

For anyone interested, there is a very excellent episode of “In Bed with the Right” (Ep. 112) on the natural childbirth movement. They give a really interesting overview of the history around it in the US and also talk about the group Michael discusses here. They also talk a bit about the history of obstetrics and shift from midwifery in the twentieth century—I learned a lot. I personally would love to hear a deep dive on the movement from Michael and Aubrey.

Oh wow. I thought the "decoder" was "the cola" (I am quite deaf) and was absolutely flummoxed when the ad started. Somehow cola is even funnier.

Love this show and the amazing hosts so much, wonderful awards show! Happy New Year!!

Thank you thank you for this. Love you two and this podcast!

I want Peter to scold Mike for not including number one pop girlie of the year, Sabrina Carpenter, in the list of trans allies after her VMA performance!

Please, never leave me.

I love to hear fbs brought up. I'm so glad that their practices are being exposed. Having fairly recently been pregnant it's so scary how quickly you are fed FB/FB adjacent content on social media. Even traditional hypnobirthing can be so negative about interventions and really ends up with mums/birthing folks feeling crap when their birth does end in intervention. Also, please can we do an breast milk/breastfeeding episode! The way that bfing beyond infancy has become "gross" in mainstream is so sad. The amount of money we could save on healthcare if everyone was breastfeed for 6 months (lol I mean every baby!) is crazy. I can't remember the number but a quick Google will bring up the stats and research.

My birth required an emergency C-section, plus I had a postpartum hemorrhage that required 2 units of blood. Without medical intervention, I would have *died*. Also, there are probably few free birthers who are advanced maternal age (I was 42 when I had my son). Also, I have tried to like cottage cheese, but I can't get past the texture. I have the same issue with olives and cherries.

This is making me want to eat cottage cheese.

the free birth story is *so sad*. Not just dangerous, which is bad enough! but also, so isolating. giving and receiving help during the birth process is, at its best, beautiful and sacred. encouraging people to eschew help hits as *another* way to isolate ourselves. diy birth; ffs 😡

Pls do the Kangen water/Enagic episode! The health claims are so ridiculous AND it’s an MLM

i’m sorry, they made the Adult Swim Smart Pipe real???? excuse me???? i feel like i just got hit by a truck, what is happening

The milk mile was originally the beer mile. You drink 12 oz of milk /can of beer before each of the 4 laps on the track that makes a mile. Whoever chugs and runs fastest wins. I’m not sure if beer or milk is more gross.🤢

The poopcam puns are killing me.

I’m listening to Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me right now - a year end clip show of favorite bits and the Kholer toilet cam was mentioned!! when you first started describing it, I thought it was going to analyze the contents of poop. That would have almost made sense whereas the observations sound like anything that anybody could do for free.

I love my vibration plate. I feel so loose when it's run its course!

It's KLF, Michael. God.

By the way the birth keepers podcast and investigation by the Guardian is terrifying and worth an episode in itself. It’s a fascinating example of how women treated badly by the medical profession are vulnerable to dangerous grifts.

The vaccine report is so heartening and interesting ! I had not heard of these results ; like where are the journalists hyping this! Besides Mike and Aubry, of course.

Happy new 2026!! May the topics be lighter and the recording fun!

Michael is definitely getting trolled on these dates now 😅

THE. BEAN. PROTOCOL.

Grifter sifters!!!!

As a woman who requires more calories than most men in order to just maintain my weight, fuck that dude. Stop starving women ffs!

PB2 is silly for making your own peanut butter BUT it’s actually really nice for when you want peanut butter flavor in a liquid. I mix milk, chia seeds, PB2 and a small amount of oats in a mason jar overnight and add it to a fruit smoothie in the morning.

Happy new year is there any better start to 2026 than listening to Mike laugh like hell about the poo - cam? It’s all downhill from here…,..

I’m sorry but I cannot get over this, just GO TO A FUCKING DOCTORRRRRRRR! Like holy shit, see your GP regularly and you can squash these issues faster and cheaper than paying for a giant (and obvious) grift 😅😅🙈🤦‍♂️

I paused mid-episode to look up the Kohler shitcam because I thought it was a joke! Why would you pay money for someone else to look at your poop? And can you even imagine working in Kolher Health’s support centre having to troubleshoot issues with poop cams? That being said, it’s important to know what is normal for you and please stay up to date on your colon cancer screenings. Early detection saves lives. The worst part is the prep, and that’s only one day, so book your scan, drink your prep icy cold and through a straw, queue up some podcasts and get it done!

Me, a Mexican, learning that “bean tok” is a new novelty 👁️👄👁️

I nominated FBS too! I had my first child a month ago. I hoped not to have interventions - who would want them? - and I was on track to deliver even without painkillers (long story - I got to hospital too late) but at the last minute my daughter's shoulder was stuck. Hospital intervention got us both through safe and happy. Freebirthers would have us both dead instead. [Edit to clarify: I didn't refuse interventions, I just hoped not to have them]

Omg omg the Kegan water!!! I haven’t thought about that in YEARS!

As a pregnant woman looking down round 2 of pre-eclampsia; those free birth people should be in the prisons I think should be abolished (morality is complex ok). They are by proxy killing the women they are crooning about protecting. To make a profit. Ghouls.

I love awards season.

Missed a chance to make a joke on the "end to end" encryption for the koehler shit scanner....

Not just licensed, insured.

idk guys i think that toilet has poo-tential

Midwife is not a protected term in Oklahoma- anyone can hang a shingle outside their door. 🤬

You know who is good with being openly pro trans? Canadian rapper BBNO$. He's pretty well known, but not huge and has gotten a lot of hate about it. My daughter and I went to his show last year and I was expecting lots of young white guys (as he is) and it was the most diverse, queer, neuro diverse crowd I'd ever seen. I love him. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Px16OD1qcU

I'm convinced one of my devices was listening to this episode with me because I'm being flooded with gut health and poop stuff in my feeds now.

Kinda sad they didn't mention David Tennant when talking about celebrities who support trans people, he is a massive advocate for trans rights ❤️

One thing that seems to never be talked about is that not everyone loses weight on GLP-1s. I take a pretty high dose of mounjaro. It's been absolutely great for blood sugar control. Even when I was eating almost nothing secondary to unrelated GI issues, I didn't lose more than a couple of pounds. This went on for several months before it was adequately treated. Now that the latter problem is being successfully treated and I've returned to more normal eating, my weight hasn't changed either way. Still fat.

No empirical evidence that the backlash against woke stupidity is driving this? Maybe add Michael to the bad takes of the year, holy smokes. It’s not only traitor lunatics who hate woke.

This gives a whole new meaning to “the bold look of Kohler” 🫣🤨

Free birth and its creepy terminology are horrifying. But on the bright side, the phrase made me think of a drunk person at a concert shouting, "Free Biiirrrth!"

In Bed With the Right has a fantastic episode about the free birth movement.

I work in a school and the milk mile is very popular among teenage boys who either 1) lost a bet, 2) think running then puking will impress their crush, and/or 3) realized that if they throw up, they have an excuse to hang out in the nurse’s office or get picked up by a parent, thus they don’t have to be in class or do school.

I would be SO HAPPY if restaurants routinely offered half-size portions, not because I'm a woman, but because I am OLD and I can't eat more than a few bites of a meal. (If those half-sized meals were also half-priced, I might even be able to afford to eat out more than once or twice a year.)(No, I know, not feasible.)

Woohoo 🎉 best NYE gift ever.

Sabrina Carpenter has been outspoken (grading on a curve) about trans rights this year!

Can we get Liam as a guest on a bean episode?? 😂

i eat a lot of cottage cheese since it’s one of the few not super expensive foods with protein i can eat on low executive function days and it was sold out many times this year :(

The free birth thing sounds like the absolute worst. Which leaves the Kohler poopooscope coming in at number two...

Cottage cheese? How do I tag Liam (The Plant Slant)?

It's so funny because part of my job as a nursing assistant is documenting the size and consistency of people's poop, like aubrey said there are conditions where tracking your bowel movements is important. but there really isn't anything a $600 butt camera can tell you that you can't learn from just, lookin'

of course the correct take about cars is that they should not be the dominant form of travel for practically all americans, all these half solutions from speed limiters to fully self driving cars are kind of. dumb. like I love my car, I love being able to blast my favorite music in my car, but like. a more just society would feature more buses and trains and bicycle infrastructure

I’m screaming that you’re talking about free birth society bc I’ve been following them for yearssss- if you ever want to raise your blood pressure watch yolande’s IG/ YouTube videos specifically - she was of course a heinous anti vaxxer and covid denialist, moved her 7 or 8 kids to Costa Rica to avoid covid regulations during pandemic. They are super bio essentialist/ deeply transphobic, and ex members share many stories of racist experiences too. They don’t just believe ultrasounds etc are bad - they believe they are literal *child abuse* - this explains the “rape culture” thing too because if you believe that seeing a doctor is LITERAL rape then of course, you believe your organization that demonizes doctors is “pushing back on rape culture” 🙃 they are real pieces of work and so so dangerous.

Something about the bean and cottage cheese tok just tells me Aubrey is following that lovely Liam guy who gets tagged in every single bean/cottage cheese video ever

Love your show, also love Pedro Pascal and his example of how to do ally-ship right. That said, I’m disappointed that the “best celebrity take” nod didn’t go to a transgender person standing up for THEMSELF. This landed with me as yet more “cisgender savior” discourse, which TBH is how a lot of MP’s past coverage of transgender issues has landed with me. A couple of examples: Mike saying that “other than me, absolutely nobody was looking at this” [the factual basis or lack thereof for anti-trans grievances]. It would have been fairer to say “other than me, no cisgender journalist was looking at this.” (Although not entirely accurate, see e.g. Bea and Artie on The Death Panel.) Trans people themselves were and are screaming bloody murder about these issues that supposedly nobody but Mike has spotted. (See e.g. Jules Gill-Peterson, Vicki Osterweil, Dean Spade, Beau Brink, etc.) Another example: Mike saying (again, my paraphrase) “Well, it’s reasonable to be concerned about transgender folks in sports, but here, let me debunk that for you….” NO, THE CONCERN IS NOT REASONABLE, it is an entirely manufactured concern-troll ginned up by ideological transphobes, based on exactly zero real-life harm suffered by real cis folks at the hands of real trans folks. Mike seems to have momentarily forgotten his own adage about “the things you don’t need evidence to believe”. Cis-allyship is important and lifesaving, but not at the expense of erasing the voices and agency of trans people themselves. Next time MP wants to focus on this issue, please at least quote a trans person, if not have them as a guest.

Wild that that UK dude discovered having small & large options in restaurants. I'll have the tall man soup please 🙂‍↕️

Prenuvo body scans, (just in case you don’t want to look it up) are done at a site not at home and cost $4000 or $4500 in NYC.

Me, who has IBS, listening to this with a Christmas bonus that's enough for either a PS5 or Dekoda: hmmmmmm (I'm getting the PS5)

Not the poop subscription I'm crying. It reminds me of the smart litter boxes!

The "women's portion" thing made me scream. I'm a normal weight (how do I say that? I am in a healthy BMI?) and I eat larger portions than many men. I have muscle and I walk a lot. I do like places that allow smaller portions when that can be cheaper or for people like me that eat too fast and can eat beyond satiety but don't call it "women's portions". It's like people who call "modified pushups" "girl pushups". Ick.

Happy New Year! 🫶🫶

Yall missed the htTP (as in toilet paper pun) for the kohler product, say what you will but it is the gift that keeps on giving

I have never used powdered peanut butter the same way I would use regular peanut butter, but it’s a pretty great ingredient for sauce. If you happen to love peanut noodles and satay as much as I do

I wish the vibration plates were vibration dinner plates 😭 I was dying

Peter’s and my favorite popstar Sabrina Carpenter is very pro trans (: She has spoken on it and her Tears VMAs performance was Protect the Dolls themed!

Miffed at the grift? Let these sifters uplift yer.

All the Ashkenazi folks are watching the rest of the world get cottage cheese wrong. It's so weird to me to watch a cultural food be touted as a diet food, or dismissed as disgusting by people who thought it'd a great sub for ricotta. It's a real trad Eastern European Jewish food. Our grandmothers served it to us mixed with noodles, or with strawberries, sour cream, and sugar after school. It's great but it's just a food! Aubrey's chili crisp and green onion combo sounds amazing.

Happy new year guys, thanks for keeping me company over a terrifying 2025! Two things: 1) take this with a grain of salt because I am currently emotionally dysregulated due to PMDD and insurance fucking with my antidepressant access but I started sobbing at the good vaccine news. I never hear anything good about vaccines and it was so amazing to hear about all the breakthroughs that are still happening in spite of the current administration. 2) I got new AirPods for Christmas and they have a feature where if you start talking they will pause your audio which is great for when I am at work but unfortunately when I started cackling about BeanTok they thought it was an essential communication I needed my audio paused for which I just find very funny.

I need to learn to NOT listen to these in public...what a wonderful way to end the year. Thank you!

Way after the fact, my 2 good news items from 2025: at my physical in December, I was talking to my doctor about exercise (for reasons other than weight loss) and she mentioned that the science has demonstrated in recent years that weight is not a useful metric for health and that things like blood pressure, cholesterol, etc are the important things to track. Yay for that showing up in mainstream medicine unprompted! Also I have been a participant in a vaccine trial for Lyme disease. I don't know the results yet, but the trial ends soon, so I am hoping there will be an actual Lyme vaccine soon.

when I was in kindergarten a classmate teased me for eating cottage cheese. I hope he feels like a fool now that cottage cheese is having its moment!

If I gave my kids frozen cottage cheese and told them it was dippin’ dots I think they would call child protective services on me

Semi on-topic… anyone have a rec for a really great cottage cheese brand? Ideally Midwest available? The one I love (Old Home) is currently unavailable and I miss the easy savory breakfast option.

My awful abusive MIL is a PROMINENT freebirther in Canada (she’s mentioned in the recent Toronto Star article about free birthing) and I am LIVING for the coverage FBS has gotten recently.

Woohoooooo! 🎉

thank you for this!!

Demi Lovato is not just a supporter of trans people, they are trans themselves, which is also being constantly erased in reporting on them.

Love and appreciate this podcast so much, thank you! Just what I needed this morning (except that birthkeeper shit, that’s horrifying). Happy New Year!

I hope there’s a note in this episode about when Michael beat that poor blueberry bush. That marks 2025 for me.

Listening on the train and had a visible reaction the moment Mike realised the decoder was poop related to the extent that the lady opposite goes 'aw did you get some good news?' 😂 Happy new year and thanks for all that you do 🙏🏼❤️

omg Michael and I figured out wtf kholer was selling at the exact same moment 😳😳😂😂😂 fuck we do indeed live in hell, thanks for helping us all thu another year 💖

only just started this ep, but i wanted to say that the ONLY thing bringing me hope rn is that i finished my semester with an a in chemistry and a c in precalculus (which means i DON'T have to retake it to proceed to calculus). it is bleak out here, y'all 🫠

As someone who was very involved in pro-Ana tumblr, just wanna say how thankful I am for this podcast. I found yall when I was like 17 (22 now) and it was the biggest help in deconstructing so many of the fatphobic beliefs I previously held, and I now reccomend yall to pretty much everyone in my life basically haha. Thank you for your exceptional, informative content. I’m sure it’s helped many other ppl too.

I would love to see an episode about the anti-inflammatory diet people

+1 on the car speed thing. But I also mask on transit, so I'm the Jon Stewart's "uncool" group, https://visionzeronetwork.org/resources/safety-over-speed/

Omg I NOMINATED THE FREEBIRTH SOCIETY (and was probably one of many). I'm a nurse-midwife and have been for 13 years, and in all my time I have seen some wild trends in the birth world but this is beyond the pale. These women promote the most anti-feminist, dangerous shit, and have dozens of babies and several mothers ' blood in their hands while they made literally millions of dollars. Their "midwifery school" is a slap in the face to those of us who work in this field, this is not some weekend course where we just hold people's hands. Sexism has made it so people don't view L&D/midwifery as critical care in the same way that CRNAs (anesthesia nurse practitioners) are, but when shit hits the fan, it often hits it quickly and a trained, licenced, experienced professional acting quickly and appropriately is the only thing standing between your baby dying/you dying. The Guardian coverage has been phenomenal, if not horrifying. The one that starts with describing a shoulder dystocia, one of like, three true emergencies, made my blood boil. With well trained providers that kid most likely would have been absolutely fine, but we've got about five minutes to get a baby out before they suffer severe neurological consequences and/or death. Most of the time birth does go off without a hitch. But without the watchful eye of people who have done this literally thousands of times, it is so so scary. If people haven't read the Guardian coverage, these women literally said that if your baby dies at home JUST DIG A DEEP GRAVE. horrifying. Thanks for covering, and giving us all a big laugh, even with some BAMU content to round out the year.

As someone with ulcerative colitis, a non-grifty version of the Kohler thing would honestly be so helpful for creating data to take to my GI doctor. But not for $600 and apparently a monthly subscription, dear god.

I was a little disappointed they didn't talk about my suggestion for worst product but they were correct. It was not as good as the poop scanner. Wild.

I know this isn’t new ground for anyone here but holy balls, the free birth stuff makes me murderously angry. It’s completely ahistorical - humans have NEVER normally given birth alone, that’s not how we roll as an animal. We have always lived in a social group, so generally anyone giving birth would have been surrounded (literally) by the other women in their community. Those people provide moral support, of course, but they also would have had a lot of collective knowledge and experience with the process of childbirth and whatever the medical knowledge of the day was. It’s also just fucking dumb. Anything can go wrong all of the sudden, and contrary to some people’s love of the just world fallacy, you cannot reliably prevent complications by being “good”. My second pregnancy and birth were pretty textbook until it wasn’t, and the end result was a uterine rupture. I would have bled out in maybe 10 minutes if I hadn’t already been at a hospital. Your spouse will be plenty traumatized if you die in childbirth, now do it so you’re bleeding out in their arms and then they are literally alone except for the newborn. Stupid stupid stupid

Don’t like 2025, have an onion

Another thing that wasn’t mentioned is that the first over the counter birth control pill came out this year!! 🙌

Love to you guys for your shout out in the NYT today!….Mike… you da man

Laughed so hard at the thought of a vibration dinner plate. Peas EVERYWHERE! 😂😂😂

The Kohler product story was a nice break from sadness. All the poop puns 😂 I’m visually impaired and have had people tell me I don’t “seem” blind. If people would stop questioning others’ disabilities that would be great.

My man David Tennent is chill about trans and nonbinary people. Also has a NB kid, but we’ll take it am I right? He’s a delight.

"it's totally possible to over-fiber yourself" brings me back to the time i ate 8 low-carb tortillas with 12g of fiber each(!!) in one day (i made pizza roll-ups and they were just too easy to scarf down 😔) and then for the next 2 days was CONVINCED i had appendicitis when it was really just turbo constipation

Give me that short king sized meal! If nothing else it would eliminate the constant question of do I eat till I hate myself or waste this leftover portion which isn't enough for another meal but more than I want to eat right now

beantok is real!!!!

I love this show, I love these Grifties, and supremely appreciate every episode you put out!! 💛 PSA: I'm an L&D nurse and I just want to be really clear that what the Free Birth Society is touting as a "midwifery program" has NOTHING to do with actual midwifery. Midwives are HIGHLY trained medical professionals, many of whom are nurses with a masters or doctorate level degree (the same as a Nurse Practitioner, just specific to OB/GYN), referred to as CNMs (certified nurse midwife). Many of whom practice across locations: home birth, birth center, hospital. In the US we also recognize CPMs (certified professional midwives) who are not nurses first, but still receive extensive training and complete apprenticeships and are only qualified to attend low-risk births. They offer a wonderful alternative for people who can and want to have a non-hospital birth. Doulas are not medical professionals, but are experts in coping and emotional care/support during pregnancy, labor, delivery, and postpartum. The Free Birth Society are heinous losers to quote our pal Pedro with blood on their hands. As another listener noted, The Guardian put out an exceptional investigative reporting podcast called The Birth Keepers. It's heartbreaking, but very detailed. Sorry to be a nerd and a bummer, but this seems like an okay crowd to be both. 🤓😍 Happy New Year!

Thanks for covering fiber! I had been curious about your take on it.

I love that Mike and Aubrey have stayed true to one of their earliest messages which is "this is part is going to be a real bummer, please turn us off!" 💙

I think vibration plates are just being marketed for fat loss to increase market share. My physical therapist has one and it really helps target small muscles/ligaments that I need strengthened to decrease pain, but it does jack shit for weight

I would also like to point out that the leaders of the Free Birth movement also say that you shouldn't even rescusitate your baby because they need to learn to breathe on their own. These women are serial baby killers.

I think you could argue that Mamdani's victory was in part a public health victory or at least that it could be if he succeeds on everything. He has a budget proposal to provide gender affirming care for transgender New Yorkers. In his victory speech he reiterated his refusal to throw trans people under the bus. I'm not trans or a New Yorker but it was a refreshing change to see a Democratic politician do that.

Messaging here as I listen. Hearing the TikTok recipe talk, one of the things I do miss being on those platforms was reaction accounts like Chef Reactions and Tanara (aka “everybody’s so creative!”) that make fun of bad recipes

Love you Mike but I beg you to stop referring to things as being psychosis or psychotic when what you mean is ridiculous or out of line 😬

Kangan water….. I haven’t heard that name in years. My elementary school classmate’s mom used to come into our classroom ~20 years ago to hawk it to 8 year olds. My mom let me buy a jug from my friend’s mom after much convincing because I really wanted to try it. I was incredibly disappointed it tasted like Water 🤣 it took me a few years into college to realize just how odd it was that a grown woman would come advertise scammy products to second graders. I am very excited if you guys do an episode on it!!

I would rather eat a whole raw onion than that fake dippin dots nonsense, and I like cottage cheese!

IDK whether to love y’all or hate y’all for introducing the phrase “poop LIDAR” to the world. 🤣🤣🤣☠️

“Birth business mastermind” is one of the darkest three word phrases in the English language.

The toilet tech giving ‘encouraging messages’ is just making me think of the toilet invention in Better Call Saul

Also re the tech toilet, so wild. I do love a Squatty Potty which is basically a no frills stool that helps you poo with ease

JUST PUT IT INTO MY VEINS!

Free birthing was big when I was pregnant with my oldest, which was 17 years ago. I really thought it had fizzled out, so finding out it's back and bigger than ever is super disheartening. And I say this as someone who had a home birth with my second baby, but with a Certified Nurse Midwife who was an ARNP and came with all sorts of medical equipment if needed. I did also have a "random ass person " for both babies, but she was a doula who never pretended to be a medical professional and was mostly there to support me when my husband had no idea what to do lol.

Ahh my favorite awards show 👏

The discussion of the miraculous effect of the HPV vaccine made me cry. A friend of mine died in her late thirties from cervical cancer and spent her last years campaigning for the HPV vaccine, which hadn't been available to our age bracket in time for her, but could save so many lives of people younger than us.

I thought Dua Lipa would be the best celebrity one for name dropping MP

I’m behind with popular shows like always, but I watched the sitcom Silicon Valley this year (Any fans?). So much is relevant still, but one of the storylines I still think of is when the tech weirdo Gavin Belson has a young man at his house and sits around getting his blood infused to him with hopes it will help him live longer. Apparently this actually happens with some tech bros

Like 95% of these bad takes are because we let the baseball coaches teach history for the last 60 years

I think Aubrey and Michael slightly misunderstood the valence of the MRI thing. It’s not that rich people are getting in home MRI machines but rather this trend of wealthy people doing full body MRI’s in search of problems rather than responding to symptoms. Interestingly, this has been a big enough thing for a long enough time that the trend was the lynchpin of a 2004 episode of scrubs (S3:E20-My Fault). Where the local hypochondriac is obsessed with getting a full body MRI scan. There is something fascinatingly cyclical in the fact that it’s coming back with alarming strength over 20 years later. Everything new is old and everything old is new again.

if you all think the milk mile sounds like an easy way to end up puking you should have seen my sister’s boyfriend run an “egg nog mile” which i’m sure you can figure out

Yay Grifties!

The Guardian’s podcast about Free Birth Society is really interesting but super sad too

The vibrating dinner plate! 😄😄

In the intro, I heard "grifter SISTERS" instead of "grifter SIFTERS" and I cackled. Michael and Aubrey, back in the habit!!

Since Michael is a regular on ‘In Bed with the right’: Adrian and Moira did a deep dive into Natural Childbirth in episode 112 ‘The Natural Childbirth Movement’

As the parent of a teen who's currently in treatment for anorexia, TikTok's influence terrifies me 😞

Happy New Year you guys. Love you! Also, Michael intoning "just buy a PS5!" has lead to me rechristening my son's the Poopstation 5. His subsequent eye rolling might need medical intervention

Miss Pronunciation is my drag name now

I don’t know if it’s helpful (re 🏳️‍⚧️ rights) but there are a camp of Americans who comment “oh look, not a drag queen or trans person” under news stories about pastors getting arrested for sex crimes.

As a German living in Scotland I laughed out loud in a train at Michael's Glasgow joke. You guys are the best, thank you for being my fave podcast for yet another year!

I'm on bluesky because I'm a broken person. Same :)

Mike's speed limit take is absolutely the *best* take.

I have a friend that gets MRI every 3 years because she has multiple relatives that suddenly died from aneurysms. She hates it but she's at higher risk for aneurysms and there isn't another way. The idea people would just get MRIs for no reason, just in case, is so nuts.

Pizza Express led the “women’s” portions sizes by trying to flog us just the outside of pizza with salad in the middle 🤦🏻‍♀️

What’s really funny about that UK doc’s recommendation of two meals is that lots of fish camps in NC/SC offer smaller portions and larger portions. They recognized not everyone has the same appetite. I just wish the UK doc had suggested it as just a hey some folks might want a smaller portion.

Now I kinda want my toilet to say 'good job peeing today, sweetie' in Aubrey's voice

Also Michael is mixing up EMF and KLF

Just wanted to share my own personal health victory here for this year! I had top surgery in January and in the run up a few weeks before I went to the hospital to do some prep (paper signing, blood tests, height & weight measurement etc.). I knew I was slightly over their BMI cut off and there was a risk they wouldn't schedule a surgery date until I was under it. Everything went smoothly and I discovered later that the nurse who had weighed me ever so slightly fudged my numbers so I was just under the cut off! (I was weighed again on surgery day so this had no bearing on safety & the surgery itself) I'm now under their cut off because just the weight of my boobs was enough to lose me a couple BMI points lol So incredibly thankful to that kind nurse who saw the ridiculousness of the situation I was in

I do know British women who will complain that portions are too big, it's a weird diet culture take in which you act like victorian ladies who insisted they didn't really need food. We also don't do doggie bags here, in general. I always just suggest that they go to more expensive restaurants that give you two grapes, a cube of protein and a smear.

I was having a really shitty morning until I heard Aubrey say 'end-to-end' with expectant glee. Thanks for the lols 🙏🏻

For the record, Michael is absolutely correct about the speed limits

Definitely thought you said "colon decoder"

The fact i already have nominations for 2026 indicates you guys will have a busy de-bunking year ahead!! Sigh. Happy New Year M & A thank you for all your humour in the face of insanity xXx

Enjoying Michael ragebaiting Glaswegians. You know damn well how Glasgow is pronounced!

🎉🎉🎉 Grifter Sifters! 🤩

The Kohler device reminds me of a fictional Adult Swim skit, come to life. https://www.adultswim.com/videos/infomercials/smart-pipe/

Would love a deep dive into Prenuvo. It looks like it's a type of machine that you go to a clinic to use rather than buy; I've seen a few celebs posting about their appointments on their social media accounts. Julianne Moore also posted about it on her Instagram but now the post has been deleted. Love Julianne Moore, but Prenuvo feels off for some reason.

SO glad you guys are finally talking about the Bussin Guy. he also briefly referred to avocado pits as 'the little wooden ball'. he fascinates me

Back end, end to end encryption 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Just in time for dinner

shoot. i'm so thankful for this, you gays, but i'm already past the bedstime. could i listen to this twice in the morning? literally life-saving to have a new ep in the dead week. y'all do us so kindly, thank you. [edit: just saw the typo, but i checked with our lawyers and they said it's accurate and, in the context of the message more broadly, barely hateful. it stands.]

oh thank god

“Sorry babe, I can’t come to bed for another hour and 10 minutes, new Grifties just dropped”

Thanks for another year 🎉

THIS IS MY ACADEMY AWARDS