Good news bad news, keeping it real update.
I know I said I wouldn't update you guys for another few weeks, but I felt compelled to.
Alright, so I got a new video card finally a few days ago (took about 13 days not ten, but that's not on the seller it's on the shipper). That's installed, working, and all is good. That's the good news! The bad news on the tech side is all the bsod's from the old card corrupted my windows install and Daz database. So I had to take time to get that all squared away and back in working order. Just to be able to do anything. I'm still working on parts of that because I can't just do a clean install. It's in place stuff, but it's getting there.
The other bad news is I went for a routine check-up last week with my PCP (doctor, primary care provider) and she found an atypical mole she wants removed immediately. There's a HUGE chance it's nothing. But there's a small chance it's melanoma. Even if it IS melanoma, there's a huge chance it's very treatable at this point with surgery.
Having said all that it's still scaring the living shit out of me and I can't get in to see a specialist until June 24th. They've got me on a cancellation list, so it could be sooner than that.
Also, I told you guys my parents divorced a few years ago and I live with my Dad. Well, Mom finally found another man to be with and he's turned to drinking pretty damn hard and is putting on a bunch of weight. So I'm trying to deal with helping him with that too at the same time. As you know from the game I can't really make him stop, he has to want to. But he's hard to handle right now. A 74 year old man who's hitting the bottle is not a good thing.
So I'm working on the game, but it's slow going at the moment because of all the stuff I just said. It'll all get handled, at least the stuff I can control (if Dad continues to drink I can't do anything about that and will learn to live with it). But, it's hard to get into the minds of the characters and just focus in general right now. I'll get back there, and like I said I AM working on the game. It's just not at anywhere close to the pace I normally do. Hopefully the dermatology place I'm going to can get me in on cancellation and can get this thing biopsied and it will be nothing. Or I can get a referral to get it taken out and that will be fine too.
There's an overwhelming chance it will be one of those two outcomes. But until all that happens. Well, I'm a fucking nervous wreck and there's just no two ways about it. 2026 has not been my year so far, at least the second quarter of it.
To summarize. I'm doing the best I can right now and I'm taking the steps I need to for my health. Things are hard and I'd be lying to you if I said I'm not anxious and that's affecting the speed of my work. Also, I won't just write and put out shit if it's not coming to me. Lydia would kick my ass, and I'd hate myself for disgracing the game like that.
So again cards on the table, this is how things are right now. I'll give you guys an update when I can, and that's the best I can give you at the moment. I fucking hate it, just like I hated not having the hardware I needed for some time to do anything at all.
Anyway there it is. I'm not a bullshitter ya'll know that, and this is me being straight with all of you, because it's how I live my life and stay sober. I'm dealing with some heavy shit right now and I'm giving myself the grace to do that.
I love you guys. I'm crying while I write this because I hate the situation. But you deserve the truth of the matter and I've given it to you. I appreciate all that continue to support me in this dark time, and still have up to this point.
As always, hope you are all doing well! Cheers!
P.S. - And no I'm not gonna feel sorry for myself, so don't worry!
Comments (7)
Being in recovery, when I've done interventions or just trying to make one of "us" see some reason, there is a certain emotional detachment during the process. In my experience, I would suggest someone who is not family to lead the endeavor. Of course, the entire family is welcomed and even recommended to show the support/love to the still suffering addict during the process. Couple that with a "74 year old male", likely stubborn as they come...you have a battle in front of you. I wish you patience and luck my brutha.... (and don't get me started on the puter' issues.. :) Whole 'nother story.)
Hope your mole turns out to be nothing. I'm a former lifeguard who spent a lot of time in the sun. If covered by your insurance, see if you can get a melanoma screening from the dermatologist. There are apps for detecting melanoma for many smart phones that may ease your stress.
I can only imagine the state of mind, but one way or another there's very tiny chance if any that the skin thingy is of serious concern, it is what it is, pay attention and get it sorted. The Dad thing is a different one, I hope things turn better, but in any case I hope you can accept it whatever the outcome. I have a father and a brother I gave up on and I'm sorry to see my mom still trying after several decades, sacrificing herself. As far as I'm concerned families kinda suck a lot. Hope the year improves at some point. I had a shit one last year, shoulder fracture and surgery, after 8 months I still don't have my range or strength and do my daily exercises to improve; weight gain; a bit of depression here and there, I'm not saying it to cheer you up but life problems are common especially as we start to get older. I'm determined to make a good one this time around as much as it depends on me. I wish you the same. Never stop trying, we win some, we lose some.
One good thing is if caught early melanoma is about the most treatable form of cancer there is. Often just remove it and then be careful from then on not to go in the sun without sunscreen.
One Day At A Time Zoey. When a loved one is on a bender it doesn't help especially if you are confronted with it daily. Keep to the path and work the steps like you know how to do. Best wishes for you and your family. Hope all goes well with your checkup/procedure.
Zoey Strong! Know that you are heard and supported 💪💪💪
Sorry to hear about all this, I hope for all good news in the future. Take care of yourself.