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I immediately test how much the American people love their 2nd amendment. I Buy every homeless person who can legally own a firearm a brand new gun. These guns will range from shitty little peashooters to Mossberg shotguns and 50 caliber sniper rifles. They will be distributed at random and they will all be provided enough ammo to fully load their weapon twice. Maybe we can't be the best when it comes to gun violence, but we can sure as hell be the worst.

i’m a little nervous teehee

I develop a ray that shrinks the global penis size down to like half a inch, just comically small. Havoc would ensue as global confidence hits an all time low and the 4 Chan user base soars. Plus not a single man on earth would admit they’re packing a tootsie roll, so I’d get away Scott free.

I would send out death squads to go into parking garages and mall parking lots to slash everyone’s tires. No one would be able to drive and millions of people lose money.

I think being a billionaire is evil and inhumane enough considering there are millions of innocent people homeless and starving. Boring answer, but the correct one.

Please release the jimmy episode or like snippets of it .

Would you rather see a timer above everyone’s head of how much time they have left or a counter above everyone’s head of how many times they’ve jacked off, only you can see it for both

I would start a nationwide gorilla workout regiment where all the zoos out their best warriors together to be pushed to their physical limit with the heaviest weights and best performance enhancing drugs where, thereafter; we pump them full of pcp and coke and let them loose on our enemies

I have a question! Would you all ever be open to starting a gaming server, like possibly Project Zomboid, for the Patreon community?

I was at a gas station getting food with my friends. While I was waiting on my order inside I notice a couple. A old balding guy and chubby white trash woman. The old guy had a baby in his arms and I thought nothing of it. Till he walked by, it was a plastic baby doll with a bowl cut. My friends didn't believe me till we walked by their table and saw sitting in a chair. Me being retarded, I point at it in the most conspicuous way. Thank God the guy didn't say anything to me though.

Start a business to steal toilet paper & resell it for a high price, but never mark them properly. So you get 1 ply when you buy 3

Build a device that horribly disfigures all looks based social media influencers, then watch their worlds crumble as they begin to realize they have nothing outside of their exterior selves because they never bothered to try and form hobbies or personalities.

1st phase, I'd start a cartoonishly evil private military company to go to warzones and somehow make those situations worse, kill on sight anyone and then defend their actions on the news by saying they were just defending themselves. 2nd phase, start a dogshit research program to create x-men style soldiers to fuel the PMC, while posting "Big news coming soon!" constantly on twitter to drum up fear and hype. 3rd phase would consist of old school space race type shit, create a second company called Edison to rival that musky fella by sending whoever and whatever up to space under the guise of research and science, id make the rockets just barely functional and then have them disintegrate in space to add more clutter to piss of NASA while saying its a great tragedy, id also allow homeless people to become astronauts but not tell them they aint coming home.

Simply Reward People With cash In Return They Must Do Insane Or Crazy Things. Cause money talks

I would pay all my taxes so the US could bomb more dudes in flip flops

By the way you can't message on speak pipe

I’d make dozens of shell companies to take over the lotion industry and then raise the price to an astronomical amount.

Wish me luck boys I sent my answer and questions to the Sam’s, I fuckin hate how I sound on recording and if I’m picked I’m grateful but dread it as well, good luck to everyone who sent a reply too

I’d use my billions to buy every zoo/pound in the world and release all the animals in a metropolitan area. Specifically Indianapolis. Watching from my penthouse as the city falls into chaos.

I just did a body building competition 3 weeks ago and lost 36 lbs to get shredded. I’m 3 weeks post show and all I want to do is eat and all I think about is food. What are your guys’ relationships with food day to day

For an evil invention I would invent a Bryan that doesn't be on the podcast!! Haha!

As a vet, I’ll make PTSD 10 times worse for everyone and VA (Veteran affairs) non-existing

I pray this audience isn’t this dumb to actually put their responses only in the comments

we have to put our responses in the link right? Not in the comments.

Pay multiple hitmen to follow poob around and perform gag hits. little tricks and such but in a way it looks like accidents so that he has more stories for the podcast. Maybe wed get more than two podcast a month.

Have a thounds falcons fly around attacking people

You guys should meet in the middle and go hiking the smokies or somethin maybe bring bizzle, feel free to leave bryan so maybe you can hike

I’d probably bring back the d&d show😔

What kind of awesome cars do you guys drive?

Gather all the world's top influencer for a festival... And gas them all.

I would follow Mr Beast around the world and undo all the good things he has done

I'd make all discord moderators fight in a battle royal only 1 survives and also ban league of legends

I was so high answering that shit, just got home from the bar crossfaded af😂😂😂😊

I'd design highly addictive virtual reality games or social media platforms that exploit human psychology to keep users hooked indefinitely, draining their time, money, and mental well-being.

I would turn all the water into hard water so when you get out of the shower your skin is dry and itchy.

I would restrain my influence to just my neighborhood so my schemes could be more elaborate. First, I would print a million pamphlets telling people about what I think is most important and my story. It would go like this: Ducks, and why you should know more about them. My name is Azzerath the XII of Rhode island. I am a bastard baby of a Italian named Cornelius. And the son of a whore named jaquis. I am here to tell you today, about why you dont, and it's your fault, know more about ducks. I have grown up in the marsh. I play with the mud and coyote shit the same way a sissy boy plays with legos in his infancy. Ducks are glorious. The are the prime evolution build, that the chickens really fucked up on. They migrate over 2000 miles ANNUALLY. I dont think you could do that even if you tried. Personally, my favorite duck species, is the Ruddy Duck. While it may not be the most elegant duck of the wetlands, I think it is the most unique. There are three main types of ducks. There are paddle ducks, like the ones you might see at the pond. These types of ducks can take of vertically from sitting in water. They also feed on surface level vegetation and seeds.an example of these ducks would be the Mallard. Diving ducks, are ducks that need to talk a running start off the water to fly. Peasants. When they feed, the dive to the bottom of a lake or river to feel on snails and fish.these ducks do not taste as well as the former. An example of these types would be the Buffle head. And the third, which is a subgenres of the divers, are the stuff tailed ducks. These ducks feed similarly to diving ducks, they they have very stiff tail feathers. This allows them to have more agility under water. Thank you for my speech, and I hope you learned JUST a little more about these beloved waterfowl. Thank you for reading, no TL;DR. Question: can you guys please consider a fishing video when you meet up next? I think it would be good for you. *edit: removed curse word. Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

I would use my villainous charisma to create a personality cult based around me and how I've totally got a direct line to Jesus or whatever so my word is law. I'd then use my villainous billionaire funds to build a village in the jungle in some South American backwater, perhaps name it after me or something and convince everyone that it's paradise when in reality they'd be living in squalor under a strict regime. At that point it'd be way too late to back out and I would perhaps make a delicious beverage laced with cyanide for the whole cult to share and convince them that we'll all be hitching a ride to heaven on the super awesome spaceship that's doing a fly-by.

terraform the deserts

I would take all my funds and round up everyone from EA, UBISOFT and game stop cuz fuck them and i would tie them around the mid section of a fleet of old pirate ship replicas and send them drifting into Arctic ocean filled with holes so they slowly sink then id force rockstar games to make an undead nightmare for rdr2 and give them half the money

If I had all that money, I would kidnap the entire die of laughter crew, put them in a black sight, and force them to finish it Ps I'm just saying I'm still paying for that s*** too. Like ten bucks a month, goddamn it

I would may like 4 or 5 dudes that had am amazing podcast (DOL) and I would pay them insane salaries to finish it or start a new campaign.

I would pay to have hundreds of live rats starved and injected with rabies + placed onto glue traps and have those glue traps cover every square inch around any persons house who crossed me in the slightest. I would also put up a rat proof fence encircling the property and rats. This would be an over night and covert experience like in Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares. These glue traps aren’t ordinary though they are high tech and have the ability to dissolve the glue on the rats at a moments notice. Each rat is outfitted with one of those cat neck cameras that lets you see their pov. The glue traps release is triggered 5 seconds after the person opens their door (I’ve also modified their door hinges to not be able to close once opened). To take in and enjoy the experience fully I would have a massive circular room made of screens created to watch all the point of views at once. (My writings were heavily influenced by the theme of 1000 hawks in an overcoat long ways but modernized and with rats) I’m praying this makes it into the podcast. Sending my love to the whole forehead fables team that make the podcast possible! Hope all is well!

Just be honest is all I care about, y'all been shifty....

I mean you guys could have bizzle on and explain what WOULD have been the end of the die of laughter story, could be coolllll

You better listen to the shit I sent

i would make you do your job

I would steal from the poor too help fund my evil plans the homeless would be walking clumps of change

Explode the white house… with my BOMB

I would fill seman banks with my seman and throw away all the other samples into a aquarium

I would just put unskippable ads everywhere and on everything. Ads in video games, ads in the middle of movies. Use my money to convince companies to let me do that

I would employ millions of workers like Bryan and document all of the automated work to then have a mass layoff after copying the workflow.

Ban fleshlights and watch Bryan and Sam's instant descent into feral creatures

Bryan Frankenstein

When are you getting a Bryan replacement?

I would create a invention that would instantly teleport groceries from the store into your house but it's takes a bit of your penis off each time you use it

....slaves I would have slaves. It's really appealing to me I wouldn't be a bad slave owner I mainly just like the idea of getting haircuts and lemonades on a porch watching others labor

Send zyns to African kids and just let them fuck around and find out

Abby on the pod when ⁉️

Dnd

I’d make a podcast with my friends where we shitpost on patreon

Stunt Powder

I'd build Wakanda but for white people. I swear to baby Jesus it wouldn't be racist...maybe just a little.

Kill Canada

Guys make sure you ask epic swag questions

Hope everything is okay fellas. You get them episodes out when you can, we are all very rich and very patient and very smart.

I'd suck moisture from the dry parts of the world and pump it into the atmosphere of the humid parts in order to make the humid areas even more sticky and the dry areas even more dusty

Do you or should you help the homies crank there hogs ?

Slowly pick through conspiracy theories to complete so it makes insane aunts and uncles right at Thanksgiving

Buy all toilet paper along with every toilet paper factory. I would become a God among Mortals and King of the Toilet Paper. They shall remember my name.

I’d buy all of the liquid soap and then dump it in all the water reservoirs

I'd force everyone to get a reversible vasectomy through some sort of chemical in the water I supply, I would have to be the main supplier to the entire world, and the only way to have a kid is to have your life reviewed by ME ( and my company). if you pass my series of financial, mental, and physical exams you would be given the pill that would reverse the effects for a limited time.

Do you think they explore each others body's?

I would purchase all of the orphanages in the United States and turn the orphans into a private army

I’d probably force everyone to listen to this podcast AND make them pay for the $10 tier

I would cum on my face and id make everyone watch me do it. The whole world would cheer me on it would be like year 2k but more awesome sauce since it’s me blowing a load on myself and shit in my pants cause it’s soo cool and awesome. ohhhh oh and everyone would have to jerk it with me. Its like a big zoom meeting with me as the jerkmaster and everyone would have to do it in my rhythm and recite something in tongue language or whatever it’s called. It would be a jolly holiday that would be celebrated all over the world. Oh and after the biggg ol nutterino we would all go to the mall ang get pizza. Yeah lets do it

Yachts are so played out, I'd have a luxury flying boat.

I'm gonna say the best shit of my life!

Sam, potty training tips? You said your kids were house trained at 18 months and I have a 2 month old and can't wait to get him shitting in the toilet.

Construct a mega super transit system because hell yeah but the twist is every single train ride you are put into a stasis pod where you live out an entire life on your two hour train. I will conduct various fallout like experiments to see how people react. Then you will be dropped off in the low income side of a city after you awaken from your dream.

I would dump billions into Detroit and make it a a thriving super city. Then watch it crumble in a year.

Hope you guys are OK!

probably just recreate vault tec’s plans and bomb the world running my own experiments in vaults and shit. worst case everyone dies and it’s boring

Pob Goblin merch when? When next camping trip? When will Bryan appear as a guest on the podcast?

Super cancer is definitely tempting, but I’d probably just create a secret society which spends billions of dollars creating a town where we raise a bunch of children to believe insane shit. We can also make different parts of the town have different themes/gaslit ideas. One part can believe life is like Halloween town from the nightmare before Christmas and the other can believe the n word means hello in Spanish. Best part is whenever someone turns 18 they have are banished from the town with $100,000 and a verified X account. The point of the secret society? To record it all and upload it to our secret society Patreon.

If I were a billionaire, I'd spend every last DIME working towards tripling world hunger

Taking this time to say, y'alls brains are rotten. 98% of the time one of you says "we probably talked about this before" it leads into a (Forehead) fable you've never even HINTED at on the pod, then you'll proceed to tell the same story 3 times in 3 different eps with no realization. It has to be a bit at this point, I feel bad for Stalltt

What do you think about how fast technology is evolving this year? China has a working railcannon lol

If i was an evil billionaire cartoony villain I would make robot bus seats that auto adjust to a person height so their feet always dangle an inch off the ground and they have to adjust where they sit so they’re legs don’t loose circulation

I’d buy an island in the middle of the tropical pacific. Where Oceanic Airlines Flight 815 crashes. As the survivors work together in an attempt to stay alive, they discover many mysteries about the island and try to survive. I’d film it and upload all of it and the leave them there, and reap the benefits.

It would also be fun to mess with the mentally ill by terrorizing them with drones so they think the alien invasion is here

If I was an evil billionaire I would buy all the important relics of history and publicly cum on them and ruin them for all time.

Buy all of Sam’s merch and give it to the needy

If I were an evil tycoon I'd buy out Costco and raise the price of the Hot Dog to 11.50.

I would go to news stations and announce I’d fix homelessness, hunger, promise the cure for depression etc etc … give it about 2 years of hype. When it’s time stroke the check I’d just say “na lol” and go hide on my mega yacht

I would force everyone to throw me a surprise birthday party since my family forgot

If I had a bunch of money I would surgically attach swords to a bunch of chimps, give them a bunch of meth and unleash them upon the populace

I'd buy instant ramen companies and raise the price

If I were a evil cartoon billionaire I'd probably give Somalia fallout level power armor and stockpiles of ammunition and i would pay them to invade the rest of society. In minecraft ofc if you're reading this blackrock.

Cock reveal when??

I would build a large elaborate maze with no end and I’ll tell people I’ve put my fortune at the end.

i'd make it so homeless people automatically get drafted to amazons delivery team so ur delivery driver joyrides into ur neighbourhood with ur package coked out of his mind and steals ur garden furniture after dropping off you're led light strips also he tries to get in the house when u open the door and sometimes u can see his eye through the door letter flap as he shrieks "BEZOS ONLY SENDS HIS BEST" and scurries back into the van, he doesn't sit in the front seat he just cannon balls into the freight squashing everyones shit, have fun with this one boys, ps i wrote in on an episode with aqua (ep 13), and i'll be down to continue my story

I would find the cure for cancer and only allow access to it if you are subscribed to forehead fables on all platforms. (plot twist it’s not the cure, just a splash of goat milk)

I have questions but then I'd have to remember them, sorry fellas

Rent tripled for all single parents

2 ply angel soft toilet paper

Start a podcast called “Forehead Fables” then kill off my third host

I'd build robot strippers and then plant them strategically so then the world population just stops and I make a bazillions of dollars for the patreon 😈

I would make all sizes on tags a fuckin’ lie. A size small? It’s actually a medium. A medium? Its XXL, large? Guess what? It’s a medium-small. Fuck you.

Non-related anecdote but I work at a bowling alley. I don’t know what’s your guy’s opinion on bowling.

So right now I'm travelling around Europe for a month solo. I've never met another person who watches these podcasts but I'm still subscribed loyally and dedicated! I'll be rewatching old episodes tomorrow on my bus ride across Germany. It would be kinda cool if you said my name. Id probably giggle a lit bit and be like "woah teehee that's me!" You guys have also kept me sane a decent amount and poobs stories have significantly boosted my social confidence helping me be more outgoing and enjoy going out more

Execute the take over of Tallahassee as planned.

I would genuinely become like a Messiah, if I had all the money in the world I'd take over the worst places in the world and become some mythic chosen one and absolutely play it up. Like to the point where people will have separate religious wars about me, I'd join small nations together until it would be time to fight the big guys, first I'd do small insurrections to weaken the infrastructure and then come in to save them all from their awful Leaders ,and once I have the world, I'll go for the stars

Are you only allowed one 🤔

If I were an evil cartoony billionaire I would definitely just probably melt the polar ice caps with my piss or sum. But a question, when will you guys do another discord event when it’s on a Saturday so I can actually make it? I love you guys thank you for all the laughs and giggles🩷

I would fund the research of child molesting robots

Didn’t think it was gonna be a voice message so that shit came straight off the dome

I'd personally replace all advertising benches with a picture of poob with a comically large penis on his forehead

I’d spend everything on coke and let the rest unfold.

How will you all make a living when the patrons revolt?

Half minimum wage, double all rent, triple taxes, then use all of the profits for rare oddities and exotic creatures

Hope everything’s alright regarding the emergencies

If I were a cartoony billionaire villain I would still help poob out when the tax man comes 👍🏼

Sam you should talk about that eel soup video again

Breed tigers out of existence and release them in canada

Hope you guys are doing better! ( I am going to submit the most crude and disgusting submission possible)

All good Sams 👍 hang in there!

Who is poobs favorite character in the stormlight archive series. Personally mine is shellan. Also I started the series off of his recommendation

If you’re not first you’re last

I would make everyone walk backwards

Where do you get your ideas from?

No

🧍🏻‍♂️