"Princess Track"

Hey Worsties,

Been a busy week here at the Dr. Samuel Bultch, D.D.S. Memorial Archive, after the discovery of this once-thought-lost lyric found buried under several boxes labeled "Paper: Do Not Get Wet" in the corner of our recently-flooded basement. While we could not recreate the circumstances of its one and only performance, by Bultch himself onstage during Hamilton's third preview at the Public Theater, we did our level-best to create a version that we hope the good doctor would be proud of. What he thought he would gain by performing the piece whilst greased-up and nude in front of the Public's notoriously anti-grease audience still baffles us, but we cannot, in good conscience, deny the moxy. Enjoy!

-TWOAPAJ's

"Princess Track"
Music by Lin-Manuel Miranda
Lyrics by Dr. Samuel Bultch, D.D.S.
Feat. Eleanor Philips, Josh Boerman, and Anne Boerman as "Ensemble"
And A.J. Ditty as "Dr. Samuel Bultch, D.D.S."

Dr. Samuel Bultch, D.D.S.:
YOU SAY
THE PART IS TOO SMALL
AND IT’S NOT ONE YOU’RE WILLING TO PLAY

YOU CRY
EVEN BURR GETS AN ARC
AND THAT NARC WATCHES HAMILTON DIE

WHY SO SAD?
REMEMBER YOU KNEW THE ARRANGEMENT
YOU SIGNED ON THE LINE

NOW YOU GET TO PLAY MAD
REMEMBER DESPITE YOUR DERANGEMENT
THEY WILL STAN.

PRINCESS TRACK
A NICE REPRIEVE
YOU GET TO SING YOUR ONLY SONG
THEN LEAVE

PRINCESS TRACK
HERE’S THE SELL
YOU’LL BE PAID AS MUCH AS
LIN-MANUEL

LESLIE CRIES
RENEE BELTS
ALL THE CHORUS BOYS FLEX THEIR DELTS!

MEANWHILE I’LL
SIT BACKSTAGE
DOING SEVERAL BOOKLETS OF SUDOKU
BOY, IT’S REALLY ALL THE RAGE!

BA-BA-BA-BA-BA
BA-BA-BA-BA-I’M-SO-BORED
I AM JUST SO BLOODY BORED!
BA-BA-BA-BA-BORED
BA-BA-BA-BA-I'M SO BORED
I AM JUST SO BORED!

YOU SAY YOUR PART’S DEMANDING
AND YOU CAN’T GO ON!
WELL I’M OUT HERE COMMANDING
THEN I AM GONE!

AND NO, DON’T GIVE ME MORE LINES!
I’M BACKSTAGE DOING MORE LINES!
OF SWEET, ADDICTIVE COCAINE
MY SNOWY, BLOWY COCAINE
I’LL SNORT IT
AND GUM IT
ANDSNORTITANDGUMITANDSNORTITANDGUMITAND
SNORT IT!

PRINCESS TRACK
I’M SO BORED
BUT I MIGHT JUST WIN A TONY AWARD

PRINCESS TRACK
A FUN REFRAIN
WITH A TUNE THAT JUST WON’T LEAVE YOUR BRAIN!

WHEN IT’S GONE
YOU’LL GO MAD
SO DON’T THROW AWAY THIS GIG
YOU’VE HAD

CAUSE WHEN STREETS
ARE SO MEAN
THEY CAN TAKE AWAY YOUR STAGE TIME
BUT THEY CAN’T TAKE KETAMINE

KA-KA-KA-KA-KA!
KA-KA-KA-KA-KETAMINE
KA-KA-KA-KA-KETAMINE
KA-KA-KA-KA-KA!
KA-KA-KA-KA-KETAMINE
KA-KA-KA-

EVERYBODY!!!

ALL:
KA-KA-KA-KA-KA
KA-KA-KA-KA-KETAMINE
KA-KA-KA-KA-KETAMINE
KA-KA-KA-KA-KA!
KA-KA-KA-KA-KA-KETAMINE
KA-KA-KA-KA-KA-KETAMINE!

(end.)