Maidens of the Fall, Arc 5, Parasomnia, Chapter 3

Octavia’s helmet, is it more like a knight’s helmet or a biker helmet? Because Octavia’s transformation seems both cyber and steam punk at the same paradoxical time, and I’m struggling to visualize it.

I absolutely freaking love the way Willow's dissociative identification is depicted, and the way there can be a blurry middle ground between them. The way there's identity tied up in her need to create a "pure" identity that's innocent of her wrongdoing, identity tied up in the perfect self she presented to Willow, and the her who could be the grungy ragged punching bag that took on all the pains and torments of her condition. It's just done so perfectly. (Heck it's even a typical age range for this flavor of dissociation of self and identity to start.) And I also love how it doesn't undermine the fact that she abused Octavia. She herself was a trapped and distressed child making extremely understandable mistakes. But at some point, she wasn't a child anymore. Exactly where that line was crossed is fuzzy (the fuzziness of Willow's age-based identities is pulling double duty there and I love it). But there was a point where she stopped being a drowning person involuntarily clinging onto and dragging down their rescuer, and she started being a person making a conscious choice. A deliberate and knowing choice to trap someone else in a dream to avoid losing herself in a dream, even as she became coherent and aware enough to potentially choose another path. She made the purposeful choice to coercively control someone else to ensure her own emotional stability and happiness, and that's the purest expression of abuse there is. And it was a *choice*. She could have fessed up to Octavia. Could have treated her as an equal. Could have been vulnerable and taken the leap of faith that would have required treating Octavia as an equal who could say no. But she was surrounded by adults happy to enable her behavior, who modeled that kind of abusive control of others for their own benefit, who gave her justifications and tools of control for it too. And at some point she became one of those adults. Now the justifications are obviously bullshit the moment you take a look at Willow's actions. If her behavior towards Octavia was *actually* rooted in the Dreamer supremacy she claims to believe, she'd have encouraged Octavia's transformation into a magical girl. She literally calls Octavia's transformation "No different to me, I suppose". But she didn't do that, because that would have meant Willow couldn't control her anymore. Because she'd made choices that burned any possibility of them having a positive peer relationship. But she also *knows* that's wrong, can't unknow it's wrong. And her dissociated identities are part of how she preserves the boundary between that knowledge and her actions. She *deliberately* maintains that boundary, when her younger self makes the choice to stay 10 and innocent instead of 15 and curdling. But also... That's the thing about this kind of dissociation. Willow's older self and her choice to not feel that is real. And Willow's younger self is real. She genuinely feels compassion and understanding for Octavia that's strong enough to motivate her to give Octavia that push. That's the nature of this, heck you could even say it's the "purpose" if you want to call it that. The point is being able to do both. And I love it all so much. Oftentimes when stuff like dissociative identity is tied to someone's villainy in a story, it's dehumanizing. But this felt extremely humanizing. Because some humans are abusers. That includes queer neurodivergent humans with childhood trauma too. And this feels like the perfect phlegmy, in-the-dirt story to explore that. I love it.

Woooo! She's finally out!! The zero separation thing between her and her mg self was so interesting at the end I could absolutely see Octavia just using her own name as her magical girl name Poor mini willow though :( I hope she's still savable inside all that horrible mess now that she has Flopsy I'm so excited for this arc ❤️

Oh man, this chapter was such a treat. I love that you neither made Willow secretly caring nor wholly unsympathetic, but just as terribly messy and fucked up as a person that "gazed into the face of god" at that age should be. The appearance of small Willow had me almost roll my eyes at first, I'll admit. It's a cliché that I personally think is rarely done well at all, but I am quite satisfied with the way this played out. The only point of worry for me is if this plot thread turns into a rescue Maisie situation, but I'll wait and see. Small Willow said some very interesting things about humanity, dreamers and the dream itself that I think may be more more important for Octavia to remember than she believes. A very interesting thing to think about is how much the seeming existence of the Noosphere/Akashic Records/Collective Unconscious interacts with and affects dreamers and humanity as a whole. Thanks for the chapter. Edit: Oh and finally it's punching time!

Yeah, that made me cry. Little Willow feeling so guilty and trying to help Octavia move on, Octavia giving gifting Willow her stuffy and hugs, the commentary on growing up, Little Willow terrified of being subsumed by her present and becoming a monster again… the whole chapter just hits right in the heart, and ending it with monster Willow really strengthens that. “You can’t— you can’t rescue me. Octavia, you can’t rescue me.” Silly child, Octavia is really sick of being told what she can’t do. She will save you, if only out of spite, but also because she can’t help herself from caring about the broken and discarded. This backstory, that of a scared and lonely girl whose worst impulses were encouraged by the authorities around her, is so tragic and gives Octavia just one more reason to rage against the system. Excited to see Octavia take out some of her rage by punching the shit out of a manifestation of humanity’s many fears.

gods, what an incredible chapter

Dream control? More like Dreamer control! And gosh dangit how dare you make me feel feelings for Willow! Now I want to like save her somehow. Rude /lh

Huh sounded like the dreamer superiority talk was a common position among her handlers at least. Wonder whether it will turn out that the government has a bit of a dreamer cult^^

Been waiting for this. Transformation is complete! She is, the Dark Zoog Knight!