December Update: Year In Review
Hey team.
Let's Get This Out Of The Way
You'll have noticed I didn't do a video in December. I made a conscious choice that I was going to prioritize enjoying my holiday, and also do work, but only inasmuch as it does not conflict with that enjoyment. I knew there was a risk that the video wouldn't be done, and I'd be apologizing to y'all for the third month in a row, but I decided, you know what? It may cost me money not to release in December, but if I come into 2021 not burnt out for once, it'll be money well-spent.
I hope you all managed some degree of rest this past month as well.
Looking in the Rearview
As you may know, I have an early January birthday, so I get extra reflective this time of year.
You don't need me to tell you, 2020 was a shitshow, but, in a bizarre way... for me, personally, it was less so than 2019. The world went to hell, but my own, personal life sucked a bit less. This is largely to do with personal things that made 2019 particularly terrible and other personal things that alleviated the nightmare that was 2020, which I'll keep to myself.
But, for all the times I've apologized to you for not having a video for you... I actually released 10 videos in 2020! Which is 2 more than I did in 2019. Had I gotten this thing I'm doing now out in time, I would've only missed (the equivalent) of one month, and, given I spent one month sick with COVID, I think that's pretty reasonable.
Granted, the hope for this year was to make up some of my video debt from years previous, but I hope you won't hold it against me that I abandoned that goal around March.
I have a number of frustrations. I don't like that I have only released one Alt-Right Playbook since 2019. I don't like that Protagony stalled after a single video. At the same time, I wouldn't call these regrets. They're just... annoying realities. I made what I felt able to make this year. And, not for nothing... I kind of loved doing it? The stuff I made this year rekindled some of my love for YouTubing. Grabbing subjects and running in weird directions with them felt like my first years, before I was "a BreadTuber," except the range of subjects was so much wider and weirder.
I also learned, somewhat happily, that I won't become destitute if I stop making The Alt-Right Playbook. CO-VIDs brought in a fraction of the views, but nevertheless steadily pulled in patrons. The only point where my income took a downward turn is when I didn't put anything out for a couple months in a row. The Alt-Right Playbook is my most popular project, and, by this time next year, it will theoretically be complete. (Yes, I know saying that is tempting fate.) So it's nice knowing I could still have a career after that.
Looking Through the Windshield
I've got one CO-VID still to make and then it's time to jump back into ARP. I don't know if the CO-VIDs are done, as I've got plenty of topics I could still tackle, but I'm itching to get back to the big stuff. I have a clear idea where I'm headed, and have bits and pieces of scripts I've put together over the last few months.
Once TARP is finished, I want to take some time off to pursue passion projects. And, after a little of that, it'll be time for some new series. Maybe it'll be that history of the adventure game, maybe it'll be that series on leftist revolutions, maybe it'll be more Protagony. Likely a mix of all three. And perhaps some weird shit thrown in here and there when I get the itch.
And maybe I'll look back at this post next year and think "that was naive of me." That tends to be the case. But I've never regretted starting a year with enthusiasm!
The General Crisis
I would feel irresponsible if I didn't mention the goings on in the last few days. For my birthday, I got the greatest gift of all: a Senate majority. Then the next day there was a coup attempt. As of this moment, Trump is officially conceding the Presidency. The Republican Party is possibly about to tear itself apart as it tries to disassociate from Trump, or possibly it's about to fully embrace fascism. The Democrats are possibly about to rally for impeachment, disgrace the fucker in his final days, and use the momentum to stop being a wishy-washy opposition party and make the tiniest room for the young lefties to steer the party... or possibly they're about to return to their business of returning everything back to a shitty neoliberal norm because it's preferable to fascism. And what's exhilarating and also fucking terrifying is it's really hard to tell which way things are gonna go.
So, keep in mind: while it's possible Dems will just treat this like an odd kerfuffle not worth dwelling on, we are also possibly living through history. And, you know... any predictions I make for this year are subject to change. Because of all the history we might be living through.
Happy New Year!
-I