Pay to Pray (Premium E341)

Jake describing his writing process is funnier than most people's writing. Also, the sound effects are killing me. That should be an ongoing bit.

Want to share with the group, hallow has recruited the #1 draft pick Fernando Mendoza (qb for the raiders out of IU).

Your mom is a porn free life style

Jake - pretty damn good Liam mate! I agree, polish / hone it / test drive it some more, and I think we have a potential new incorrectly-attributed impersonation for some yahoo (current or future) for a Jake story, given the election year and obvious collapse of governance in our country. I’m thinking à la Connery as Flynn, which still makes me grin (would love to have a “nostalgic” ep on Premium sometime with a throwback story line continuation , and even throw on the old intro as a one-off (where you have the excerpt from the Flynn saga sampled… ) Maybe a Liam-voiced Pete Kegsbrewth, or Blanche, lol!

This seems like it should be another Christian AI slop episode of its own: https://www.npr.org/2026/07/02/g-s1-131124/christian-missionaries-have-found-a-new-virtual-mission-territory Missionary work through VR

Just gathering the three dumbest guys alive

Jesus... I knew Marky had done a hate crime but I didn't know it was CHILDREN. Wow. And I think if you were REALLY sorry you wouldn't want a pardon for it. Especially not if you're MARK WAHLBERG. It's not like you're homeless and can't get a job to take care of your family because of a bad mistake you made decades ago, you've since changed. YOU'RE. MARK. WAHLBERG.

The bit where Jake exactly imitates Chris Pratt’s hokey slow annunciating podcast voice was just sublime. Crying laughing by myself and scared my cat. Jake, if QAA ever goes under you could just start a vacuous prayer app with voice acting like that.

Pay to Gay

This episode was a fascinating and terrifying look into how Jake experiences reality.

Jake sounds Morty...man fucking really Liam neeson... 🫠

May our card be blessed by the right to recess from your unwanted subscriptions, Father, and do not let us into lower tier payment plans by means of pop ups and chatbots

My favourite prayer is actually Gwen Stefani saying " take a chance, you stupid ho" but with a background effect of a tolling bell and seagulls.

I have always thought these uber-Christian people were full of crap and it's only a grift. Listening to these PROFESSIONAL ACTORS read Bible verses like they were seeing them for the first time and not even being able to summon the least amount of passion for the words proves it.

Oh no! A bad Evert giving the rest of us a bad reputation.

All the celebrity voices seem to be AI generated. Anyone else picking up on that?

I’d like to second Jake’s prayer regarding two factor authentication 🙏 also does anyone know the name of the second song yall played from the app? Idk I think it was lowkey fire 💀

I laughed this entire episode, and Jake still somehow laughed more than me.

Deep dive on Carrot Fertility pls!

Glorious! Amen.

Jake is probably going to Jew hell for this

Jim Caviezel sounds like a mix of Christopher Lambert and Werner Herzog

Not this guy asking god what to name his app

Hardest I've laughed in ages. Really appreciate you all

fever dream of an ep

I think more people should read the Gospel of Luke but what they should take from it is the real message of Luke/Acts: Christ fucking HATES rich people.,

Damn, Jim Caviziel is the last voice that’d calm me through and meditation. He sounds like he’s about to sob uncontrollably, or erupt into a rage about adrenachrome and the children he’s personally saved.

Dark Macklemore: Wacklemore.

No! Not Liam Neeson!!!! Ffs

"Catholic pussy got me acting strange", killed me. I'd buy a t-shirt with that on (and then never wear it).

Jake made me cry laughing in the middle of work

There is a special place in hell for that POS Wahlberg terrible actor, garbage human

I especially liked all the different sound effects during Jake’s prayer!

I paused this to attend a work meeting and got shocked on my return by how BAD and off putting Gwen’s voice is

I’ve tried to advise you re: paying ADHD tax before, Jake, but I’m afflicted myself

Begging for a de-esser plugin on Jack’s audio bc their sibilance is unlistenable but the info is so so good.

Biden Voice: Great job, Jack! 👍🏽

I missed the part from Jake about the random sounds in the app towards the end and thought many times man wtf are these sounds for?

Recovering Catholic, the section about fasting around 55’ is 💯 what I’ve been trying to get over. As a serious contemplative kid, I spent a decent bit of my childhood looking for ways I could be martyred.

Julian not saying “this is Protestant behaviour” challenge Difficulty: impossible

Mike Schmidt is the name of the protagonist in Five Nights at Freddy's lmao

Hey Jake! I heard you're doing a podcast now? That's great! Say hi to your mother from me.

Mr President. Another Alex Jones has hit the App Store.

jake was on his bullshit

Amen!

Guess these folk don't want to be associated with Tim Ballard, given they managed to talk about Sound of Freedom without saying his name. Guess a sex pest scammer doesn't help the brand's image. Great ep!

‘Nother banger

the gang gets prayed upon

This episode is so fucking good

noooo! not emily wilson the translator of the odyssey and the iliad!

I don't post here often. However I have some tea to spill regarding the Wahlbergs. I lived in Boston for 20 years. 8 of those with my former boyfriend. My ex was long time friends with one of the lesser known Wahlberg brothers. I'm not going to mention his name due to respect for his privacy. My former boyfriend is Jamaican. This particular Wahlberg brother is not at all racist, and according to him neither is his well-known brother Donnie. Donnie in fact wore a replica of Michael Jackson's famous red jacket to school and chose to go to a school in a predominantly African-American neighbourhood. He did however say in his opinion his youngest brother Mark is still a racist. This unnamed brother said half of his family is racist and the other half is not. Also my son worked for an oriental rug cleaning company while university. One of his regular clients was Paul Wahlburg who is the face of the Wahlburgers restaurant chain. I had the pleasure of meeting Paul couple of times and he is a very nice and generous man who regularly gives free restaurant coupons to people who work for him and who provide.services. He is also known to give a lot of money to the Boys & Girls club of Dorchester. I also do know from my former job, that Mark set up a foundation with Taco Bell to get kids who had dropped out back in, and he provided scholarships. He worked with the Boston school system to do so. He also did finish his high school diploma to set a good example for his children. I am not saying that I think that Mark is a reformed racist. In fact I believe the opposite. I believe he is one of those people in the Catholic doctrine who believes that good works can get you into heaven. He doesn't strike me as the type who's deep enough to truly change.

The quote by Jones ~0:29:31 that he “could not discern things in the hypothetical” makes it sound like he has a condition/disorder that leaves him physically incapable of speculation lol …speculexia?

Brett Favre. Outstanding guy! Look up “Brett Favre Mississippi” for some good college highlights

I just finished the episode and it only reinforces my conviction that Americans can turn anything into Protestantism... even Catholicism.

Speaking of Silicon Valley/tech x American Christianity: the 2026 retreat (12-16 August in Dublin) of Peter Thiel's secret "Dialog" society, > "talks include “Build-a-Cult,” moderated by the founder of the Christian networking site Pray.com" via the recent WIRED report: [WIRED: Thiel's Secret Dialog Society Leak](https://www.wired.com/story/leak-exposes-members-of-peter-thiels-secretive-dialog-society/?_sp=2d483b42-8ae4-4497-b9a3-6918c9400b5e.1782068705157#:~:text=talks%20include%20%E2%80%9CBuild%2Da%2DCult%2C%E2%80%9D%20moderated%20by%20the%20founder%20of%20the%20Christian%20networking%20site%20Pray.com)

Why do white people always want to say racial slurs? That anti-Asian slur is just as offensive as the anti-black slur. If you can’t say one, you can’t say others.

We need to talk about Jake's pronunciation of Brett Favre!!

melted episode

This episode fucked me up. Something so sinister and hypnotic about the celebs on that app...I take an antihistamine to go to sleep and as I was nodding off something in Gwen Stefani's voice made my brain be like, 'this is good, I need this'. Scary shit, man.

Why is it that the readers in every single one of those segments sound both horny AND angry to be reading scripture?

Jake listened to this app too much. Now he's walking around like Baldwin IV from Kingdom of Heaven but wearing Qanon Guy Fawkes mask

I gotta see a side by side comparison of Jake and Bryan Quimby’s active subscriptions that they forgot to cancel or are too lazy to cancel.

Jack says “faith advisers” and I keep hearing “fake advisers “

A "devout Catholic" that talks about "a personal relationship with Christ". Insert here that meme Inglorious Basterds with the wrong number of fingers....

Went to University of Minnesota Duluth for a semester, where Schmitz is the priest in charge of Catholic stuff on campus. Went to a couple of his services. Interesting guy!

I love a silly Jake episode. This one's got me hee-hee hoo-hooing

Holy shit, Fort Wayne/South Bend diocese mention. Bishop Rhodes be spreading the tentacles...among other things.

This is been my fave episode for a while I am laughing out loud w you all thank you !!!!!

Remember Jake, any respectable Liam Neeson impression should be done in his native Northern Irish accent. Good luck buddy.

Jack’s prayer at the end had me dead

It’s like they just laid a catholic skin over every app there is.

I’m glad to see Marky Mark is moving into subscription based tech ventures after opening a series of used car dealerships across Ohio. He’s definitely a man inspired by God. 🙄

I can’t not picture Jim Caviezel praying while having someone in a headlock and holding a knife.

please give Jake a seagulls button to press whenever Julian is talking

Maintenance Phase did a great 2-parter on Russell Brand and his insane "born again" comeback

The question of meditative or contemplative practice in Christian devotion is complicated; look up “quietism” (Catholic and some Protestant denominations) or “hesychasm” (Eastern Orthodox) for some prime theological beef

Of course there's a Maltese jump scare.

Holy fuck! After Chris Pratt's "hallow" I immediately had to start compulsively eating salads made of mayonnaise.

This was a wonderful episode! Jakes prayer resonated deeply 👏🫶

No, Julian, the cackling… it kills!!! Keep fit up

We were so close to “Head Like a Hole” at the end, there.

“Wow!! MORE Julian!! So dope” - said no one ever

Let's ROLL!

Jack, the Pope may be from Chicago and I’d like to believe used to attend Riot Fest but Ska is still a controversial schism in the church of punk

The sprinkler sound at the end lmao

Jake is the most Unc coded he's ever been in this one lmfao

Safety check on gas leak at Jake's house.

Screw yall for making me listen to that much uncut Pratt. Excessive.

American Catholics are basically Protestants.

Father Mike makes me need to go to confession. What a snack, fr.

Is Billy Corgan on there? ‘Cause I’m about to request a refund on my concert tickets…

Jake's "the phones these days are so heavy" bit killed me 😄

I'm fucking cackling in the first five minutes this gonna be a good one

Of course this is the podcast where one host can say Brett "Fav-rah" and nobody else knows to make fun of them for it lol

"Exkwizer." T_T

Pray for Charlie Kirk. Friend of the show.

Christian meditation app? Christians yearn for the Buddha-pill

Holy hell this episode feels made exactly for me. Jake, raise your estus flask high

Downloadable Lord Christ ( DLC )

I'm having a parasocial relationship with QAA

As Jesus said, pray in private as publicly as possible, and keep paid up on your spiritual subscription

Yes. Can’t wait to listen to this one.

Liv Agar