Homestead (Premium E277)

Julian is so nice and kind and so angry hahahah. So, this totally feels like a God Awful Movies episode. All the things they bring up is exactly like all other Christian movies. Their need for proselytizing is greater than their love for the art. That is to say, they have no love for the craft of making movies and that is truly what pisses me the fuck off about Christian cinema, I cringe at even using that word.

I didn't think this would be the first American spending I dropped due to trade breakdowns and annexation threats, but Julian's "arrest our Canadian guest" joke did it, and his egotistical nonsense that followed didn't give me a chance to reconsider. That shit is absolutely not funny when people with valid visas are being disappeared or detained *on departure* and most of the citizenry, including you Julian, are doing fuck all. It's really fucking hilarious having to consider writing off mid five figures because I might have an unlucky day with CBP, and unlike thousands I *have* a choice. Don't bother @ing me; I won't be able to see this thread.

I love Julian

You can really tell that Homestead was filmed in Utah for the most part. Between the pharmacy where the lady got her meds actually being the NPS store in Sugarhouse (it's actually a returned shipping store, not a general store or pharmacy, and the sugarhouse location is actually infamous for once getting a truck load of sex shop returns that they didn't know what to do with, resulting in random fetishwear on the shelves next to old cups and whatnot) to the radio guy talking about Goldbacks (the finest fake currency, which I bought in a vending machine in a gas station in Draper once. I asked the cashier if they accepted goldbacks as money and the lady laughed and said "of course not! But the ace hardware down the road does") to the fact that their doomsday homestead appears to be a cheesecake factory. Angel studios is truly a hometown hero, if you stretch the definition of "hero" enough.

Production Atrocities made my day.

Jake's audible sadness at the price of awesome merch is all of us.

Jake, if by nurse you mean chiropractor, Julian could be your Danny Aiello trying to ease you into your death to go up the ladder into heaven. On a totally random note, y'all should do a Jacob's Ladder movie night. Seriously this movie is amazing, poignant, horrifying and goes full MK Ultra.

If this is David Lynch's dream, than it is the dream of Otis and Buella from Part 1 of The Return.

Oh My God, they really are hawking all of the Merch in the movie!!! WHO DOES THAT???

even the 50 year old guys hate this movie and complain about the lack of explosions and “dei” hires

Travis eats rabbits?

I wanna yell at Julien and say he is wrong, but I can’t.

The preppers (and the authors) should've read Macchiavelli's The Prince: it has a section on the advantages and disadvantages of using mercenaries which portrays exactly such a scenario. I thought the read, along with Sun Tsu's The Art of War, was a staple for preppers

He could have essential tremor syndrome. I have it and I know everyone assumes I'm a drunk because my hands fucking suck

This episode contains a good drinking game, where you take a shot every time the boys go 'and by the way, that's for sale on their website'. You may want to do it during the actual apocalypse though because you aren't surviving it.

This sounds like exactly the stereotype that survivalists use to make fun of preppers. No skills, no actual knowledge or abilities that would help them in a post-apocalyptic situation, no adaptability or mobility, just a bunch of dumb supplies and ammo that they think will somehow be an advantage instead of a massive liability if anything actually hits the fan.

Am I the only one who clocked Jake referring to Brad Pitt as Brad Abrahams not once but twice?

I like to think they picked two Filipino guys because they’re in MILF

This movie sounds like a nonviolent side quest in Far Cry 5

Umm... Wtf does she say at 1:02:30-33? Because it sounds pretty forward for prayer!

Land before time ass name

It's the end of civilization and the power's totally off on the entire East Coast but, yeah, tell me more about investing my money in Bitcoin, your imaginary cyber-play money I can only access through the Internet 🤨

Earnest comment! Apologies in advance. I'm a church-going person, but I belong to a progressive, mainline protestant church. It's very far removed from the...whatever the fuck selective hodgepodge of biblical literalist notions and right wing paranoid fantasies that informed this "movie." I have no direct experience of nondenominational evangelical spaces, but I know a lot of people who have left them and are varying degrees of angry about and traumatized by their experiences, while at the same time grieving for losing the community they had to separate from for their own wellbeing. If you are one such person, I'm genuinely sorry and I'm sad that you had to be subjected to this world. I'm sad that you may still have loved ones in it that you have lost connection with. I'm not going to say a stilted disingenuous prayer for you, but I am sorry. More than anything, this whole Christian nationalist/Christian supremacist scene--how warped it is and how much fear and hate it puts out into the world while imagining that it is doing God's work--it all makes me deeply sad.

Ball doers gate 3

This movie's audio clips show how horrible the acting is. There is no emotion

As an Ex-homeschooler (evangelical), this episode is a lot. I hate that I instantly knew who the Smallbones are

Movie sounds like a shittier adaptation of Niven and Pournelle's "Lucifer's Hammer". Makes sense that they wouldn't directly adapt it though - all the operators in that book became cannibals.

It's wild how much these are the villains of a regular apocalypse movie

Neal McDonough is such a good actor. I wish his mind wasn’t completely poisoned by his white male Christian aggrievement.

Thankfully, my God is bigger than the math... Unlike your God.,

In the sequel the little daughter will almost be killed for devil worship until they explain “they’re visions from God stupid!”

First 20 minutes of this episode were insufferable.

Do they ever mention that the little girl is probably screwed if she can’t get anti-rejection meds for her transplanted heart? I feel like this is a thing that a lot of these libertarian blowhards miss. Like maybe YOU are lucky enough not to have a chronic health condition, but so many of the people you love are totally fucked in your little apocalyptic fantasy.

Julian is the Borg apparently. I support it

It’s great that the idiots that made this film landed on “two Filipinos in a dinghy with a homemade nuke” as the catalyst for the nation collapsing.

Really strong opening lads, true chaotic joy

HI BRAD

I can’t believe they’re still making prepper apocalypse movies in this way. There was recently a worldwide pandemic event that required isolation and lockdown, and these guys didn’t arm up and eat their powder buckets on the homestead. Instead they gathered to riot on state capitol lawns about not being allowed to eat at Applebee’s and buy crap at Target. Make that movie, about how Jesus apparently wants you to keep shopping and consuming till your last breath during the nuclear zombie armageddon. Also, Jake, that part about the gov’t official trying to shut them down on a technicality sounded like it was lifted from the EPA guy bit in Ghostbusters.

I have never, ever, prayed in my life. Not ever once! But I am pretty sure I could do a better job at it than the homeschooled Christian Trad girl in this movie.

ugghg I hate this shit so much, it sucks so fucking much. there's no theology here, it's completely incoherent. this isn't a movie, just a garbage pile of signifiers.

Would be cool if it turned into am exorcism movie half way in

9 minutes. I like seeing how long it takes for Travis to first speak in episodes.

I'm at 27 minutes and this shit literally sounds like a fake commercial from 30rock

In my head after he says 'These lips are only for one woman' he makes the pussy eating motion.

Mumblecore Christ

This is the most insane movie ever. The heroes are sociopaths

"Seattle's kinda always been on fire." Sweet Jeebus these people are so mad at Seattle for continueing to exist after the CHAZ/CHOP thing. Aside from the housing costs it is still the nicest big city I've ever been to.

So glad Julian called out the Baldur pronunciation by Jake here, he can’t keep getting away with it

“I’ll send you the coordinates.” Why not just an address? 😂

its so strange to make a prepping movie after a global pandemic kinda showing that during these scenarios this stuff just.....doesnt happen? like covid killed in california about as much as if a nuke did get detonated there and its like....idk how do you witness the apocalypse and then decide like, to go back to planning for one in the way you did before you saw covid happen???? like no change in planning or anything like that

Really needed a 100% pure Jake episode. So, so, good.

I want a QAA/GAM crossover! Better yet, a live show!

Angel studios being Q hallmark channel absolutely kilt me. Thank you jake.

23:06 "Ball Doer's Gate Three"

Brad Abrahams

HELLO?? IS THE ADVERTISED JULIAN STILL AVAILABLE PLEASE??? Delivery only thanks I can't pick up and I live in the middle of nowhere and can only pay you $5 and a set of lawn chairs but the Julian is for my son's cousin's puppy's birthday and everyone in my family has cancer especially the puppy.

There's something uniquely irritating about the trite twee saccharin orchestral soundtrack in shitty US movies when characters are supposed to be talking meaningful twatwaffle to each other that other countries just don't have, even at their worst. It's so basic, cynical and overall lazy. Good job! Number one! ---+--- On the other hand, am in the belief Alex garland's civil war will eventually find a time to be vindicated, and the boys just got too sidetracked trying to pin down his political stance when he was, to my interpretation, clearly trying to avoid publicising it at all by giving a placeholder centrist platitude instead. Aesthetically the platitude looked poor but it did the job of avoiding a rabid politically charged press always looking for their next scapegoat. Imo, of course. (Should clarify I don't mean it's overall enjoyment factor, but how other ppl look at it - cos have already seen some change in sentiments voiced towards the film here and there in the time since)

Can't wait to hear about the One movie my parents tried to get us to watch as a family In Theaters. Tried.

I hate to say it but, as a person raised in a very Christian family, that’s what praying sounds like most of the time. It’s awkward and fumbling and people don’t know what to say. You just stand there quietly waiting to have some turkey.

They're like "We're all well and fine here in our fortress. All ready to ride out the apocalypse" meanwhile the girl has had a HEART TRANSPLANT???

A genre term have grown fond of for these "daddy was always right oh and talented and connected" films since hearing is 'Dadsploitation' heh! 👌"Foreign movies are better than American movies" - Yes, Julian, YES! Where's the lie?? Though poor Jake shouldn't have been the recipient of such an overdue take, we need him happy, remember? Should've swung it in Travis's direction instead, his stone cold stoic ass can tank it lol 😉 (Wording was overly broad have realised. Still like US movies btw, many greats made and many more yet to see. But the spectrum extends further, rewarding those willing to experiment beyond the zone)

I feel like Jake’s Trump impersonation is starting to take him over like the Venom symbiote

Can I... um... uh... can I... you know.... well... um... can I pray for you and shit?

So it’s like the ‘Parables’ books but they’re incredibly fing stupid and their god is the nasty one.

Depending on your state your child can attend any public school activities even if homeschooled. So the girl could go to a prom full of kids she doesn’t know, which is weird. Most homeschoolers join co-ops that organize activities like a home school prom as well. The whole idea that this girl is worried about a boy not asking her to prom is really not a good look for home schooling in general. Most people selling home school as an alternative to public school try to stress that the kids still participate in many activities with their home school peers. This just paints it as isolating which is exactly what homeschoolers don’t want to say

Now I am imagining what it would be like to spend the rest of my post apocalyptic life in a giant Olive Garden… Just endless shitty breadsticks.

So the director told him that he was perfect for the role because he could bring out Satan’s lost humanity? According to Christian mythology Lucifer was never human, but a fallen angel. There is no humanity to the devil. There never was. These people really don’t know shit about their religion.

I wanted to hear about Travis's rabbits

It turns out that this movie *is* a trailer (or rather pilot) for a TV show.

Totally with Jake, I turn off all notifications too - so it's an active choice I make to engage

Three posts in 5 days!!! Is it my birthday?

...I am Google Maps....🤣🤣🤣

We should put you guys in charge of DOGE.

real bummed they chose the name “Jeff Eriksson” lol

oh you know it's gonna be a banger ep when it sounds like Jake and Julian want to have a physical fight two minutes in

I turned off all my notifications too! My ADHD is soooo much easier to manage, if I remember where I left my phone last…

How much for the girl? /s

Feel better Julian 😭