EARLY EPISODE: The Schwerer Gustav
In this episode, Joe regales Nate and Tom with the story of the Schwerer Gustav, a novelty oversize rail cannon designed to be as big and stupid as possible. It required you to lay down double track anywhere it went, effectively creating the first Fortnite build mode. It looked like the Magitek Factory except real. It did not work very well and was used far less frequently than you'd expect.
Comments (61)
Really appreciate this insight into the officer corps of the people’s republic of Pineland for the alt history faction I’m working on
Putting it in here at the very beginning so I can be shocked later when Joe brings up exactly what I'm talking about, but didn't they try to shell the Warsaw uprising with one of these things and inadvertently gave the Polish fighters a whole bunch of ready-made explosive filler for hand grenades when it failed to fuse?
Replying to say, oh heck! <3
For the cannons that come after.
parry it!
Huge shit.
Re: David Foster Wallace. I’m with Tom and Nate on this; by the laws of “nuh-uh” you’re just wrong, Joe. I feel like Wesley Snipes going “nah, you listen to Jimi; you can’t *hear* Jimi”. Except it’s DFW not Jimi, and I’m a white guy
If you want to talk about instances of 'thats so Anerican'. In WW2, they figured out they could make ice cream by pumping dairy into a clean fuel tank, sending a carrier fighter up high, and having it do barrel rolls. They also figured out that they could get beer real cold by sending it up in planes and bringing it back down. Oh, and while one fatally wounded US carrier was waiting to evacuate- they distributed all the ice cream and soda to sailors on deck because it was going down with the ship anyways, so screw it.
P.S. , the US army also had railguns in WW1. They used 14 inch battleship guns for it. They thought of using the new 16 inch ones, but decided it would be a pain in the side.
I love that the redneck made Nate and the troops so something stupid, but unlike the army, he expressed some form of gratitude and rewarded them
i like infinite jest and am wearing a bandana
I still kind of wish that the Soviets had stolen this and used it to shell Berlin, that would have been so fucking funny.
This isn't an Ork weapon, this is clearly a Mechanicus weapon, Ordinatus are this on tren.
Engine kill.
The Twink kamikaze cannon reminds me of the end of the loony tunes propaganda short where the Nazi officer locks Daffy in a huge cannon and then shoots him at Hitler.
Is it wrong of me to wonder if the nazis could have won WWII if they hadn't devoted to much effort to these fucked up super weapons?
Not wrong, and they probably could not have. Compare German tank production numbers with Soviet ones, and look at how dumb and floaty the Eastern Front looked from the Nazi perspective. Nonetheless the resources used on Loony Tunes style super weapons didn't do the Nazis any favors
I hate to be that nerd but hydraulics were a thing before WWII. Artillery regularly fired projectiles past the speed of sound but hurling a 14,000 pound shell past the speed of sound is still fucking insane and a shit load of energy.
Absolutely stunning Kreyshawn reference by Nate
Missed opportunity for a Rocz guest spot
Atmospheric railgun
I can't imagine the sound of a round the size of a Kei trucks would make
How about you WEINERHOLES come to the US?
Toms present day Conor McGregor impression is perfect
Nate literally got put Palanquin duty with Bo Box Gustav. Posting wide Gustav's in the main.
But CARLLLL. That kills people.
Thicc Gustav is firing heavy loads at us! - Some poor guy in Sevastopol
Looking at image results for the Schwerer Gustav, I came across this incredibly mediocre AI image of it: https://testcity.de/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/schwerer_gustav.jpg
That looks more like union pacific big boy than the Schwerer Gustav, I congratulate the AI on its inability to generate the requested image.
In Viollet-le-Duc's book Annals of a Fortress written in 1875 he talks about hypothetically fortifying the entire French border with Germany. He concludes that they'd just go around and it would make more sense to build rail networks to allow soldiers and equipment to be more rapidly redeployed to wherever the attack happens.
What did Viollet-le-Duc think of rail gauge? Did he advocate a break of gauge at the border like the Soviets had in order to prevent Soviet rail networks from being used by an invading force?
Thank you nate! The lifelong gay chicken bit is the funniest thing I've ever head and I don't know a single person who would understand it.
Fun fact about the ice cream ships- they were introduced to keep morale up since NO ALCOHOL ALLOWED (unless you're an officer)
Nate’s point about the Nazis loving big dumb novelty weapons is relevant today, as exemplified by Elon Musk.
Woop Woop. Fuck Nazis. Gustav has no place at the dark carnival
Gustav goes to the dark carnival, and never returns. That motherfucker went to the hall
We need to build a bigger Gustav
Mr President, we cannot afford a Gustav gap!
I keep thinking of the Wilfred Owen poem. “Be slowly lifted up, thou long, black arm” https://allpoetry.com/on-seeing-a-piece-of-our-artillery-brought-into-action
Give em a few more years and the Nazis would've built those giant building size canons in the anime short "Cannon Fodder"
Is Germany dotted with dozens of The World’s Largest Ball of Twine just like the American Midwest is? (The American Midwest likes novelty oversized objects beyond just novelty oversized weaponry.)
Well, there were a lot of Germans that settled in the Midwest
I can really relate to the engineers detailing why this is a bad idea only fueling management’s enthusiasm to proceed regardless
Lolol
I don't think Heavy Gustav would be an Ork weapon. Setting this thing up and fire with it is a way too complicated process for them to understand. This would either be something the Guard or Admech would use.
The Admech have a whole section dedicated to Gustav shit, the Centurio Ordinatus
(Loud, raucous cheering) moan dot wav! Moan dot wav! Moan dot wav!
We're going to send big Gus and Dora to go get us a bo box.
“Kinkshaming Pickpockets” is a spectacular band name.
I refuse to read Infinite Jest out of spite because my most pretentious, douchey FWB really loved it. I got through Neal Stephenson's Baroque Cycle (on an actual boyfriend's recommendation). I'm not reading another book full of footnotes unless it's by Terry Pratchett.
What about _House of Leaves_?
Re: the Maginot line, I honestly can't really blame the French for the logic of "the last time they did this, it destroyed their entire nation, so they probably won't want to do it again."
The postwar strategy of France and West Germany having a codependent sexual relationship seems to have been more effective, no? (Presumably it helps that France is the militaristic half of the partnership this time around.)
I like how this episode’s description is just “why this thing sucked” in no uncertain terms
USS Oskar Mayer!
Joe is right, DFW was very good at writing and a bad person. And yes I am insufferably pretentious. "Crying of Marginot Line"...genius.
A Houston version of _Infinite Jest_ would probably be a lot less pretentious.
Got the Donk going up…on a Monday.
Monday is almost better cause it's a nice way of coping with the new week
Aww yeah, Thomas's angry German cousin time!
Well the opening literary debate had me laughing so hard my boss is staring at me. So this is gonna be great.