The Devil Went Down to Sunnydale XVI

The Devil Went Down to Sunnydale XVI

– o – o – o – o – o – o – o –

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Be- "Ugghhhhhhh..."

A long groan filled the air inside the room, for a moment drowning out the annoying beeping that had yet to stop. Two tired eyes slowly and blearily forced their way open, rays of sunlight mercilessly stabbing into his corneas. "...ow." Xander blinked, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness.

Beep.

What the hell is tha- Xander's gaze flicked up to his right to see a heart monitor, the source of the annoying sound that had pulled him from the blissful embrace of unconsciousness. He blinked again as he felt something on his face, his hand raising up to pull off a- "Oh."

A ventilation mask came away from his face, his hazel eyes blinking slowly at it as his brain tried to catch up with his current situation. "Oh," he let it fall to his chest, the plastic clattering against the thin hospital gown.

He glanced down and saw his arm in a cast, the white plaster a stark contrast against his tanned skin. All the other wires on his chest beneath his hospital gown caught his attention next, and he let out a long, "Ooooow," as the memories of last night came flooding back, along with the pain. Right. Vampires. Parking lot. Getting my ass kicked. Fun times.

The smell of disinfectant irritated his sensitive nose, the sharp scent making his nostrils flare. God, I hate hospitals, he thought, wrinkling his nose in disgust. They always smell like someone dumped a bottle of bleach over everything.

"There he is," a voice from his right sounded out, the familiar drawl cutting through Xander's thoughts.

"Fuck me," he muttered under his breath as he shut his eyes for a moment, not even bothering to look over. He'd know that voice anywhere. "...hi, bossman. What's the haps?"

A scoff was his response, Xander peeking one eye open and tilting his head to see Sam lounging in a chair by his bedside, the devil's long legs stretched out in front of him. "You're gonna ride that color scheme till the wheels fall off, aren't you?" Xander asked, taking in Sam's black and red football jersey, shorts, and high-top sneakers that matched the jersey.

Sam grinned, thumbing the several gold chains around his neck. "I didn't see you complaining walking out of the Queen dressed to the nines."

Xander let out another groan, the sound seeming to come from the depths of his soul. "It's the only color scheme you sell."

"No," Sam corrected, his grin never faltering, "it's the only color scheme in the catalog I let Tana show you."

"...G-God, I hate you," Xander said, wincing harshly as the first word left his mouth, a sharp pain lancing through his skull.

"That hurt you far more than it hurt me," Sam said with a smile that never once faltered, his amusement clear in his eyes.

"Don't care, you're a meanie," Xander declared with all the imperiousness he could manage, which admittedly wasn't much considering his current state. "If my favorite hand wasn't in a cast right now, I'd be showing you my favorite finger."

"...Too easy," Sam sighed, shaking his head. "Anyway, how's the arm?"

"You should see the other guys," Xander replied, a hint of pride creeping into his voice despite the pain.

"I did." At Xander's raised eyebrow, the devil continued. "The ash is still all over the parking lot."

"Yeah, I got seven of them," Xander smiled to himself, the memories of the fight coming back to him in flashes. "Scared five of them off."

"They made you work for it, though." Sam leaned forward slightly, his eyes intense as they locked onto Xander's. "Didn't they?"

"..." Xander's smile faded, his gaze dropping to the thin hospital blanket covering his legs. "Yeah, they kinda cleaned my clock. I should have done better."

A snort interrupted his mope session before it could get underway, Sam letting out a quick laugh. "Done better, he says. A little two month old Imp gets to dusting seven Blood Knights, for a grand total of seventy vampires and you're sad about it."

"W-It's n-tha-No," Xander sputtered, trying to defend himself, his face reddening. "I mean, I should have been better th-"

"Enough with the self-deprecation, X," Sam interrupted, clapping his hands together, the sound making Xander jump slightly. "Vampire hunting isn't even your job. When you said you wanted to be a hero, I didn't know you meant for a hobby."

Xander's face grew even redder, the teen shifting uncomfortably under Sam's knowing gaze.

Sam shook his head, his dreads swaying with the motion. "You had a twenty percent chance of making it out alive, being real. Honestly, the only reason you lasted against seven of those Nosferat knight-fucks is 'cause you keep fucking going out and hunting them," the dreaded devil paused, grinning. "Honestly, how much vampire vitus you think you've sucked up with all this dusting?"

"I..." Xander blinked, the thought having never crossed his mind. I hadn't even thought about that. "I mean, I noticed I've gotten stronger but I just thought that was the demon blood settling or whatever."

Sam shook his head again. "No, Xan, that happened over a month ago. You're literally twice the guy you were from when I brought you back from the brink. Do you know how many hundred year old Imps aren't where you are?"

"...how many?" Xander asked, his curiosity piqued despite himself.

"...well, not that many. A hundred years is a long time but still no random reincarnate jumps up as fast as you do. No special powers, just grit," Sam smirked, something like pride in his eyes as he looked at Xander. "It's almost suicidal."

Xander's brow furrowed as a thought occurred to him, his eyes darting to the door as a nurse walked past his room, her bright pink scrubs catching his eye for a moment. He turned back to Sam, his voice low as he asked, "Hey, do the..." he paused, glancing at the door again before continuing, "what do they know? Like, about me."

Sam snorted, the sound quickly transforming into outright laughter. He wiped his eyes, shaking his head before giving Xander a flat "No." He leaned back in his chair, his expression amused. "I'm sure some higher ups in the hospital know about the nightlife, but the rank and file don't know a succubus from a Hooters girl."

Ignoring the immediate image of a horned and red-skinned Hooters girl that popped into his head, Xander wisely kept his mouth shut. Where can I find one of those? he wondered, his mind wandering for a moment before he forced himself to focus.

"Anyway," Sam continued, his tone casual, "your records officially state that you got dogpiled after running your mouth at some drunk college kids walking through town. You didn't see any faces, unfortunately."

Xander nodded, a wry grin tugging at his lips. "Sounds like me."

"Doesn't it?" Sam agreed, his own grin mirroring Xander's. "Anyway, the hospital called your house — your mom went out of town again by the way — but your dad picked up and he was real stressed out and worried.."

Xander raised an eyebrow, surprise clear on his face. "...what?"

Sam continued, his expression turning serious. "About the cost of your hospital bill."

Xander nodded, his surprise fading as quickly as it had come. "Yeah, that sounds more like it." That fucking drunk bastard, he thought, his jaw clenching slightly as he tried to push down the familiar anger that always seemed to rise whenever his father was mentioned.

"Fortunately," Sam said, his grin returning, "an amazingly magnanimous friend of yours covered the bill."

Xander's eyes widened, his eyebrows shooting up. "Really?"

"Yeah," Sam confirmed, his grin turning mischievous, "just your contract pay will be cut in a half for a month."

Xander shrugged, the movement sending a dull ache through his injured arm. "...fair," he said, his tone resigned. I have like thirty grand saved up after two months anyway. Nothing to whine about.

"The Blood Princess that attacked Buffy's mother is dead, by the way," Sam said, his tone casual, as if he were discussing the weather.

"Good job, Buff," Xander said, nodding in approval.

"Angel, actually," Sam corrected, his expression unreadable. "She was his ex. Stabbed her in the heart."

Xander clicked his tongue, his brow furrowing slightly. "...oh," he said, his tone thoughtful. "Man, hate to say it but this Angel guy seems kinda cool the more I hear about him. For a leech, you know."

Sam's face broke out into a grin, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "...of course," he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

Xander shifted uncomfortably, his gaze dropping to his lap as he mumbled, "Also, thanks... for... uh, getting me in here."

Sam blinked, confusion clear on his face. "Oh... you think that was me?"

Xander's head snapped up, his eyes wide. "It... it wasn't?"

Samuel snorted, the sound full of mirth. "No." He rose to his feet, shaking his head as he stretched, his joints popping. "I was in the Rosen Queen, eating some Veggie Lovers pizza around the time you were getting hogtied by the fetish bikers."

Xander stared silently, blinking. “What's your actual problem, man?” he shot back, his nose wrinkling in disgust. "...Veggie Lovers pizza? That's disgusting."

"Mmmm," Sam hummed, his grin never faltering. "Yeah, somebody else literally dragged you in here."

Xander's brow furrowed, confusion clear on his face. "Who?"

"You'll find out." Sam started walking toward the door. "Be seeing you, X-Man."

"Wait!" Xander called out, his voice urgent.

Sam turned around, raising an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"

"Uhhh, my arm?" Xander raised the limb in a cast, wincing slightly at the movement before pointing to his sides. "My ribs? You're not gonna heal me?"

Sam's expression turned thoughtful, his head tilting slightly. "Oh... well, I can but I really shouldn't. And before you ask," he continued, raising a palm to stop Xander's protest before it could start, "you're already on record as being in the hospital with a broken arm and stab wounds. It would look too suspicious. Besides, you should be healing about... what, five times faster now? You'll be right as rain in a couple weeks."

"Couple? Weeks?" Xander's voice rose, his eyes wide with disbelief. "But spring break?!"

Sam nodded, his expression blank. "...yeah, that sucks." He turned back to the door, his hand on the knob. "Be seeing ya!"

He left quickly, disappearing past the door before Xander could protest further.

"Goddamnit," Xander muttered, slumping back against his pillows. "Ow!" He winced, the name of the Lord spiking through his skull. This is gonna be a long couple of weeks.