#000: Son, This Ain't a Dream No More

This hurts my heart. Greatly anticipating your triumphant return. These brutish circumstances can’t be what takes you down.

I wish u could offer anything meaningful and doubt I could about what I know is gonna be a hard time for you, so I’ll just mention I’m relistening (for more than the second time) to the Hubbard eps with Christman and laugh every time at you in Gallagher voice “hey folks, wanna see me destroy a thetan?!”

Far as I know, alcohol and benzos are the only ones that have a lethal withdrawal. Opiate withdrawal is not fun, and you’ll not be happy, but you won’t die.

I'm sticking around. Good luck man.

Take your time and do your best with whatever you have to do, I'm sticking around!

Oh man it infuriates me that no one will help you. You are unlikely to die from opioid withdrawal but unfortunately, you’ll want to at times. I am wishing you the best, you can do this but it really fucking sucks. I’m hoping the taper takes the edge off - and if you can - have some people to bring you food and keep you hydrated because you won’t want to do shit for awhile.

We love you man. Will be right here when you return.

I hope you make it. Don't worry about the show...your back catalog is well worth re-listening

dude, this show can go fuck itself until you're in a better place. I wish I could say something like, "good luck" and not have it come off as trite or stupid. But I don't know what else to say - good luck; I sincerely hope you make it through

I wish you well on your hero’s journey. No suboxone to help out?

The death drive is something placed in us by the denticulate spider-arms of the machines rotating holes. Rejection of this assignment is an essential rejection of the machine which bears the foundation for its cataclysmic end. Your insight is of invaluable measure. It has a shown me the way to a light I could not have found myself. I doubt that helped, but I hope it did. All I can say is good luck. Ps: the black-star is embodied in the pupils of us humans: ☯️ (a star's star)

MSJ - we love you

Good luck MJ. Hope to see you on the other side.

Sending thoughts and lapsed-Catholic prayers, all the best MSJ

❤️

<3 u mj . stay strong .. we + the world need u more than ever

We love u mj

It’s been done before and it can be done again: you’ll make it through this, MSJ! “So this pickup group, these exiles and horny kids, sullen civilians called up in their middle age, men fattening despite their hunger, flatulent because of it, pre-ulcerous, hoarse, runny-nosed, red-eyed, sore-throated, piss-swollen men suffering from acute lower backs and all-day hangovers, wishing death on officers they truly hate, men you have seen on foot and smileless in the cities but forgot, men who don't remember you either, knowing they ought to be grabbing a little sleep, not out here performing for strangers, give you this evensong, climaxing now with its rising fragment of some ancient scale, voices overlapping three- and fourfold, up, echoing, filling the entire hollow of the church—no counterfeit baby, no announcement of the Kingdom, not even a try at warming or lighting this terrible night, only, damn us, our scruffy obligatory little cry, our maximum reach outward—praise be to God!—for you to take back to your war-address, your war-identity, across the snow's footprints and tire tracks finally to the path you must create by yourself, alone in the dark. Whether you want it or not, whatever seas you have crossed, the way home. . . .”

Good luck, and godspeed, my friend. We'll be waiting on the other side.

Praying for you Michael, and sending love.

Ah, Michael. Like the others so beautifully said, I’ll be sending support, love your way daily. In the dark times, I hope you’re able to draw from that well in whatever amount possible. In the very least, on top of your work, look at this community you’ve built! (I use that word without embarrassment, as I truly feel it.) Hell is too small to contain you. We’ll be here—and there, and on the other side—for you, with you. Take care.

I hope you’re surrounded by support and love.. stay safe msj! ❤️despite it all..

Will send best wishes in the form of my favourite Crane poem. Hope sincerely you can find some "unmangled target smile" on the other end of this and that you find yourself in a place where "vermin and rod no longer bind."

Sending love, wish there was more I could do. I'm sorry you've ended up having to share more of your personal stuff than you would like but I hope you know it has always made me feel less alone with my struggles and I'm sure other listeners feel the same. Pulling for you to make it through and/or find peace, because you deserve both.

What you created here is really special. Most podcasts are just distractions for me, but listening to you, Michael, really is different. You made me read fiction and poetry i would've never read, listen to music i would've never listened to and learn history i never would've known about. It's beautiful you are willing to put out so many hours of wonderful material. I wish you all the best, and will be waiting here for the next episode, whenever it comes.

Your insights are invaluable, I wish you all the best! Not going anywhere!

Solidarity from Barcelona. Take care of yourself. We’ll be here, waiting impatiently for your next update. Xx

Love and solidarity from the Deep South's asshole. Your mind is burglarproof. Thrive, king.

We’re sticking with you! Hoping for your speedy recover.

I’m sorry you have to suffer this on top of all the pain you’re already enduring. Wishing you all the tender care you need. Much love to you.

So sad to hear this for you. Withdrawal is scary and I hate that’s what the medical gatekeepers force on us. Take whatever time you need.

Love you MSJ, you really helped me to make sense of the chaos of the world at a time where I was scrambling to do that and I’ll always be indebted to you for that

I find it grotesque that nowhere will take him for a detox treatment. And also, someone else here mentioned ketamine for treatment refractory depression, there’s now a nose spray with a ketamine derivative that seems to help a lot of people. Either way Michael, I wish you the best of luck, and we’ll be pulling for you.

Hey pal I know your terrified. It’s an incredibly difficult and painful situation but it CAN be done. ALOT of us have gone through it and you are not alone. I obviously don’t know everything about your situation I.e what other meds you might be withdrawing from but afaik alcohol and benzos are really the only drugs you can die from. Opiates will just hurt… real bad. Like someone else here said if you can get a big bag of Kratom do that! Eat it by the spoonful if you have to it will act on the same receptors as dope but won’t slow your respiratory system and help you sleep/deal with the skin crawling/diarrhea etc… eventually your body will return to normal and you emotions will flood back and THAT is like regaining your soul. Reach out if you need to talk. You can do this

All I can offer you Mike, in your hour of need, is my balls and my Benis.

You’ve given us so much; hope all our collective good will and wishes for you to persevere can serve as some solace or compensation. Jah speed. Shit I ducking WISH I had any information such that I could bust out the “oh you should try” but this is well out of my league. Pulling for you!!

You focus on taking care of yourself through this period, Judge. We'll be waiting here, patient and loyal, for as long as long as you need; for as long as it takes. See you on the other side

Thoughts and prayers, you’ve been a light of hope for many people. Hoping for a safe recovery and that you get to float with us all here in this nothingness for a long while longer.

Hi Michael, I hope you get through this time you‘be been forced to endure. Love your work and wish you well. I hope it’s just a few weeks of feeling shitty as you mentioned.

Good luck. God knows you’ll need it. We don’t deserve you but I hope we can keep you for a while.

Sending love from Appalachia

You'll be in my thoughts, Michael. I hope the worst of it passes quickly.

Thank you again for everything

msj i love you to death man. i’m so sorry you have to go through this.

Good vibes and well wishes for your trip through hell.. I'm conscious that "duhh just pick up and move to another country" is never ever realistic and rarely welcome advice, especially since you have friends and a support network where you are, things that are invaluable to survival generally, but .. Christ, man, it sounds like you really need painkillers, and that Place and it's systems are just a cheese grater, scraping and sweeping people off. It's just Horrible. Good luck, we all hope you make it.

Well wishes always feel trite but I AM sending you lots of love and food energy, Michael. See you on the other side

You deserve better than this shit, fuck it all.

Love you man you’ve changed a lot of minds and changed the way I see the world. Universe is a better place with you in it and I’m sending any and all good vibes I can your way

Do whatever you need to get better. And if there is anything we can do then tell us, please.

Godspeed, MSJ. Take every bit of time you need.

I highly recommend you buy some kratom in perpetration for this. If it’s not legal in your state you could still probably get some online. It’s the only thing that’s ever allowed me to sleep even a little during the 5 days of excruciating heroin withdrawal. In treatment they taught us you could only die from benzos and alcohol, not opioids but maybe things have changed

Thoughts and prayers man, we're all pulling for you to get through this!

Be well, brother. I'm still grateful for all the time I've had with your thoughts since my Spider Network encounter. Take the time you need. If anyone could chart and capture this new hell, well, you've got priors. GY!MSJE

The last few months I’ve worked a job that is fine and keeps me busy but isn’t always that uh, mentally stimulating. I’ve listened to so many podcasts over the years, but none have ever engaged me like yours. I mean, it’s good podcast on its own. But I’ve listened to the whole catalogue since February, a few specific series twice or even three times. My two main hobbies are reading and playing guitar. My two biggest frustrations in life are headaches and drinking too much. It’s been nice getting to know you. You’ve given enough to think over and reflect on for a lifetime. Thank you.

Take care of yourself, do whatever you need to do, thank you for all the great work (I thought your brief GR-referencing episode last week was brilliant), this loyal long-time follower will be here.

Go slowly. No obligations. Your body will speak, listen when you can. Until then, hasta la vista amigo, la vida es un sueño.

You've had nothing but a positive impact on my life, you have a ton to add to the world and I'm sure you will continue to do so once you beat this. We believe in you man

If I can overshare for a second; my dad has severe nerve pain and a slipped disc from falling through a floor onto a beam and fucking his back. He lost access to health insurance and had to ween himself off of percs. It sucked dick but he made it through. His back is still fucked but the man won’t die that easy. I have a feeling you won’t either. Godspeed, MSJ

much love michael, we'll still be here when you pull through. ❤️ i'll even forgive you for reminding me of that adebayo block 😔

Hey man I’ll be thinking of you throughout this time and sending good thoughts. You take care of you. You got this.

Chronic migraine sufferer here. I can only offer you a perfunctory gesture of sympathy—I feel your pain. I know that doesn’t do shit. I hope you don’t quit the show, but if it helps, know that you’ve already earned my Patreon membership in perpetuity. Take it as easy as you can and don’t fuckin worry about us goofs if producing content is adding to your misery. I’m just gonna heap on more cold comfort: I’ve had two people live with me while they detox; it’s fucking nasty, but it’s doable. I’m just a stranger, but I’m gonna be thinking about you everyday. MJ, you don’t deserve this.

Thanks you for all the work you’ve done. Whatever cold comfort it might be, I’ll be praying for you and wishing you best in the next few months and beyond. Wishing you all the best

❤️

Anybody else smell the tale of the dragon? Seriously though, I’d love to know what line really means.