Cases Please!

Idk if you are still looking at cases but, Dear Supreme Justices and Baliff Jace (and probably Brennan Lee Mulligan as the next appearance on court) I have an important question outside of a campaign session that has raised in my group. Can a level 18 rogue multi-classed with 2 levels of wizard use two spell scrolls as reactions to cast silvery barbs and counter spell? Rogues get the class feat of Thief’s Reflexes to get a second turn in combat which essentially allows for two reactions. A Wizard can learn both spells in their spell list, thus I would believe that you could as per 5.5 errata. My DM says no, that it would not be allowed and thus a clash has sparked among myself vs everyone else in the group. I accept the full punishment as provided if I am wrong.

May I please the court and peeve Murph very briefly. Hello esteemed justices of the crit and bailiff that smells like sex panther, Ron Burgundy. I present a potential wrongful razzing, the case of a wizard who killed kids on purpose. I am a DM for my bestest buddies. In our second session I was running an encounter where one of my PCs was confronting an evil sorcerer and his small army of robots that killed their family. The party had tracked the sorcerer to his home where his wife and two kids lived with him. The party attacked the sorcerer at his home and the wife rushed to save her children but my party attacked her! To give some credit to the party, the mother was a capable magic user and the eldest daughter was casting hostile cantrips towards the party to protect her family. Early in the encounter my party's wizard, Milton, cast fireball attempting to target as many of the family members and robots as possible. It incinerated the damaged mother and killed the 6 year old son outright. They proceeded to kill the evil sorcerer and left the daughter orphaned. Milton the character as well as the player felt terrible about the situation and wanted to incorporate this tragedy into the character and we homebrewed a PTSD mechanic for Milton. But as a result of this situation Milton’s player has been razzed by myself and the other players for killing the kid and his mother with a fireball. The razzing has now extended into gatherings beyond when we are playing D&D it is frequently brought up and jokes are made about him killing kids. One of the most notable jokes being another player got him Fireball shooters as part of a gift exchange for the holidays just to remind him of the heinous crimes he committed. Are we in the wrong for making jokes about our friend killing kids even though he felt terrible about it? P.S. This is all in good fun and Milton has never asked us to stop. He is also a 6th grade teacher in real life.

To the honorable and most supreme judges of this court room… and the other guy named Jake who is still here. I bring upon you this case of mine that still haunts me a year later. I, myself was running a DnD session that was the very start of this hopeful campaign. The group of mine were sent to the Dwarven Mountain, The Bronzen Summit, looking to find new jobs that would bring them honor, fame, glory, and most importantly, money. The group, had met for the first time at a tavern where the elven bard, Portia (Porsche-uh), was thrown out for a bad performance roll, nat 1, and unwanted flirting. The group brushed the bard off from their covered dust, found a poster that promised gold and platinum, and set off to the king’s throne to find the missing prince. When they arrived and had found out that the prince had disappeared towards an unknown plane of existence, the Feywild, Portia had decided to try and seduce the King and convince himself and several guards to join them on their adventure and rolled 3 Natural 20’s back to back and obtained 2 Royal Guards and the king’s interest later if she were to return back to the throne room with his son… (she of course wanted more guards) What had set them off though was that on their first encounter a few hours later, I had set up a situation where they came across an abandoned town in the Feywild, the new plane that the prince has been lost to, and they were looking for anyone to point them in the right direction as to where to go. As they were exploring, one by one over time, each guard had mysteriously vanished. When the first guard had disappeared, he had no concept of understanding that there was a second guard to begin with and thought the group was messing with him, and then they had vanished a bit later and left the group confused as to whether they had guards in the first place. Basically setting up an encounter with a modified false hydra to show that their new world would not be as easy as they had imagined. Portia though argued that rolling 3 Nat 20’s and having the guards killed off before any major battle was a huge issue and bad storytelling. I figured that it was a way to give more clues as to what had happened to this town. Was I in the wrong?

dear judges, dearest baliff, I fear i have a dark confession. I believe that I am dice CURSED. On a level that rivals Judge Murphy himself, I consistently fail to roll above a ten in my semi-frequent dnd group for the past three years. it is okay!! I love having to roll with the punches, am obsessed with dnd, and I love to watch my other player friends shine! however…. I fear I may have passed on my curse to a whole table of brand new players. We brought three of our friends into our bimonthly dnd one-shot and I bequeathed onto them my extra sets of dice as they did not have any of their own. judges, the game that followed was simply horrific. our cleric rolled 3 natural ones our ranger didn’t hit a single time, … our bard said she was playing sudoku the whole time… personally, I still think we had some fun, but honestly? it was a tough crowd. i fear I have cursed three newbies and brought unlucky rolls to our dnd group! Have I sinned in the eyes of dice Christ? are my dice cursed objects? (if so send a greater restoration please!) I pray for absolvement, and sage wisdom 🙏

what happened with the mega thread where you recorded dungeon court for a whole week? o.ô

To the personable justices and the pestiferous baliff, I bring the case of The Rogue vs The Railroad. I played in a campaign with a first-time DM and a lone wolf-type rogue. After our party was accused (wrongly) of kidnapping a local king's daughter, we were surrounded by MANY guards. The rogue had hidden nearby, but the King knew the party so he called for them to come out or he would kill the rest of us. The rogue didn't, and the King demanded a volunteer party member to 'make an example of' if they didn't come out. My halfling druid had the most friendly relationship with the rogue, so I stepped forward and pleaded with them to come out. The King gave the rogue a final chance, which they didn't take. Thankfully, the DM changed the threat of death into amputation and my druid only lost an arm. The party (in character) yelled for the rogue (who still didn't appear) and the DM immediately ended the session so she could work out what happened next. When we asked (out of character) why the rogue had stayed hidden, she said 'its what my character would do' and said the DM was forcing her character into something rather than giving her a choice. The arrest was definitely intended to be a cutscene, but was this the DMs fault for forcing it, or the player's for not putting her character aside for the story momentum? I await your judgement.

To the esteemed clergy of our lord and savior dice Christ and the bailiff Yuck. I prostrate myself for I believe I have sinned and beg forgiveness. 2 years ago I got the urge to DM my own campaign. I reached out to friends whom I knew would be interested. I had a campaign in mind and we even had a session zero to create characters. Everyone was excited but due to some personal issues and trauma rooted in anxiety I could not follow through with the campaign, leaving my friends and their characters in limbo. Since then, I have worked on myself and have worked through those problems, and I again feel ready to tackle the demanding but ultimately fulfilling role of immersing my players/friends in the world I have in mind. But there is a lingering sense of guilt still clutching at my heart. I don’t feel worthy to make that attempt after forsaking my friends to a campaign that never happened. So I ask if I am worthy of an attempt at redemption in the eyes of dice Christ or if I should accept that I may not be capable of being a DM after my last failed trial. I humbly ask for forgiveness or for any advice you can offer.

***IF CHOSEN, PLEASE READ ON BONUS CASES AS THE PLAYER IN QUESTION LISTENS TO THE MAIN FEED*** To the Kangaroo Kourt and that little fucking mook Jakeub, I present to you: “The Case of the Table Schism” I am running my longest campaign to date at 2.5 years of 35 roughly 4 hour sessions. We are on Act 3. I’m so close to finishing a story that I’ve been working on for hundreds of hours. The PCs have just finished a reality altering god v. god v. pc fight that has cut off the shadow realm from the material plane. E.g. shit is rolling. Here’s the problem: one of the 4 players has recently outed themselves as anti-transgender and it has gotten so bad that she, let’s call her Jake, has left the job we work at together because our our updated inclusion policy promotes the “transgender ideology.” Justices: what do I do? Jake wants to pretend like everything is fine but they have been openly hostile to me in and out of the workplace when they’ve gotten upset at me, once for a table issue and other times for things my SPOUSE has said! I’m having a very hard time wanting to continue this campaign with a person that is so hateful irl. We’ve had 1.5 sessions since this viewpoint has come to light. At the table, Jake keeps role playing relatively well and wants to keep going. The other players at my table are equally revolted but it is left up to me to make or break the group. Justices and that tiny simp Jake, should I finish the campaign with Jake knowing full well that afterward my friendship with Jake is over, or should I no longer delay the inevitable and exercise my right to exorcise this blight. I leave it I your soft and inept hands. PS - for real though, I’m losing a dear friend. Jake is one of my best friends of the last few years 😢

Hey esteemed justices and LBJ, I come before you today with the story of the crit that broke bread. It was my first dnd campaign and I was playing a drunken fist monk. I was not much of a role player but more of a min maxer at the time and was sad at my pitiful d4 damage and don't think we got too high in levels to get to stuns or extra attacks besides flurry of blows. My first step into the fun gimmicky part of DND was when we went to a tavern and found really stale bread. I asked my DM if I can use it instead of my fists and I think I had the tavern brawler feat to help a bit but I'm not sure. He said yes and I was very happy being a wacky monk that got to use hard stale bread as a weapon. It wasn't long until I crit while welding my bread and the dm narrated that the bread broke into splinters as I launched it to deal more damage. I was sad at the lost of my beloved meme of a weapon and was far from the tavern by that point and I don't remember if my DM didn't let me get more bread or if I gave up on my silly roleplay because it was disposable on crit. My question is was it fair for my DM to break my bread due to the crit to explain how it dealt more damage or should it just dealt more because of celiacs or proper aim? I await for your ruling. PS As a DM now I can imagine breaking a powerful macguffin for the final blow of the bbeg, do you think there are times where a crit would prevent it from being broken or do you think it would still lose power or something.

To the esteemed justices etc, I have been playing in a weekly game for a year now and I have recently noticed a suspicious pattern of behaviour of one of the other players that I can’t ignore. It started with our wizard taking damage while concentrating on a spell, and I reminded her that she would have to do a concentration check. She said ‘oh yeah, will do’ and then just didn’t roll anything. I asked another player what the rules were for concentration in 5.5 because I genuinely didn’t know and they explained it to me and the wizard but she just said ‘yeah okay’ and still never rolled the check. Ever since then, I have noticed that the wizard is cheating like all the time and lying about weird stuff. Most recently she tried to use an ability that she had to be bloodied to activate and we reminded her/ asked if she was bloodied and she was like ‘uhhhh yeah I am’ but I went on dnd beyond and she had almost full health. We also had a board game night and she refused to accept the house rules that we had been playing all night, but only when they didn’t go in her favour. The rest of the night she was fine with them and I was robbed of a W in a card game because of it. Idk how the DM doesn’t see it, but they are friends from way back and I think he’s turning a blind eye. Justices, I may be in the wrong because I DM’ed a one shot for the group recently and made a comment in the group chat that I didn’t care by which method the players allocated their stats, as long as they didn’t cheat. The wizard did not show up to the one shot. Am I in the wrong for the comment, especially since I haven’t actually talked to anyone about this? Would I be wrong for quietly leaving the group, even though I really like the other players? I also feel weird bc part of the reason the wizard is in the group is because I told the DM that I didn’t want to be the only woman in the party because I have had poor experiences with that in the past

Hello esteemed members of the clergy, Axford, Murphy, and Tanner, and the altar boy who steals from the collection plate Jake, I have a confession. I play with a group of friends, one of which is completely new to DND and because of that she has struggled to really find good uses for her rogue abilities, so now that she's become more comfortable using Sneak Attack, she started using it on every attack. Now, I know that you can only Sneak Attack once per turn, but she's been really enjoying the game because she feels powerful, and I don't think this has otherwise negatively affected the game. I don't think my DM knows that it doesn't work like that either. Am I wrong to stay quiet about this, or should I say something even if it means she'll get less enjoyment out of playing? I await your judgement.

Esteemed justices Axford, Tanner, Murphy, and Balliff Jess. I bring you the case of the threat of pvp. A few years ago I was several sessions deep into a campaign with some friends. The DM had set a few ground rules, including no PVP. We started off as slaves fighting as gladiators who managed to escape the horrors of the colluseum and hide out in the woods. After scouting the patrols we set an ambush for the militia captain and two island guards. We killed the guards, subdued the captain and bribed him to plot against our former master, whom we all vehemently hated. But before letting him go our barbarian told him to remove his armor. My character was against this, arguing it'd be better if it seemed like nothing had happened to the captain. The other character insisted and moved to remove the armor and I said that my fighter stood between them. The player looked at the DM who shrugged and said, there's no PVP yet. The barbarian backed down but there was definitely some tension from that player during the rest of the session but the campaign proceeded with no issues in future sessions. My question is this, was I out of line to "threaten" PVP and should have taken the conversation out of character? or was the DM right to consider this within the rules?

To the venerable clergy and that urchin boy you pulled off the street to keep the floors clean, forgive me for I have sinned against Dice Christ and have become a false idol. Since I first began playing DND ten years ago, I have been known among my group as someone who never crit despite whatever class I was playing. My DM pitied me greatly, but I did not despair over my middlingly luck and kept my faith in Dice Christ, knowing he would let me crit when the time was right. Cut to one year ago, I decided to join a second DND group that would meet up in person at my local game store (my first group plays over Discord). My Siblings in Dice Christ, I have crit nearly every single session of this game, often times more than twice, once seven times in one fight! It did not matter what dice I used, real, digital, mine, my fellow players’ when I had forgotten mine or ones that they gifted to me, I always managed to crit and crit often. My many crits have saved our party multiple times from TPKs as well as many beloved NPCs that needed saving. I truly feel blessed by Dice Christ and that He has rewarded me for my ten years of patience and faith. Finally I could stop rolling like Murph! But alas, my joy has now turned to dread for my new group does not attribute my luck to Dice Christ, but to me! They ask me to touch their dice as if to bless them, have banned our DM from using the d20 I gifted him because it kept critting against us, informed me that I have become a “paragon of luck” for them. I try to spread the word of Dice Christ, to say He was watching over my well-time crits, or even throw out a quick “Praise be to Dice Christ”, but I am corrected with a “No, praise be to you” which is sweet, but sacrilege, is it not? What should I do? How can I convince them that I am but a mere drop in Dice Christ’s cosmic dice pool and not some kind of dice messiah, a RN-Jesus if you will? More importantly, how do I make Dice Christ forgive me for taking credit for His generosity?

To the Pleasantly Flavorful Justices and Bailiff With Good Mouthfeel, I bring to you the case of the bullied traveler thru time and space. During character creation, I told my DM and fellow players I wanted to play a Fighter from the distant past of our world who had somehow been time-and-dimension-shifted to this fantasy world. A warrior from the Bronze Age. That was it: No special rules accomodations, no prophesized Chosen One or secret nobleman status. Just what I thought was an interesting background. My fellow players didn't like this. Most of them angrily insisted that "our world does not exist in this universe". But the DM sided with me and I went ahead with the character. But things didn't end there. The other players regularly insist that my player would be terrified by things like monsters and spells. To the point of demanding things like that I should have to make special Wisdom saves to keep from panicking or that I shouldn't be willing to touch a magic item out of superstitious fear. I'm actually willing to *role play* some of this 'culture shock' stuff and my DM *usually* doesn't agree with the fellow players on 'how my character would really react'. Still it just seems like I'm not being allowed to fully play my own character and this is a sort of revenge for bringing in a concept they don't like. It's irritating because I just know if I were to make some ridiculous half-aaracockra half-goliath bard-sorcerer-druid no one would care. And in terms of rules and reactions from others, I haven't asked for anything special at all. I figure a human from a primitive age in our world would have a very open mind about things like magic. I should hasten to point out that these are otherwise decent and friendly people that I don't otherwise mind spending time with. Judges, how can I politely but firmly establish that I am the one playing my character, not them?

My request for a Crit-Exorcism: To the holy and divine cardinals of our crit and saviour Dice Christ: I appear before the church today to request an exorcism, fore during the final showdown with my campaigns BBEG the Dice Devil possessed my tongue, and I fear that he has yet to relinquish it. To set the scene: My players had spent IRL months searching for the ghost of an evil wizard who's goal was to possess his grandson (an NPC) and syphon his life force in a complex ritual. For the battle, I'd prepared a multi-leveled 3D battlemap set in a floating pocket dimension, three different stages of custom boss minis, a wild magic table for if the players fell into the void space, and a diagram of the ritual that needed to be stopped. I set the stakes as so your honours to paint a picture of a truly epic fight; because it didn't last long. I was kicking ass, too much ass, and about halfway through combat is when IT happened... Please put earmuffs on the blessed baby Jacke, because instead of saying the BBEG "shouted" or "started"... I said "sharted". My players immediately broke out into laughter before I even had a second to back peddle, and suddenly the BBEGs facade crumbled. All the badassedness of my multiple stage minis melted away and my already ancient wizard was now depicted as an incontinent old man who shat himself mid-ritual. My players loved it, so I leaned into it. The rest of the combat was followed by me making sloppy diahear sounds everytime the wizard cast a spell, my players constantly teasing the wizard for shitting himself, and renaming his spells into poop puns. This moral whomping somehow made his rolls worse and a combat that had many players down to low HP turned around quickly in their favour. I lay prostrate at the feet of the church in hopes to be cleansed with the holy milk, or a moonlit-dog-baptism praying that my tongue may be released from the Devil so that my next BBEG will not whiff so epically.

From: saskeah, (pronounced sas-key-ah - please do not use my actual name on the pod if possible!) May it please the ENTIRE court, no exceptions, we all deserve a little treato now and then, I bring you the case of Flaming Cheeto the Second. I recently listened to the pod episode about the player known as Flaming Cheeto, and I immediately said to my fellow party members, oh my Dice Christ, this is just like OUR table. Our group meets online weekly, and although we fell together initially, we've all become very good friends, even driving across states to visit each other irl. We're about three campaigns deep, and the delight is only tempered by our group's newest addition, our own Flaming Cheeto. Despite being an experienced player, he consistently railroads our sessions. There are two main issues. He appears to be allergic to experiencing the consequences of his own actions - from poor rolls to narrative beats. And, his character intentionally withholds plot-advancing information from other characters that the players/DM are aware that he has. We want him to be able to find his place with us, but he will eat up hours of our game time to find loopholes if anything negative appears as though it may befall his character, or to argue with other characters and the DM to maintain control of the narrative. We only play for three precious hours at a time, and we don't like to resort to too much meta-gaming, but we are beginning to lose patience. Are we wrong to want Flaming Cheeto the Second to engage with the group, or should we be stretching ourselves to be more inclusive of his playing style? Many of us are fans of the pod, and will willingly submit to whatever unhinged outcome awaits us. I humbly await your verdict.

Benevolent Justices and, *clears throat*, I bring the case of “are we falling”? This year I started an anonymous d&d podcast w/ dear friends and some wild guests. As our party careened to the bottom of the ocean in an anchored cast-iron submarine and party members were getting brained on the walls, my monk NPC asked “are we falling?”, arguing he should be able to Slow Fall damage away. I argued that slow fall implies a free fall, and he was instead drunkenly bouncing inside a cast iron egg. It’s been months and he still asks me, “but are we falling?”. Justices, please settle this case once and for all.

For the attention of grossly incandescent justices and superfluous jailiff bake. I present to you the case of the serial offender Craig (not really their real name). Friends and I from secondary school some 20 years ago play dnd together sporadically but often with the odd hiatus since we started a campaign in covid. I am currently dm-ing the campaign and suffer at the hands of the negligent and tardy Craig. We start at 7:30pm any time we play, always, for 5 plus years. Craig has 1 in 100 times been actually punctual. They are often showing up after 8:00pm and we have a hard stop at 10:00pm. Usually with no forewarning or vague messages like "sorting the cars out" and no updated ETA. Craig is a NEET, none of us know what they sort or why they are late?! I love him like a sibling but I am beginning to loathe him like one too. Pray tell, can he be guilty or should be committed for psychiatric evaluation? Or am I bearing the crime of unjust expectations?

To the esteemed Bailiff Jake and the lowely lowely Justices that wouldn't accept my bribe, I bring you the campaign that just won't die. This story takes place easily 10 years ago. The forever dm at the time wanted a break and I was ready to dip my toes into DMing, I ran a one shot with my players having lvl 15+ characters. Immediately after the first session I was promotted to forever dm, and quickly turned my one shot into a longer campaign by draining my players levels with the big bad evil lady. She went to start a world wide blizzard. My players later would strike a deal with the BBEL to bring a charter back to life after I killed him cause he moved IRL, he came back sooner than anticipated and that's just how it worked out. Two players now have a pact with my villain, that I am completely happy letting them do if they betray the party or not, I want it to be a real story driven motivation. but my issue now is that we have been off an on so much over the years and had so many players come and go that I no longer have a clear image of the cannon story. We have agreed to scrap the story, revive it, scraped and revived again, but we haven't played again since they made the pact. I begged my players to remake characters and write actual backstories for these one shot characters that had no dimension to them, we could retcon what we needed. My players have yet to give me anything at all, their excuse is that they have talked with me about ideas but I can't keep up with what they were running by me and what they are keeping. This has happened more than once now with this one story my players really liked, and I like it too, but I have written material three times now that I end up just throwing away cause of no commitment. Should I just drop the campaign that started my career and move on, or is there something else I can do? Ps. I ran one shots later on with the famous adventuring groups characters to try and get engagement, I think this made my players more lazy since it was for backstory lore.

Hello justices and Jane. I present the case of the polymorphed lizard folk. My friend was playing a lizard folk fighter. They were at a carnival and doing a bobbing for apples event that I threw some polymorph apples in as a joke. My friend E got polymorphed into a hen and asked if she could lay an egg. I said yeah sure whatever and then she shouted “IM ROLLING FOR FERTILIZATION” threw out the d20 and got, of course, a nat 20. I wasn’t sure what to do so I consulted my dad, a long time dnd podcast connoisseur and player/dm. I told him since it was an unasked for roll my plan was to make it a still born unholy amalgamation between lizard and chicken. He said “that’s horrible dude, make it a cockatrice.” Anyways how the hell would you rule that while being satisfying, doesn’t screw me over and also isn’t horrible.

To the most Honorable and Just Judges and their pet monkey, Jork, I DM for a few of my friends once a month online. One of the players is my Forever DM from another campaign we've been playing for years. Ever since we started my game, she has been trying to break the rules to pull one over on me which I'm fine with, it makes me feel better for being an Eloquence Bard in her game and using my abilities to get through sticky situations. The latest crime was committed during our last game. Tensions had come to a head between the elite of the city and the downtrodden lower classes who just wanted to live their lives in safety and peace. The party decided a protest that would beocme a riot would be the best way to go. My DM--a grave cleric--decided that she was going to talk to the guards keeping everyone away from the council chambers and tried to demand justice. I explained that the guards were not currently aggressive, just firm. Another player was ready to start shit and the cleric decided that Calm Emotions on the nearest group of guards would be the best course of action. I asked if she was sure. I pointed out that Calm Emotions has verbal and somatic requirements and, in a world of magic, people would recognize that she was casting a spell on them. I pointed out that it was brain magic, that she would only be able to get a small group of guards. I gave her all the "are you SURE about that"s I could. She did it anyways. The guards who were unaffected by the spell immediately detained her. She was indignant. She INSISTED that Calm Emotions wasn't violent and there's absolutely no reason why people would be upset about her being "helpful". The rest of the party agreed that you can't just use brain magic on people and not expect repercussions. I asked her how she would feel if someone spiked her drink to help her "calm down". She said that was different and she was just "helping" the guards. She remained detained but INSISTS that I am in the wrong. Judges, is it cool to cast brain magic on people? Should I pick up a spell to manipulate people in HER game and throw myself on a sword to prove a point? I humbly await your judgement on brain magic ethics.

I have a confession for the ones who bathe in unearned glory and the baliff who holds the court up by himself Years ago in one of my first campaigns as a baby player i ran from the light of dice christ as i denied the rolls i fudged roll after roll it culminated when we had intruders in our spaceship my fellow player suggested we "space em" we all agreed and opened the air lock the intruders were "spaced" but everyone had to roll strength saves... i rolled a measly 11 i saw my teamate fall into the star spangled void... I lied i said i rolled a 17 my freind corrected me... i lied again i said i had thought it was a 17 because the second 1 kinda looked like a 7 and they beleived me... to the holy crit please save me as the regret builds in my heart (PS: i almost wrote star spangled banner instead of star spangled void)

To the esteemed justices and the regular dude reading my words, I present the case of the extra large damage conundrum. I am sorry to say that I do not present any drama here as I know we all love to hear, but this is strictly a combination of mechanics that I believe to work correctly but got very concerned looks for when I did over a hundred damage in a turn at level 7. My party and I finished off a 10 part campaign fighting an interdimensional beast and we were level 7, my 5 level hex blade warlock with 2 levels of sorceror was finally ready to show off what it can do. Taking a few turns to setup my combo, I had Sorceror's Innate Sorcery ability up and had also claimed the big bad interdimensional beast as my hexblade's curse -critting on 19 and 20 and some bonus damage. On my third turn, it was time.. I used my action to cast a booming blade cantrip from my sorceror spell list, rolling with advantage from Innate Sorcery and hit with my great sword pact weapon for 27 damage. With my bonus action I now used a sorcery point to use quickened spell to cast, you guessed it, another booming blade cantrip. Rolling with advantage, I rolled a 19.. a hexblade curse crit! Expending a 3rd level warlock spell slot to do an eldritch smite (shout to Onyx) I was now rolling 4d6 and 10d8 plus 6 plus 3 and using the savage attacker feat from my background, rolled twice and used the higher number - a whopping 79 damage!! The interdimensional beast was defeated, the DM was stunned at my numbers and asked me to break it down for him. My sister, the barbarian that had been sponging all the attacks, raged for real. I am typically forever dm so everyone presumed I knew what I was doing but now I second guess.. could you do some murph math or caldwell crunching to determine if I ran my shenanigans correctly?

Hello esteemed justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, and a hearty wassup to my lowly homie, Jork. This case begins with a member of our party dangling from an airship, needing rescue, while the rest of us were on the ground. The party quickly determined who could fly up to help. Without any way to fly, my wife and I were forced to keep our characters on the ground, and too far away to assist. The other four party members, however, flew up to rescue our ally and confront an NPC who later proved to be a major villain. (One other PC was secretly a dragon, but that is a story for another time). During this encounter, one of the characters on the airship threw a corpse overboard. With this, the DM instructed me to roll a Dexterity saving throw. When I asked why, I was told I had been struck by the falling corpse and, due to the height, would take maximum falling damage. Despite objections that the airship had been moving away from our position for a while, the ruling stood. I failed the save and took the damage. This resulted in my level 3 character taking double their max health, resulting in their death. This incident continues to be brought up as a joke at the table years later. I ask the court: am I wrong for being upset by how this was handled, or should I be more open to the humor of the situation? I humbly await your judgement.

Sup nerds! and Jay, I have for you a case of suddenly escalating hostility from a co-working GM. I worked in a tech retail store earlier this year. While there, a coworker graciously invited me and my partner at the time to join their home game since they were about to launch into Beyond the Witchlight with their long time players and friends. It was a good time, but the travel was like 45 minutes to get over to the GM's place. Their players were also, and I dont know how to say this any less cliché, but judges, they were fucking squares. Just kinda flat lame adults, ya know? Not horrible, but uninteresting and uninspired as players. Ultimately, I was still down in appreciation of my coworker. Especially since our regular boardgame nights fell apart largely due to commuting. What really blew things up for me was a horrifically messy separation from my long time partner. I had to get a restraining order. (I'm doing much better now!) But, it was bad enough that I didn't want to share details with anyone extraneous. That included most of my coworkers. My GM coworker, with good intent, I believe, kept at me and invited and reinvited me and my at-the-tme-ex back into the campaign week after week. This TOO does not upset me, but it was hard hearing my ex's name mentioned with everything going on. I'm a professional GM at cons and LGSs and I appreciate the olive branch for a flaky player. However, as my physical and emotional wellbeing outwardly decayed, he kept on, not taking no for an answer. This came to a head when I left that job for a new (brighter!) career. Judges and baby jay, my coworker proceeded to have an unprompted micro-meltdown while I was chilling in my manager's office on my last day. He walked in and, instead of the same sort of friendly "goodbyes" I'd been getting from other coworkers, he succinctly shouts, "Well I guess I'll never see you again, because you hate me!" He then storms off and I haven't heard from him since. My manager and I looked at each other and just kinda didn't acknowledge it? I honestly thought I was a bit, because it was SO petulant. But he just never came back? So, like, was I in the wrong for not being more transparent about why I suddenly stopped playing? Or was his reaction totally out of proportion and, frankly, off-putting?

Good morning, afternoon, and evening to the most esteemed justices and a causal sup to the bailiff I bring to the court the case of the clueless cleric. This case happened several years ago during grad school. It was the first campaign for several of the players while our DM was quite knowledgeable and patient with us noobies. One of our players decided to play a cleric which was quite needed since our dm loved to throw very damaging encounters. The issues started when it became clear that the cleric continued to have no clue how the rules of dnd worked and how the cleric class worked despite playing for almost a year almost weekly by time many of our fellow party members started to get irritated. The cleric would constantly ask how skill checks worked and would regularly forget they had spells that would help in encounters including spirit guardians or even spells like healing word. Even more irritatingly the cleric would refuseto use spells higher then level 1 because they were afraid of running out of spell slots. About a year and a half into the campaign one of the other players suggested that the cleric use their higher spell slots and should try and read up on the rules of dnd to stream line sessions The DM then got annoyed and told the player that giving unsolicited advice to players was rude and should knock it of. Judges at the same time the dm was admonishing the player they would also privately tell me they were also quite annoyed with the cleric and even now years after the campaign it is an inside joke between me and that former dm about the clerics inability to learn the rules of the game. Judges was the cleric in the wrong for never learning the rules of the game, was the other player at fault for calling them out on it, and was the DM wrong for admonishing the player even if they were also annoyed? The game has been over for years at this point, we all graduated from grad school so it ended on mostly good terms. I humbly await your wised judgement!

To the most preem and nova justices in the biz and the gonkiest gonk bailiff Johnny. I bring to you a case of Peace-TSD I'm wrapping up strahd with HS friends and I absolutely love making characters to fit a fun theme/playstyle. I'm playing a peace cleric/divination wizard "pascifist." I haven't damaged or cast a spell against an enemy a single time in the campaign, I just buff our party, heal, and tank. Another player is obsessed with tier lists and has been adamant and vocal even outside of the table about how "overpowered" my build is. The DM and other 3 players seem to be loving the campaign and don't seem to share the sentiment even when playing "lower tier classes." Should I be shamed for using an "S-tier subclass" even when nerfing my character hard by eliminating the ability to be offensive at all? How should I proceed in the future to appease "party balance?"

A confession for the deacons of dice - Y’all, my friend is a sinner and needs forgiveness. He has an abhorrent way of tracking hit points. You know how you have say 80 hp, then you take 13 damage, so you mark that you now have 67 hp? Well, he just lists the amounts of damage he’s taken until he “feels” like he’s getting close to down. So he’ll have 80 hp, then the damage will be listed out to the side: 13, 6, 21, 7, 13, etc. Then he will add them all up at once to see where he’s at. It’s psychotic and he must see the err of his ways, or I fear he will one day not realize when he’s at 0. (All the love from myself and my group - you guys are the reason we’re friends)

To the most obnoxious and venerated church in all of the land, I ask that you forgive me…for I have sinned…. A couple weeks ago I had the opportunity to DM a game for the first time in a couple years. It was a spontaneous affair that my family brought up and asked that I show them what DnD was all about. I hastily set everything up and pulled an entire session out of my rear end where my mother (rouge), my brother (cleric) , and my mother’s new husband (fighter) were a crew or mercenaries under the employ of a noble drunkard who had (in a night of splendor) purchased a manticore and accidentally let it escape out into the town. My players chose to not face it head on and instead bought a large dose of a sleeping potion and the rouge sneakily poured the draft in its mouth as it slept. They ended up defeating the beast and were hailed as saviors by the town, but that is not where my sins lay…. My crime was that the cleric and the fighter poured a bit of the sleeping potion onto their weapons to help more in the fight and throughout the fight asked more than once if “the potion on their weapons was doing anything”. They were merely lvl 1 premade characters so I had already reduced the manticores stats (hp, ac, dmg, checks, saves, etc) in half in every aspect to make the fight more simply, however every time they asked about it I simply said, “don’t worry I’m keeping track of it:” but in reality I did absolutely nothing with it. I ask that you please forgive me for giving my players false hope about their clever plan and don’t punish me too hard for taking a heavy huff of the smoke and mirrors.

Hello most wise, modest, and eloquent priest of dice Christ and an awkward wave to the hunchback sitting in the choir loft. I come to you with and confession of sin and announcement of a miracle. A few years ago, in session 1 of a brand new campaign with several new players and a DM I had played with before, the prideful, over zealous paladin was continually asking our DM to roll intimidation to try and control my unruly high elf wizard. My confession, is that I fudged every contested check against him as I was attempting to teach him how PVP was not the goal of this game. This happened at least 12 times throughout this one session, and the DM was onto me but didn’t interfere. The miracle comes at the end of the session. Our level one characters had trudged through a dungeon and happened upon the BBEG for our introduction. After continuing to talk crazy shit to our endgame boss, Beholder Death Ray was cast on my level 1 elf with 7 max hp, and I was forced to make a dex save. With disadvantage. In preparation for my death, I rolled with no hope in my heart for the future. Rolling the dice one at a time, the first came up as a crit. Having thought that was all my luck I rolled again, another crit. I had saved to live another day. My elf survived the situation with no harm other than a penis shaped scar on my forehead and the nickname “the dick who lived.” Was this a sign from dice Christ that she was okay with my “teaching” of the new player in saving my elf? Is this change of the dice decision forgivable in the eyes of the lord? I believe I was blessed in that moment, but am unsure how to interpret this along with my prior sins against the dice. I prostrate myself at the really nice looking feet of dice Christ and trust your decision for my penance. Amen. P.S.: The campaign fizzled after the second session due to the paladin crashing out on not winning any of his intimidation checks. And it was his birthday.

To the FALSE JUSTICES Axfart, Durphy, and Wanner as well as the ONE TRUE HEIR TO THE THRONE: SIR BAILIFF JAKE THE WELL-ENDOWED…jk can you imagine? I bring to you THE CASE OF THE MISSING D20: On a dark and stormy night, a group of compatriots were playing dnd when suddenly the power went out! We were close to the end of a role-play focused session, so we decided to finish up over candle light and cellphone screens. On the final roll of the session, the party’s sorcerer hoped to persuade a dwarven king that his fellow PC was framed for the murder of an aristocrat. The die was cast and…it bounced out of the dice box, was heard hitting the floor, and was fully and completely lost in the darkness. We searched for the d20 for the better part of 10 minutes because Our table has a historic rule that rolls that fall off the table do not count…unless they are a nat 1 or nat 20. But we eventually conceded that the die was lost to the gods of darkness and shadow, and the sorcerer rerolled. The persuasion failed, and next session was primed for a combat encounter. The following morning, I found the d20 wedged oh-so-perfectly in the grate of my floor vent, Nat 20 clearly showing. Justices, I was ready for a fight scene, so I selfishly chose to keep this revelation to myself. Should I have informed my party of that fateful roll and re-narrated the scene ending at the start of the next session, or was I within my right to choose violence? I humbly await your insights. PS: Hate the show

To the esteemed Dice Christ clergy I bring you not a confession but religious council on some unorthodox practice. I am unfortunately a victim of big nicotine, and unsupervised I will just smoke whenever I feel like it. So, in an effort to keep my smoking down, my roommates have been having me roll for cigarette. They set a DC and give guidance or inspiration when they feel I deserve it. This has worked great, as I cannot bring myself to forsake dice Christ if I don’t make the roll I just won’t have anything and gives the motivation to not give into the craving. However I am concerned, is this use of Dice Christ sacrilegious. When my roommates aren’t around I won’t roll. Will the day I ignore the roll come and forsake my rolls forever. I often don’t pass the roll like dice Christ themselves is protecting my lungs. So I ask the clergy: thoughts?

To the high priests and priestess Axford, Murphy, Hurwitz, and Tanner; I bring you a dice Christ confession that has weighed on me for years. A few years ago I was playing in a hardcore campaign DM-ed by a friend, whose wife was also a PC in the game. We knew going in it was going to be brutal, and were having a blast. One week as I was arriving at their house to play a session where I was pretty sure my character was going to die, his wife pulled me aside and told me he had gotten drunk the night before at a family party and told her everything about the encounter we were about to play, and even an easy way to save my character we had completely overlooked, and he didn’t remember telling her about it. We anxiously talked about the ethics of using this information for a few minutes before we decided to use this ill-gotten information. We played the session, and the DM seemed genuinely shocked at how well we were doing, even having to end a little early because he was so sure we’d have to take a break for me to roll a new character. The campaign ended a few months later, my character survived, but I’ve always felt like I cheated death and dice christ. Please, tell me what I must do to absolve my sins.

To the stylish justices and will somebody get that stinky man out of here thank you. I bring to you the case of The DM’s Secret Sessions. I’ve been playing in a D&D campaign for almost 2 years now, and most of us are new players. We are all friends from college, and the DM and one other player are especially good friends. This player’s character fell in love with one of the NPC’s, and as a party we worked together to get them to go on a date; the two characters are now dating. The relationship has been really beneficial to help develop this player’s character. I have no issues with this relationship, however… I have recently found out that the DM and this player have hooked up, and are now dating. This would not be weird if not for the fact that they are roleplaying as these characters in the bedroom. Your honours, I am uncomfortable with this, but as far as I know they have not brought any of this to the table. Are they in the wrong for what they do in the private of their home or should I just get on with it and try not to think about their (hopefully) non-canonical private sessions. I leave the judgement up to you.

Sup nerds, I've been running a game for five of my friends as way to stay in touch after graduating college, and it's been good until a recent incident. I've had to remind them almost every combat of things like spellcasting rules (can't cast two spells on a turn, per 2014 rules), how sneak attack works, the moon druid's Wildshape is a bonus action, etc. During a recent combat session, the druid got visibly frustrated after I reminded her she was Restrained and couldn't move unless she used her action to escape, and said "I do nothing," after which I said "guys, if you play like this in the final battle in a few weeks you're going to lose." The vibes were off until the end of the session (which I ended early) after which the rogue (the druid's cousin) and the paladin (druid's former coworker) hung around. The rogue told me some of them feel like my reminders are condescending, to which I rebutted that it was almost unacceptable to not know what your character can do, which she rebutted that some of them don't have time or the same amount of interest in the game as others. Judges, we've been playing biweekly for four years. They've reached level 11. I ask a simple question: should my players know what they can do in combat? P.s. we had a session 0.5 and recalibrated the campaign expectations, apologies were made and accepted, and changes to my DMing style have been adjusted to finish the campaign on a high note.

Humble and reverent Justices and Jump, I come to you with a case from an old “campaign” I played in. My DM at the time had made a city setting, it sounded awesome. A paradise in solitude from the rest of the world, protected by an arcane barrier. There seemed to be a built out twisted political system and we had all built our backstories around said city. It was set to be a great campaign! However, at the end of session one, after an awesome celebration, setting up our characters and their roles in the world, we were railroaded out. I don’t remember exactly how, but we did not want to leave. From there, the remaining few sessions were us getting lost on a mountainside and most importantly being locked out of any backstory relevance. We had no idea going into it that we’d be venturing outside the city at all and while the DM tried to tell us this would be an amazing sandbox campaign, we just couldn’t get invested. Justices, this sucks right? Or should we have trusted the DM’s promise?

To the illustrated justices and the weak ankles live action jack. I come bringing a cold case of 28 years that haunts me to this day. It was a small group of 4 people playing dnd monthly. We were all level 1 and 16 years old. We were playing a homebrew campaign by our dm. I was a ranger, and we had Carl the wizard. Lastly there was Carl the rogue. We had slogged through a dungeon and it was 4 in the morning. We opened a door to see an adult black dragon guarding a hoard. Carl got tired of the debate on what we should do and charged the dragon. In desperation, my ranger attacked Carl to prevent a TPK. Justices…. That was the first crit for my character since starting. We all started laughing… except Carl. He completely lost his shit. Yelling. Calling bullshit. I apologized. I asked the DM if we could roll back time and undo my attack. He said yes, but the damage was done. The session ended, and we actually never played again. To this day, I think about this event and regret my attack. Was I wrong for the pvp to prevent a TPK? Or was my friend just being a little bitch at 4am? I humbly accept any judgement. PS when I found your podcast a few years ago, it got me back into dnd, and I now dm for my wife and friends. Thank you for bringing that joy back to me

Supreme Crit and Jacob, I’ll keep this brief: One of my players has the Haunted One background and uses it constantly to get discounts at stores and advantage in conversations. How powerful should player backgrounds be? P.S. Love the show

To the Highest of Crits and the Bailiff Who I Don't Know How We're Feeling About Today, I humbly prostrate myself lower than Beverly Toegold V with the Case of the Unlucky T-Rex. A few years ago as a first time DM, I was leading my mostly new to D&D players (4 new players and one more experienced player) through Castle Ravenloft at the end of Curse of Strahd. In the final battle, my players had the notion that they needed to destroy Strahd's coffin before they could kill him (preventing him from regenerating). I set a consistent AC, and explained it was a little higher than a typical coffin that they smashed earlier in the game (the coffin maker's shop) because it was Strahd's coffin. They agreed and we fought. After many rounds, the druid of the party was out of wildshapes, and chose to polymorph themselves into a T-Rex. After a slight pause to explain they can't polymorph themselves into a T-Rex and attack in the same turn, we resumed the fight. On the druid's next turn, they used their multi-attack to try to bite the coffin. Due to the pre-established higher AC, they missed, and I narrated how they turned away at the last second from the heat and fire of fireballs and were unable to do damage to the coffin. Here is where the case comes in. As I started to have the next player go, the druid player asked if they could use some of their luck points to reroll an attack. I said no, explaining that polymorph is different than wildshape. With polymorph, they adopt that creature's stats and a T-Rex does not have luck points. But when they wildshape, they are just changing their form and retain their skills and abilities, and would have had luck points. Your Honors, let me tell you, my players vehemently disagreed. The fight stopped as we argued back and forth. Ultimately, I decided to let Dice Christ decide. If they rolled above a 15 on a straight d20, I would allow the T-Rex Druid to use a Luck point. The player rolled a seven. The players accepted Dice Christ's ruling, and we ended the fight a few rounds later with a saved 3-rd level divine smite from the party paladin. My question is this: did I wrong my players by not allowing the T-Rex to use a Luck point? Or was I being a stick in the mud to not allow a new player (who still needed reminders of what dice to roll at times because of ADHD) to use an ability they typically forgot about? I humbly await your judgment, and may Dice Christ have mercy on me if I wronged my friends and a new player. (As an update, we all still play together and this was NOT a friendship ending debate--I am merely looking for confirmation that I'm not as much of an a*hole as my friends like to razz me for for not allowing the luck point.)

Most honorable justices of the crit and the guy who rolled a nat 1 on his LSAT (love you Jake), I bring you the case of the Flying Goliath. I was a first time DM running a 2-year 5e campaign in a homebrew classic fantasy setting. A good friend was at the table, playing a Goliath barbarian. This friend had been asking for a year to get wings. It started as a joke but evolved into a genuine character motivation. In a fight with the archdevil of blight, The Goliath was puppeted by a shredwing, a winged creature that can burrow into your back and pilot your body. They survived with the help of their party members. After the fight, I narrated that the raw open wound, even with the beast still attached, was a significant risk, and that upon inspection, a greater healing (which the cleric had stocked), would heal the wound, with the wings still attached if they wanted. Justices, the Goliath decided they were so independent that they ran away from the cleric and refused the greater healing. Justices, I seriously thought about giving them sepsis and killing them for a second, but I caved and let them live, eventually granting them use of the wings heading into the final two sessions facing the BBEG. Should I have killed my Goliath for refusing healing help? Or did placating my player allow the campaign to end satisfactorily?

For CAKE HURWITZ! in our weekly campaign over Zoom. One of our members was getting bogged down with work and at the end of a session told us that he was leaving. At the beginning of the next session Our DM role played his wizards death, we mourned, and moved on. That same session we were sneaking into an evil church’s courtyard which ended in a TPK. After the game our DM revealed that this was supposed to be an easy encounter that was geared twards the wizard and had lumped the enemies together in large groups at the beginning of the fight to make full use of his AoE spells. But our wizard told the DM he was leaving after he created the encounter and didnt feel like changing it. So i ask the Judges, Should our DM have switched up his battle tactics to better suit that of a Ranger, Barbarian, and Rouge? or did we just get good ole fashioned whomped? either way no shade to our DM! LOVE YOU MIKE!!!!

May it please the court and leave the bailiff feeling satisfied but not too satisfied, I present to you the case of permanent disadvantage. One time I was playing an Ancestral Guardian Barbarian, mainly for the purpose of using the Ancestral Protectors subclass feature. In our first session, my friend who was playing a Cavalier Fighter discovered that their Unwavering Mark feature applies the same effect (disadvantage against everyone other than the PC that applies the mark). He then suggested that we use both of these features against a single enemy, ensuring that they have disadvantage on EVERYONE (ourselves included). Though the Ancestral Protectors feature doesn't use the language of "applying a mark", I tried to argue that though RAW that could work, it definitely shouldn't be allowed RAI. Ultimately, our first-time DM decided to allow it and we cheesed the final fight of the session so bad that we never played in that campaign again. O just and impartial court, how do you read and interpret these rules and mechanics? Should we have been allowed to carry out this campaign-killing whomp?

To the most honorable justices and to the bailiff who should really stop playing with his food, it makes him look like a child. I give you the case of narrative re-writing by the (clearly favored) player. I’ve just begun a third campaign, based around the Greek heroes and gods, with a group I’ve been off and on with for 3 years now, and it is off to the most horrendous start I’ve seen so far. My table decided to implement heroic actions (attacking once post mortem in exchange for two death save fails) or at least that is what I was told. I’d been told this at the 5 hour session 0 where we were talked at about rules and lore for our gm’s newest world. However, when we got to the actual game the favored player (let’s just call him warlock) said “no that really doesn’t work with my narrative for how this character works” when someone brought it up, and the gm said “oh yeah I forgot, guys we won’t be doing those…” Flash forward to 3 hours into the session and warlock goes down, and upon his going down he cast meteor swarm… judges we were level 4. Following this spell cheating fiasco the dm tried to move us into the underworld to which warlock objected to heavily again, however the gm finally showing a bit of spine persevered, and we begun the trek to hades… members of the court our gm texted us 4 hours after the session and said “y’all won’t be going to hades yet retcon the last hour of the session” with no additional context other than the warlock saying “that’s better, thank you for fitting the story we talked about” Me asking the gm on non session time about this whole incident was met with a text that said “it’s not favoritism, it is just for the best.” Also I have not been involved in the planning of our next session based on one of the texts I got from a player I’m closer with in the group… Members of the court, what the hell, was I wrong to assume a gm wrote the story without player assistance, or should I believe that one specific player should not only have plot armor but also a hand in writing the story? And should I really be quiet quitted on because I asked the gm why he favors the warlock? P.S. the warlock called himself the nippler

Most honorable justices and baliff Hork Jerkowitz; may I present the case of 'The Campaign That Almost Wasn't'? My group and I have been playing for several years at this point, but this first session is still stuck in my craw. For background, I play an aarakocra monk; a vulture who had been wandering the desert in CHOSEN isolation for decades, and after a wrongful conviction started the campaign as a prisoner literally locked in a cage in a convoy traversing the lands. We were attacked, our convoy was injured, and our paladin, ever the spotlight hog, promised me my freedom at a terrible cost. Swearing my fealty to him. Judges, this would not be the biggest deal, but if I did not immediately throw away my entire backstory and motivations, he was prepared to 'leave me in the desert to rot inside a cage'. I tried my best to Yes; And my way through this, but he would not budge. Playing into the whole Way of the Long Death/vulture trope, accepting death but also not wanting to throw away the hard work I put into developing this character. After over 45 minutes of back and forth, it was finally 'fine, whatever, i dont even care' from our paladin, who then proceeded to mope and pout for the rest of the session, and even complaining OOC after we were done. Judges; even though we have put our differences aside, what is the statute of limitations for a case like this? Am I in the wrong for sticking to my guns, or is this paladin a little to big for his holy britches?

O most divine deacons of the dice, I come to you with a confession of maybe not a sin, but I leave that to your judgement. When I level up my characters, I will as always roll their appropriate hit dice (D8 for my monk, D12 for the barbarian, etc) but with a slight caveat. If I roll really poorly (a 1 or a 2), I will instead just plug in the average number + Con modifier as the PHB offers. So rather than just taking the 1 on the D8 + 3 (my Con modifier), I put in the PHB "average" of 5 + Con. I have justified my actions by pointing to the rules as written, but in my heart, I fear that it is meant to be taken as one or the other (rolled or averages) rather than the somewhat loosey-goosey way I have been doing things. Is this an acceptable practice in the eyes of Dice Christ, or have I damned myself to an eternity in Dice Hell? I prostrate myself at your mercy. Amen? Idk, I haven't been Catholic in a long time.

Good day Justices Urphy, Fiasco, Shinobi & greetings to the bailiff - Jax Hamstink I presume. I present to you a matter of potentially wrongful role playing. My wife and I were invited to a friends home where his father was the DM for a one shot event. My wife, being a very busy surgeon, was excited to try and play but had very little time to prepare - so I made her a basic halfling rogue character with a penchant for stealing and hording shiny things - literally one of the “flaws” available in the free version of DnD Beyond. She said she wanted to be a sneaky thief type character so I thought it was perfect. I played a barbarian ranger Buffalo headed Minotaur that tested humans for being vampires by shoving garlic in their face - but still didn’t understand that vampires could only come out at night. I digress, the one shot progresses fairly smoothly - the DM was a bit inconsistent about certain game mechanics but nothing egregious - the moment I take issue with is when the party is investigating an abandoned mansion looking for abducted kids and my wife (halfling rogue) acting like an imperious Kardashian, sneaks off to the attic alone. Here she finds what appears to be a magic ring, very shiny and something her character should covet highly. She also discovers some sort of ritual chamber with the abducted kids in some sort of magical trance. The table had been harping on “meta gaming” the whole session so I wasn’t being allowed to offer her suggestions on what to do - I was trying to hint that her character should come find the rest of the party - especially the magic users with better wisdom/intelligence stats - to figure out what was going on. The DM asks her what she wants to do - my wife can be an agent of chaos when she wants to - and decides her character would place the magic ring in the ritual circle. I thought this went hard against her character’s motivations as I had created it, she should have been a wealth hoarding little sneak-thief, not throwing away her prizes! The DM created immediate consequences. She was forced to roll wisdom and intelligence saving throws that she failed, badly, I think one of them was a natural one (my wife is cursed with Caldwell rolls) and even after a halfling luck re-roll still failed the checks. The DM narrates the power of the ring was absorbed by the ritual circle and my wife’s character possessed by a demon - which he takes over and begins killing the party with. Through some creative narration and luck rolls (we were in the late game hours) the DM brought the one-shot to a conclusion for us first time players where not everyone died instantly. Justices, did my wife go against her character’s motives in her actions alone in the attic causing the rapid tail spin of the one-shot? Am I being too much of a stickler for my role playing adherence? Was I wrongfully silenced for “meta-gaming” when trying to help my wife make a character decision? I accept my immanent and harsh judgement (I’ll have to do the punishment for my wife, she’ll probably be in the OR) - I graciously accept my fate.

To the auspicious Justices and the guy who kinda reminds me of my brother - I present the case of the Sudden Surprised Condition. A player in the core group recently started a D&D campaign using 2024 rules to give the forever DM (who runs 2014 rules) a break. One week the new DM had to cancel and the forever DM offered to run a one shot that night. He didn't specify which rule set to use, only saying “Bring a level 13 character and prepare for a wild evening". That rainy night while everyone is getting set up in the basement, the DM says “Oh, I hope you don't mind, I invited another player to help round out the numbers." Just then the doorbell rings upstairs. Since it's your house, you head up and peek outside the front window. Standing at the door is a man in an impeccable Grinch costume. Or, hell, it might even be the Grinch himself. In one hand he has a Player's Handbook and in the other is a cloth sack - roughly the size of a basketball - filled with something lumpy. Both seem to be partially covered in a dark liquid. You begin to head back to ask the forever DM about who he invited when the Grinch starts knocking rather forcefully on the glass. Your phone has zero bars - what do you do?

To the honorable judges who are looking very good today … and the bailiff who I think said his name was Jam? I bring you the case of the Hot Coco Strike. About a year or two ago I was DMing a oneshot for my brother in law, sister, and brother (our usual dm). It was a Christmas one shot that was basically a dungeon crawl as they run through the cars of the astral train Santa drives to rescue him from the gingerdead man. In one car they fought a hot coco mephit and my brother in-law ,whose PC basically Ash Ketchum, caught one to keep. A couple cars car over for some rest, A bartender was there to give them a healing cup of hot coco and restore them. WELL… in the final battle against the gingerdead man things were getting dicey…. so my brother in law asked if he could summon his hot coco mephit and eat it.. since they had drank healing hot coco before, the mephit should also be able to heal him. I said no.. BUT Judges, before i could offer my alternative for them.. ALL my players said they were going on strike and TURNED AROUND in their seats….. refusing to face me. After a minute I was finally able to get them to listen and I said the mephit could go GET them some more hot coco potions. So my beautiful Judges, I ask, was I wrong for not letting them eat the mephit? Or are my siblings just crazy? PS to this day they say they are not sorry about it. AND would do it again.

May it please the heroic and holy justices of the court and that measly bother yall keep around (Jim was his name?) I humbly submit to you my plight. I, like the magnanimous justice Murphy have had the honor to be a forever DM in my time playing Dnd. I was even the DM in the very first games of dnd I played. So you could imagine my excitement when FINALLY one of my friends asked to DM (we’ll call him Saul). I was ecstatic. Me and another experienced DM friend (We can call him Jesse) helped Saul prepare his cyberpunk campaign, which was set up to become an adventure in a fantasy VR game (SAO style). I excitedly wrote my character, Sunny Vox, a successful and overly cynical businessman I was excited to see grow during the campaign. The first four sessions went by without any real plot beyond vague character interactions. Thankfully, on session 5 we were FINALLY kidnapped and brought to the headquarters of the Vr company I worked for and given a pretty obvious plot hook with a juicy wife worm on it. Just when we were getting ready to sink our teeth in, however, one player started making a fuss! It was Jesse! He went on to narrate his character desperately trying to escape our joint cell FOR DAYS. He started fires using everything he got his fingers on, including the cyborg lighter finger. He spent days looking for vents. He used actual science to build a toothpaste bomb and blow it up in a guards face. Saul desperately tried to narrate the company shutting down his attempts in a reasonable way, but at some point Jesse rolled immensely well using a fork to force open a panel and escape through it. The rest of the party followed through the hole and then scattered completely. The rest of the campaign from my perspective was short and sour. I was tasked by the company to hunt down Jesse and in an attempt to keep the party together, I tried to gather everyone to help me but they were all just too caught up in their imaginary cars/weapons to pay any attention. I ended up taking a page out of their book and making a play for power in the company (I’d given up on plot and just went for RP) and over several sessions laid out plans, delivered speeches, and managed a PR team to push me to greatness. It wasn’t what I’d imagined but it was fun. Jesse wasn’t done though. He and Saul plotted/roleplayed an entire plan against me in between sessions. I showed up ready to have some fun one day and ended up getting monologued at for an hour by Jesse, shot, thrown off the tower, and blown sky high by the explosives, leaving my character dead and everyone else’s alive. It was an interesting ending to my time in the campaign and I ended up moving away anyway, but It leaves me bitter still. So I ask the court: was it Jesse who was guilty of derailing the campaign, was Saul guilty of letting it happen, or am I guilty of clinging too tightly to the story I’d imagined? I throw myself at the mercy of the court…”

Greetings Judges and Jike, I invite you to enter the Pre-Cog Milk Bath, because this case is for a future crime. One of my players is going to be DM’ing for the first time with a level 12 celebrity oneshot, where each of us play as you guessed it; celebrities. Sounds great, can’t wait. What crime could possibly occur? Well first… The Motive: I do not know anything about any celebrities. Most of my understanding and list of known celebrities comes from Short Rest tangents and When Did Things Come Out. But! I can do a fantastic Jennifer Coolidge impression. I learned it from copying her as Aunt Fanny from the movie Robots. I’ve been told it’s shockingly accurate. Enough to warrant… The Crime: Defamation. I’m going to play her how I know her, which is to say: not at all. I’m going to randomly say “Bigwell!” and “I was in the Minecraft Movie.” (Haven’t seen it) A lot. I heard she shoots someone in white lotus, might give her a gun, who knows! But it’s either Coolidge’s Aunt Fanny or Kachow with a Wilson Wow. And Jennifer Coolidge (to me) operates on the same vocal wavelength as Owen Wilson. So I’m pleading guilty to being a maniac for my poor player’s first time DM’ing. I’ll try to behave myself otherwise, but I’m not gonna cool it on the Coolidge. Sorry not sorry, xoxo, Nea. (P.S. If you have any advice on who or how to play instead, please for the love of Dice Christ tell me. The Coolidge voice is my only tether.)

Esteemed, illustrious, radiant justices and that other guy... James? Doesn't matter. I bring you the case of the misandrist pirate captain. I was GM'ing a high seas pathfinder 2e game. The party consisted of a 3 players: my partner, my sister, and her girlfriend. The girlfriend was voted Captain of their ship early on in the campaign. This player, above the table, is a self-proclaimed misandrist. Which, I get it. Go off. But this unfortunately bled into how she interacted with literally ANY male NPC in the game. While there are endless examples, I would like to bring up the one that still bothers me to this day. I introduced a famous, charming pirate captain who was meant to act as a political ally to the party. A diplomatic round-table was set up for them to meet each other. This player, as captain, was going to do most of the talking during the meet up. Only, the player decided in the moment she didn't like his vibe, was openly hostile to him, questioned his motives, and overall behaved in a way that would have soured the whole negotiation if the other players hadn't intervened. I tried my best to make this character someone the party would want to ally with. My partner and sister were ready to do so but the girlfriend disregarded this. The interaction as whole was awkward clunky, and barely salvaged by the other players. Later on in the campaign after they had become allies, the captain was killed off screen and his body was strung up in front of his estate. Finding his body was meant to be an emotional and tragic moment but this player acted like she didn't even remember him. It'd be one thing if this was a one-off dislike of a character. But this is how she treated quite literally every single man I introduced. I tried to bring up the topic of her misandry to her out of the game, which was immediately brushed off and shut down as "not a big deal" by both her and my sister (simp). This left a very bad taste in my mouth but was made worse by the fact that she rarely engaged with the story unless it specifically related to her character, often scrolling through her phone and leaving the table mid-session to lay on the couch. The game ultimately fizzled out. My partner and I struggled to get through most sessions because of her attitude towards male NPCs and the campaign, and bad table manners. Judges- am I at fault for taking her dislike of all of my male NPCs personally, especially the ones I specifically made to be cool and helpful to the party with a tragic ending, or is she in the wrong for letting her real world prejudices affect this fantasy pirate campaign? I prostrate myself before you and await your righteous judgement.

To the esteemed Bailiff Jake(heart emoji), and the delightful Justices, I bring you a case of injured trust. I played as a paladin alongside my friend’s rogue, Haddrick and Finnrod, in a game mostly drawing from the Baldurs Gate 2(2000) ruleset, that’s right, the videogame, no tabletop adaptation. Our friend and DM of the game agreed to run the game if we used this system, as he dearly loves BG2 and knows the game well. Justices, if anyone asks you to play this edition, don’t! Sessions were a slog mechanics-wise, and encounters poorly balanced every time. And yet, playing with your besties is fun! The high point of the campaign came in a battle between us and several demons that culminated in our narrow victory, and the mortal wounding of my characters love interest. With Creed’s “With Arm’s Wide Open” playing in the background, and the setting sun illuminating our table, we roleplayed the most touching moment of any DnD I’ve played before or since. Well, life got in the way and we had to take a six month break before our next session. Having spent the last six months excited to build upon this story, I was rather crushed when the DM announced that we would be jumping six months ahead in game time, with no mention of the events after our last session, and then narrated us losing all of our items, each a painstakingly earned memento, to fairies as we slept camped in the woods, without rolls to stop it. We tried to retrieve them by following their trail, but were met with stonewalling, and the campaign ended a few sessions later with a dragon easily ending our beloved character’s lives. Afterwards, he said too-happily that if we had passed the encounter that killed us, he had several more planned to kill us. He then excitedly narrated our new characters backstories, much to our shock. The three of us are still friends but DND has been dropped from any conversation and we never played again after that session. Its been three years since and I am still hurt by how he handled this. Justices, am I wrong in feeling discouraged from ever playing DnD with my friend again after this, is it even worth bringing up or has the statute of limitations passed on this? I eagerly await your sage wisdom.

A merry tune for the Justices, and silvery barbs upon the bailiff. I present to you the case of the Perpetual Problem Player. Help? Months ago, 2 friends invited me to join their weekly D&D campaign at a game shop. I agreed, excited to play for the first time. During character creation, I asked my friends about the other players. One friend, the current DM, hesitated when describing a player we'll call Bane (of my existence), because they “didn’t want to give me a bad impression” of him. Judges, I would have appreciated the warning. Bane insists on being the first person to talk to NPCs or go through a door, and is visibly peeved if anyone else does. He cuts in when the DM is resolving a roll with another player, and undermines unanimous plans. Multiple times, he has asked the DM to spell a monster’s name only for everyone to yell at him not to look up its stat block, to which he says he “just wants see what it looks like”. I am nonbinary, but short and feminine, which has made Bane audibly skeptical that I can play a male goliath taller than his dragonborn barbarian, with an unarmed strike to match. Our combats typically have Bane and his dad fighting 1-2 NPCs in a corner, while I, a College of Dance bard, fill in the role of tank for our cleric and artificer against every other monster. After a session where Bane had to have the Help action explained to him, I asked my friend how long he's been in the group. She said, “Years.” Years, Judges? I can’t do years of this guy. Judges, is Bane in the wrong for being awful? Are the other group members in the wrong for not having done anything about it? Am I in the wrong for not giving Bane bardic inspiration because his character is rarely even in the same room as mine? I leave my fate at your feet and bow in reverence to your wisdom. (PS. Despite this experience, I want to play D&D so badly that I’m separately DMing for some online friends. It's so fulfilling to bring a world to life for them.)

To the honorable Justices and modest Bailiff, I bring the case of the Kamikaze Pirate. Several years ago, I was in a post-apocalyptic campaign that I would not recommend. That campaign was an example of why you should use lines and veils, but everyone in the party kept coming back because of the rich world and perplexing mystery the DM was masterfully building. My accusation today has to do with a fight we had against sky pirates boarding our sky ship. This combat was the first time the world building stopped drawing us into the game. Up to this point, the pirates had been depicted as exceptionally cruel, tactically minded, and profit-motivated. We were taught well to fear the. In this particular battle, however, both Dice Christ and the RPG-Hova's Witnesses were on our side, We successfully killed all boarding pirates, and the sole enemy remaining was the pirate who stayed behind to pilot the pirate ship. Again, the pirates had been set up by the DM to be tactically minded and profit-motivated. So when the last pirate started backing up his ship out of our cannon's line of fire, my fellow players and I expected him to sail away to plot revenge. Instead, the DM had the pirate overclock his engines and ram us at full speed. Both ships were effectively destroyed, the pirate was nothing but a smear on our ship's broadside, and the rest of us had to huddle around the bard so feather fall would kick in when the anti-grav shut down. Justices, my question is: was the DM wrong to destroy his own narrative consistency just to turn a rare definitive win for the party into a pyrrhic victory? Having the pirate smash himself to bits just because he lost one fight was exactly the kind of boneheaded move that the established world-building told us the pirate would not make. Or, am I in the wrong for questioning a DM several years after the fact on the motivations of an NPC? Should I just accept the pirate's sacrifice as yet another petty "fuck you" from the DM? I humbly and gratefully await your impartial judgement.

To the hot and sticky judges and the wet and clammy baliff Frank - I present to you the case or the suicidal son. A while ago, I ran a homebrew campaign about interdimensional cops, in which one of my players played (for some god forsaken reason) a rat person that acted like a child. The character was kinda annoying, but it was an online session, we'd all only just met and the player seemed nice enough irl. One session, we went back to the rats home town as there was some sort of threat there, and rat boy decided to swing by his mother's house. In his backstory, he'd characterised her as a little cold and distant, so I played her as such - she'd remarried and turned the rats childhood bedroom into a gym. The little rat proceeded to cast "feign death" on himself, effectively pretending to comit suicide in front of his own mother. I was a little shocked to say the least. He was cold, but still his mother, after all. I played her being upset, but after a couple minutes of that, I eventually said "you know what, I actually don't want to roleplay a mother grieving the death of her son she's just witnessed, we're just gonna fade to black and skip to the next part". Little rat boy was, of course, not happy with this, and insisted I play it out. Your honours and frank, I ask you - should I have roleplayed a grieving mother or was I right to skip over it? I humbly await your judgement.

Hey there Justices and Joaquin, I come with an above the table legal argument, namely: Who’s to blame for a one-shot running long? The Facts: - I, the DM, presented the adventure as lasting two after work sessions, from 6:30pm - 9:30pm - Both session 1 and 2 started late (7pm) due to Player A BUT they were picking up pizza for the group on night two - Combat was slow, with Player B clearly not having reviewed his options or abilities in advance - including forgetting that he had multiple attacks at level 14 - and Player C having built a multiclassing menace engine and being prone to narrating their options in full before making any decision - There was also a fairly unnecessary combat, where the party knew and lampshaded that they could stop fighting by simply leaving the room, but continued to the death of their foes - Unknown to the players, I then reduced the HP of enemies in their next combat from 250 to 150 in the hopes of hurrying things along, with limited effect. At 8:30 on night 2, I flagged that the boss fight had yet to begin and the adventure was therefore unfinishable that session. The group agreed to finish exploring until they reached the boss, and reconvene the following week. However, this decision is now being used to tease me for the adventure going long! Is this a fair cop, or should the charges actually be reversed? Is it fair that my history of similar expanded one- and two-shots be brought up as part of the record? I await your righteous judgment, but would request that whomever is to be punished be given a brief stay of execution to finally finish this adventure.

To the holy and righteous clergy and that guy who is suspiciously hanging around the donation box, I must confess my unlawful killing of a beloved party member. I run a campaign with mostly new players, who had rescued a 17 year old 3/4-ling Paladin (half halfling, half something undisclosed) from her abusive mentor and had her join the party. While I narratively play her as an NPC, my party decides what she does in battle and also roll for her at times.They are all very protective of her which made my fatal error that much worse. During a long rest, the rogue convinced the monk to raid a heavily armed kobold camp while the rest of the party were still sleeping. Things went pear shaped and while they were able to escape, the young Paladin went down. With one death save already failed, I decided to add drama by rolling her next save in front of the DM screen. Nat 1. The players were devastated at causing her death, which led to the Rogue sacrificing a Ring of Mind Shielding that they believed contained the soul of their dead father just for a chance to bring the Paladin back. After a few minutes of narrating what seemed to be a failed ritual, I had her wake up (cursed) only to immediately ask if the party was ok. This wrecked the players IRL for weeks until we could play again. Here's my sin; I had given her Lightfoot Halfling stats, which includes Lucky, meaning she should have rerolled her Nat 1. I told the party after we leveled up that she now has that ability but she always had it, I had just forgotten. My players didn't have her sheet at the time so they couldn't have caught it. Since then, they've gotten so good at playing, know their sheets inside and out, and womp me constantly. I have no regrets and I'm not sorry. My party rules and I would do it again. Please forgive nothing as I've done nothing wrong. May Dice Christ bless all DMs with narrative Nat 1s. Amen.

Greetings to the illustrious baliff Jork and the pretty good judges Axford, Tanner, and I want say.... Murph? No that can't be right. Anyway, I bring you the case of maddening mind control. I was playing in a slightly homebrew Tomb of Annihilation campaign over discord with people I had met only online. I had previously played through the lost mines of phandelver with this DM and another of the players. So far things had generally been good. Occasionally I (in and out of character) had made choices that the DM had to shut down to keep us on the tracks, such as trying to continue to fight when the DM was trying to capture the party (the other players had given up at this point, I did not realize until after that we were being forced into a loss to continue the story). I say this because I made another choice that either got me kicked out or ended the campaign but I still feel was the correct move given the context I had. Near the end of the campaign in the final dungeon, one member of our party who had been forced into a deal with the bbeg got mind controlled and became a boss fight for us. After we won, the DM described him coming to his senses and everyone else wanted to continue into the dungeon. I (and my character) could see no logical way to continue to the bbeg fight with a party member who is clearly susceptible to mind control, and said (in character) I wouldn't continue if he was with us. After a little in character arguing the session ended. At some point before the next session though, the discord server disappeared from my list without a word. I never got a single message about why. Was this my fault or someone else? I lay at the mercy of the court.

To the most honorable justices and the the bailiff Jacob Penn Cooper Hurwitz. An old grievance but one that needs vindication. During my very first session as DM I ran Hoard of the Dragon Queen. The party, a sorcerer, rogue, bard and a monk. Their first mission, escorting a family of 2 parents and 2 small children to the keep when the town was under attack by the dragon cult. They came across some cultists riding a drake. The rogue Billy then proceeded to pick up a child and throw it at the drake yelling “save yourselves!” Because that is obviously what their character would do. The party had a laugh but proceeded to save the child causing a near TPK. While the party survived, my innocence as a first-time Dungeon Master did not. As such, I petition this honorable court to find Billy guilty of reckless endangerment of NPCs, emotional damage to a novice DM, and unlawful application of “it’s what my character would do.” However, in the spirit of mercy, I offer the following plea deal: in exchange for a full confession and acknowledgment that a child is not an improvised thrown weapon, I will waive all further charges. The defendant need only accept, without appeal, the title of “Child Yeeter of Greenest”.

Hear ye, hear ye, highest powers of all the realms, my holy justices, and the ever lovely Bailiff Jeff I bring before you a case of divine prophecy and DM regret. My campaign is coming to an end. This is my first homebrew world, a setting I’ve built, loved, and poured myself into over the last three years. This Saturday, on the 4th of July, session 87 will bring it all to a close. A few sessions ago, my players finally met Ioun, goddess of knowledge, after many, many sessions of buildup. Two of my four players sought forbidden knowledge of the battles to come. I thought I made it clear: to glimpse the future was to lock fate in stone. What they saw would come to pass. One player wisely backed out before going too deep. The other a Paladin named Nova, soon to be Champion of Ioun did not. He wanted to know how the final battle would end and whether his brother would survive. I managed to dodge the first question, but he kept pushing on his brother’s fate. It was maddening because he knew this knowledge was forbidden. So Ioun told him plainly: “Your brother will die in the battle to come.” Now here’s the problem. Nova has spent dozens of sessions trying to save this brother corrupted, manipulated, and forced to serve the campaign’s villains. Against all odds, he succeeded. The brother has turned, joined the allied coalition, and stands ready for the final battle. But now. Prophecy has been spoken. And I feel like I have to honor it. So I ask the court: was there ever a way out for me? Or did I lock myself into killing his brother in the FINAL session the second I opened my mouth? Am I the asshole for feeling obligated to follow through? By the time this is read, the campaign will likely already be over. I’m terrified to stick the landing. I feel like I’m one bad decision away from pulling a Game of Thrones Season 8. Wish me luck, justices and Bailiff Jeff. P.S. My fiancée and I just welcomed two kittens into our home, and one of them is named Pendeghast. Thanks for the incredible stories and characters you all make. I hope to tell stories half as good someday.

To the lavender-scented judges and the pea-scented bailiff Jonk. I bring forth the case of the illiterate pseudodragon: My pact of the chain warlock and party were in a trial that involved stealing an egg guarded by a dragon and her magical wards. For my turn, I had my lovely pseudodragon familiar (who can understand common and draconic) fly to the egg and read the draconic glyphs guarding it, then translate the details to me via our telepathic bond. My dm ruled that my familiar can’t read because “although it understands draconic, it cannot speak”. In the pseudodragon stat block it says that it “understands common and draconic but cannot speak”. I lost the argument but have since stayed salty. Judges, am I wrong to be offended on behalf of my son who is a very smart and special boy?! I prostrate myself before your 80 foot tall bench.

To the Supremely Talented Court Justices and their sidekick Jakey, I present to you the Case of Too Many Crits. I'm currently playing in a game that uses a homebrew crit table. We've used it with no problems for a couple of years; it was all fun and games ... until it wasn't. Several months ago, we were in a tough fight and my barbarian crit. Awesome! From the crit table, I chose the option to do regular damage and take an extra attack. In addition, I have a greataxe with the special property of a chance to attack again when I crit, and I got it. Four attacks at advantage (I reckless attacked, of course). I was super pumped, knowing I would do a ton of damage. And then it began. When I rolled my fourth attack, I crit a second time. Chose the same option on the table. Crit *again* on the second attack. Justices, I'm sure you can guess where this is going. In this one turn, I crit 4 times for a total of something like 15 attacks and 11 hits. It was insane. I switched up my dice. I rolled out in front of the table. Everything was above board and of course we the players were absolutely loving it. When I rolled my fifth crit, my DM lost it. He flat out said no. Absolutely not. No one can hit someone with an axe more than 10 times in one turn. This has become a farce. You cannot do anything with that last crit other than double damage. He came across as mad, and the table instantly started defending me. I wasn't cheating, I was literally using his own homebrew. He was having none of it, so I rolled my damage and we moved on. It really messed with the mood of the table and the rest of the fight was pretty subdued. To his credit, the DM later clarified that he wasn't mad at me or really even mad at all, just frustrated in the moment. We have continued to play together and all is well with our group. However, that battle still comes up occasionally at the table. Justices, am I wrong for thinking he should have let it play out? He could have talked to us afterward and made changes to it then. Instead, he shut down my turn and made me feel like I had done something wrong. On the other hand, maybe cutting it off was the right way to go because doing 167 points of damage in one turn truly is absolutely bonkers. We can't come to an agreement and so await your judgment with open hearts and revised crit tables. P.S. I must share that the DM is my husband and the state of our 24-year marriage now lies in your hands.

Dearest devilish judges and angelic baby bailiff, I write to you regarding the case of the Blasé Devil Deal. I joined a campaign with some random folks I met on discord after moving to a new city. I hoped this would be a good way to meet friends, and it has been! However, I didn't necessarily become friends with every single player at the table: in particular one player who we'll call Sarah. Sarah ended up leaving our campaign of Descent to Avernus about 6 months in. Frankly, I was not sad to see her go, because she refused to role-play or do anything remotely character-driven, and I found her disruptive. Cut to several months later. Sarah has rejoined the campaign. My character has become cursed, and our DM leads us on a fetch quest to find a powerful devil who we can barter with to lift the curse. The devil agrees to help us in exchange for selling our soul. It's very clear the DM has been trying to get one of us to take a deal like this, as it will become important later on in the story. Enter Sarah: almost immediately, she volunteers to sell her soul to lift the curse, later saying that she wasn't sure if she would still be in this campaign down the road, and that she doesn't care what happens to her character. Ultimately she did help me out, but I can't help but feel that her eagerness to take the deal and her meta reasoning made the whole thing anticlimactic. Am I right to be upset that Sarah undermined the drama of the moment, or should I just be happy that her character did a nice thing? Also, am I right to be annoyed that our DM let Sarah back into the game in the first place? P.S. The campaign has since finished and overall was a lot of fun. We played the final session without Sarah after she bailed, because she couldn't leave her dog home alone. She sent a picture of them with a cone on their head and told us "family comes first".

To the judges on Mount Everest and the Bailiff in the Dead Sea, I think his name is “Gawrsh” (hyuck!), I present the case of the “Alchemical Dragon Throat”. I am a brand new DM who has never actually even played DnD (just watch a lot of live play). Typical story, wanted to play but no one would DM so I volunteered as tribute. My table consists of two other newbies, two guys who play often and one who played 25 years ago but not since. My players are on a quest for the pieces of Fraz Urb’luu’s staff. One of their major NPC battles was against a Rouge Alchemist Oorog named Gelrugg who was trying to create a super race of Orcs (as one does) by experimenting with poisons and dragon blood. Half way through battle, Gelrugg used his part of the staff (a staff of command) to bind himself to an adult green dragon. The battle culminated on a narrow walkway over a 500 ft waterfall outside of Ironfang Keep. As they killed the dragon I narrated that his body, once devoid of life, slid off the gangway and plummeted into the water below. One of my seasoned players said he wanted to have taken the esophagus from the dragon. I told him the body would have fallen almost immediately but we could do a series of checks to see if his character (a tiefling sorcerer) could get down to the body fast enough, hold on to the giant adult dragon body as it sank, have enough dexterity to remove the esophagus, swim back up and make it back to the party. In total I proposed 5 checks of varying DC. He gave such resistance to this that I relented and just had him roll a straight up DC 19 luck check which he of course failed. We didn’t dwell on it too long and I gave him a chance to buy one in the next town at a good price but it still bothers me. Was I being “too much”, or was I right to up the stakes and give the attempt some flavor? I humbly await your verdict.

The Case of Astral Escapism: Hello Cherry Jubilee Judges and Little Buddy Babyliff, I played in a campaign where the premise was essentially villainous Hogwarts- complete with house ghosts, house parties, and teachers and students who sought eachothers' downfall in an effort to create the most dastardly beings possible. By order of the school's headmaster, myself and another PC were told to fight to the death as a cliffhanger before our next session. I told my DM between sessions that I was planning to escape to the Astral plane to avoid the combat altogether since as a player and a character I was uncomfortable with PvP. I was fine playing a new character, and I even prepped a backup baddie. I looted the school's magical items, said my goodbyes to my closest friends and other PCs, and used a portable hole with a bag of holding to launch myself into the Astral plane with the intention of becoming a planar pirate. My DM said after 6 hours had passed in the material plane, I appeared back in the same spot from where I had left. Since our game was streamed live, I didn't want to fight about character motivation in the moment as to why I would want to return in the first place. In the end, the duel took place and both PC's wound up dead as the victor of the fight was hit by a power word kill by the headmaster. Both bodies were tossed into lava destroying any chance of revivify. I ask you, was I wrong for trying to avoid the combat? Should I have accepted the PvP and put my feelings as a player/friend aside in an "evil" campaign? P.S. the DM's wife who played with us told me he had said the session before that the other PC involved and myself "are cockroaches who refuse to die"... I eagerly await your decision.

Dear beloved judges and the bread bailiff, Bake... I annoint you with the case of Pro AI Images vs Me. After a month break our online discord dnd group decided to start up a new campaign. Me feeling convicted to just speak my mind I voiced that I did not want to play "if we delegated any form of creativity to ai." The other members quickly defended ai images: they can't make art or that it helps them imagine their character. For me, it robs my theater of the mind when I see a terrible ai image. They look awful. And I'd rather just hear a description of your character (even if it's bad) than to ever see an ai image again. The dm then said we will use minimal ai for this but when we met everyone's new characters they still all shared an ai image in the chat... Was i yucking their yum or should I leave this group? (PS, two players are STRAIGHT from Nacho Libre... they are just named different. Their first scene was just re-roleplaying a scene from the movie. 😓) Thank you for reading. You all inspire me so much. Blessing 🙏🎲☦️

To the resplendent Justice Axford, the immutable Justice Murphy (whom I named my car after), the righteous Justice Tanner, and that guy in the corner who’s sopping wet, I bring unto thee: The Case of the Smoldered Mattress. I was DMing my first campaign for three of my friends, a dragonborn fighter, a bard, and a druid. The premise was that they’d be exploring a newly discovered island, sojourning for a bit, and then returning to a base camp and their handler (opa Blavin style) every couple of sessions. The first session started out great. The druid made friends with a seagul, the bard immediately clung onto a warforged deckhand, and I narrated their ship coming into port. My players had a blast running around town meeting npcs, seeing sights, and just being menaces. While the fighter was on the ship, they saw another dragonborn and quickly arranged a meeting after dark (the fighter believed the deckhand was a part of their backstory). In that meeting, the dragonborn deckhand told the fighter that he was just a deckhand, nothing more. After this, the party headed to their individual quarters to sleep for the night. I ran scenes for each player as they went to bed. On the fighter’s turn, they narrated that they used their breath weapon to heat up their bed. I advised them against this, as I had described a fireplace being in their room and that most of the room was flammable. The fighter insisted. I then narrated an entire quater of the room bursting into flames, leading to their handler extinguishing it and confronting the fighter. I even threw in an opportunity for the fighter to pick up on a plot hook, but they instead got really heated and began yelling at me. I have autism and had not really role played much beforehand, so in my social ignorance I mistook the yelling for being in character. The player later apologized, and that was that. Justices: should I have reported the fighter to my local fire marshall, or should I have let them be with their makeshift TempurPedic? I humbly rest my case

To the Judges of Dice Deities and the bailiff José. I bring you the case of the shushing DM. I play with a group of friends about once a fortnight. We met through a community table top club, and our sessions are always a good time. In fact, they're so good, we often get shushed by another group for laughing too loud. They often share the space with us on the night and clearly dislike our group. Your honours, the room is not very large and we do our best to keep it down, but if I'm honest, the other group speaks too soft! They play in a more serious setting and they talk in near whispers. They also out number us by nearly double the party size (we play with about 4-5 people). It's not as if we're playing in a library, the club is specifically catered to table top roleplaying. So where do you draw the line? Should we lower our excitement to make this group of shushers happy, or should they take their dark souls halloween town whisper campaign to a quieter venue? I humbly await your judgement.

Hello to the justices who are looking radiant today and to Bailiff Jake who is there. My brother in law is a long term DM and finally convinced my skeptical sister to join a campaign. She spent a long time creating a character titled "The Untouchable" with a build based on mage armor. In session 1 (importantly, we had a session 0), we learned that the place we were in would remove our ability to recover spell slots. Judges, she had 3 spell slots for a 16 day adventure. Her build was immediately ruined by the DM's setting. Should that have come up in session 0, or was he right to spring that on us?

Hello to the authentic, brilliant, and charming Justices Axford and Tanner, and to the awe-inspiring, brave, and cunning Bailiff Jake Hurwitz. Oh, and that fourth guy, Bradley Munchy, I guess. I present to you, the case of the unnoticed stolen Nat20. This case stems from a moment in an online game when I was sparring with an NPC who viewed my Dragonborn barbarian as his better, but, mechanically he was much stronger than me (To note, I had a +2 in STR, and was level 3, and this character had 2 attacks). During said spar, I was missing most of my attacks when, low and behold, I finally rolled a Nat20! I was elated! I finally got a hit in, and a crit to boot! But then, our party sorcerer cast silvery barbs, and, while I still hit, the sting of losing a Nat20 still hurt my pride. But this is not where my issue lies. My issue lies in that, later, when I role played having noticed the sorcerer cast the spell on me, so that losing my Nat20 wouldn't go in vain, and there could be a story beat about it later, the DM claimed I hadn't noticed it! I protested, saying that she hadn't casted it secretly, nor did she use subtle spell. The DM then made me retroactively roll to notice the spell be cast on me, and of course I failed, leaving my Nat20 to be absolutely useless, combat- or story-wise. Was I wrong to think my character would have noticed a flash of silvery sparkles, and that it could be a good bonding moment later to reconcile over the slight PvP? Or is my DM correct that the spell was cast discreetly and my barbarian was just a dunce in the heat of combat, leaving the Nat20 wasted? I humbly await your verdict, and if I am found guilty, am ready to accept my punishment.

To the esteemed Justices of Dungeon Court and the Bailiff PB&Jake I bring you the case of the dirtbag that broke the camel's back. I have been playing with my same group of players for almost 5 years now and recently started our 4th campaign (a homebrew appalachian themed, low magic, dirtbag, bigfoot heavy setting). Things were going well, until they bumped into a merchant selling paper talismans adorned with a fire under an eclipsed moon (a recurring symbol in the campaign) and finding the source of the talismans became priority one. Eventually they tracked down the supplier in an abandoned warehouse and the shady fence within. The party decided to play it straight with him. They said that this symbol was significant and they need to find the one making these talismans and rolled a 22 on a Persuasion check. After several attempts to disuade them the fence eventually told them he would "collect the address from the back" before lighting a bomb and fleeing out the back door. My party were stunned, they grumbled about how this was a no win scenario before making their daring escape. I followed up after the session with the bard who made the Persuasion roll and he told me "It's fine, your campaigns just have a theme to them" before changing the subject. I'm a bit unsure how to take this. On the one hand, I do love to run a chaotic campaign and am fond of frustratingly lovable characters, but have I pushed my players too far? Is this latest dirtbag one dirtbag too many? P.s. I juat gave my players magical healing darts that have severe consequences if used incorrectly. Do I backpedal on the consequences?

Hello great and powerful justices and the low but scrappy bailiff. May it please the court. I used to play in a game with a small group of friends. The theme was a land cut off from the rest of the world including the gods by a chaotic queen who's father killed her true name for the fear of the power she would have. One session our characters were fighting the twin vampire lords who served the queen. Our party was fairly low on health when our cleric rolled a successful devine intervention. We broke for lunch and the use was discussed in this time. One player (the rogue) suggested healing the whole party but the cleric wanted to summon a super charged angel to the battlefield (planar ally). The rogue suggested this might not be strategic given one of the lords was a high level caster but when we returned the cleric went with their plan. This resulted in vampire lord protecting themselves with a wall of force, the cleric's husband (the bard) being knocked out and kidnapped via teleportation (due to low health). The cleric complained that this was unfair and that their devine intervention should have been honoured more and he held a grudge for a while. He and the bard eventually left the game. I ask you judges, was the cleric right to be mad that their devine intervention didn't serve the outcome they wanted or was the dm right to respond with the harsh but logical villain behaviour. P.s. this player was slightly problematic over the whole game and the dm was able to narratively make the player an evil npc of the queen with very little effort

I have not a case for you but a confession. Forgive me Father Murphy, Father Tanner, Mother Axford, and uncle Jake for I have sinned. A few years ago I played a hyper intelligent eel artificer (not an eel triton or anything just an eel) who happened to be an alcoholic in a campaign with some college friends. During an online session around the holidays I figured I’d get into character by polishing off a bottle of gin my brother had gotten me for Christmas. Cut to an hour into the session I’m black out drunk, alone in my mother’s apartment, belting Aladdin songs at my laptop. I have little memory of this night and my friends laugh about it now but I can’t help but feel guilty for derailing a session with my slurred rendition of A Whole New World. Is there anything I can do to atone for my sin of inebriation. I humbly await your judgement.

Exalted cardinals of Dice Christ, I prostrate before you with a confession. Even the altar boy can judge my crimes, for he has not sinned as I have. I am a new DM who has often willfully forsaken the perfect random fate that Dice Christ gives. I have run 3 one shots with my friends so far. If I think that they will have more fun taking less damage and succeeding on ability checks more easily, I will lie about the outcome of rolls. I will say my enemies missed or did less damage, and keep lowering DCs behind the screen. I will also keep altering the enemies' hit points to prolong battles and create a manufactured sense of drama, or reduce their hit points so they don't knock anyone down and they can keep playing. I am planning a pirate themed campaign for this fall, and I fear that Dice Christ will rightly make me pay for my transgressions and sabotage my efforts. I cannot defend what I have done, but I want my friends to have as much fun as possible. How do I atone for my trespasses? I humbly ask for your guidance on how to remain true to following the steps of Dice Christ when it is most difficult.

To the justices that smell oh so good, and the bailiff who also smells, I present the case of "The Quitting Rogue." I dmed a four shot for some old coworkers of mine, all first time players. For our final session, a coworker who originally wasn't into "that nerd shit" decided he wanted to join us. He notably was twice our age, all of us in our early twenties. Sure. He joins as a rogue in for the very final battle, where our brave adventures are trying to stop a dragon from destroying the keep. Instead of doing literally anything to help out this massive fight with a lot of intricate home brewed parts, he decided to spend every possible turn searching the castle that was actively being destroyed. Everyone advised him against this. When I asked why he was doing this, he said "I didn't think you'd have anything planned for the inside of the castle." The party all coordinated the ground troops, air troops, etc while he remained silent. He never rolled above an 8 on his many searches, and ignored or hid from anything I sent his way to get him into combat. After the BBEG's defeat, I do a little epilogue with the princess NPC from before, bestowing character related gifts upon each member of the party. I chose to not include any mention of this guy, who dealt no damage and would not have any reason to be mentioned by the princess at all. He says nothing. This forty year old man texts me after saying how it really upset him that his character (who I created that day) didn't get a happy ending like the rest of them. I told him that he was kinda being a dick to me the whole time so of course not. Judges, he quit the next day. He cited the "hostile work environment" that the members of the party and I had created. I swear to god. He had worked there for three years, and I had no problems with him up until this point that he genuinely crashed out so hard. Did I ruin this man's career over not giving him an epilogue? was it really that dick a move? Feel free to skip for brevity, but I feel it relevant that it would come out he had just started dating a coworker who was 22 years younger than him (she was 20) at the time and would later confess to her that his primary reason for leaving was fear we'd treat him differently once we found out (which yeah. we would have.) But in his resignation he named me and every member of the party creating a hostile work environment.

(This case has been given to me by my best friend Kate!) To the Most Honorable Justices and the Cool Cool Bailiff Jeff (Geoff?), I have been playing dnd with the same group for about four years. Our usual set up is three players and a DMPC to help balance the party. One of our players was really new to dnd when we started so we tried to go out of our way to cater to them. We let them drive the party choices most of the time, we regularly bent rules that were too complicated for them, and we had to institute a no pc death policy since they found the idea of their character dying really upsetting. This special treatment has persisted to this day. Recently we finished a campaign, and that player asked if he could try DMing a one shot before our usual DM started a new campaign. We agreed, and he told us all to roll level 7 characters. As soon as we started playing it became clear that our Interim DM had not prepared. We were supposed to spend five nights in a haunted hotel, fighting the monsters. Instead we were subjected to a long, incoherent, and confusing shopping episode in the town around the hotel. This happened multiple times and stretched the “one shot” into six sessions. When we tried to go back to the hotel at night to fight the monsters, we were not allowed to fight them. They instead made idle threats but ran away and vanished once the party tried to fight them. And we got the feeling that the Interim DM didn’t have any stat blocks prepped. We tried to be patient since this was the first time he was DMing, but then came the final fight. Despite telling us to roll level 7 characters, he had us fight: a bone devil, two nagas, four skeletons, and four ghasts all at the same time. He kept targeting my Paladin because I was the only one with healing abilities. He never attacked his own DMPC, claiming that he “forgot he could do that”. The fight resulted in a TPK where only his DMPC survived, and the DM was both smug and gleeful about killing all of our characters. Judges, I know that DMing is difficult, but was this unreasonable? He literally cackled when our characters went down. I humbly await your verdict. [Jake, please wait until the moment you think it’s funniest to reveal this] PS: Our Interim DM is my 10 year old nephew.

To the generally upsetting Bailiff Jake and the delightful justices of the Supreme Crit: I present a case of Rodent Reconnaissance. A year ago, I DM’d my first oneshot for a group of friends. All in all, a lovely experience! However, one moment of adjudication may need a crit-ical review. One of my players – a forest gnome tinkerer of sorts – was involved in scouting out an enemy encampment. The players hatched a foolproof plan that Caldwell would be proud of: Convince a small rodent to ride the tinkerer’s drone on an aerial surveying mission, to report back the numbers and locations of troops. They maintained that their race ability to “Speak with small beasts” should allow them to explain the plan to a mouse/squirrel/thing. Justices, I did allow them to roll for it. I told them to crit, and they did not. They did roll above a 10, but even so, I maintain that there are MANY reasons this could not be allowed. They accepted the ruling after a small amount of debate (and after the squirrel came back with just an acorn), and still seemed to have a good time. But I wonder to this day if they should have been allowed their flying rodent fun. I beg you to make your punishment swift and painless.

To my most esteemed, regal and opulant judges and Baliff either Jake or Josh, depending on how we feel today, I present the case of the Final Fantasy Failure. I am a huge fan of Final Fantasy (6, 7 and 13 are my favorites) and have wanted to do a campaign inspired by the series for years. The idea generally, is to make an original world using the common tropes of the FF games. Setting-wise, for the nerds, its most similar to FFs 7, 8, 13 and 15, leaning into a more 'modern/sci-fi' take on fantasy. I have played with the same group for years now, some of which are also fans of the series. The group seemed to be on board with the idea, except for one sticking point: i wanted the majority of the characters (including the PCs) to be humans. Most of the Final Fantasy games feature majority human parties with maybe one or two non- humans at most, and that sort of human-centric fantasy is the vibe I'm going for in the world. Other species exist, like the moogles or vierra or even elves and dwarves, but they're rare and i want meeting them to feel cool and special like in the games. TO DEFEND MYSELF, I told my players that they could pick any origin they wanted and reflavor them as special humans, sort of like an extension of their background. Some of my players got "upset" about this, and asked why they can't just play tiefling or whatever and that i was being too restrictive. Judges, am i in the wrong for wanting my final fantasy inspired world to be like a final fantasy game world aesthetically while still letting them choose their origin for mechanical reasons, or are my players right and im being too restrictive on their personal character aesthetics, even if it's in service to the world. I humbly await your verdict, and also here's 5 gil to sweeten the deal

Greetings to the benevolent critters and our lowly bailiff Jake aka LBJ. I come to you with the case of the Barbarians irl Rage. This was years ago when I was but a new DM with less than a year experience. I was playing with a group of 5 doing a session every other week and by some miracle Dice Christ blessed us with extremely compatible schedules. The party wanted to move to weekly sessions but as a new dm I didn’t know if I could handle that. Low and behold one of the other players volunteered to take up the role of dm and take charge every other week with me! Everything was great… until character creation came. As the most experienced I was helping everyone make their builds. The barbarian in my game wanted to try a blood hunter. The thing is she really struggled using the basic barbarian abilities i.e. rage and everything to do with it. I recommend she try an easier class while she’s still learning the game, like a fighter or rogue. She did not like my recommendation. For the first time she used her barbarian rage without being reminded and screamed at me, “WHAT?! DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID? I’M A F*CKING LAWYER I THINK I CAN PLAY THIS STUPID GAME!” I sat there stunned as myself and the other dm trying to do damage control but it was for nothing and she stormed out, bringing the end to both my campaign and the campaign soon to start. Should I have let her play the complicated class and kept my mouth shut or was I being an ass? Thank you my lords and lady, I await judgement.

To the honorable justices of the Supreme Crit and also the wretched Balliff Jake, devil’s kith and kin, Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, and fool of all the world and underworld. I come before you with a truly strange case of autocannibalism. Some years ago, our group was playing a game of Pathfinder 1e and my DM, who I can only describe as 'extremely permissive', allowed me to play a cleric who had once been a black dragon who, after being slain by a party of adventurers, had been reincarnated into a human body by a kindly druid. This went along well enough until we attended a party hosted by a local noble. The main course for the evening? Dragon Brain. 3 guesses as to which dragon. For the sake of not blowing our cover, my character was forced to consume the brain of his old body, and everything worked out in the end. However, this has become a source of endless razzing for my character; to the point that I've been introduced by the party to NPCs, on multiple occasions, as a cannibal. If I may pick *your* brains for a moment, dear justices: should I simply grin and bear this shame, or am I entitled to a reprieve from the razzing? Respectfully Yours, Roman

I plead before the high chosen of the dice and the guy who slept on the floor after watching the Ring. I come begging for my dignity in the church. I’m a player in a 4 year Dragonlords campaign with 3 friends and my fiancé. Our buddy, Jon, is an amazing DM. Great prep, custom maps, home brewed card games, the work. And I, am the mini printing guy. Here is my sin: I never print them on time. Files lost in emails and Discord messages. Months behind. Life just gets busy. I apologize and, most recently, printed off a grandpa cactus for a boss fight. Jon said “No worries, I sent this 3 months early so it would be on time.” Deacons, I am guilty of the sin of sloth. Of causing the DM, the messenger of Dice Christ, to need extra planning to get his minis on time. Please, purge me soul while I buy a planner.

Hello Justice, Justice, Justice, and Jack. I’ll keep it brief. I’m based in British Columbia, Canada and was playing D&D while camping last weekend (June 21, 22, 23). D&D is an amazing game to play while backcountry hiking because dice add virtually no weight to your bag, and you’re almost always with a tight knit group of friends anyway, so people are more willing to cut loose and play. Here’s the issue that arose while we were deep grizzly country past sunset- As we played, we were not rolling the dice on flat surfaces because we didn’t really have any. I was rolling to grapple another PC who had tried to brutally attack a pickpocket in a public square. I rolled a 20 to grapple him. Well. I think it was a 20. The dice was leaned up against a rock (almost all our rolls were) and could’ve arguably been a 2. I said 20, the other player said 2, the DM said we should roll again. We rolled again, I rolled an 8 (arguably), and suddenly my friend agreed to accept the roll. The DM agreed, I was outvoted, and the roll stood. Justices, both rolls were leaned up against the same god damn rock. The only reason the 8 stood and not the 20 is because it was the second roll. Was I wronged? There’s nothing to be done at this point, but I have to know. Thanks. (P.S. a large animal passed by our camp at night, and I hoped it was a grizzly sent by Dice Christ to right the wrongs of my friend, but nothing exciting ended up happening)

to the whatever Jake is this week and the judges who really like the Grinch, I give you the case of the missing Mastiff. I was playing a game with six or seven players depending on the night, we ended a session right before we were about to be teleported to another part of the world and then two weeks later we started the session up and teleported. The issue arises where we all had to hold hands to be in a circle and the halfling barred did not explicitly say she was taking her Mastiff mount with her, she kind Just forgot about him in the scene, when she remembered him halfway through the session She asked for a handwave arrangement where she brought him with. The DM straight up refused this and said that she abandoned him in the portal room after her obviously being upset that her pet was just abandoned by her by accident he gave her the 'opportunity' to forfeit all of her gold which was around I believe 5,000 gold in order for the person who teleported us to be watching the dog. I felt that It was unnecessarily punishing and not diegetic to The world building, The person was a partial acquaintance and was well off by the hand of the party (deck of many things pull) Am I and the halfling being overly sensitive or was the DM being a stinker for no good reason

To the high priests and priestess Axford, Murphy, Hurwitz, and Tanner; I bring you a dice Christ confession that has weighed on me for years. A few years ago I was playing in a hardcore campaign DM-ed by a friend, whose wife was also a PC in the game. We knew going in it was going to be brutal, and were having a blast. One week as I was arriving at their house to play a session where I was pretty sure my character was going to die, his wife pulled me aside and told me he had gotten drunk the night before at a family party and told her everything about the encounter we were about to play, and even an easy way to save my character we had completely overlooked, and he didn’t remember telling her about it. We anxiously talked about the ethics of using this information for a few minutes before we decided to use this ill-gotten information. We played the session, and the DM seemed genuinely shocked at how well we were doing, even having to end a little early because he was so sure we’d have to take a break for me to roll a new character. The campaign ended a few months later, my character survived, but I’ve always felt like I cheated death and dice christ. Please, tell me what I must do to absolve my sins.

Not a case I just finally tried mixing Peanut Butter and Pretzel M&Ms in one bag after listening to the M&M tier rating Mixed Bag episode. Gotta say, S tier M&M combo. Sometimes you get a creamy bite sometimes the perfect crunch. It's phenomenal. Peanut butter M&Ms what a world.

To my favourite podcasters 8-bit book club and they're special guest.... I bring to you the case of a disappointing ending. I have been DMing a low-magic Redwall inspired campaign occuring long after the events of the books. The party consists of a beastmaster (ranger) hedgehog, scout (ranger) squirrel, scholar (wizard) fox, and a knight (paladin) wolverine. We have been playing for over two years. The party was finishing up a large dungeon crawl/dash through a castle that was actively being destroyed by a volcano while killing infected/zombie-like enemies. This was all to save some good beasts at the top of the Castle. The final battle took place in the attic with the infected Cronenberged queen and her cultists (non-infected). I got whomped. The party did amazing and killed the queen and snapped the cultists out of her influence. The wolverine delt the final blow and the player (who had a pre-established hard end time of 9:00pm) started packing up to leave. Mind you, this was the final session of the campaign and it was 8:50. Judges, I had to rush through the party escaping from the castle and saving all of the good beasts, no rolls or anything. Once I finished narrating, they just left. No thank you for DMing, no good campaign, not even a crisp high five. The rest of the table was great, staying to talk about the campaign and their favourite parts but the mood was ruined. I'm feeling pretty down on myself as a DM but should I let this go? Am I being too emotional and bedtimes should be respected? Also please be kind, this player also listens to you guys and we watched your live show in Vancouver together

Dear esteemed honorable judges Huey, Duey, and Louie and that weird uncle bailiff that doesn't wear any pants. I give you the case of the Nat 20 PTSD I have been a DM for a group of 3+ years and after wrapping up my latest campaign, one of my players stepped up to the plate and chose to run a new homebrew campaign. Thus I created Brick Lazarus, a disgruntled old dwarf bloodhunter. He was a veteran in multiple wars and eventually went AWOL after he could no longer take the horrible atrocities his country was forcing upon him. With his trusty rifle, Bernice, he hid away until coming in contact with the party and beginning his grand adventure, hoping to regain some semblance of pride back. Fast forward to session 3 where our party has infiltrated a village looking for a certain item and Brick has ended up in the mines with one of the other party members. Lo and behold, they stumble across four children playing in the blocked off part of the shaft and what do they have in their hands? The very item the party is searching for. A tense back and forth with these kids has us rolling persuasion and intimidation checks to attempt to get this item from these kids but they are just not budging and hurling insults back at the two of us. My partner with me has a tendency to be a bit of a hothead in games and the DM knew he could push their buttons and it was pretty funny bantering. The other pc then calls to Brick “Fire a warning shot”. I oblige and I describe to the DM how Brick aims to the right of the child holding the item and fires into the wall. I rolled and got a Nat 20. I pumped my fist in joy only to be explained that I shot so well that my veteran instincts kicked in and I crit on the child, severing his arm from his body. Panic set as the children retrieved the item from their dead friend and ran away to alert the village. This… gets… worse. We hop into separate mine carts and now are chasing one another, attempting to retrieve the item and get out of dodge. I explain to the DM that I wish to shoot the brakes to their minecart to make it stop (and only the brakes!) of wish I shoot again and by dice christ himself, another nat 20, and another kid dead. At this point Brick and the other party members realized there was no going back from this and finished the job, leaving bits of animal fur and pieces to attempt to fake an animal mauling. We retrieved the item and never spoke of what happened in those mines to anyone else in the party. Now I admit that the way I played Brick was as a cooky ol timer that was trigger happy and slightly senile. But for a Nat 20 to alter my character's intentions so drastically seems unfair, especially when the results were so catastrophic. We have since moved past it and I still grief him about the results but I can't help but feel like it was the worst Nat 20 I have ever rolled in my 10+ career of rolling dice. Was it my fault for playing my character as a loose cannon with a horrible past or did my DM sour dice Christ's desire?

To the buttery kernels of the supreme crit, and the unseasoned bucket of bailiff popcorn, jarc. I typically dm every weekend, so when I found a table to be a player at, I hopped on it. Other than the Dm, I feel I'm the only other well versed player at the table. Although the dm is accepting of the addition input with concerning mechanics and character abilities, the game does drag on for other reasons. We recently had a session where we were told the previous session that we would be hoping right into combat. When everyone was at the table and ready to start, the recap and slow approach ,before rolling initiative, took 30 minutes. In addition, the lore and history of the module they are running is retold constantly. If needed, I am playing a scribe wizard, who got his knowledge of magic by being a graverobber. I really want to role play to slowly introduce my characters wicked past, but am I wrong to be on the edge of my seat whenever the Dm is narrating information the group already knows?

Delicious bailiff Cake uwu Hurtwits and moist justices, i present the Case of the Ruined Death Scene. One of my players, Kyron the monk, had his sensei that was about to be killed in battle. He went down and got 3 death save failed from also being stabbed by his arch rival they were fighting. While we was dying, I did one more roleplay moment to essentially pass down the torch from sensei to student. We roleplayed the death for 10 minutes, making it super emotional and we got so into the emotions that we both fell to the floor while he was holding me (irl) in his arms. We finished it and he died... but then the cleric cast Raise dead immediately after, and it was extremely awkward for the sensei and student, ruining all the emotional roleplay we just did... Justices, should I have just said no? Should the cleric have not cast that spell in the first place, or should I accept that the sensei is back and sad that he has to live longer. I await your judgement

To the illustrious judges and the little guy in the corner, Jorb I think it was? I come before today with the case of delayed gratification. During my first proper game of d&d, I was playing lost mines of Phandelver with some friends online. I was playing a pompous, British battle master whom I named Lawrence Lerlous Von Ainswald. My intention was for him to be an annoying noble only for him to eventually develop in character and become a regular adventurer. Justices, my fellow players couldn't get past his currently annoying state and the British accent I gave him. I was razzed often. This all came to a head when I had to leave the campaign for IRL stuff and decided to do it in a very Lawrence way. I didn't want him to become an NPC controlled by the DM so I abandoned the party during a fight and nearly caused a TPK. I had good backstory reasons to do so and don't regret my decisions, but I ask you justices, did I maybe take my roleplay too far? I humbly await your judgement.

Hello, Supreme Justices and noble bailiff. I was DMing a session for a group of friends who had just rescued a group of hostages from being sacrificed for an evil cult. Among the hostages was a green dragon in disguise, which the party was searching for. I dropped hints to the party that maybe all wasn’t what it seemed and the paladin used Detect Evil and Good on the hostages including the dragon. Since I didn’t want him to blow up the session so quickly I said that he didn’t detect any celestial, fiend or undead. The party eventually escorted the hostages to a safe place but the party was still wary and followed them around. I managed to trick the party into letting the disguised dragon help, getting the party to the dragon’s lair, where I revealed its true identity and an epic battle took place. At the end of the session, the paladin was upset and said he should have been able to sus out the dragon with Detect Evil and Good at the beginning. I argued that since the dragon was in disguise it was hiding its evil nature and also that no one in the party rolled an insight check on them. Was in the wrong by not revealing the dragon right away? I humbly await your judgement.

To the honorable crit justices and the adorable yet deplorable bailiff Jed, I bring to you the case / confession of the NADDPOD content theft. I started DMing a Strahd campaign about 3 months ago that just reached its conclusion. For reference, I am not only a first time DM, but also a first time player of D&D. Nearly all of my experience with D&D came from listening to NADDPOD. When I got into actually preparing for the campaign, I realized I was not prepared for how complex it was, specifically preparing for the 12 different locations the tarokka deck can lead the players to. So, I stacked the deck. Figuring out which cards led to which locations, I intentionally made it so the places the players would go to were the same as the Triplets, as I was already familiar with them. However, after recommending the show to one of the players, they realized my deception after listening to the campaign, weeks after the campaign concluded. The campaign still went great and took on its own unique storylines, but the ordeal has led to relentless razzing from my players. Was I wrong to use content I was familiar with as a first time DM, or should I have let the cards tell their own story? I await your righteous judgement.

To the illustrious judges, MurphFord and Son, and the stacked bailiff, Jenga, I present the case of the counting DM. I was in a campaign with a DM who lived for pedantry. If you said you pushed a door, he’d say nothing would happen until you said that you turned a knob. If you asked to look behind a painting, instead of saying, you see nothing he would say “you see a nail, a wall, a string.” You wouldn’t see a sign in the room you were standing in unless you said “I look up. What do I see?” It goes on from there. I tell you that to tell you this. We were in the equivalent of a haunted house where every room had a horde of zombies, a mimic, a trap that would render you useless, a sludge monster, and everything in between. We were in a bedroom and my character decided to go to the attached bathroom to see what was happening in there. I peaked my head in the toilet where I was pulled in by a giant squid covered in poop. He told me to shout for help, so I did. My party members were having a bit of fun by not reacting immediately and saying things like “did you hear something?” before they came to my rescue. The entire time they were having a laugh before they came to my rescue, the DM was counting. When they finally decided to help, he announced that he had counted for 49 seconds so therefore I was going to be crushed by this poop squid for 8 straight turns. Because that’s how long it took for my party to come to my aid. I was level 3. While I was being crushed, I thought of a last ditch effort where I would use a wand that would turn any liquid into blood that I had found in the house and pointed it at the squid, knowing they’re mostly made up of water. Judges, he narrated that some of the poop turned to blood as he squeezed the life out my character and then ate me. I ask you, was I wronged by my DM? Was the party in the wrong for waiting so long before coming to check on me? Or was I wrong for walking 15 feet away into the attached room in an attempt to explore? I await your judgement. PS, we ended up firing this DM a few months later for several reason, his pedantry least among them.

I kneel before dice christ and the silly justices to ask for a blessing. I am trying dming for the first time in almost 2 years. The first time felt like an utter failure but im trying a oneshot agwhere everyone plays animal races in world where humans disappeared and animald evolved and i just ask for a blessing on my one shot to succeed, I felt like such a failure when my last campaign fell apart, despite my friends encouragement thank you and good morrow except to jake you have an amazing morrow (aux inspired my one shot)

High priests Axford, Murphy, Tanner and sweet cherub jake. I have a confession for a sin I fear I may have committed on my players long ago when we were all first time players / dm. The party successfully completed their first mission. At this point the PCs have had spent plenty of time together, but they were still openly hostile towards each other because my friends thought it was funny. How could I get them to stay together? I stuck them to a cursed sword. It appeared to each pc as a desirable item so they all grabbed it at once and got stuck and were thus forced to cooperate until they could find a wizard in the next town over. I worry I took advantage of the fact that I was the sole dnd nerd among dnd babies who didn't know about things like perception checks. Answer me this my lieges: Am I going to hell? Thank you.

Clerics of dice Christ, I lay myself prostrate and beg for absolution for I have sinned most grievously. I robbed my friend of a stupendous crit. I’m the dm of a game with a good group of buddies. They had stumbled their way into a cult doing dark cult stuff. They started a fight and my buddy (a level 4 arcane archer) aimed for the big guy of the encounter and got a nat 20. He rolled the damage and did an insane 30 pts of damage one shotting the guy. I then remembered however when he announced that, that one of the acolytes had cast sanctuary on the big guy and told him he needed to redo the turn voiding the nat 20. He did so with way too little protest and I realized, as he did a much lamer turn, how badly I had messed up but didn’t want to fumble around and redo again. He was a good sport about it which feeds my guilt even more. Please forgive me this keeps me up at night.

Morph, Emilio, Causeway, and the sinister Highwayman; Rake, try to keep up. My party and I were forced to fight a pack of 6 wolves with 2 dire wolves, all with pact tactics. We were getting slaughtered. Shortly before the TPK I managed to throw a Hail Mary and cast thaumaturgy into the bushes with a nat 20 performance convincing the wolves that an owlbear was in the swamp and they all ran off in fear. It was a miracle that we survived with only one member making death saving throws. After the battle the DM complained that we ruined the encounter for him and, as the module only accounted for 1d4+1 wolves with 1 dire wolf, he wanted to “take us all down”. Should we have called him out for his sociopathic behavior or trusted the process?

Highest acolytes of Dice Christ, and guy who washes the monastery robes, I ask of you—forgive me for my transgressions as a new DM. In the fight against the BBEG of the arc—a Necromancer who had been collecting an army of all the low level bandits and goblins the party killed since their rise from level 1–I made a “last stand” mechanic where he would turn into a CR20 Nightwalker from Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes. The party was level 5. It was intended as a “running away” mechanic before he was finally defeated. The Sorcerer named Bichaz, played by my irl best friend and named such because I told him to, and I quote: “just make your bitch ass sorcerer already” ran out of ways to effectively move forward, and was about to succumb to the creature after a long and arduous fight. I didn’t want to end it that way. I told him the Nightwalker rolled a nat 1 on its attack. It did not. My friend could tell I was lying, but we awkwardly moved forward and never mentioned it again. May I be resolved of this sin and DM for my friend non-awkwardly and in peace?

To the magnificent judges and... bailiff? If he's here? I bring to you the case of "my players keep razzing me about level ups." If i am ever so slightly late to our online sessions (which includes basically me not being first into the call) my players yell that theyre level 69 in every class and subclass. They also ask me for level ups almost every session (they leveled up and fought one (1) monster of a slightly higher CR than them and they were like "we get a level up right we go from level 4 to level 5 right are we level 7 now omg we're totally level 10 we gotta be"). Do I have any recourse?

Greeting High lords of house crit Lady Axford, Lord Murph and lord caldwell and i guess the the jester jack? I write on on behalf of my coworker who told me this story of a near tpk. To keep it short the level 2/3 players were fighting in a foundry and one of the characters cast fog cloud. The dm then asks for saves from the players and informs them that the fog cloud created a foundry explosion. Two of the characters were knocked out but survived while the one who cast fog cloud was killed outright. It’s a magical world where real life physics don’t always apply and also make the game less fun a lot of the time. Should the fog cloud have almost caused a tpk?

To the talented and devoted horse actors of the court, and the one who keeps shattering immersion by looking right into the camera, I present the Case of The NEWSIES Musical Anniversary Session. A while back, my main D&D gaming group got together to celebrate our 3 year anniversary of the current campaign we are playing through. It is set in a magical variant of earth, and is a sequel to a previous campaign, so our DM decided to set it in New York, where we would be infiltrating the headquarters of one of the BBEG's highest ranking lieutenants (also a PC in the previous campaign). The issue arose in the party's deliberations of how exactly to infiltrate this base. As we were in New York, one of the fellow party members presented the idea of dressing up as the cast of Disney's musical the NEWSIES, and put on a performance to be allowed inside. The party agreed to this, and the DM called for a group performance check, of which we ended up with a 30-average. We began to act it out, and ended up spending nearly half an hour earnestly acting/singing, all the way to page 12 of the 116 page script. During that time, our DM got quiet and ended the session right after that had concluded. After that session, we didn't talk for a week, but when it was brought she was a good sport about it, if not a bit disappointed. But, I still have some level of guilt when I think about that moment. So, I ask this court: was the party in wrong? Did we ruin this important moment for our DM? Should we have not taken the bit that far, and did we derail the DM's plans too much? I humbly await your verdict.

To the supreme crit justices, and Amirs former coworker, I was running a game for my family that took place during a multifaceted war, and at one point they were in the middle of a coup. As outsiders they ended up failing some checks and ended up as prisoners. During the prison transport, they insisted on trying to fight their way out, despite it just being a traversal scene to get to the next area. I warned them it would be heavily guarded and likely wouldn't succeed (I also had some very cool silent hill esque stuff planned I wanted to get to). They did it anyways, and got upset with me when it didn't work, and claimed I was railroading them, ironically by being on a prison transport train. Btw, this was the same game where my mom was upset I wouldn't let her play as a minion, from despicable me, in which you all ruled I should've let her. The game actually went really well and they did enjoy the SH horror part.

To the venerable cardinals of Dice Christ and little choir boy jork, I come to you with an accidental sin against dice christ. In a recent homebrew campaign based heavily on bloodborne mixed with bahumia, I had my very first player character death. My dhampir cleric was insta-killed thanks to an area of effect ability and her taking double damage due to a warding bond spell. Thankfully, I had a plan to reincarnate her using her own God as well as some of the other prominent ones in our campaign, the scene was great, and she was reincarnated as a tiefling. Except she should have been reincarnated as an orc. We rolled on the table to keep everything up to date, and when she told me she rolled a 9, I got the spots mixed up and told her the wrong species. She was so excited to be reincarnated as a tiefling that by the time I realized I couldn't bring myself to tell her. Have I sinned against Dice Christ's will or was my slip up all part of his plan? I prostrate myself before the church for whatever penance you deem necessary. Thank you!

Jubilations Joyous Judges, Jurists, and Jacobs. I bring to you a case of a DM most unjust and unjubilant. Several years ago, we fixed a (now dead) wizard’s illusion-made-real machine, which would allow his simulacrum to become a real boy. Our wizard and artificer were successful with great rolls, but for safety, we tested it on an illusion of a pile of platinum bars.. equaling roughly 1 million gp. Didn’t want to test it on the guy, you know? Anyway, it worked, on both money and the guy. So on our way to launder it - the money, not the guy - we were told the money - not the guy - was disappearing slowly. So we book it to the bank. As soon as a laundering deal was struck with the teller- we were down to half our pile- a little demon/devil (tiny, red, twirling mustache, offensive French accent) Popped out of nowhere, grabbed the teller and the money, jumped into the vault portal, and locked it tight. It’s been 4 years in and out of game. Our money is still out of reach! Our characters are in the Icewind Dale, so it’s not like The money would let us do anything crazy. We just want to build our guild- the Claws of the Crag- a castle! Please guide us on how much further we can bemoan our otherwise great, though still sometimes petty, DM. I humble myself before your benevolent nonsense of a punishment. Apologies to Jake the Great for length, I have tried to keep it as brief as possible.

The Case of the wifely reroll Good afternoon Magnanimous Judges and the Balif... I want to say his name is Junk? It can't be Junk though can it? Oh well who cares. My Wife and I have played D&D together for 6 years and 5 Campaigns. It's the highlight of our week every Sunday. 2 of the campaigns we were both PCs and in 3 of them I was the DM. Judges my wife has always made aom fairly wild moves at the table and we all love her for the chaos she brings. The case however comes in our most recent campaign. I was DMing strixhaven for the group and my wife Sam was playing a. Fairy Bard named Rosalyn. Think Sabrina Carpenter meets Jenna Maroney from 30 rock. She took the spell Gift of Gab and routinely exhausted all her second level spells just to "Mean Girl" the faculty and NPCs then erase it to face no consequences. The Incident I bring to trial happened at the end of the second year as her character was the lead in the school production of Tabaxis! (Cats) Her charecter's Charisma was off the charts and she had an silver tongue ability to treat any number lower than a 10 as a 10 on persuasion and performance (I let her sub deception for performance) making her lowest possible roll be a 21 When it came time for her big solo she did the unthinkable and rolled a nat 1 performance check. We had previously agreed that even with silver tongue a Nat 1 would still be a fail. We all looked at the 1 shocked and before I could speak she scooped up the D20 and said "No, my character didn't spend an entire year for you to say she embarrassed herself on stage" and re rolled to get a 16. She stared at me daring me to tell her the 16 didn't count. She then quickly spouted "The DMs wife gets one reroll per campaign" which was simply untrue but we all laughed at how bad she was sputtering out over this nat 1 (that was truly just an RP scene concerning only her character) and I relented and allowed her the re roll. She never pulled this stunt again and embraces the razzing we all still give her for this, but Judges and Junk, should I have forced my wife to play by the rules we'd established or does the DMs wife get "1 Re roll per campaign" rule hold up? I await your decision

I present myself on hands and knees adjacent to the holy arbiters of dice Christ to beg for her forgiveness. I am a long time DM and I fear I may be misusing/mistreating the glorious 5e as a system. I run an ongoing dark western southern gothic campaign and it’s been going wonderfully my players love the world, their characters, and the NPCs and I too am having a great time. My sin comes in the form of the many sessions we spend in a row with zero combat, normally this wouldn’t be an issue but in those combat free sessions often the only check rolled are persuasion checks from my players (which I don’t even properly contest I simply vibe out a DC after they roll). Oh glorious representatives of dice Christ, do I deserve her forgiveness? Or should me and my party find a new system? (p.s. I was at dungeon court Chicago and at the end Emily threw her gavel right into my lap, so if our star crossed nature could earn me some forgiveness points I would really appreciate it!)

Hello, esteemed justices of the court and little Bailiff Jake (LBJ). I’m writing on behalf of a friend who is playing a minotaur barbarian in his long-running campaign. At the end of a session, the DM introduced that they would be fighting a dragon and left them on a cliffhanger, having everybody roll to see if the dragon's frightful presence impacted the party. Only one member of the party failed their save (not the barbarian friend). The DM ended the session there and said that they would pick up the fight next time. My friend, the barbarian minotaur, reminded the DM that he was unable to attend the next session. The DM smartly said, " Oh, we'll just switch it so that your Minotaur is the one affected by the fear and say that he ran out into the hallway, so we have a canon reason for why you're not here this session”. It all worked out, and without the barbarian, they still beat the dragon handily in one session. The next session, when my buddy returned to the table, the DM narrated the barbarian coming out from hiding after the fight. All of the players, both in and out of character, started making fun of what a coward his minotaur was for being scared by the dragon and running away. My friend is now trying to figure out how to handle the fact, both in and out of character, that he was forced into role-playing a coward when his barbarian has been your classic tough guy. Are my friend and his character being wrongfully razzed based on a decision he didn't have any agency in? Or does he have no recourse except to “yes, and” and go along with this and integrate it into a part of his character? I humbly await your decision.

To the honorable judges Tanner and the Axfords and to jake who is here I bring you the case of the insane robot I ran a Star wars campaign a few years back using SW5e and it was a lot of fun, during character creation one of my friends (who is known for making insane characters) asked to play a droid specifically a magna guard barbarian, I hesitantly said yes. Com session 1 he had 6 reactions, resistance to all damage and 36 AC. was in fact concerned, this was a level 10 campaign but that's crazy. He explained that it is perfectly legal the rule book is just easy to abuse I said you have 22 AC and vulnerability to shock, he said that's fair and we had a blast, judges since the have razed him on it and he has exclaimed still that it's legal, so ask shall keep razing or is it just the systems fault? p.s. he said he's down to send an explanation of his build

Greetings Illustrious Justices, and special acknowledgement to Jake - hey! Today, I ask for your ruling on the case of the Bum-Bag of Holding. Several years ago I was participating as a player in a home-brewed campaign. I was a Dragonborn Wild Magic Barbarian by the name of Bumkrum Peters. One session, our party was attempting to infilitrate an enemy's lair by allowing ourselves to be captured and taken to the prison in his basement. So that we wouldn't be unnarmed after we were locked up, we needed a way to smuggle weapons in. Enter: The Bum-Bag of Holding. Bumkrum had possession of a bag of holding, and had the brilliant idea to tuck it into his sizeable, welcoming, Dragonborn-sized butthole, leaving just the opening sticking out. Since the bag is just a bag with a pocket dimension inside, we figured this would work fine. - we could put weapons in and take weapons out just by reaching in! Justices, would you believe that the DM rebelled against this idea? Jake? Despite us arguing our position and a discussion of logistics, physics, and anatomy, the DM held firm and we ended up going into the jail completely unarmed. We were able to progress through talking, but I can't help but feel we were robbed of the shittiest (in a good way) jailbreak of all time. I ask your judgement: is a Bum-Bag of Holding a brilliant idea or was the DM right to poo-poo it? Love, Bumkrum Peters

To the most honoured and venerable justices of the Supreme Crit, and to the intelligent, talented, sensual Baliff... wait, sorry, I though Emily was the Baliff this week. Jake you're fine I guess. Hankering for some more D&D, I signed up for a cool seeming online campaign in a time slot that suited me. (I live in Australia, so suitable times are rare.) The set up was that we were travelling in the Anauroch desert in Faerun, and we knew that the campaign would be an epic one featuring fiends. I came up with a Sorcerer, given power by the old magics lingering in the desert sands, but born into the semi-nomadic Bedine tribes of the Anauroch Desert who hate magic. The other players made similarly appropriate characters. Except for Beef Cake. A Goliath College of Dance Bard, who was aspiring to be a super villain and called the other characters his minions. Apparently this was totally fine with the GM, and I suffered through one session of this unfunny joke character. Was I right to leave this campaign, or should I have stayed to see if the character improved?

Hi judges! Hi Jork! I recently joined a campaign that has been running for 2+ years. Everyone has been extremely welcoming, and they have been eager to tell me all about the world they made and send me many many many many lore documents so I can catch up. Despite all this (or maybe because of it?) I have really been struggling to immerse myself in the world and match everyone else's effort and care. I like playing DND with them! And I really appreciate how welcoming they've been to both me and my character. But I'm easily fatigued by the overarching lore and tend to zone out in outside-of-game conversations when everyone starts talking about how awesome the campaign is. I fear terribly that I'm harshing the vibe by being the only one who doesn't show interest in the family lineage of a beloved NPC or the tense relationships between the different nations and powers in the DM's world. Should I be sentenced to catch up on the lore? Should I be disbarred from the campaign? Or is the DM in the wrong for expecting this level of commitment and world knowledge from the guy playing the 6 int barbarian? Will accept any sentencing with grace and not rage about it even a little bit.

To the Venerated Dice Elders, I present my confession, which stems from a moment where we *had* to take a Dragon down to prevent it from aiding the bad guys in the final battle. We were well spaced out to avoid breath attacks and got it to the brink.  However, the Dragon knocked the Fighter prone as a Legendary action, and then used its full turn to dash-fly away, realizing it was about to lose, leaving it 200 feet away from us, and on a path to show back up in the final fight. We had no attacks that could hit in that range. The Fighter was sure she could finish the fight if it had stayed in her face, but there was no chance of that now.  Fortunately, I was playing a Trickster Cleric / Rogue Mastermind multiclass, and was exactly 60 feet away from the fighter! I bonus-action dashed to put a hand on her.  Then, with a Jens Lyndelle-worthy flourish, Dimension Door'd both of us onto the back of the escaping Dragon!  I immediately got yeeted off by the Dragon's Legendary Action to a significant but non-lethal amount of damage, but the Fighter stood strong, got their turn, and took the Dragon down with the last possible attack. I can still hear the roars of the table when it happened. ...But here's the confession: Forgive me, Dice Elders, but I was *65* feet away from the Fighter.  I had enough turns to sit there, plot out this epic plan, and realize I couldn't make it far enough.  Nevertheless, when it was my turn, I went with it anyway, sliding my mini across the board to the Fighter.  Normally our DM watches move distance with diligence, but I think the fact I only needed to move in a straight line concealed the slight of hand on my part.  No one else at the table was any the wiser. It was a huge moment at the table, but I acknowledge that memory comes with an asterisk, and that it looms in my brain enough that I think about it every time a Dice Christ comes up, so I figured it was time to atone.  I humbly await your whomping.  

To the Hallux Jake and the Judges, I was DMing LMoP and the party was almost to the BBEG. The cleric asked for a Talisman of Pure Good, that would basically insta-kill any evil aligned character if it failed a save. I said I was fine with them having it as long as it wasn’t used on the BBEG. They agreed. The party busts into the BBEG’s room and the cleric uses the amulet and insta-kills the BBEG. I could tell the rest of the party was upset, so behind the screen I changed the character that died to a doppleganger that was supposed to be part of the fight. Once the party says the BBEG again, the cleric was pissed and the party was ecstatic. Should I have allowed the cleric to have their kill or did I save the fight?

To their excellencies, Dice Christ's hands and gestures, Axford, Murphy and Tanner, and the communion wine stealing choir boy Jake. I would like to confess before the light of Dice Christ, and have my sins wiped clean. I was playing a modified version of Descent into Avernus with an online group of friends. In the first battle against a group of cultists, my level 1 paladin went down. We rolled death saves privately and showed the DM to maintain tension. I rolled a natural 1 on my first death save, though managed to survive. I went down again in the next fight, being the only front line martial in the group. Instead of rolling my death save, I put my dice on the 1, and sent a photo to the DM. I was addicted to the rush of danger and adrenaline of the moment, but frankly I don't feel particularly guilty about it. However, as a mentally ill person who was raised Catholic, this seemed like a good forum.

To the most honorable members of dice Christ’s clergy and that little guy ringing the bell in the tower… I come before you to confess an unknown sin. Before the session began I was rolling dice with my players, and lo and behold I rolled 3 natural ones in a row, between two different dice. Immediately after, as I was packing one offending set away (one of my favorite crystal sets), the d20 fell off of the table and shattered on the kitchen tile. I am unsure of what crimes I’ve committed against Dice Christ…. But nonetheless must accept a clear message he gives me. I come seeking forgiveness for whatever I’ve done, revoke the dice devil, and hope to atone and get back in his good graces. Amen P.S. it was also my birthday (hate the show)

DUN DUN