D&D Court: Sleepy Sorcerers, Celebrity NPCs and The Dice Swiper Dilemma

In that Court Case with the Dice Goblin Wife, what Caldwell said was so out of left field I had to legitimately pause because I was crying from laughing so hard

Murph forgetting that freshwater turtles exist made me smh

Las Magus is definitely on the same map as New Orc City

If only they knew that James Blount actually has a sister named Emily

My wife doesn't take my dice, but she can have whatever the fuck she wants, am I right, fellas?

I played a tabaxi in Icewind Dale and based it on a snow leopard, and my DM was purrfectly fine with my character not needing special winter gear. That campaign died, so with different group I based another tabaxi on a fishing cat (we were supposedly going to do a seafaring campaign - in reality, we spent at least 80% of the time on land) and asked my DM if I could have a 20 ft. swim speed, which they obliged. I think bringing some animal facts into the game is fun flavor!

Wait, is John Cena’s catchphrase “You can’t see me” because his last name sounds like “See? Nah.” Maybe that’s obvious to everyone else, but it was this episode of DnD Court that got me there.

Ngl, I always wish that the intro was the full dungeon court intro still.

What is the puzzle game that Emily and Murph were talking about playing??

i think the dm could have thrown in an "are you sure?" but using inflict wounds is a Strong choice

I wana live in the world that exists inside Caldwells head.

So just to explain for all of the DnD babies like Murph. A Magus in pathfinder is more in line with the Eldritch Knight fighter subclass in 5e than a traditional caster.

Maybe Hugo should buy decoy dice for the Gollum wife.

Viva las mages everyone is a mage except jake who is a barb pretending to be a mage. We got the next campaign.

I pissed myself at the John Cena bit 😭😭

I can not believe that Brian "Actions have Consequences" Murphy wasn't on board with the sorc getting cold-cocked. Also 100% on the side of the DM with the inflict wounds, they didn't do a gotcha on the PC there, those chose to cast inflict wounds on a child who was rude to them instead of doing literally anything else, that's totally their own fault.

Mas Magis would be a killer Hot Boy Summer Arc.

Licensed insurance agent here weighing in on the lake case! First off: The owner of the car should call their insurance agent and talk to them about it if they haven’t already bc they will be the best person to help them out. Insurance from state to state can differ but insurance policies are specifically covering the vehicle- not the driver. Since the owner of the car presumably gave the driver permission to drive it’s going to fall onto their own policy. It’ll be covered if they have collision coverage (aka full coverage) but if they have liability only they’ll be SOL. There’s not much the insurance company can do against the driver in this case and if they do place a claim on it they’ll be left to bear the consequences in the future. If the owner wants to get compensated from the driver they’ll have to settle it in or out of court. I’d recommend gathering up any receipts they may have from the incident and the convos they had with the driver admitting fault and disregarding the situation as that will help them in court!

I think the murderous cleric's DM deserves a generous read: if I'm that DM, I'm looking for them to punch the teen for 1d1+ STR mod damage, not expend a spell slot on their most deadly spell which *3d10* necrotic damage. That's like responding to a yo mama joke by pulling a gun and opening up. Plus, it's called Inflict Wounds, not Inflict Slapstick. As to the tabletop execution, it's bounded accuracy. A commoner could tabletop a 20th level fighter if they rolled high twice in a row. I know that sounds improbable to people who roll like Justice Murphy- I'm one of them- but it's mathematically pretty plausible

I hope those two players can reconcile. The “lake driver” might be able to make it up to their friend by paying for a delicious and affordable meal at Gilligan’s Bar and Grill; a premier dining experience.

Justice Beardsley when?

I would love a Flintstones one shot (or short season) where you guys are Bedrock Court Mages going to a conference in Las Magus Get Zac Oyama to cameo as Mavrus ancient ancestor Magus (you know, the guy Las Magus is named after who owns the place)

One point of note on the Lake Driver case is just that “15 plus feet” is a super small distance where cars are concerned. It might seem far when standing outside of a car or looking at a photo, but a car going just 10 MPH will travel 14.66 feet in ONE second. Factor in that this driver seems to have been nervous at the wheel at the time and would have likely had a delayed reaction time, and it’s understandable how a car could wind up in a lake.

“You need to introduce a third, and that third…is a bird.” This is a golden Caldwell moment we can all agree✨

My karaoke group ends our nights with Simple and Clean from Kingdom Hearts because the lyrics make absolutely no sense, it's beautiful

Nothing in the world could have prepared me for 'and that third is a bird', absolutely insane energy

It is absolutely wild that something straight out of a The Office episode (Michael driving the car into a lake because GPS told him to) landed on D&D court

cawcawldwell strikes again

Hilariously enough, Blunt is a uniquely complicated person to have picked as a joke NPC... b/c (not joking) James Blunt has been a pilot since age 16, led his military skiing team to a giant slalom championship, and was part of an advance recon unit in Kosovo. He is pop star James Bond. Why do I know this? Because when "You're Beautiful" was charting, censors missed that he said "you could see by my face that I was FUCKING HIGH" and interviewers trying to do broadcast press for his album on the strength of that single charting seemed (IMO) DESPERATE to talk about anything but that song, lol. (This isn't an elaborate comedic bit, just give his wiki a glance)

Thank you for your supportive ruling 💙

Lake Driver owes that person a car. There's no way either insurance pays for the car. Unless they were some how on each other's policies.

John cena steals your car, puts it in a lake, does the “you can’t see me”, then bounds into the woods on all 4s

Murph, did you ever actually even live in New Jersey, there's tons of lake turtles 😂

The splash and then drop of John Cena’s entry music 🦆ing SENT me 🤣🤣🤣

Husband should start buying double dice and pull out the duplicate once the wife steals the first one

Love that were talking pf2e! Magus would have a decent punch, they are kind of a bladesinger-esc class in Pf2e. Utility lite, spell and melee damage heavy , the cool key ability they can use is called Spellstrike, in which they tack on a spell on top of a successful melee strike. So a lvl 1 sorcerer has little chance taking a full round of agile attacks from a magus at the same level! AC vs Chance to hit would be real bad for the sorc.

Was emily talking about your funny bone ?? Because that part of your definitely hurts, ha

If I was dming for the pigeon player I would let them buff their perception stat and nerfed their intelligence because pigeons are dumb as hell. Go ahead, use animal facts, pigeons can’t build nests

Been waiting for Murph to address John Cena 🤣

Murph extra grumpy in this ep and I love it

“Introduce a third, a bird” Sounds like something Amir would read from a scroll

Murph was rolling CRAZY well during FH Junior Year Thank you Moonmaiden

"Entice the Dice"....just amazing

The Viva Mas Magus one shot sounds like so much fun. I’ve been jonesing for some more Pathfinder 2e content after the last one shot. And hearing the crew make jokes using P2e terms makes hope if they do play it, it’s in P2e.

You're beautiful is also the go to blunt track but Monsters is a devastating song

The Case of a Real Car in a Real Lake is the most tenuous D&D case we've ever had

If that pigeon cleric gets a bonus to their passive perception because of the placement of their eyes, they should then get disadvantage on ranged attacks because they’d have like no depth perception.

I think the case of the real life car being driven into a lake might be my all time favorite.

Definitely heard the Coach Hawk Barski flashback case ajudicated before.

I also thought carrot top first...😄

Ever since that Game of Thrones episode, there is a precedent for Ed Sheeran randomly appearing in a fantasy world

Junior Justice Herwie 🥹

Nothing sold in the Zoom faster than the Woman in the Wall Pitch

Most frogs have teeth, if bullywugs are based off frogs! Not human-like but yyyknoww

It's so ironic that emily turned invisible during the One Ring dice case. Also, any chance those paw paw dice get another batch? I really want a set, it's sold out!

When I Dm'd the Waterdeep Heist campaign one of my friends played a character named Dizazzi who was a barbarian pretending to be a wizard. One of the rules about Waterdeep as a city is that all magic users have to register so that they can help the city in case they need to draft all magic users to deal with a threat to the city. So I definitely made him register for the magic user draft. There was where magic users were called to put out a fire and the barbarian just threw rocks at it I believe.

Garris's I have calibrations comes to mind and listening to this

As a quick clarification the Magus in Pathfinder is a combat caster class. So it's fully possible that that character punching the sorcerer is closer to a monk going all out than a wizard.

Ponds, lakes, rivers, and creeks got turtles.

Gorgug the barbarian is the greatest wizard of his age

The audio for John Cena driving the car into the lake was so unexpected lmao

Lol whoever names your files forgot what year it is. Get some sleep 😂

First case: they must have had no spells left as they were going down for a long rest, that's why they "punched" eachother

100% agree early 2000s rock/ nu metal goes hard for karaoke. Chop suey! Is my go to song, followed by fat lip by sum41. Not in the genre but “Oh so quiet” by bjork is is soooo fun to sing because you scream a lot

Caldwell performing Not Like Us is something we all need.

Is there such thing as a penguin aarikocra? Can’t fly but has a fast swim speed?

Oh I love the idea of a barbarian cosplaying as a sorcerer. I remember a friend of mine from highschool played an Orc "Wizard" who only knew two spells, "fireball" and "polymorph" and was super convinced he knew these spells. When he would cast "polymorph" he would just hit someone with his giant "staff" as hard as possible and polymorph them into a corpse. And fireball was just lighting his "staff" on fire and throwing it at someone. Good times.

There are a couple of points on the arm that hurt more than usual when hit and may make the arm numb when struck hard enough. You got the lower tendon of the deltoid muscle, just above biceps and triceps. Between the biceps and triceps there is a nerve cluster. This one, if struck hard enough, will make your arm go numb. Then there is a point half way down the forearm, in the middle of the radius bone, on the side of the thumb. This one will make your thumb numb if treated with enough blunt force. Then there is the classic funny bone. And lastly, there is an area on the top of the hand, just in the middle, just where the metacarpus bones meet the carpus bone structure. There is a lot of tendons and nerves there so it hurts like hell and makes your fingers numb for a moment. Don't ask me where I know this from - I had a "busy" childhood XD

Regarding "that part of the arm that really hurts," I believe you are referring to the pressure point/nerve known as L9 Radialus. Either that, or my childhood Kenpo Karate Sensei was wrong lol. Maybe that's what Jake was talking about when he responded with "Oh, right here in the forearm muscle, right?" as it's a bit down the forearm from the underside of the elbow and a bit toward the outer forearm. I dunno if that makes sense or if I'm right 🤷‍♀️

OMG, the punks in Frostwind. Fuck you, I love you.

Emily, idk if you pulled this out of the depths of your memory, but IRL James Blunt opened for Ed Sheeran’s tour, like, 8 years ago… and I think you just told the story of how that pairing came to be ? <3

Oh my goodness! Thank you for reading my “confession”! Love a good roasting razz in the morning. Love yinz! 😂🫶

🎤 CANT WAKE UP

I need a shirt that says “ if you can’t handle me at my gollum.. you don’t deserve me at my smeagol” and “troll wife”. They probably exist but now that Emily said it🤣😅

So I'm pretty sure the car owner's insurance would cover this if they have coverage for someone driving other than the policy holder, which is more expensive. And in that case, the insurance is going to sue the driver. But if the owner doesn't have that coverage, they're paying out of pocket, and it would be time to sue the driver themself.

Norm MacDonald, Courtney Thorne Smith, Conan, youtube, go. *chairmanoftheboard

Players have agency. Why didn't the cleric specify non-lethal damage if they didn't want to kill the kid? It feels unfair to put the blame on the dm for the choices players *didn't* make. Why are we blaming them for the consequences to player choices?

Most important takeaway from this ep - Murph knew the year the Carrot Top movie came out off the top of his head.

I was so stoked when they started talking about John Cena even though I don’t know anything about wrestling

Thank you for hearing my case. I think we are going to try the bird thing despite your merciless razzing of Caldwell (my wife has an affinity for birds and we have a pipe dream of training crows to bring us shiny gifts in exchange for food). I’ll update if it ever manages to work!

Guys, I swear the car-in-lake start has come up before. Am I crazy???

The James Blunt DM should have his players roll a d100 at random times after James Blunt goes on tour to determine random events on the tour and then like that one episode of Futurama present an entire history of the James Blunt tour. And one of the possibilities is that they kill him with a roll on the d100 (it's 69 obviously)

Inflict wounds by definition can't kill, it does insane damage for it's leveling

Very much looking forward to the Viva Rock Magus oneshot

James Blunt Rotation, is that a thing?

Can Carrottop please be the new Grinch!? Plz plz plz 🙏 Better yet, can we get some Carrottop/Grinch combo questions on Surprise Round?

When is the short rest out?

The rule about non-lethal damage only applies to melee attacks - not ranged attacks or spells

Dice Christ has blessed us on this day. We are thankful for this blessing of Dungeon court-age!

yippee, in time for me to snort chortle guffaw along in the office and become my most hated co-worker!!

I think the new justice should be referred to as Junior Justice Jake who is on super secret probation and may be a cake guy.

I now want to make a character called the Lakedriver

Viva Las Magus as a Hot Boy Summer casino weekend 🤞🤞🤞

Way stoked for the D20 show at the Bowl. I’m on the crew there but I’m taking the day off to just be audience for this one

"introduce a third - a bird" sounds like a line from jake and amir

Unfortunately, "you have to add a third and the third is a bird" was the funniest thing I've ever heard and did make me cry laughing.

Lake driver dm please give more info im begging for the tea

Murph’s assertion that these level 2 characters with James Blunt “have nothing else to live for” delights me.

Love this. The exalted bailiff has risen. Hi, Two Crew

2am dungeon court lets goooo

I've seen the car lake picture it is straight up broad daylight and extremely visibly obvious. Also on initially relaying this story to us Sydney said the driver INSISTED on driving. And this was on the way To the vacation btw they had to do a whole trip together afterward

Yeah, up for a bowl of cereal and saw the notification. Dunn Dunn!!

Very rare I get to bring anything to the table, but in Pathfinder, a Magus is a mix of martial and caster so understandable that his punches would do damage.

I’m staying up to watch the lunar eclipse and so glad this works dropped to keep me company!

Murphy we need the john Cena heel turn reaction

Oh thank god I’m about to drive home from a shitty date and I NEEDED THIS

Exalted High Wife Worm Bailiff Axford!!!

Me seeing the title: Dicer no dicing!

D&D Court is truly the best part of NADDPOD outside of the campaigns

YESSSSS EXALTED HIGH BALIFF AXFORD