I fell asleep in the garden today

I’ve been focused on my stretching, self massage, strap-work and absorbing indirect sun. I’ll make a video of this more intimate aspect of my work which is really manipulating my tissues. It’s hard work grabbing chunks of flesh and peeling it off the myofascial layers. People are unaware they can do this to themselves, but also, it’s kinda dangerous if done wrong. So this is a forewarning to not copy me.

I was so zoned out after the rolfing I fell asleep listening to one of my favorite YouTubers @Narcology talk about how the ex [Narc] will eventually realize the truth about you...

Those were his last words as I drifted off in muscle work melt. It was one of the most peaceful beautiful sleeps I’ve had, since I’ve not slept through the night for weeks, owing to my CPSTD attacks, and anxiety keeping me awake.

I know now though, that I’m on the right path. I really wished I could have shared that intimate muscle work with you. But in hindsight - I’m glad I got it done, next time will just be a top up. It might start to bruise over the next few days. I sometimes told myself a little hard and end up with bruises everywhere.

Rolfing is necessary for me. I have a bionic hip which builds up a plaque, and sticks my muscle layers together causing all kinds of problems. Also, I use rolfing to sculpt my body and help me attain my flexibility goals. I had offered my hands on my former lover and it was a painful bliss for him. I can read bodies pretty well and tell where they need re-balancing. But - this is not something I give away or do for anyone. It’s my own thing I do not wish to give a part of myself away on anyone anymore.

I suppose if I fell in love again it would come naturally. But, it’s been over a year since I felt the touch of skin to skin. So hugging bathing suits will do.

And by the way, the secret to a smooth ass? Muscle manipulation. It’s not the same as massage. I have a thing for gripping wads of my muscle and pulling them about until the fatty layers slide about more easily. Fascinating stuff. The only reason I can do this to myself is that I do not process pain like other people do. All sensations in my body, I feel them but do not process them very well.

I cannot tell the difference between pain and an itch or a burn. I cannot tell the difference between indigestion, nausea, grief or hunger. That lump in my stomach sometimes pops up in my throat and I have to think about if I’m unhappy or scared or something.

But I can feel when my muscles tear, I once felt a hamstring unravel a bit like when you tear chewing gum from your mouth and a few little strands bunch up... that took a year to heal. It felt like the sudden recoil of torn chewing gum squirming towards the back of my knee as it did.

I’ve learned from accidents like this to be careful of my limits, I tend to dance close to the edge of the red zone. The drawing I did was my first meeting with the house lizard. I whiplashed him out of his sleep inside my rolled up mat. I’ve made peace with him now so he no longer throws shit at me from the eaves...

Next time I rolf myself I’ll play it to camera from his point of view. Lecherous Lizard.