Hard Launch Podcast Ep #40 Saying goodbye to everyone we've ever known (PLUS BONUS BALLS/YAP)

In the U.S we call “digging” “cruising”

daniel "i dont have the power to demolish something" "i could fight a leopard" howell, everybody

Rly thought they were ab to start talking ab rawdogging or doggy style 😭😭😭😭 I started screaming no at my phone wtf is British dogging

“They’re writing essays about how stupid you are” is going immediately into my regular vocabulary

is swapping brains not literally the exact same as swapping bodies??

Denmark in danish is Danmark, so there’s your country Dan!

i’m convinced that the only reason dan & phil are doing this tour is to get a ton of new pictures taken so they can finally replace the old ones

Danmark

EPISODE 40?!?!!?!! Jesus i feel like ive seen 11 as well, but ive been watching every single week...

“We can, as performance art, say smoke crack on your grandma” and I’ve always said that 🙂‍↕️

idk this might be my favorite episode

"is there any country beginning with dan" dane sitting over here crying, screaming at the screen

manifesting my current romantic endeavour is successful like dans 16 years ago

buzzballs are DISGUSTING 😭

I have lesbian budgies named Coconut and Berry 😂

a lot of gaydar and stereotypes (most of it lowkey) is just genuine queer culture and flagging practices that we developed over decades to discreetly signal to each other.

I honestly think the biggest thing Dan could kill is a caterpillar

The best thing about the “Chinese Cow Movie” is that it was made by a mother & son duo who just wanted to make are share a story together and hand-drew every single poster/flyer

the ancient Troye Sivan reference from “Pil” really got me

SOMEONE TELL PHIL MEDICAL 🍃 IS LEGAL IN THE UK!! its the only thing that works for my migraines

as a trans man, i had no idea i would be represented in this ep, especially through a phil spoken error😭

in 2018, i was on a term abroad for uni and saw that another exchange student had a dnp and dogs calendar on her wall. i was fuckin psyched bc i had no friends and thought that i'd finally found someone i could hang out with. so the next time i saw her at an event, i said 'do you like dan and phil? i noticed you've got the dogs calendar' and she looked at me like i was insane and immediately walked away

The video won’t play for me :,(

My brother was also conceived bc of 9/11 but then they named him after Ronald Reagan 😔

i’m hard launching that i thought dove’s name was pronounced as like “i dove into a pool” instead of the bird lol

i have never heard of dogging before.

very lol episode

“the concept of water” do not kill me

you should smoke some weed and then film!! at least on the patreon pls dads we want you faded!! #2026letsgetdanandpipfaded

my happy little pill???? vip guest troye sivan when

Literally was thinking why are they doing men but not women but this is BONUS name game okok yt is where the women are at thx guys 🫶🏽

tysm for adding another Brisbane show, I was online early for the tickets for the original show and the Meet and Greet tickets were immediately gone. I was so devo, but I got M&G for the matinee, so keen!

One of my favorite drinking games is playing vine compilations, drink for the ones you can quote. Then, put on another one and drink for every vine you already saw 👀

would bisexual eyes be heterochromia bc I appreciate the irony

I am also a 9/11 conception baby; my mom also made sure to tell me that they used protection and that i happened anyways lmao

not me quietly facepalming everything they say in the time discussion as i think about my physics degree

Thomas sanders and dnp in one day it’s not even my birthday yet

i want phil to call dan stupid forever

I'm in London for the weekend (from Aus) Can I have 50 pounds pls

LOOK AT ALL THOSE CHICKENS

Guys was there a live stream this month or did I miss it

As some who is also a June 11th baby Dan needs to find out if he was born early, late or on the due date. I know I wasn’t conceived on 9/11 because i went past my due date!

gummies are available on private prescription for migraines! life. changing. seriously

Boy pussy son or lady door daughter

is Thomas Sanders here in the phatreon

if yall love the mario kart soundtrack/jazz fusion u should absolutely listen to caseopia

"Taylor hardly knew her"

yeah I guess for legal reasons u can't condone it but dan does kinda give off semi regular stoner vibes

If I live in a van and I ever get laid am I dogging by default

The only time straight men are good with their fingers (yes this is such a straight man thing to do) is a bloody finger wrestling competition 🫪

Petition for them to add another date in germany cuz its sold out 😭

I can't fathom seeing a cheetah and only being worried about my neck. I'd be more worried about my stomach. I'm not tryna end up like Mark in invincible fuck all that. My tiny cat alone has accidentally cut my eyelid, mouth and wrist and it wasn't small...a cheetah?? Dan we love you have faith in you and all but you got numbs and flat teeth they got claws and whole daggers for teeth not even factoring in speed and the way he thinks air jail is gonna stop a whole cheetah😭🖤🖤

i need the special guest to be PJ PLEASE i’ve dreamed of times like this

Has anyone ever mashed up the amount of times Dan has bitten the microphone I feel like it's a citable offense at this point. 😂

I will buy you weed gummies in DC you don't even have to make a video about it

Wait... are you saying that it's not normal to know some details about your conception? Because my parent's have shared the specific locations of where both me and my sister were conceived (and it wasn't their bed).

Extra toe beans!!!!

Re digging being hard: Did anyone who watched Supernatural ever think about how often they were digging on that show............ it's too hard. Don't dig, not even for supernatural ghost fighting reasons

I feel like weed would give one of them or both of them panic attacks

Y'all enjoy weed while in Canada

I feel like if phil would have sprayed his hair black those photos would have been everywhere

FINAL BOY PUSSY

you can vape it, use oil or ingest oil, gummies or pastiles

its legal for medicinal use in the uk !

I hate the imagery/ sounds of phrases like “Hard” or “Empty Balls” but it completely doesn’t apply and it’s perfectly fantastic for girlie pops, lesbians, and otherwise dick-less phans here who say it (Dan and Phil themselves are also exceptions)

smoke crack on your grandma???? what

Phil’s current shade of phlonde is everything to me. Infinite slay

Watching this off an edible I do believe u both would enjoy them

I’m watching this in chunks because I just got my wisdom teeth and out between this and having my bf binge Buffy w/ me I need allll the distractions

OMG Dove, I'm born 9 months and 1 day after 9/11. My mom also told me that they thought the world was over

Hannibal mention 🚨 Would LOVE to watch you react to a few episodes!

Hard Launch for a very hard Wednesday. Feeling a lot of grief as my senior cat might be getting close to his time, and grateful I've got some Dip and Pip to listen to today. ❤️‍🩹 Edit: WOW I POSTED THIS BEFORE STARTING THE EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK--

i went to del taco in california and all i could think about was fre shavacado!!

I was mid pull up at the gym when Phil said “boy pussy” and I fell off the machine

America exblain vine mention

Still not mention in the random comments 🤔

WAIT SMOSH MADE THE 2 BROS VINE!?!

happy to see you supporting the concept of water.

one day i'll be in the credits lol 🥲🥲

legal in AZ!!

denmark in danish is DANmark fyi:D

Dan-mark

Please rewatch Hannibal (TV show) for spooky week!

Re: digging... I am a dwarf, and I'm digging a hole diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole

I've never paid attention to the episode numbers, so when u guys said it was episode 40 I made the most cartoonishly shocked face ever. It's episode fucking what????

Ok but why was Phil’s brain playing the opening credits of the fucking Demented Cartoon Movie??? I haven’t thought about that video in years

Gee I WONDER WHO MIGHT BE THE GUEST

remember when tyler joseph said the days feel like a perfect length but the years are way too short... ye

Was taking a sip of water, then giraffe in a scarf got me and the water nearly came out of my nose THANKS

7:04- danish?

Dan and Phil please get high when youre in a state where its legal and play geoguesser!!!!!

Happy 40th phodcast Dip & Pip 🥳

I mean y’all are coming to North America for 2 months, that is plenty of time to legally dabble

dip and pip take edibles in canada challenge

as an archaeologist, i’m glad that you two have brought attention to the struggles of digging

WIKIFEET FINAL BOY PUSSY

guys flagging is a thing. sometimes we want people to know that we are queer without saying.

i’m so excited for the VIP guest and also worried for them for having to deal with y’all lmao 😭 /lh

Shirt is def fuck ass so sorry Phil

i wanna know more about aeropickle

Dan singing the theme to the demented cartoon movie as what is going on in Phil's brain at any given moment really conjures the image so vividly I love it

If L and Light isn't toxic gay in the musical, I don't want it 😤🤣

love than dan just ignores the fact that cheetahs are Cats with Claws like you try to grab one it Will claw your guys out and eat your face

from phil's reaction the "animals dan could kill that he really REALLY couldn't" is a heavily reoccurring topic in the phouse, much to his dismay.

I know I’m a turbo-nerd because I recognized that Dan was doing the Mario kart world song before he brought it up by name AND I did religiously watch that cute Japanese guy ANNIHILATE his talk box (the name of the instrument) in the Nintendo Today video upload of that recording

medical weed is legal in the uk besties go gummy up

Is Thomas Sanders the new Davis

OMG Thomas mention!!!! (also yes, he now is, destractingly, hot)

Dove, my brother in law is also a 9/11 baby. My father in law was on wall street during the attacks and my mother in law wasn’t sure if she was ever going to see him again that day so when my father in law finally got home that day…boom. brother in law was born 9 months later June 7th 2002. Mini NYC baby boom in 2002

HANNIBAL MENTION IN PHOD!!

smol bean dan on the inflatable couch 👉🏻👈🏻

dan vs. cheetah 🐆 2026

Thanks for the recommendation! I went to see the musical last sat when I was visiting London AND I LOVED IT!!

medical cannabis is legal and has been since 2018

THE LAVA LAMP LIVES

Phil was so evil this ep 10/10

I mean, Denmark is called DANmark in danish

I’m watching this at work and Phil said “boy pussy” and I laughed so hard in the quiet office I snorted

Soooo who's going to tell Dan about Danmark?

MORE ASIA SHOWS!! pls on a weekend🙏🙏I can’t fly to PH or SG on a weekday😭😭China? HK? VN? Korea? PLSSSSS

PAN AND PILL

Dip and Pip come to Osaka please

DANMARK 🇩🇰🇩🇰🇩🇰

Denmark is called Danmark so well take Dan

29:35 "[MAKING A RECORD OF "POWER OF THE PENIS" THEME]" - what the fuck are these subtitles???!?!

Dove's confession was so insane lmaooo

i mean there is a country starting with Dan if spelled in it's native language which is DANmark !!!

The amount of people I saw wearing Dan and Phil merch at BTS Tottenham it felt like home

Danmark, guys.

Philllllll Leather Lesterrrrr you ate with this fit - also your attitude is peak in this ep - love you both sm xx

The cheetah thing is a rare overlapping personality trait of Dan Howell and Frank Alvarez from the Basement Yard.

Phil calling Dan "stupid" 3 or 4 times in a row was so worth rewatching twelve times

I've had such a bad day, thank you for making it a bit better. I really needed this

you know what helped my connect with people in a conversation and not be in my brain, adhd medication lol

we as a society need to abolish the concept of leather shirts, seriously tho

is Phil The Editor a different phil than Phil The Lester ?

I died at "everyone thinks you're stupid. they're writing essays about how stupid you are."

Their domestic printer argument KILLED ME 💀 🖨️ 💀

Thomas Sanders would make an excellent third for Dan & Phil, and anyone reading this can take that any direction they like!

HANNIBAL MENTION

dan i kid you not i literally whacked my funny bone on my laundry machine yesterday i feel your pain 💀💀

this is the first im hearing of dogging i need to kick my pussy up the wall with sexual british terminology

They should definitely try gummies in a legal state while on tour 😂 You can get them pretty cheap in oregon!

imagine being that guy in that parking lot thinking these guys were maybe cruising seeing them leave then realizing later it was dan and phil 😭

unfortunately the same thing happened that happened to dove happened to me. my mom called me before my 20th birthday to tell me that 👍🏻

in terms of serengeti carnivores dan has a better chance with cheetah than hyena they are vicious

I'm guessing the guest is gonna be PJ.

As someone who just experienced a sudden and unexpected loss a few weeks ago, I can honestly say, you and your content is one of the few things helping me through it and lets me stay somewhat sane. So honestly, you could just make people laugh and make someone's day better. Love the black sofa Dan. You should have that all the time. Looking forward to seeing your guest next week. Yay! Lava lamp is fixed. Ahh "my happy little pill take Dan away" love it when you reference old things. I'm with you on not wanting to be perceived when in pain Dan. I'm so excited for the tour. Wikifeet final boss pussy to boy pussy - incredible. Love that cow film story. Aww family barbecues. Queer Eyed dating profiles. Incredible. That escape room sounds wild. Ahh the Death Note musical! So cool that the director also did your tour too. We've also been yearning for the photos from that red carpet. The video is incredible. The two photos that I think we did see are only ok - the lighting was an issue. There have to be more that are better. But the arm around Phil killed all of us in the best way. See the thing about Dan not realizing people are flirting is he's so locked in on Phil, he just doesn't care. It's really cute actually. Bickering about buying a printer...you're so cute. Also totally agree with you Phil, printers suck, but you do need one. But I can't talk because I'm so cursed with technology. The stories I could tell. Oof that 9/11 HL was a lot. Phil making Dan a million years younger is so funny to me. These HLs are so good today. I feel like Vine was one of those things you had to be there for. It wasn't for everyone, but it did have an influence on culture. Absolutely dying at Phil calling Dan stupid for thinking he could kill a cheetah. And Dan saying he just loves riling people up. Peak comedy! I have way too much to say about time, so I just won't or we'll be here for ages. The vibes and energy of this episode were so good and I can't believe it's been 40 episodes.

FINALLY flaccid monday no more

the editing is banger this episode all the little captions and episodes make me smile

i see phil in a leather shirt.... how the tables turn

Phil: problem Dan muttering under his breath as though unable to stop himself: phroblem

PHIL ON THE GRILL STOP IT IM WARM AND FUZZY

y’all are about to be in so many places where weed is legal!

i'll be happy with whoever the guest is bc i trust our dad's have good taste, but i hope its sean (jacksepticeye) bc a) hes the goat, and b) he was shut up im talking's first guest so that'd be funny if he was hard launch's too

I’ve been soft for too long 🥹🫶

this was an extra hard monday

dads PLEASE come to las vegas </3333

Dan please why are you acting like every straight man that thinks they could take on a bear

Im really invested in this printer situation I need to hear more

fresh Happy Little Pill reference, Pill

So many birds are gay! My friend has 30 pigeons and a few of them are lesbians, and some people have gay ones! Some birds can also sort of change sexes and genders

God bless

It's okay.... I toxicly think I can knock out a bear hahahaa it's really stupid but I think I have a strategy or whatever🙄 LMAO also THC gummies omg if you do, test it out little by little cause they'll recommend you a certain amount, but even then sometimes it's too much for some ppl so yea just half less than what they recommend if it's ur first time! Lol my first experience was diabolical, but that's cause I took too damn much. Bro y'all are on my list of ppl who I'd love to get high with btw haha

i wholeheartedly agree that i do not dabble with time i get u phil

so no aeropickles?

i like the tasteful scatting at the beginning

phil following up with saying blue whale as the animal he could kill is equally insane tbh

Going to see the tour in a few weeks. I’ll be 34 weeks pregnant and I’m terrified of hard launching a baby

omg hannibal mention! i’m watching it for the first time ever rn🙂‍↕️

the pig thing's true. the friend of a friend of a sibling of a friend of mine got murdered and fed to pigs and all they found of her was a tooth. extremely fucked up

lava lamp looks so good welcome back icon

This episode is probably my favorite. It’s giving “parent aren’t home let go wild” energy

Ooh we got SO CLOSE to you sharing about the deleted stuff from Hometown Showdown

Boy pussy is something I didn’t think I’d hear today and for them to then say the state I live in for that news made it better 😂😂

y'all have GOT to hit up the dispensary when you're in canada but if you do pleeeeaaase film it pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase

Getting flashbacks to Phil meowing Sunburn during that Mario Kart World soundtrack discussion

thomas sanders mentioned!!! my worlds are colliding!! 🫶🫶🫶

Hair cuts I missed you guys but HAIR CUTSSSS

I can’t believe he didn’t say DANmark

I was sad and soft and now I have hardened🥹🥹🥹

i actually had a cat several years ago named Erebus

Hard Monday with boy pussy?!? Yes please 🤤

I love my hometown, state AND country New Jersey, New Jersey

i hope yall get to try some legal gummies while touring in the states ☺️

Suuch a good ep

Plenty of places in the U.S. where gummies are recreationally legal, even for non-U.S. citizens! Just bring cash and your passport

this is my favorite episode now absolutely killed it

phil: you can't kill a cheetah be realistic phil, 5 sec later: i could kill a blue whale ... sir.

It would be everything if they went to Dolly's Tennessean Travel Stop

so the word you were looking for re: the Crown City song is "Talk Box" - you run a synth, guitar, or other instrument through a speaker box and run that through a tube into your mouth, playing the instrument sound out your mouth while you make non-vocal word sounds into the mic

Omg my birthdays nxt week I'm so excited for the guest!

After losing so many icons last week I needed to get hard this Monday! Love the couch and welcome back Mr.Clot!!!!!

The lava lamp is working again!! Woot.

The legal weed in the US honestly sucks tho. Everything stinks: cars going by, your delivery food, just random people walking by. You can’t breathe some places. All for something that, as it turns out, raises your cardiac risk factors. And we don’t have health care, yey -.-;

dan's "nooooo" at 42:01 sent me into a different dimension.

dan and phil thirsting over thomas sanders is THE crossover i didn't know i needed,

Look for a dispensary in Manhattan. They are so easy to find there. The Times Square area has like a million of them. 😆

As a physicist: time is fake and stupid and only makes my life more complicated and I hate it.

Hannibal in big 2026?

You can’t kill giraffes they’re really gay

Welcome back to "Actual Government Name" censor bar

thinking you could 1v1 a cheetah or a giraffe is absolutely insane

dan and phil go to america and do an episode after taking edibles

Im going to hard launch on my 25 birthday (feb13th) does anyone know where I can get that tshirt that has Dan's tweet on from when he was 25?

IM SO HARD

Gonna be honest, the cheetah would be easy to fight than most of the other animals Dan listed lol

The cheetah talk is frying me😂😂

ALSO HARD MONDAY ARE BACK WE ARE SO BACK

Boys, I was born after 9/11 (funnily enough my parents 1st wedding anniversary they sat and watched it happened as two immigrants from India while pregnant with me), and I am 24 years old and a full fledged doctor. I am not 9, people who are 9 are born in 2017. Sorry for this PSA, I'm just concerned of your ability to gauge time.

Not hyenas having a stronger bite force than almost any land animal. 😭 thank god yall dont go outside

Immaculate vibes, thank you boys 🫶

weed gummies? well you are going to Amsterdam in a couple of months...

Dan. My god. You could not kill a cheetah. You would be dead in less than 10 minutes

weed gummies ARE legal in the uk! if you have been prescribed two or more medications or therapies for a diagnosed condition (painkiller and physical therapy, antidepressant and emdr therapy, two different adhd medications etc.) then you qualify for medical cannabis. it's extremely customisable and you can get flower, oil, gummies, topical creams or suppositories depending on preference and need. if it's something you're interested in i definitely recommend, not only for the legal protections but just for how specialised you can get with the treatment, you don't need to be smoking super strong paranoia weed if you don't want to be. if anyone relies on weed for any mental or physical condition i would really recommend looking into it (i am not sponsored i am just very passionate about the healing properties of marijuana) it is worth the extra cost if you can afford it

Thank you for coming back specially for my birthday 🥹

You should come to Chile🥹

I also smell like beef

As someone who struggles with chronic pain I wonder if Phil knows that medical cannabis is legal here! I take sublingual oils and it really helps. Not too difficult to get.

im sorry but phil arguing adamantly that dan could not beat a cheetah and then turning around and saying he'd beat a blue whale by swimming into its ear and BITING THE BRAIN STEM is so 😭😭 yall are both throwing stones from such strange glass houses (it is comedic as hell tho)

As another 2002 June 11 birthday this is literally my favorite joke

... you're both just boys (derogatory), never have I noticed that until the biggest animal you could kill convo 🫠

WHAT DO YOU MEAN “NEW JERSEY, NJ”?????? WHAT PLACE IN NEW JERSEY TO DO MEAN BOYS??????????

Most coked up episode yet (AUTISTIC COMPLIMENT)

How do i explain to my family that im seeing my twunk fathers on tour and they make me hard every Monday

Also I’m really loving Phil’s hair right now. The greys showing at the side is everything

me driving home from work doubled over in laughter at wikifeet final boy pussy

As an anxious self medicating Phan, pleeaasseee dabble in the phedibles while you’re in states that it’s legal I learned a lot about myself dabbling lol

Actually cheetahs don’t consider humans as prey and are usually pretty docile around humans. so technically, Dan could possibly take down a cheetah.

phil, i actually thought your shirt looked really cool

i could only imagine the laughs the phroducers would let out while filming this episode if they were there ^o^

Dan should conquer America and create Danica

Phil’s new haircut/colour is giving Phroject Phail Phary and I’m here for it 🙌✨

Stellar hard Monday phaddies

This podcast next to a funeral director is sooo Bob's burgers coded of them 🤣

how are we already in episode 40?! omg (TuT) time is flying by

Do we think Thomas Sanders watches the phatreon, that’s the question

a giraffe can and will kill you with its neck 👍

came back two hours later because i had to compliment the dirty phlonde… phil you’ve peaked

i find this a good place to comment i put in WORK supporting the 7 second challenge i was having all my friends and classmates play it and it became popular at my school 💀

Okay, if Phil can wear his leather shirt, Dan can ABSOLUTELY wear his. Dan's REALLY needs to be pressed or something, though, because the center fold line is HAUNTING

Nice to have you back

“They’re writing essays about how stupid you are” Phil Lester you are the funniest person ever

The perfect way to end my first day back at uni :)

I may have gotten fired today but at least I'm hard

I have severe endometriosis and constant migraines, and weed gummies helped me so much and it genuinely saved my life! hope they legalize it at least medically out there

Dan and Phil if y'all don't go to the United States on tour and buy some edibles or smoke a joint I think you need it

gonna start saying “this is a comedy podcast” whenever i say something and need not to be taken seriously irl just it’s not a podcast

Semi problematic start to watch right after your friend just dies....hmmm

Dan could 100% kill a cheetah.

The leather shirt looks great on you Phil

FINALLY ON THE END SCREENNNNNNNNNNNNN

Imagine going to buy a coffin and you just run into fucking Dan and Phil in some basement.

omggg a guest on the phodcast?!

Can you guys go play card games with smosh and do a reunion with Anthony??? 🩷🩷🩷

PHIL DO YOU MEAN SILENCE OF THE LAMBS HANNIBAL OR HANNIBAL HANNIBAL

Thomas Sanders is hot 🔥

Dan: goddd i couldnt dig a hole to save my life Dan two minutes later: yeah I could take a cheetah

Missed you silly boys! Hope the guest next week is Louise, I don’t care if she’s got smth to promote or not I just need to see her and Dan together again!

Can’t believe I finally made it into the credits and my name is spelt wrong 😭

Thanks dads, I really needed this 🙂‍↕️

Someone needs to clip the answer to the Vine Richard question and put it somewhere that Thomas Sanders can react to it

Wasn't the Niu Lai movie produced from start to finish by a mother, and her son on a low budget? When I heard that it made me love it even more.

Y’all forgot about danmark

I feel like Dan would get along with Frank from the basement yard and I feel like Phil would get along with Joe from the basement yard. Purely bc of the segment where Dan talks about being able to take down a Cheetah. That's very Frank coded

The "gaydar" can sometimes be sort of an explanation people who haven't realised they're queer yet give when they find and are drawn to other queer people, because we do seek each other out before even knowing we're doing it!

Thanks to Phil's mom for finding the buried in the sand photo for us ❤️

can you imagine picking out a coffin and seeing dan and phil and then dying

GAYDAR, for me, is a vibe, a feeling. It’s never about their look or mannerisms. Maybe same recognizes same, but it’s not and never have been based on stereotypes. GAYDAR is real!

Oh the vines 😭 felt like a grandma reminiscing on when her children were young

Bro, Hyenas are fucking mental, they have a bite strength of 4500 newtons, a leopard has 620 in comparison, YA COOKED

Phil’s “I’ll kill you with my mouth” was never acknowledged like damn

hi Whalefall lover here - the book is a beautiful exploration into a complicated relationship between a son and father and is 10/10 and if they mess up the movie I will cry anyways please don't fight a blue whale I think that would not go well

HANNIBAL MENTION GOATED SHOW!!!! thank you phil!!! if you guys reacted to hannibal on philm club i would explode

YAY ITS HARD MONDAY

surprise Richard draining? hell yeah!

Validated in having good taste in loving Thomas Sanders

okay so the deal with gummies- they take forever to kick in. it takes me 2.5 hrs to feel it but if i take them before breakfast theyre metabolized with my food. another thing is that you wanna make sure you get something with CBD as well as THC. otherwise, it wont be medicinal for your migraines. lots of states around here will just make gummies and smokeables that will get you THE MOST HIGH!!! which means 0.1% CBD pot. you dont want that if youre just starting. id say start with half of a 5mg(of thc) edible, those are the smallest i can find typically. i dont like that with gummies you cant moderate like you can with smoking. one hit is like 2 grams of weed in a gummy, if i had to guess. obviously yall will be on tour, so smoking is a bad idea for your lungs. have fun and make sure you have no commitments the next day- most of my buddies will feel dazed the next day

IM SO EXCITED FOR THE GUEST EPISODE!

Happy Little Pill reference in the big 26

can we get dan and phil high on main when yall go to a weed legal state in America?

You guys look so cool today (loving Phil’s shirt) and I can’t wait to find out who the special guest is

as someone with anxiety and chronic migraines i truly hope the uk legalizes it over there yall don’t deserve to suffer 😔

I was so happy when they mentioned they're keeping the phodcast going on the road. I was preparing myself for many soft mondays

Dan….you’ve literally bought things from Phil’s card without asking simply because you didn’t want to put yours in. Do you think you were being fair to Phil?

I'm hoping the guest is Davis

if you use your printer for the Dan VS Phil board cut outs then you can write it off as a business expense 😈

God I love being hard

"they're writing essays about how stupid you are" phil lester you truly are the funniest man out there

Sidenote: Do Dan's socks say "LMAO" on them? If so I love them and need a pair rn

I yearn to have a deep philosophical conversation about time with dan

the sand photo… the first documented evidence of the emo fringe

DAN AND PHIL ARE BACCCKKK💜

See y’all on tour sooooooon 🔜

The entire what you could you kill conversation reminds me that they are just men

Cannabis is legal for medical use in the uk (since 2018). You can get a private prescription online for a number of different conditions!

feeling so hard rn

the world maybe scary but at least I can be hard on mondays

You guys could watch 9-5! Great movie and pure comedy! Truly a Dolly Pardon/Jane Fonda/Lilly Tomlin classic! 💜 💜

What a time to be HARD!

There is nothing wrong with Phil’s leather bowling shirt! It’s cute! Nothing like The Leather Shirt

I would trade the universe to take an edible with Dan and Phil

Happy Hard Birthday to me 🎉🖤

The only way I can get through life in the USA right now is by reminding myself “The days are long and the years are short”

didn't realize british "people" might not be aware that there was a whole ass baby boom following 9/11 my birthday is june 13 2002 ik several people who were conceived on/around 9/11 bc everyone thought they were going to die so they had sex

I'm so curious how often y'all cook and what your go to meals are

i say don’t knock the funeral director till you hang with them! i worked with a funeral director once and he had an extremely dry and hilarious sense of humor, my guess would be bc he was so desensitized to death. i also have a feeling along with knowing how to make people laugh that the profession probably makes people very understanding and kind since they have to deal with crying people all the time, i think yall should reach out! :)

M

Lads... it is legal in the UK 🤣 you can get it prescribed, just not on the NHS 🍃

Love a good Thomas sanders mention thanks gays

1234 aeropickles

"we have a show now!" the people demanding a tour trailer, "but what is the tour even about?!" they cry...guys, i don't think dnp even knew what it was about till now 😅

Well now we need Thomas sanders to guest on the pod when they’re in the us

I am here for the crushing on Thomas Sanders, he is in fact incredibly fucking hot

so hr pilled i thought dogging was gonna be about hudsons shortfilm

Time be fleeting, dan and Phil be yeeting … balls 😂

If you guys did any collabs at all whatsoever a cute short vid with Thomas would be amazing. I hope he hears the lovely compliments 🤗💖

Well now we need Thomas sanders to guest on the pod when they’re in the us

Whalefall is a fantastic book! It handles grief and family trauma really well. Hopefully the movie does it justice.

As a funeral director/mortician, we'd love that LMAOOO

do you guys know that jersey city is not called new jersey, new jersey.....

i will say that as someone with mental illnesses that lives in a weed is legal country, nothing is better than being high off a gummy and watching vine compilations in my couch crease. Dan, you would LOVE it

Gummies are actually amazing for getting rid of my headaches! Like the smallest amount, and it’s gone in minutes.

dan just absolutely delighted when phil is calling him stupid i said oh i’m so sure

I nearly forgot that Hard Monday's return was today, so this made the BEST birthday gift. Thanks, y'all! 💜

personal use cannabis is legal in the uk guys… it’s just not legal to sell 🤷‍♀️

Aeropickles mentioned ☠️☠️☠️

OMG THE LAVA LAMP IS BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!

With 29 toes you probably wouldn't find any fitting shoes

8:10 I agree with Phil in that it’s bold of him to think that he is a top.

lava lamp got fixed and suddenly he's not phallic

as a trans man i actually think yall should bring up boypussy more

i was sitting with my cat and when i turned this on she turned the other way

the "nature of time" conversation literally proved dan's explanation of the difference in each other's brains LMAO

The whole 9/11 bit. Someone get Phil and Angela in a room together and film it please

If you swapped bodies/brains, you'd both be more powerful. We're all here for it. Make it happen 3:)

Dan saying "I could kill a cheetah" is giving heterosexual man vibes

This was SUCH a good episode 💜💜

girls aloud reference in 2026?!

I made the patreon names list yayyyy!! Can't wait to see you guys on tour!!

Not Dan losing it over the printer on the shared card when he has admitted on camera to using Phil's card for his own stuff several times

You NEED to have Thomas Sanders on the phod i know he'd be ecstatic

I think this was the most domestic episode yet

STOP phil quoting happy little pill just did something to the 13-y.o. youtube fangirl within me

phil don’t let dan convince you the leather shirt isn’t a look everyone is lowkey dying over how hot you are

Oh how I missed being hard on a monday

I'm 10 minutes in is Phil on something

Have y’all seen those videos of conservationists trying to catch giraffes for vet work or whatever- and there’s always a count of how many folks just face plant before the group is successful at wrapping those gangly legs

I’m glad your back I missed my daddies and u can’t wait fur September 30th

A cheetah does not have a powerful jaw like a leopard. You're bigger than a cheetah. It's all legs and lungs. You couldn't catch one, but if it were trapped in a small space I do think you could win a fight with one.

Digging is so hard! I was an archaeologist one summer but in Ontario where speed was important and I was digging for like six hours a day and for the first two weeks I would go home, get in the bath, and cry everyday

Phil if you have migraines you can get a medical weed gummy prescription in the uk! It’s a pain to go through the nhs but you can go through a private company completely legally now!

After such a HORRIBLE ASS WEEK, this is the perfect remedy for the collective sadness everyone is feeling 💝💝

Phil comin’ in hot with the phreudian slips this week

I'm so glad they are back! Can't wait for your tour!

how much do i have to pay for phil to call me stupid 3 times pls and thnx <3

phil: i learnt that from hannibal... dan: ok next frame of phil: 🧿👄🧿 ya i understand why dan doesnt want help when hes hurt, crowdfund brown contacts for phil

Phil’s shirt is exceptionally cunty

dan's beat of the week come back to us!!! we need you song boy

yes my grandma is a table actually

i knew i felt hard when i woke up today omfg

so technically speaking who is gonna stop dan and phil getting high on the pod while touring america

40 episodes and I STILL haven't been shown in the end-credit shoutouts

This Monday is extra hard for me since I got a tour ticket hell yeah

so excited to see yall in indy teehee

Oh I just know the phadmins were terrified to leave them alone 🤣

"I could kill a cheetah" that's such a man thing to say oh my god. Stop pissing me and Phil off Howell

I literally got the notification mid coming out to my parents, a whole spiritual experience one could say

what do you mean those balls are coming with you, i'm so fucking scared

i wish it was possible for dan to fight a cheetah in a non-dangerous simulated way For Content, because respectfully there's absolutely no fucking way

nbc hannibal mention!!!!!

Dan‘s like „there’s nothing wrong with being a stalker, take it from me; the head stalker“ and i think that’s great

guys ive literally volunteered at a wild cat sanctuary where i fed and pet a cheetah and they told me if it ever came down to it, a human could wrestle a cheetah and win. and yet i still think dan is objectively wrong. never let this man near a cheetah🫩

The lava lamp has come back from the dead! She's back!

THANK GOD I GOT PAID AND WAS ABLE TO SIGN BACK UP FOR PHAM was a stressful few weeks

i’m so hard rn

oh come on we all know the biggest animal you can kill is a damn fly

dan is allowed to say he can kill a cheetah because phil loves lying

and thank god dan didn’t become the brendon urie lead singer of vine

New Jersey, NJ is frying me

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HEAR BOY PUSSY LOUD AND CLEAR IN A PODCAST BEFORE

Dan it would be easier to believe you could fight a cheetah (you can’t) if you weren’t also so scared of bugs you tore all your clothes off and hid in a corner of your home lol

29 toes on a cat: that’s an average of 7.25 toes per paw!

The cheetah B-roll as Dan attempts to justify himself is some good fucking cinema

Anyone going to the portland show on 9/17 im going alone

tragic missed op for tboy jokes when phil said boypussy

dearest phil i hope that shirt brings you joy but it is certainly not what i imagined when i listened on spotify

Oh it’s not gonna be Hudson Williams? Canceling my subscription AT ONCE!

so hard

I forgot about the haircut warning. Jumpscare!

Watch I Saw The TV Glow on philm club for spooky week!! 🩷

FYI if you wanna successfully burry a body you shouldn’t dig super deep as this preserves the body. If you create a shallow grave predators and bugs are more likely to take care of the evidence. Protip.

Dans leather shirt has been reincarnated cuntyer than ever

SO HARD

reply to this comment with who u think the guest next week is 👁️👁️😳

So kind of Phil to invite Dan into the phodcast

i mean #technically the philippines is both of yalls homeland cause you’re phan and phan starts with ph and so does the philippines so i will argue it counts 📝

Kinda romantic how we're all hard together right now ❤️

First time being on the Random Pham thank you list at the end <3

No please can we just tak about digging please I beg

THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME HARD AT WORK ON A MONDAY

okay so never go digging on sex hill got it got it thank you

If Dan and Phil do not collab with smosh while in America I will take a hiatus from the phatreon

Couch reveal

huge fan on you choosing to ignore the actual richard and talk about gay sex instead. we've come so far

Phinally I can get phard again

the lavalamp!! shes back:D

someday im gonna make it to the patreon credits, maybe, hopefully

I’m so happy you are back! This was the only thing that kept me going today!😮‍💨😮‍💨

hello haircuts

Im so hard right now

FINALLY MY UNOFFICIAL JOB CONTINUES!!!! YESSSSSSS THE MICROPHONE IS HARD AGAIN YESSSUHHH LOOK AT IT!!!!! 🎤 (Hardly Launched Pod Reports promo, it's on Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, and TikTok 😈) lovely to hear their voices and see their faces again too I guess💜💜💜 -Meg

Finally time to be Hard!

I BEG DNP TO PAINT THEIR NAILS FOR TOUR PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE ITS LIKE $100 OLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

i read dipping as dripping at first and was like ??? okay, hard and wet monday i suppose

felt really seen by dan’s impression of me saying he should come to manila I manifested it

Justice for Dan. The blue leather shirt is not a serve 😭

Week 40 of waiting for my name in the patreon credits and this week it was SO CLOSE

Welcome back! We missed you and we're ready to get hard this Monday

Danandphilbeats but it’s dnp mouth keyboard songs

comment section sounding like Phil’s hangout with his straight Manchester friends

so grateful to be hard again

starting strong in the first 20 seconds lmao

Please dont ever name a video extra balls again

finally lol ... thought i had to watch the episode on youtube ... but happy the phodcast is back! :D

so happy to be hard and hearing about boy pussy at 6am

The Mondays be hard again

the couchification of the phodcast <3

Hey buddies💛

PHILIPPINES ON HARD LAUNCH TOUR DNP ARE OFFICIALLY SWAGAPINOS 🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭🫡🫡‼️‼️

is there a reason these are posted so late did i miss something or are things just like this 😭

Hard and bricked for the richard special

Ugh perfect I’m at heated rivalry night at Fenway and I’m getting hard with Dan and Phil

IVE BEEN CRAVING BEING HARD YESSSS

it is IMPERATIVE that dan tells me where the hell he got that shirt!!!! as a butch lesbian i COMMAND IT

YIPPEE

i missed being hard

Going to the tour solo… anyone going to the NJ show wanna get drinks or food before 🥲🤘🏻🎸

Time to empty balls

Finally 🙏🫡

I have been WAITING

Evening phathers

No more soft Mondays! 🥹

I’m erect

HARD MONDAY’S BACK BABY✨✨🥂

had an ABYSMAL weekend so i am very excited to be hard on this fine monday

so hard rn

oh HELL YES WE'RE FINALLY HARD AGAIN

YESSSSSS

the way dan wears his stalker title with pride is quite inspiring

IM SO HARD

Oh to be Hard on a Monday once more 🥹

Finally 😩 ready to be HARD