18 - Tojo Ayaka's Thoughts①

RAW

After taking Ryota to daycare, I head to the cafe where I'm meeting Saki.

A cafe with a calm atmosphere, tucked away in a quiet residential area off the main road.

When I open the door, a pleasant bell rings out.

"Welcome."

The waiter, who was wiping glasses at the counter, brings me a cup of cold water as I sit down.

"Have you decided what you want to order?"

"Yes, I'll have an iced cafe au lait, please."

"Thank you."

The waiter bows politely and returns to the counter.

The interior has a calm atmosphere, and the waiter is a polite gentleman. Perhaps because it's off the main road, there aren't many customers, and there are only two other customers besides me.

Hmm, Saki hasn't come yet.

In the comfortable silence, jazz background music plays softly.

Since this is my favorite cafe, I want to relax and wait for Saki to arrive, but today I just can't feel that way.

I keep glancing at the clock on the wall inside the cafe, waiting anxiously for my best friend to arrive.

My head is filled with what Saki said last night.

I have to hear from her quickly.

…………Time has been moving at a standstill for a while now!

When I looked at the clock just now, it was 10:40, but when I look at it now, it's only 10:41? Is that clock broken?

I check the time on my smartphone too.

10:41... Ah, 42 minutes. Ugh, a minute feels so long, I want Saki to come soon.

Then, I spend what I think might be the longest few minutes of my life.

And finally, my best friend appears at the entrance to the cafe.

"Oh, hey, Ayaka. Did I keep you waiting?"

"I waited like crazy. Over 10 minutes."

"Okay, okay, that's within tolerance."

Saki brushes off my complaints and sits down across from me.

It's 10:50 now, and she arrived 10 minutes before our meeting, so I can't complain any more.

I can't wait any longer and ask Saki.

"Hey, Saki. About yesterday, I..."

"What do you think? You're a lost lamb who's been waiting for a long time. Let me order first."

"Oh, okay. Sorry."

"Um, what did you order, Ayaka?"

"Iced cafe au lait."

"The same thing, then."

Saki orders an iced cafe au lait from the waiter who comes to take her order at exactly the right time, and takes a sip of the cold water that's been brought to her.

Ugh! I want to hear it already! Is Saki making me wait on purpose?

Saki is drinking the cold water and saying "Hehe, I feel revived," and when our eyes meet, she says "hehe" and covers her mouth with her hands to hold back her laughter.

"Hey Ayaka. What kind of face are you making?"

"Well... Saki is making me wait."

If she did that, it's only natural that my cheeks would puff up and my lips would pout.

"Such a cutie. Okay! Well then, let me give you some advice right away!"

"What do you mean by 'those feelings' you were talking about yesterday? What don't I understand?"

I immediately ask her the question that's been going around in my head since last night.

When I do that, Saki laughs in a very amused way.

I'm seriously worrying about this, but...

"Hahaha! That's sudden. Ayaka, you haven't been able to sleep at night, have you?"

"Yeah, that's true! It's only natural to be worried if you end the call like that!"

"I'm sorry, but if it's important, you want to talk about it in person, right?"

"Um, well... that's true..."

I reluctantly nod at Saki's words.

"Now, to the main topic."

Saki looks at me with a more serious expression, tightening her expression a little more than before.

W-what should I do? I've always wanted to ask, but when that moment comes, I feel like covering my ears, or running away...

"Just to confirm, Otsuki-kun started visiting Ayaka's house as a housekeeper."

"Yes."

"And so, Ryota-kun, Ikue-mama, and Shuichi-papa liked Otsuki-kun."

"Yes."

"And so, Ayaka has been thinking about Otsuki-kun lately."

"Uh... yes..."

It's really embarrassing to hear it said out loud again.

I think my face is probably turning red again.

"And so, Ayaka is thinking about Otsuki-kun, but is it love, or is it something else? She wants to know."

"Love... well... I guess so."

Love... right. If I'm falling for Otsuki-kun, then that means I'm in love.

What should I do, my heart is beating faster and my chest is a little tight... While watching me like that, Saki asked me in a slow tone.

"Ayaka, how do you feel about yourself?"

"I don't know, so I'm asking you for advice..."

"I see, that's true. Hmm, then..."

Saki looked up for a moment as if thinking, then looked at me with a mischievous expression.

"Hey... Otsuki, introduce me to him."

The moment I heard Saki's words, my heart was shaken.

"Eh!?... Wh, why?"

"When I was listening to Ayaka's story, I somehow thought Otsuki was nice."

Eh? Are you kidding me? Why? Why? Does Saki like... Otsuki too?

"You're joking, right? Isn't that right? Right, Saki?"

"No, seriously. So, next time Otsuki comes over to Ayaka's house, can I come over too?"

"...No."

The words came out before I could think.

When I imagined Saki having a friendly conversation with Otsuki, a pain I'd never felt before welled up in my chest.

I've never felt this way before...

But the Otsuki I see when he is helping out is the one only I know, and I hate the idea of someone else finding that out.

"Is it no good?"

Saki asks mercilessly.

"Yeah...no...it's no good."

Saki's cute.

Unlike me, she's good with boys, and she's good at talking and fun.

If Otsuki becomes close to Saki like that, he'll surely be attracted to her.

If that happens...then...Otsuki will...

"He'll be stolen away."

"What?!"

My eyes widen at the words Saki says.

"You just thought that, didn't you? That I would steal Otsuki away from you."

"No...it's nothing like that...no, yeah...I might have thought that."

Saki looks satisfied with my answer.

"You must have felt really bad about that, right?"

"Uhh...I did..."

"Why is that?"

Saki asks me as if a teacher is asking a student a question.

Why? Why did I feel bad? Is it because...I didn't want Otsuki to become close to Saki? Because I didn't want her to know the Otsuki that only I know?

So basically, I want to have Otsuki all to myself? Why is that? Why do I want to have Otsuki all to myself?

That's... the reason is... well, I mean, after all... I love Otsuki...

"Because I like him."

I said it.

I finally said it out loud.

My feelings for Otsuki.

Hearing my answer, Saki smiled gently at me.

"Well done. I'll give you a perfect score."

"Do I... like him, Otsuki? Is this what it feels like to like someone?"

"Well, I guess."

I put my hand to my chest.

My heart is beating a little faster than usual, so I look down.

"You don't seem convinced, do you? What's bothering you, Ayaka?"

"What do I... like about him, Otsuki? Since when? I don't know."

It was only a few days ago that I had come into contact with Otsuki.

He had only come to my house three times as a housekeeping assistant.

Why did I fall in love with Otsuki-kun in such a short time?

"I don't know the moment I fell in love. With normal love, you know the moment, right?"

"...Ayaka, what standard are you using to say it's normal?"

"Eh? Of course, that's a romance manga."

As soon as I said that, Saki looked up at the sky and said, "Ahhh."

"You know, Ayaka. Your standards aren't normal. In fact, they're the polar opposite of normal."

"What? That's not true! No matter what romance manga you read, it's obvious at a glance when the heroine falls in love. Some manga even use an entire page to express it!"

"Stop talking about real love by manga standards! It's embarrassing!"

Saki shyly stops me and looks at me as if I'm a pathetic person.

"You know, manga has readers, right? They have to entertain those readers, so they deliberately make it easy to understand? Do you understand?"

"But, but! Not just romance manga, but romance novels too..."

"That's fiction too!! It's all fantasy! If you have to say, it's the author's delusion! It can't be real!"

"What! N-No way..."

My sense of romance is shattered by Saki's words.

So, does that mean all the "love" I've dreamed of up until now was just an illusion...?

Saki sighs loudly as I am deeply shocked.

"Manga and novels are sometimes based on real experiences, so I don't completely reject them, but I think real love is a completely different thing."

"Really? So in real life, you can't tell the moment you fall in love?"

"Well, I suppose there are times when you can tell, but I think it's more common that you've already fallen in love before you realize it."

"You fall in love before you realize it..."

That's exactly how I am now.

"But, you know? In real love, when you make eye contact with the person you like, you feel a flutter, right?"

"Yeah, that's true."

"Then maybe... I haven't fallen in love yet."

When Otsuki came to my house before, I intentionally tried to make eye contact with him as a way to confirm my feelings.

At that time, I did feel a little flutter, but I don't think it was as fluttery as it is in a romance manga. And maybe I was just shocked and excited at the time...

When I told Saki about that time, she again let out a big sigh.

"You know, like I said before, creative works aren't a good criterion for judging something, right? And Ayaka said that she wasn't that surprised when her eyes met Otsuki's..."

After a short pause, Saki confronted me with the shocking truth.

"You were excited even before your eyes met Otsuki's."

"--!!"

My eyes widen in shock.

I--you're right... now that you mention it, that might be true...

Saki gave me a wry smile as I stood there frozen with my mouth open.

"I was excited about Otsuki from the start, and when our eyes met I was even more excited, and my heart just couldn't take it. A love attack caused my heart to stop and I was headed for the afterlife."

"A love attack caused me to head for the afterlife..."

The truth is, at that time, my life may have been in danger...