State Of Sterling: An Interesting Minute
Well hello, lovely friends! It’s been an interesting minute since the last update. Rest assured we will be touching on the events of that minute today. There’s a lot going on, and some of it’s even positive! Heck yeah!
Positivity is important. The concept is often fused to platitudinal bullshit (see: games sites that pledge to “focus on fun” during times of uncomfortable industry news), but it’s been pointed out to me enough times that I propagate and elevate a lot of negativity in my community interactions, and it’s helped inform an unhealthy relationship with my job. Taking Phoenix’s advice, I’ve been trying to share nice fan interactions on Twitter and Facebook as I attempt to reconnect with the things that used to make me love my job.
A lot has happened over the years to disillusion me with work, be it the immutably circular nature of the game industry’s problems, the obvious write-off of the YouTube channel, and the run of depressing Jimquisition subjects just over a year ago. I’d been getting quite resentful in what used to be a beloved job, truth be told, but with recent changes and upheavals both professionally and personally, I’ve been taking the opportunity to improve my attitude.
Returning to game reviews and writing in general, as I’ve said before, is a huge step in that improvement. It’s possibly the biggest. Writing is my first love when it comes to making content, and I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I’d started again. Oh, and that Zelda review is coming very soon. Expect my thoughts on the sequel to reflect how different Tears of the Kingdom is to Breath of the Wild. That is to say, I feel pretty much the same about it as I did last time.
The subject choices and subsequent critical success of recent Jimquisitions has really helped shape my attitude of late. It’s brought into sharp relief just how dark a lot of episodes had gotten in the past. My video about the term “JRPG” is still getting cited, and it made me want to do more informative and thoughtful work as opposed to pure emotive stuff. I like to think I’ve done that (while still covering some more contentious subjects), and I couldn’t be prouder of the recent run.
Personally I think the year so far has addressed practically every criticism of the show, from how dark it got to the overabundance of “something something capitalism bad” to the fact its visuals had become a slideshow of the same images. Now, I don’t anticipate it’ll actually lead to any improvement of performance, but I’m proud of the work, it’s pleasing folks, and it’s been a lot of fun to do the full edits again.
Speaking of which, the elephant inhabiting my room just slammed its trunk on the table. Soooo, after taking far too long to respond to the fallout of my last State of Sterling, I have a record to set straight. Some deeply wrong shit occurred that I simply let fester. Rather than force it onto those of you who might be burnt out on it, I’ll just link to my statement here. All I’ll add on this post is that I poorly handled these past few months, and I’m truly sorry you had to see that.
Tying into the theme of positive interaction, one thing that’s been made abundantly clear to me lately is the need for a comfortable and safe community space, not just for the audience, but for me. I’ve always been hesitant to have any sort of official group, I didn’t want the responsibility and hassle. Given that existing spaces can get really shit and hostile, with little to no moderation, I want to run something of my own that feels like my Twitch livestream chat, which is the chillest, most welcoming space I’ve ever had the pleasure of hanging out with. That chat is the reason I stream. I want more of that.
I’m going to have an official Discord set up, planned to launch on Monday. It’ll be well moderated with comfort, safety, and obligatory queer merriment in mind (though of course, the straights are welcome 😉). I was hoping to have it up and running to coincide with this post but we still need to put it all together. If all goes well during my ridiculously busy weekend, we will be good to go in time with the next Jimquisition.
The Discord’s gonna have the expected channels (stuff for Jimquisition, podcasts, written content etc), and we’ll have a channel reserved for patrons too, as while I don’t paywall content, I always feel it’s nice to do something extra for the support. Some of the other channels will be a place for fixations (expect me showing off my Manta Force tat), a wrestling channel that only I’ll care about, and a nostalgia channel to post obscure old media. I guess we might have one for those videoed gamings too.
I’ve wanted this for a while and I’m pretty excited about it. If you turn up, I hope you like it!
The wrestling world has been rewarding and tumultuous in equal measure. As I’ve beamed about in videos and streams, in March I won the PCW Women’s Championship, defeating the prolific (and wildly entertaining) Harley Hudson.
I wanted to make statements as a transfeminine and non-binary wrestler this year. I’d say becoming PCW Women’s Champion is a hell of a statement! While I always prefer fully intergender wrestling, the Commander will choose a division when required. Non-binary means that I’m not binary - it doesn’t mean I’m genderless, androgynous, or that I fully reject gendered terms. My personal presentation carries a lot of obvious femininity, I use fem words to describe myself often, and while my pronouns are they/them, I’ve become increasingly accepting of she/her in my personal life.
Being Women’s Champion doesn’t mean the Commander is the top woman wrestler, it means they’re top in the women’s division! The difference might not be clear from a cishet mindset, but it’s there. Gender is a fuck!
Thank you PCW for having so much faith in me, and to all the promotions I’ve worked with - particularly True Grit & Sov Pro - for not just being accepting but specifically stating that my enby status would not preclude me from any championship divisions. That means so much.
It’s funny watching the terfs get offended at my title though, banging on about how I “beat up poor women” and should only wrestle men. I wonder how many of them know what pro wrestling is 😂
Oh, and the WWF Attitude Era “legend” Scotty 2 Hotty accused me of defamation for suggesting he didn’t want to work with my transfem ass. Wild! He didn’t actually dispute the assertion that my tweeting about my gender is what set him off, and his opinion of intergender wrestling is well known, but he did say that me doing a hypnotism spot (where I sold the fuck out of another wrestler’s gimmick) made me an embarrassment to wrestling that “degrades” the medium. To each their own, but I’d advise any wrestler to not thoughtlessly agree to a match and back out later (after it’s been announced!) when you decide an opponent is beneath you.
I’m really proud of the hypnotism spot, anyway, hence why I posted it in the first place. I put someone’s gimmick over, I did a great little bump, and most importantly, the crowd loved it. God, this year has been surreal, though.
Biiig summer coming up. I am gonna be in two main events (first being Pride of the Ring in Blackpool on June 10th), and in August I’m having by far THE biggest match of my career at True Grit in Leeds. I know and can vouch for my opponent too, so there won’t be any backtracking on this one!
As far as personal life goes, things are hectic but good. I’ve finally got my appointment with a gender clinic in a few days after nearly a year and a half of waiting. I’m nervous about that, as it’s going to determine if the NHS will officially continue my HRT prescription. I’ve been getting my hormones via a bridging prescription ever since moving back to the UK. Researching the place leads me to believe I have a good one that isn’t gonna be a terf nest, but I’m pretty anxious nonetheless.
Viewers and Instagram followers may have noticed I’ve ditched wigs pretty much full time. Since this post has gone longer than planned, I’ll hold off on everything I want to say, but suffice to say I’m really glad I finally feel confident enough to show my real hair, even though I’ve had to really start rewiring my self perception after over two years of wearing wigs thicker than even the fullest head of hair, much less mine. I still need to see a stylist, but the way it naturally looks is turning out nicely!
I had some other stuff I was gonna go over, but this thing is becoming a novella. I shall look forward instead to another update in future. Thank you as always for your continued support of what I do. It really means so much to me, especially at the moment. I hope the moves I’m making will allow me to greater repay that support through my work.
Right, time to reinforce the gates of Fort Sterling before my next review goes out…
Comments (37)
I work in the US Healthcare industry so I can totally understand how disillusionment can be so soul crushing. One thing I've learned from friends is to adopt is the Palestinian philosophy: "Existence is Resistance" Hang in there, we love you and your work - and Thank God for You 😁👍
I love your, erm, shit JSS, but don't really get Discord so I will ask the boy as to what I need to do. Keep up the good stuff.
At it’s core a discord channel just kind of functions like an invite only chat room or message board, just a nice place for the community to interact It’s also has a very popular voip service used for cross platform voice chat for gaming etc, similar to something like Skype
as someone who generally avoids drama, i had not your or Justin's statemnts until now ... its a an unpleasent read, but all in all, yours is by far the more compelling version of events. Having been a fan for about a decade might very well colour that oppinion, but that is what it is. All i can do is to wish you the best of luck forward, and continue to support a creator i believe in ^_^
I have only two notes. 1. Ooh! A Discord. 2. I wish you the best of luck with the (checks notes) titty skittles script. I believe that's the official term?
Thanks for this. I know the airing of dirty laundry is seldom an enjoyable affair, but as someone who can't even social media I felt pretty lost and confused about what was going on. I'm glad to have a clue now, and positively excited / excited positively about whatever's coming next.
FWIW I'd followed some of your work over the years but never engaged too closely. It's only been in the last year or two I subscribed to your YT and podquisition and much enjoyment has been had. Which is to show that while you're see some frustrating sustained bleed on YT, I'm here as a newer and happier fan. I wouldn't want to be presumptuous about myself but if I'm not the only one whos a newer fan, then you might posit that you're exchanging some quantity for some better quality in fan base? Thanks for all the amazing work in the last few years. I've really enjoyed it
I'm really...happy I guess would be the right word, that you seem to be in a better headspace Commander Sterling. That you seem to have decided that for yourself it is better to try and put out content that makes you happy and feel positive. It's a hard step to take because the world is an injust place, but you cannot be expected to be the one that constantly shoulders the burden of informing others about the sorry state of the industry. In a just universe, unionizing would not be a dirty word, profits would not take priority over people and the bigots of the world would let people be themselves. Sadly this is not the case, however if you mire yourself in that constant flood of negativity it will affect you and your mental wellbeing. I never stopped watching the Jimquisition, but I did stop feeling like you got any happiness out of it and that made me worry. Even though I do not know you, I hope returning to writing and winning the Women's championship and leaving all the shit with your former editor behind you you can allow yourself your own happiness and comfort again. I'm sorry for the terrible English but what I basically want to say is that there is no shame in letting the negative shit get to you, just as long as you are able to wash it off at some point. Thank god for you Commander! o7
That took a long time to read with links included, but totally worth it. I'm still here for a good reason, and I'll happily come chill on a server as appropriate.
Happy for you Steph, looking forward to what's coming next.
<3
Simply put, Keep on keeping on. Whenever you push through a rough patch, you seem to come out the other side better. You have the best people to your side now and I can't wait to see how far you go.
I think for a while there the state of the world, too, made it hard to not fall into a nest of negativity. Things are so overwhelmingly shit a lot of the time, it's hard to remember to, as Mr. Rogers would say, look for the helpers. Someone had to be there to point out just how overwhelmingly full of fuck the industry can be- and if you didn't do it, then who in hell would bother? But focusing on that full-time would get to anyone, and it even wore you down after a while. So, I think the more recent work- more informative videos, discussing nuance, taking the time to properly and enthusiastically engage with things when something good does happen- is vital to re-energizing yourself and maintaining your wellbeing not even as a content creator, but just as a human person. Bad things will happen again that you'll have to cover one day-- so it's good to shore up those emotional defenses while you have the chance. At the end of the day, you're still good people and you give a fundamental amount of fucks about the work you do, which is why even when the topics were hard, I still wanted to see the coverage. You had a bit of a flop era, but the last three years have been a global flop era. It's good to see you coming into your own again, and I am excited to see what will come next from you. And once that discord drops, I'll be sure to drop in, too! We all know what's coming next. Just post it, turn off your phone, and go have a nice long nap. It'll blow over eventually. For better or worse, these things always do. Hang in there!
Love you Steph
❤
So happy for you! And excited for the Discord! Read the whole novella, and have many thoughts. On the Jimquisition I'm not sure how to proceed, since your shining a light on industry bullsh!t is quite valuable. There are many companies I no longer spend my hard earned money on because I know I'm supporting a business of abuse. I love video games, but I love human decency more. My favorite episodes of yours are the Pasta sauce and the Copyright deadlock. And I don't know how you can parallel those ideas. Maybe pointing out clever ideas in gaming? I'm not sure. Regardless, thank God for you, and God speed on the Zelda review; i can already smell the torches
Sending you a bunch of love, and totally for the positivity! I know how hard that can be, and how rewarding!
I never stopped watching Jimquisition, but there did come a point where I stopped getting excited whenever a new one would drop. I think I’d just begun subconsciously associating them with the sorry state of the industry, rather than a critique of it. That sucks, but I think that’s probably just how my brain goes. I genuinely think something changed starting a little bit prior to (but most pronouncedly with) the JRPG video. A couple weeks after that, I told my wife how I felt the videos were changing in tone... More research, more levity, more focus. Less dire, less grimace, less spitting of the word “FUCKING”. I never wanted to suggest in here that you should “lighten up” or change your craft… because you DO have to rail against, because we live in a world that requires railing… (And also, wtf do I know?) But having read this announcement re: engaging proactively with positivity, I’ll admit that I am thrilled both for you and with you. There’s no way it’s a coincidence that some of your most recent work has been lauded as your best stuff in years. I can’t wait to see what else shines through as you and your loved ones continue pulling the burdens off your spirit.
The mention of the year and a half of a wait for the gender clinic appointment reminds me of Abigail Thorns recent video on the topic. I hope your journey through the system so far wasn't quite as shit as hers, but I'm not really optimistic... I really wish you the best of luck for that appointment!
Was always happy to see you calling out the downsides of capitalism and am loving the new content as well (the exploration of the term JRPG was excellent and you deserve to be proud of it, the passion was clear and enjoyable to see). Reviews have also been an excellent read and I didn't realize how much I missed your sense of humor on a review until they started popping up again. Keep being you and I'm glad to see things continue to improve!
I'm so happy to read that things have been looking up for you! Once again, I'm thoroughly impressed by your dedication to being yourself, bettering yourself and taking care of yourself. I look forward to much laid-back vibing in the Discord server.
Thanks for the great update Steph. I should say it more, but the weekly jimquisition is one of the things that gets me out of bed on a monday morning (here in the states). Keep being awesome - I love the direction you've been going, and you've even reawakened my love of indie wrestling promotions! Thank you!
Glad you are doing well and looking forward to your future projects. The videos and written reviews have been top notch.
Thank you for this update Steph. I'm just glad to hear that you're moving onwards and upwards after this uncomfortable kerfuffle.
Thanks so much for the update and the statement, Steph. I will admit that when I first saw Justin's statement I was concerned, mostly because I try not to throw all my trust into parasocial relationships and I know you can never truly know someone you've never met. Still, there were weird points that had been made that didn't seem right, and the fact that Laura and Conrad were still steadfast at your side really put those claims to doubt, but I think I was always anticipating some sort of response. I'm sure writing it up wasn't easy, but truly thank you for the time and effort you put into doing so. In terms of content, I really like the direction you've been going in. Striking the balance between pointing out the dark stuff going on and providing levity is super hard. I think post lockdown everyone has kind of struggled with it (I know I have). To see you in a better space and see that reflected in the tone of your work is fantastic. Full support and love from this fan! Also, kudos to Phee for everything. It's clear they've helped you so much and they seem so wonderful. I'm super happy for you, your family, and your continued success!!!
Thank you. I am truly sorry everybody had to see all that went down. Hopefully we can move toward that positive future I'd like now. And thank you so much for the kind words about Phee. That made them very happy. :-)
Steph, another commenter said "you're now the person you really are." Well, as a religious viewer from the old-school Steph-pressions and Squirty Play days, with sustained (even heightened) fervor through today, know that you've consistently been a wickedly sardonic and wonderfully open and honest friend in this strange parasocial relationship. Thank you and much love.
You continue to be great and also awesome.
One of my most abiding memories of developing depression was a sort of death of identity. It's a hell of a thing feeling your brain stutter and rewire itself in realtime to the point where you have to figure out who you are all over again. You seem to have found yourself, and that makes me both happy for you, and hopeful that I can do something similar. <3
Glad to see you feeling better!
Keep on trucking Steph. Really enjoying the newer content, as mentioned on Twitter. Also really like the Phoe interactions and just the general vibe of the recent Jimquisitions. Your writing reliably makes me chuckle and appreciate the finer points of the English language (as a non-native speaker) and just the amazing evolution from Jim to Stephanie has been so heartwarming and a joy to watch. Not ignoring the dark and difficult shit, but I too aim to focus more on the positive side of things.
Ok, no paragraphs here :D. In closing: all the best!
Steph, I may not always agree with you, but your views are always fascinating. Also, my best friend realized who they really were two years ago at the age of 56, and seeing them become happier and more themselves as they have been transitioning was absolutely heartwarming. I am so happy you're now the person you really are.
Thanks for the eminently readable update and thanks for linking the statement. I had not kept up on any kerfuffles, so it was a nice (not nice as in yay fun times but nice as it clear) update. Carry on, ya rock, and thank god for you.
Thank you. And yeah, you dodged a bullet with the kefuffles, because it's all just been rather horrible really. Nonetheless, I am relieved to have finally said my piece.
You’re wonderful and always appreciated in everything you do. 💜
Thank you so much.