Jay’s POV
Jay’s biggest fear is being even a little bit like Chris
He realizes that Chris basically raised him and was his role model since childhood, and he finds a lot in his own thinking that resembles Chris’s way of thinking, and that terrifies Jay
Comments (243)
these pages are so well done and smart, hats off sasha
The parallels in your story are amazing💛
youre KILLING me right now.
Oh baby, I understand your POV, but you aren't like him...
Peak cinema
The composition on this is next level oh my fucking god. From the shadows to Jay remembering the situation way more harsher than it actually was (Adil's expression in Jay's imagination reflects disgust, compared to his actual expression...) Also, the text overlapping his thoughts is genious + the huge fear of victims becoming like their abusers. This is rarely shown in media, people only want to see traumatized characters without the consequences of their trauma. (Cough cough OCD intrusive thoughts). The fact that Jay thought that and compared himself with his abuser is SO BRAVE to do Sasha!!! This makes Jay feel even more humane. Trauma is complex and you're doing an amazing job with SO LITTLE WORDS omfg.
thank you so much!!!!!! 😭💛💛💛💛💛
The silhouette of Jay’s and Chris’ noses/mouths in the sunlight on the pillow next to Jay’s head as he has these similar thoughts mentioned in the description is heartbreaking. I love how you portray Jay’s trauma—he’s terrified of repeating it, which we don’t get a lot of in media
thank you!!! 😭💛💛💛💛💛
updates two days in a row 🗣️🗣️🗣️ we’re so spoiled 🥰
oh my GOD. this is so devastating and gorgeous and then devastating again. oh, jay..
OMG NOOOO 😔
can The both of them Just frolick in a field together and Live happily ever after.. 💔💔
WAAAAAA
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It’s so interesting that in Jay’s memory Adil seems much more opposed to the “kiss” then what we saw actually happen, it’s much more “forced” in his memory. Like details such as Adil’s brow, his hands which seem to be holding Jay back, even Jay’s hand on his face, which we only see in Adil’s imagination as a positive, never in the actual scenario. … ugh Sasha you’re amazing
I didn’t even notice that’s it’s amazing
NOOOOOOOO!!!!
NOOO JAY YOU’RE NOTHING LIKE THAT BASTARD
THE SHADOWS ON THE PILLOWS !!! I'm dying of sadness and dread over here...
awh jay ☹️☹️you're nothing like him
Damn..........
Sasha you twisted evil genius
sobbing
NOOOO POOR BABY YOU ARE NOT LIKE HIM
THE SHADOWW😭 u're a genius like ur mind..
THE SHADOW, OMG THIS IS EVERYTHING 😭
sasha your work is always brilliant but the psychology in this is next level. that fear of becoming the abuser is such a dark, quiet part of survivorship that never gets screen time. you showed exactly how hypervigilance can come from that terror—policing yourself bc you're scared you could somehow perpetuate the cycle. it’s an incredibly nuanced and important thing to portray. stunning work. i just know adil would absolutely hate seeing these self-torturing train of thought in jay.. it's not a good place to be.
Thank you so much!!!! This means a lot to me!! 😭💛💛💛💛💛💛💛
oh Jay sure as hell is not opening up about what happened but what Adil asked had to throw him so off guard actually, to a degree they both assume they overstepped a boundary, and... like how can Jay reassure Adil that it isn't wrong while Jay himself also jumped to apologize for what happened. The answer is gonna wreck us in some way I fear It's so messy but so real i love it :((
Oh, I think definitely yes He was sure that Adil wanted to leave because Jay crossed the line and hurt him, Jay probably didn’t think about the fact that Adil also feels guilty and believes he crossed the line too
This broke me 😭 but at the same time I'm really impressed with the way you represented Jay's thought overlapping Chris' speech
thank you so much!!!!
Youre stuff is being stolen and posted on a website!!!!!
Wow, on which website?
It's so cool how you showed jay's trauma through the shadow on a pillow
thank you!!!!
The silhouettes on the pillow.... brilliant
😭💛💛💛💛💛💛
Jays facial expressions will do it every time
how many times can my heart like this 😭😭😭😭
Knife STRAIGHT to the heart 😭😭😭
ouu this hitting too close to home
Your visual storytelling is so cool. I’m amazed by the details every time
thank you!!!! 😭💛💛💛💛💛💛
oh my heart hurts
might cry rn I know this feeling
NO JAY you're not like the damn chris 😭💔 Sasha maybe you don't know how much I love your illustrations and writing but I LOVE EVERY DETAIL and I live waiting for every update 😿💕 thank you.
😭💛💛💛💛💛💛
THEY ARE PLAYING WITH MY EMOTIONS
His memories of Chris being a shadow in his mind creeps me out, you nailed it, Sasha. I’m sorry for him because trauma is something that haunts you in the most random situations. This POV is really important because help us to see how hard is for him to open himself again. Seems like he is afraid of being like Chris or find someone like Chris. I hope they talk more, so Adil can understand he is not disgusting, just young and learning about himself. And Jay is not like Chris, he is respectful and he is trying his best 😭🩵
Yes, I think that’s definitely one of the reasons why Jay is afraid to open up to people again or to fall in love It’s not just that he’s afraid someone might behave like Chris, he also realizes that, having been raised by Chris, he’s afraid he might act exactly like him if he ever falls in love To some extent, he really followed Chris’s approach, even in his relationship with Sam. Chris taught Jay to be stubborn and persistent, to go after his goals no matter the cost, even if it wasn’t in the interest of those around him. Essentially, Jay’s relationship with Sam reflects this, he kept trying again and again to get Sam’s attention, ignoring the fact that Sam wasn’t interested in him from the start Obviously, now Jay understands how wrong this really was, but he’s afraid he might sometimes do it unconsciously, since he literally grew up with these teachings
I *KNEW* HE WAS GONNA WORRY ABOUT DOING THE SAME THING AS CHRIS I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT OVERTHINKER AND ANXIOUS WE GO THERE ALL THE TIME!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 SASHA YOU DO SO WELL WITH CONVEYING HIS TRAUMA AND EMOTIONS
🥹💛💛💛💛💛
OH NOOOO NO!!! no oh my god no :(
NONONONONO PLEE EKR MY BABY
SASHA, 10 dollars per month is not enough. PLEASE TAKE MY SOUL 😭😭😭😭💓💓💓
😭💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛
THE LIGHTS???? 😭
God I hope Jay realises (or atleast comes to realise) that he’s nothing like Chris and that godDAMN it’s okay to try and make a move (esp when Adil wants it that’s just a poor boy with internalised homophobia) 😞😞 he’s so upset over it and overthinking sm which is something Chris would NEVER do and I so hope he will see that ☹️ like he’s fretting sm over how adil (adih🥀🥀) feels and is practically consumed with guilt because he doesn’t want to be like Chris at all and make adil uncomfortable or force him into a situation he doesn’t wanna be in 😞 and that’s so sad but also just shows us (and should goddamn show him) how different he is from Chris and how considerate 😞😞 UGHH I CANT DO THIS SASHAA
That’s right! The fact that Jay analyzes this and tries to do everything possible to avoid causing Adil discomfort already shows that he is nothing like Chris But I think Jay will need some time to fully realize this
i hope he’ll be able to heal and realise he’s nothing like that freak asshole
I didn't even notice the silhouettes in the light until my third time looking. I'm on the floor rn. deceased.
NOOOOOO CRIED
But I feel this so heavily as a victim myself , terrifying to say similar phrases
WAIT was Jay thinking this while Adil was in the shower or 😞😞 sobbing they’re killing me
yep!
my poor baby 😭
Awww jay 🥲
Oh no poor baby Jay you are nothing like Chris :((( God (Sasha) please bless them with a proper conversation about their feelings.
SASHA 😭
Sasha I swear th way you're able to portray emotions is just so incredible and addictive! And I love that you use so many devices to express them — expressions, lighting and shadows (the one on the pillow of Jay and Chris killed me), the way you even write thoughts not only the wording but the style. I just 😮💨 I love your art so much and I think you really are sensational at making us FEEEEEEEEL. In love with the underdogs. In love with the story. In love with your craft. ❤️🔥❤️🔥
thank you so much!!!!!! 😭💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛
This hurts me physically.
How are you able to pull at my heartstrings with such accuracy wtf
Jay breaking the fourth wall having a main character moment on the left
HAHAAA like whys he looking at us like we did it smh (slash jay love him)
I was so worried his thoughts would go in this direction nooooooooo
Sasha my subscription's about to end and I can't renew it til the 15th!!! I swear if you don't make them kiss and make up rn I'm gonna throw hands 😤😤 (jk this was so lovely as usual. but srsly make them kiss)
did u just stab me? ₕₒₑ
jay no 😭💔
They want each other so bad but they can't admit it😭
Noooo that's not it Jay! But seriously Sasha, your writing is just so amazing that even the gray areas make our hearts break in new ways we didn't think possible! Congratulations and how could you do this?! Hahahahha
thank you so much!!!!😭💛💛💛💛💛
I'm not ok
the parallels are insane
Shadow on the pilow!!!
oh my god the shadows of jay and chris you’re a genius
😭💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛
I’m gonna k*ll m*self
I wanted to keep jay in a little jar 💔
girl you and your evil artistic story telling I hate you (I love you so much)
Your mind is so brilliant and yet so wicked 💔
Ah maann, the story is soo goood 🧡
Jay and Chris' outline on the pillow is a genious storytelling touch .. Oh my heart
Absolutely evil
Omg the shadow :(
BAAAABBBYYYYYY - GET BEHIND ME
Oh god, don't do this to me
SASHA ❤️🩹 My heart can’t take this
If I catch this Chris on the street...😡🏏🏏
I’m so nervous, but you’re doing a fantastic job of displaying the realities of this situation. It’s painful, and scary, but you can’t functionally skip working through trauma.
thank you so much!!! I’m trying my best 🥹💛💛💛💛💛
I get where he's coming from, but it's not fair he's thinking about himself like that ㅠㅠ but I know that bastard Chris messed up with his head...
Innit Chris is a freekin creep with evil intentions Jay is nowhere near thattttttt ughhhhh
THE SHADOW THIS IS EVIL (i love you)
This is such an interesting approach!! Because yes he wants it and is too shy to admit it but also no matter what the person *really* feels, if they don't want it now, for any reason, that should be respected
yes!!!!
double text and chris shadow almost like he's haunting him all the time nooo my baby 💔 also the fact that he as a sa victim starts seeing himself in his abuser is so heartbreaking but sadly so realistic
Im sobbing
OH GOD THE TRAUMA
my baby 😭😭😭💔😭😭
okay no, I can't
NOOO THE TRAUMA IS BEING REFLECTED IN HIS BEHAVIOR 😭
Im this close 🤏 to kms rn
Okay this one is destroying me haha 🫡 it's even more cruel that Chris was a kind of parental figure and it make so much sens Jay his scared to be like him broke my heart ( But I love those moments when we dive into the psychology of the characters) Keep up the good work 👏 you are amazing!
thank you so much!!!!
i love how realistically you treat sa victims in your comic, you show very well how complex the trauma is
thank you!!!
I’m so sad. 😔
Adils repression, the parallels with Chris and Adil, Jay’s fear, the freakiness and UNSPOKEN FEELINGS. SASHA U ARE KILLING ME 😭and is all of this in one chapter… im too flabbergasted. GEEKING OUT
just one punch after another
it's really heartbreaking how the affective actions between them are strongly linked or even defined by what Chris did. It really hurts that Chris haunts the story and their relationship even when he's not present, but THAT'S HOW A GREAT STORY IS WRITTEN. THANK YOU SASHA 😭😭
thank you so much!!!!!!!
My poor boys 💔
I was waiting for this but I wasn’t ready
He remembering Chris words im gonna kill somebody
Please no more trauma for a bit. KISS KISS WE NEED KISS
Oh yeah, we know u Jay. We all want Adil
the shadow being chris omg im sick
Oh my God 😭
ay no
Very interesting 🤓👍 and beautiful ✨
I love every update but now I'm sad at work 😭 this is amazing, thank you
MY BABYYY
Ahhh I knew Jay was gonna regret that for this very reason x_x the horrific irony of him only getting that bold because he felt safe
Noo jay your perfect fuck Chris 😭
baby 😭😭
NOOO TRUST JAY TRUST YOURE NIT LIKE THAT YOURE RIGHT LOWKEY
oh god that's tough 😭 poor jay
DAMN THE SHADOW IN THE LIGHT
Is Chris Jay's biological father? I don't remember if it was mentioned.
Noooo
Everytime I get a notification of a new post I start literally giggling and kicking my feet in the air, then I proceed to watch and observe and rewatch the post and the art over and over again 😭 it's just truly amazing and beautiful, ily Sasha 🫂
fr
I love your art Sasha but this is an attack on my mental health
Oh no, jay :( Poor guy. But I really like how you handle his trauma. Because the voice of the perpetrator often sticks, especially if there was this kind of grooming involved like in Jays case with Chris. I hope Jay and Adil can heal each other a bit from the things they don't talk about ❤️ It's a long time ago that a comic or characters in general pulled me in this much ❤️
😭💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛
This is so sad. BUT THE COLOURS, THE COMPOSITION, THE LIGHT THE SHADOW OMG I CANT I’M IN TOTAL ECSTASY
NOOOOOO JAYYY 😭😭 im hoping adil can assure him at some point that he’s nothing like chris 😓
NOOOO JAY MY POOR BABY TT
OH MY GOSH.... This hits so hard.... I don't know how but Sasha really makes you feel all of the emotions her characters are feeling, it's almost insane. This feels do real
Ough this is so upsetting 😭
This is so good, a victim's biggest fear is becoming the abuser themself
glad to have a quick break from research with this beautiful update... but ig it broke my heart instead
Aah so that was it, it broke my heart
the psychological terror of trying to be your own person while actively knowing you’ve absorbed your abusers mental process is so scary. You see it, you’re afraid of it, but you can’t logic your way out of it because it’s hardwired into you. The shadows on the pillow and the two voices in Jay’s head are killing me. You’re such a good story teller 😭
NOOO POOKIE MY SHAYLA💔💔💔
My shayla 💔💔💔
Still he doesn't need to worry that much! He could never be like Chris, right!?😭💞
obrigado falhei o setembro amarelo
Love how reflected Jay is 💞
MY SON NOOOOO🥀🥀
Oh my SHAYLAAA 😭. I bet he is going to feel better to know that Adil is not really mad at him ?
my poor baby
Bulldozed outa nowhere
Little baby can’t see how different these situations are 💔
YOU WERE DRUGGED, JAY, YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO GET REASSURANCE💔💔💔💔
I love the way he is so thoughtful but the fact that he could think that is even a bit like this monster of Chris breaks my heart
the chris shadow im seriously about to end it..
Omg Sasha!!!! Jay bebi u are anything like this monster. Pls dont even think about urself like this
I think that Adil needs some pushing to face himself in some sort of way, just not over the boundaries. So I really like that they are talking now and that both of them are really self reflective characters. Every time there’s an update Im really impressed about how human the characters are! Im so happy about having found your art Sasha :)
Ooouuu this hit a little too close to home🥀🥀 Jay my beloved 💔
I am about to cry. As if Mondays aren't hard enough to deal with, you come along and break our hearts with your beautiful art Sasha 😭😭
Being a part of this fandom is NOT for the weak 🥀
The difference between his actions and Chris’ actions is that Adil at least shows some reciprocal interest, maybe not as clear as Jay’s, but still does. Yea it was a little inappropriate for Jay to do that but he didn’t end up kissing him, he was just testing the waters, and even Adil was about to reciprocate him too. IDK JAY YOU AINT LIKE CHRIS TRUST YOU A GOOD BOY 😭🙌
fuckkkkkk
the freaking flashback on the pillow is such a chef’s kiss and punch to the stomach at the same time
😭😭 This I didn't expect but how quick he was to apologize is really telling of how much they both care about each other
SASHA PLS YOU'RE KILLING ME
oh jay….
Oh great now my heart is shattered what the hell am I supposed to do now
My mouth literally dropped when I realized what the red text was. Oh Jay 💔💔
oh bless his soul, i wish i could hug him and tell him that he’s NOTHING like that monster💔
the shadows shaped like jay n chris 😭 masterpiece after masterpiece
Did you even kiss the brick before making this story beautifully realistic?
oh shit
Omg the shadow detail I'm gonna go insane
Ugh the details of the shadow besides him and then the light always looming over him this is so beautiful I can't 😩
Nooo my baby 🥺
BUT 😞😞😞😞
BABY NOOOO
oh my god😭😭
omgggg my boyyyy😔
this stage of depression in the comic is ending me
i wish i could tell him that it’s amazing he’s making an effort to NOT be like chris. like, it makes sense why he’d think similarly to chris 🤮 but it’s the fact he’s making sure he DOESNT do he doesn’t ever do anything that can make someone uncomfortable that counts. he’s making an effort UGHHH 😭😭😭😭
Holy shit the description is hellish, this trauma runs deep
POOR BABY IS COMPARING HIMSELF TO THAT SICK FUCK😭😭😭😭 i hope they will talk it out with adil
Im actually gonna cry
Sasha….sasha…
lh my god im going to shoot myself now
Sasha spoiling us w these quick updates ❤️🔥
GOOD GOD SASHA NO
OH FUCK. Like, oh gods the spiralling that man is about to do
Are you trying to break our hearts Sasha!?
i wanna cry, the way you draw their emotions…..you’re a god
U just do everything so well Sasha truly, omg 🫶 Jay baby 😭😭
the outline of chris and jay—you’re honestly a creative genius. so pleasing and capturing so clearly ugh thank you
couples therapy ASAP 🤨
AUDIBLY SCREAMD AT MY PHONE NOOOOOO DONR DO THIS TO MEEEEEEE STOP
Oh my god jay is everything to me, In some ways I feel reflected in him, thank you for your beautiful and meaningful work Sasha ❤️❤️
NIOOOO I DIDDNT SEE THIS COMING
JAY NO YOU AREN'T LIKE CHRIS AT ALL MY BABY I'M GONNA CRY SASHA WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS AGTHBRBT
NOOOO
i cant wait to see them in a healthy relationship 😭😭♥️
Aw no :(
NOOOOOOOOOOO MY SHAYLAAAA
oh fack
UGH🥲
My poor baby's i need them to get happily married already
omg this is hitting so close to home for me
thank you for representing something that happens to victims of abuse
Oh goddamn the art and the way you’re using it for storytelling in the second panel is PHENOMENAL
OH 😭😭😭
You always know how to make me crash out Sasha i love you 🥹
JAY 😭
Owwww 😍😍😍❤️❤️
SASHA. PUT THE PEN DOWN.
just kidding this is prob my new favorite piece
oh nooo, oh no my baby ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹 Sasha what are you doing to us (please dont stop though)
OH MY GOD 😟 im so sad 😭 they’re both thinking they did something bad to the other, meanwhile they both want it anyway!! i hope they communicate
THE SHADOWS ON THE PILLOW STOP IT
Ooh they are so precious 🥹 hope things endup okay
☹️☹️
💔💔
IM GONNA CRY BRO. MY SHAYLA!!!
Oh buddy :(
oh my god. i saw this coming 🤧🤧🤧🤧
Sobbing rn
poor baby :((
NOOOO JAY NOOO 😭😭😭 GET THIS MAN THERAPY RN SASHA IM BEGGING
Owwwwww 😔
awh shayla