270926-beta
You guys didn’t like me cutting the Max date/sidequest – so I restored it, with some improvements.
Based on your feedback, I put the balcony and room service parts back in. But I also tried to solve a bigger problem: a common piece of feedback is that my writing is hot until the sex starts. So I tried to make the sex scene hotter than usual for the player.
Sorry this took so long. It got much bigger than I planned or expected:
V1 of the Max sex scene was 13,189 words
V2: 7,908 words
V3, this version: 20,363 words
It’s also a lot more branched and reactive now: 215 passages (121 before), 291 link points (186 before), 323 conditionals (171 before). What I thought was just an edit turned into a major piece of work.
But the point wasn’t making it longer or wider. I really tried to change the way I write these scenes – more player agency, less railroading the heroine, more focus on male/female energy, scenario and “tableaux”, and less of the shit I normally write about stiff/wet body parts and “waves of pleasure”.
If this worked, it matters beyond just this episode, because it means I’ve figured out an approach I can reuse in future sex scenes.
I’ve been staring at it way too long and I need fresh eyes, so: here’s the beta. Candidly: I pushed myself hard on this one, so I hope some of that comes through the screen.
If you play it, please tell me if it’s actually hotter than normal – or if I totally failed – here or on Discord. 🦀❤️🔥
Comments (3)
I like the way the scene plays out, as you said, it feels like there's more choice for the player, less railroad. But, I mourn the loss of the photoshoot with Max. I feel like there should be a choice where the photoshoot can still happen.
It's unplayable for me, even though I tried multiple internet browsers it crashed each one unfortunately
I think the expanded scene is excellent! The extra time setting the mood and location was worth it, and the additional interactions with background characters made it feel a lot more immersive. And the background based options for the chatter were a great addition. I personally really like the expanded options for the sex scene, it gave an extra bit of spice even if the story still follows the same path. It was already a great scene, this really made it the best scene in the story by a mile. It reminded me of the old Scotland seduction vignettes, but better. If there was one note to make: I think the chapter should end just as we leave the room, energy still high. Talking to Wheeler in the room (to give the ok or discuss the pic) can fit at the start of the the next mission or a throw away interstitial while wrapping up KL, but the Max scene is very sexy vibes and I think the mood would feel more impactful if the chapter ends on that. As is, it felt like a sudden shift back into spy mode. Also the masturbation option for the path where you avoid the pic just seems like a hat on a hat, not really needed after a long steamy scene. Maybe for if we avoided the sex scene (not that I'll ever take that option), but I don't think she'd need it after the ride she just took.