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Long time no see, this is Ulith.

Shortly after my last post last year, I was getting ready to do a final check of the game before releasing the update, just like always. By that stage, my work was already done. This had always been a quick process, taking me a day or two at most.

However, when I opened the game, I was overwhelmed by an intense feeling of embarrassment, shame, and aversion. It scared me so much that I immediately closed it.

I kept searching for answers and eventually realized that I am very likely suffering from severe "Maladaptive Perfectionism."

The symptoms actually started two years ago, which ultimately led to that long hiatus. Back then, I thought I simply wanted to pursue higher inspirations. But in essence, it was just dissatisfaction with my current results. The only difference was that back then, I could still feel a sense of accomplishment after reaching my goals. I would still excitedly show you what I had done and feel proud of myself.

Gradually, my standards became distorted and unhealthy. I would unrealistically compare my work with multi-million-dollar projects, or compare it across disciplines to highly specialized masterpieces. These standards were completely meaningless for my actual progress; they only triggered severe internal conflict and anxiety.

At first, I didn't realize the root cause. Back in v0.55, I said I wanted to learn how to work on a regular schedule, but I was pushing myself in the wrong direction, which eventually led to failure. I spent three months only to end up with a result I personally thought was terrible. Perhaps I was completely burnt out at that time.

When I am purely creating, I am still a creator who deeply enjoys the process, and I don't harbor much negative emotion. But the moment I look back to review my work, I automatically switch to a "player's perspective." And at that moment, "Player Ulith" begins to frantically attack and belittle me because the work falls short of some illusory standard of perfection.

I have been creating games for three years, and I am an avid gamer myself. Logically, I know you guys are absolutely not that harsh; on the contrary, you have always been incredibly forgiving and supportive. I never truly believed I was creating "garbage," yet I simply couldn't stop the self-criticism.

I tried every method I could think of, but they only provided temporary relief. I could only force myself to keep creating, only to be overwhelmed by fear time and time again when facing the final results. Including deleted, revised, and hidden scenes, I've produced well over 600 images during this period.

I realized I wasn't actually solving the problem. I'm sick, and it's not a problem I can just overcome with willpower. I was merely finding excuses to force myself to confront the "imperfect Ulith" and her work.

In the end, as a means to save myself, I learned to detach "Player Ulith" from my mind and seal her away.

I no longer feel the rush of excitement when I write what I think is a great story, nor do I feel the eager anticipation to share a beautiful scene I just rendered—but I can finally silence those self-attacking voices in my head.

Right or wrong, good or bad, I will no longer judge Ulith.

Thank you for your continuous support. At first, I thought it was just a minor issue, I figured I'd get better at some point and just post an update. Because of that, I didn't make a formal announcement, until I completely lost the courage to even open the website.

I didn't know what was happening to me, nor did I know when I would recover. Whenever I faced your care and offers of help, I was terrified that the guilt of delaying updates and the overwhelming urge to overcompensate would crush me once again.

After all this time, I still haven't managed to find a stable mental state. I am truly sorry to all of you.

Given that I have broken my promises multiple times, and have repeatedly been crushed just when I thought I was confident enough to face everything again, I will not be giving a specific update schedule this time.

"Player Ulith" has fallen into a deep sleep, but "Creator Ulith" has been here all along. She can always enter a flow state, fully immersing herself in the pure act of creation, and she still deeply desires to complete this project.

This is a long-overdue update. Despite going through so many failures, the experience I've gained and the effort I've put in will not be in vain.