Ring ring! **That's the sound of your phone notifying you about the latest text message from your girlfriend. **She's all freaky right now. Freaky in a way that only an overtly submissive yet weirdly talented photographer girlfriend can be. Did she take some selfies? No freaking way! That's not artistic enough and it certainly would be way too quick and easy! Oh no, she said up a whole camera, tripod and lighting situation just for you! Holy crap! She really goes the extra mile for you and you should appreciate her for it. In fact, she's so clearly head over heels for you that she's willing to go to these lengths, that's wife material! Right? At the very least, you're a real pile of garbage if you leave her. You can never break up with this person now! She took it upon herself to set shit up like she's a professional photographer auditioning for a Hustler magazine and here you are, just working your job at the local department store when all the sudden you are graced with the grandeur and kindness that you in no way deserved! But that doesn't matter to her, she fucking loves you for some reason. It's a mystery to everyone but she's all yours and if her ass being 2 ft in the air doesn't say it, what else does?! So don't mess this up, I don't know how you would mess it up but you might! So don't do that! If you fuck it up then you're going to be alone again. Do you want to be alone again? That's miserable, you're going to have to start dating again. Can you imagine, getting on dating apps? Those things are the fucking worst! I'd rather run full speed out of a window on the third story of a building with cinder blocks tied to my chest while falling directly into oncoming traffic then go on to a fucking dating app! That being said, you better respond to your girlfriend right quick because she put a lot of time into this. That's a good girl if I've ever seen one! Make sure you let her know.